Filles
“Now I’m grown, I’m on my own, running free and wild
Not inclined to be entwined with a Mrs. and a child
Though my dear it may seem queer, it keeps me in the black
Should you depart to break my heart, don’t bother looking back”
…
Regulus slept through that Sunday. He barely left his bed, and when he did, it was either to brush his teeth or use the bathroom. Afterwards he’d return right to his mattress, and fall back asleep. His roommates didn’t really seem to notice. And he didn’t really seem to care.
That Monday, however, Regulus naturally woke himself up rather early and got dressed. By the time the rest of the room had woken up, Regulus was already out the door and on his way to the Great Hall.
Usually, Regulus was fairly tuned out to the world around him. But this morning he wasn’t, particularly.
As he walked through the Slytherin common room, he took notice of a small group of girls sitting on the couch. He nodded towards them as his usual greeting, and when he did so, they went into a fit of whispers and giggles with one another. He found this peculiar, and rolled his eyes, trying to brush it off.
However, he noticed this continuing while he walked through the hallways. Not the exact same reaction from his presence, but similarities – a few Gryffindor girls saw him and walked in the complete other direction, while two Hufflepuff second years trailed behind him all the way until he reached the Great Hall. When he turned around to look at them and see if they were still there, they both blushed and quickly rushed to their table.
Regulus, frankly, had no clue what was going on as he took a seat at the Slytherin table. He was sitting alone, as per usual, eating his breakfast casually, when two girls sat down on either side of him.
He knew them. They were seventh years – Elena Castillo and Maura Goldberg. He had a mouth full of porridge and he covered his mouth politely, swallowing his food down before leaning back to address the both of them. “Can I help you?” He asked, and they both looked at each other and laughed.
Regulus didn’t understand girls, at all.
“We just saw you were sitting alone,” Maura shrugged, “figured we’d join you.” Regulus raised an eyebrow at them, before taking another bite of his food. He wasn’t really sure what business they had with him, or if it was impolite to eat in front of them, but yet again he didn’t really know much about how to behave in front of women. Or what they wanted from him, in that matter.
He always found Elena to be exceptionally beautiful. He couldn’t really look at her, then. He wasn’t the only boy who thought so at Hogwarts, she had quite the reputation, but regardless, it was a little intimidating. He really hoped she didn’t notice him dodging her gaze, but, to be fair, both of them were staring rather intensely at him.
“Sorry to be rude,” Regulus cleared his throat, “but really, is there anything either of you need from me? I’m trying to eat breakfast.”
Elena then caught his eye contact, even though he had been thoroughly avoiding that, and she smirked slightly, “Are we bothering you, Regulus?”
Oh God.
“No, no, not at all, I just–” Regulus paused when his roommates walked into the Hall, seeing him with the two girls and immediately snickering with one another. They sat separately, watching him from afar, as his cheeks reddened with embarrassment. “I just… nevermind.”
“We can sit somewhere else, if you’d prefer to be alone,” Elena’s voice was soft like butter, and enchanted Regulus in a way he’d never admit, “I’d hate to disrupt your breakfast.”
Regulus shook his head profusely, “You aren’t, you– you aren’t.” He found his throat feeling rather scratchy from the nerves, and he suddenly felt so childish and young at that moment. He hated becoming aware of his own age, or his own atmosphere. He tried to shake that thought. “So,” He tried, “how are you?”
Elena smiled, as Maura angrily got up from her seat and located somewhere else. Regulus watched her, before looking back at Elena, “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, no,” Elena shook her head, still smiling, “don’t worry about it.” Elena then put her hand on his forearm, causing him to glance down at her hand and then back up to her face. He thought he was going to burst into flames. “I thought what you did during the game was… extraordinary,” Elena whispered, “you’re a hero.”
Oh.
Oh, God.
Regulus swallowed, “Thank you, but I–”
“And I’d love to get to know you a little better,” Elena ignored his sputtering, “if you’d be okay with that.” The way she smiled, the confidence she radiated… he knew she knew what his answer would be. And he loved that, for some reason.
“Sure, yes,” Regulus nodded quickly, “that would be… lovely.” He wanted to punch himself in the face for that.
“Good,” Elena smiled, that fucking smile, “I’ll see you around, Regulus.” She let go of his arm, getting up and walking towards Maura. Regulus sat in awe, watching her in a daze and barely even noticing that his roommates had sat down right across from him.
“Was that Elena Castillo?” Clement asked, settling into his seat and staring at Regulus in shock.
“Uh-huh.”
“And she talked to you?” Ben asked, his voice coated with disbelief.
“Uh-huh,” Regulus was just as stunned as they were as he started to eat his eggs. He’d never admit it to himself, but he was starving, since he hadn’t eaten at all the day before.
Mason shook his head, “And you, out of the lot of us? You?”
Regulus had learned, even knowing them for a little while now, to tune out their stupid remarks. So he continued to eat as they carried on about God knows what. Regulus had been almost finished with his exceedingly large breakfast when he felt a tap on his shoulder.
He looked over, and Augustine Hoffman was standing right behind him, looking at him expectantly. Annoyed now, he raised an eyebrow, “Yes?”
“I just wanted to say thank you,” Augustine bugged her eyes a little at him, “for saving Emmeline on Saturday. It was so brave, what you did.”
“Oh,” Regulus felt uncomfortable, “um, you’re welcome.”
Augustine squeezed his shoulder, before turning away and leaving quickly. Regulus shook his head and returned to his food, and then looked up and once again noticed all of his roommates staring at him.
“Jesus, what?” Regulus snapped finally, bothered that he was seemingly the only person who couldn’t figure out what was going on.
“Mate,” Clement was trying not to laugh, “take a look behind you.” Regulus rolled his eyes again, knowing it was probably Clement playing a joke on him, but he complied out of curiosity. He looked over his shoulder again, and saw almost every girl in the Great Hall looking at him, or turning away immediately once he turned around. His eyes widened, and he quickly looked back to his roommates.
“What the hell?” He said in a hushed voice, “Why are they looking at me?”
“God, are you really that thick?” Tarquin finally spoke, “Regulus, you’re so bloody stupid.” He then got up angrily, halfway finished with his meal, and stormed out of the Great Hall.
Before Regulus could even react to Tarquin, Mason grinned evilly, “Looks like you’re the new Heartthrob of Hogwarts, Reggy.”
“Don’t call me…” Regulus didn’t get to finish his remark to Mason, before his head suddenly crossed in realization. “Wait,” He shook his head, “so this is all because I caught Emmeline? Really?”
“Looks that way,” Clement shrugged, “take advantage of it, brother. You’re the luckiest bloke in school.”
Regulus didn’t understand it. How could girls want him? He never found himself to be very handsome like Sirius was.
“You’ll have to ditch the hair gel if you want to get with girls,” Ben laughed, “it looks ