Malade
“Early mornin’ many late night lovers
Wake up to become early mornin’ strangers
Things always look different in the light of day
Early mornin’ many late night lovers
Just silently stare, seein’ all the changes
It’s hard to make small talk when there’s nothin’ to say”
…
Regulus had never anticipated how fast his night with Elena would reach the rest of Hogwarts. Well, he had actually never considered it at all. Soon enough the entire school was talking about the two of them, and Regulus couldn’t figure why.
“I suppose it’s because you went at it in front of everyone,” Ben hypothesized, practicing a charm they had learned earlier in class that Wednesday, “it’s a bit mad. Women are attracted to madness.”
“Shut up,” Clement got up, going across the room to fetch his night clothes, “stop acting like you know a single thing about girls. Regulus is the most qualified of us now.”
“You mean you’ve never been with anyone?” Regulus asked curiously from his bed, where he had been reading a passage for Defense Against the Dark Arts.
“I have,” Clement answered, “but I mean, Elena Castillo. That trumps the lot of them.” He shook his head in disbelief as he got into his trousers. “Besides, I mean, how far did you go?”
Regulus shook his head, “How do you mean?”
“Do you just play dumb?” Mason spat, “Seriously, you’re like a fucking child.”
“I’m asking a question,” Regulus answered with the same amount of annoyance.
“Well we’re not your fucking teachers,” Mason mumbled, rolling over in his bed away from the conversation.
“Did you fuck, is what I mean,” Clement looked at Regulus, “like, what did you guys do?”
Regulus felt slightly uncomfortable sharing with them the events of that night. He didn’t know why, he had just always thought you weren’t supposed to tell others about that kind of thing. But he figured it didn’t really matter, he knew Elena would probably be telling other people, too.
“We had sex,” Regulus shrugged.
“Sex?!” Mason got up, “You had fucking sex? Are you lying?”
“Why would I lie?” Regulus furrowed his brow, “You asked.”
Clement shook his head, “Holy fuck.” He laughed almost. “How was it?”
Regulus also didn’t know how to answer that. He looked at their faces, this boyish type of eagerness spread all over. That made him uncomfortable. “Good,” He shrugged again, “I don’t know. It felt good.”
“God, she’s bloody hot,” Ben groaned, “are you gonna fuck her again?”
“I don’t know,” Regulus flipped a page.
“You should,” Clement sat down beside Regulus’ bed, “seriously. You’ll be the most popular bloke at school.”
“I already am,” Regulus said, absent-mindedly. Clement laughed.
“Cheers to that,” Clement smiled, taking a sip of some sort of beverage he had been drinking a lot lately. He called it his ‘special potion’. Regulus didn’t trust it.
“Isn’t Elena kind of a whore?” Tarquin asked, suddenly. He hadn’t been present for really all of the conversation, so it surprised Regulus a little when he actually said something.
Mason rolled his eyes, “You think that fucking matters? Doesn’t matter where she’s been, just how she does.” The boys laughed, while Regulus and Tarquin exchanged a glance from across the room.
“Are you saying I should get with her?” Regulus inquired, “You know, ask her to Hogsmeade, or something?”
“Like Emmeline Vance,” Ben laughed, and Regulus found himself laughing along.
“No,” Tarquin looked cold, “I’m just saying. She’ll probably fuck someone else if you’re together.”
Regulus didn’t know why he was doing this, why he was playing along, or why he wanted to. But he did. “I won’t care,” He closed his book, “I’ll fuck other girls, too.”
“‘Atta boy!” Clement clapped, “We’ve corrupted him!”
“Have you talked to her since?” Mason asked.
Regulus shook his head, “No, she’s always with Maura Goldberg. Haven’t had the chance.” He laid down, putting his head onto his pillow but relaxing enough to be able to remain in the conversation.
“Maura Goldberg,” Ben shook his head, “ugly bitch.”
Mason laughed, slapping Ben on the shoulder.
“She’s not,” Clement looked appalled, “are you joking? Maura’s fucking attractive.”
“You’re mad.” Ben said defiantly, climbing into his own bed, “Absolutely mad.”
Regulus closed his eyes as the night seemed to cease. Finally, he asked, “Do you reckon I should talk to Elena?”
“Sure,” Tarquin shrugged, “if you’re looking for another screw.”
“Maybe I am,” Regulus snapped back.
“Well, have fun,” Tarquin returned.
Regulus’ eyes were closed, but he wanted to open them. He wanted to see the look on Tarquin’s face, or be able to stare back at him. He always did that with Sirius, they’d stare off at each other across the room or even right next to each other. And Regulus always knew whoever looked away first would be the ‘loser’. If his eyes were open, if he was looking, he wouldn’t look away. Maybe just because he couldn’t see himself wanting to.
…
The next day went by in a blur. Mostly because Regulus wasn’t actually focusing on his schoolwork, he was mainly focusing on catching Elena so he could have a talk with her. But she was either with Maura, a teacher, or not to be found in classes altogether.
Eventually, though, right before supper he caught her walking to the Great Hall after Astronomy. Since she was a seventh year it was a bit hard for Regulus to figure out where she’d be, but once he recognized a few other Slytherins leaving the corridor, he knew he was in the right place.
He didn’t know how to approach her. The closer he got he realized he had nothing prepared, really. He didn’t know what to say or how to speak to her, he felt awkward suddenly and he didn’t know why.
How do I say–
“Regulus?” Elena snapped him out of his thoughts, “What are you doing here?”
“What do you mean?” Regulus asked, unsure of why that was her first question.
“You’re a fifth-year,” Elena shrugged, “why would your last class be here?”
“Oh,” Regulus shook his head, “I was looking for you.” Elena seemed to soften when he said that, but still remained guarded for some reason. Was she always like that? “I wanted to talk to you.”
“All right,” Elena looked around, “go for it.”
Regulus nodded and pulled her aside, so they were behind a cupboard in that particular hallway. He just figured they should have this conversation alone, and she seemed to smile a bit when he did that. “I wanted to,” He cleared his throat, “I wanted to ask you if you wanted to maybe go to Hogsmeade together this weekend.” He hated how nervous he probably sounded.
Elena raised an eyebrow, “Really?”
“Yes,” He answered, confused, “if you aren’t already going with someone.”
“How do you think Hogsmeade works, Regulus?” Elena laughed, “It’s not some type of ball. You don’t really go with someone.”
“Well, I know,” Regulus laughed stiffly along with her, “I just wanted to… ask.”
Elena nodded, “Well, yes. I’d like to go with you.” Elena looked around again, “Walk me to the Great Hall?”
“Yes,” Regulus smiled then, before they walked around the cupboard and started to walk together. He didn’t remember what they talked about, but it was nothing of substance really. He just remembered how they were oggled as they passed.
Once arriving at the Great Hall, they walked inside, heads turning as they did so, and Elena gleamed under the attention. Regulus just felt uncomfortable, but then Elena motioned him over, and the two took a seat next to each other at the end of the Slytherin table.
It wasn’t long before Elena’s friends started sitting around them, and while Regulus expected to be ignored, they invited him into conversation, asking him about his classes and Quidditch or whatever else they came up with. They all spoke to him like he was some sort of pet, or child, he didn’t understand that really. He was only two years younger than them.
When dinner appeared on the golden platters, Regulus helped himself rather graciously, feeling hungry and more comfortable in the conversation if he had something to distract him.
The girls continued to talk around him as he caught sight of his roommates, sitting a little ways down, engrossed in their own conversation. Tarquin was the happiest Regulus had seen him in a few days, lively and talking with Ben about the food most likely.
Regulus looked away and turned to Elena, smiling at her and watching her look away. He didn’t know why that was. Maybe she was like him, and she didn’t like being looked at, either. He didn’t know why she would feel that way, though – Elena was just stunning.
After dinner, Elena and Regulus walked up to the common room together, ditching behind Elena’s gang of friends as they talked about the new Transfiguration teacher or something about Wizard economy. It was really Regulus starting most of the conversations, it appeared they didn’t have much in common.
But once they got into the common room, and were ready to part ways, Regulus had only said goodnight when Elena kissed him. He froze for a moment, before kissing her back the best he could. She pulled away, saying, “You’re a terrible kisser.”
Regulus didn’t know how to respond, so he didn’t, but she kissed him on the cheek and smiled, “We’ll work on that.” Elena was on her way, then, up the Girls staircase and away from sight. He looked around at the room of Slytherins, who were either smirking at him or whispering amongst each other. He then saw Tarquin sitting on the couch, reading a book, not looking up. He wondered if he saw that.
Saw me.
Regulus sighed and ran a hand through his hair, before walking up the staircase to his own dormitory. As he walked, he began to feel a slight pain in his lower abdomen, which was strange to him. He couldn’t place it.
Once he was in his dorm, he looked around for his roommates, who had seemingly not come up from dinner yet. He knew Tarquin was downstairs, but he couldn’t really figure out where the rest of them would be. He was ready to shrug it off when he felt the sharp pain again, this time more painful than the last, and he clutched himself, diving for his bed as he held his stomach and closed his eyes.
What the hell?
He tried to get up, but he felt it again, ripping inside of him and burning in his insides. He didn’t know what to do, or what was going on, but before he knew it, he was vomiting. And not just throwing up, fully vomiting uncontrollably as he fell onto the floor and tried to stop himself. He tried to get up to make his way to the bathroom, but his arms and legs were shaking viscously, and he desperately tried to get away from all of his stuff (and Ben’s bed, which was now covered in vomit).
Gasping, Regulus forced himself up, holding onto his bed as he felt another sick rush come over him. He threw up onto the center of their floor, and covered his mouth shakily as he once again tried to go to the bathroom. He felt pain in every blood cell, he felt so immeasurably sick, he didn’t know what was happening, where it was coming from. But he couldn’t stop.
He began to cry out, trying to speak over his own sickness, coughing and hacking as the burning soared in his throat. He laid on the floor, choking onto the hard-wood floor and praying that it would stop. He tried. He tried to cover his mouth, or curl up, or die away, but he couldn’t – he couldn’t breathe.
“Regulus?!”
He heard the voice. He couldn’t look up, he couldn’t move. He kept throwing up, coughing, crying practically, trying to motion to where he was laying for the person to see. Regulus was lying in between the door of the bathroom, where he had tried to make his way to the toilet as Tarquin picked him up, trying to help him to his feet. Regulus shook his head, trying to get away, trying to get to the toilet as he threw up again, hitting his head against the doorframe.
“Put me down!” Regulus coughed, while Tarquin didn’t budge, “I’m sick, I’m sick!” Regulus wondered how he looked in that moment, covered in his own mess as he fought with Tarquin to let go of him. “I don’t want to get it on you,” He breathed heavily, “stop!”
“Shut up,” Tarquin looked visibly sick by the situation, but nonetheless forced Regulus onto his feet, and wrapped his arm around his side, “you’re fucking puking blood, don’t tell me what to do.” He then took Regulus’ arm and wrapped it around his neck, before slowly helping him walk out of the dorm room. Regulus had to desperately try not to get sick again as they walked, but mainly he was trying to catch his breath.
As they left, Regulus looked back, and saw that Tarquin was right. Regulus hadn’t been vomiting, he’d been throwing up blood. “Don’t look,” Tarquin breathed, trying to help him down the stairs carefully, “I’ll clean it up.”
“No,” Regulus shook his head, “that’s bloody disgusting.”
“That statement is unironically true,” Tarquin mumbled, which weirdly made Regulus laugh, as Tarquin fought a smile. But the situation was the situation, and soon, they were walking into the common room. Everybody gawked, moving out of the way quickly or running in the opposite direction to go be sick themselves. Regulus didn’t know how he looked. But he couldn’t imagine it was good.
He kept his head down, and soon Tarquin was guiding him out of the portrait hole and into the hallway. “Fuck,” Regulus coughed, “I’m gonna be sick again.”
“Hold on, almost there,” Tarquin walked a bit faster, lugging Regulus along with him. Regulus had really never expected that Tarquin would be this strong. But he was, and eventually, through every corridor and hallway, they were reaching the infirmary.
When they got there, Madam Pomfrey gasped, taking Regulus from Tarquin and quickly getting him into a bed. As soon as he laid down, Regulus leaned over and began to throw up again, as Madam Pomfrey ran around and handed him some sort of basket. He took it happily, and continued.
Regulus didn’t get the chance to tell Tarquin thank you. He was gone, Madam Pomfrey probably pulled him aside to ask him questions. She was smart enough to know that Regulus couldn’t answer any yet.
He didn’t know how long it had been. But soon, eventually, it stopped, and he laid back into bed and tried to calm himself down. The lights were foggy. The evening was bright. He felt shaky.
He felt tired.
And eventually, he fell asleep.
…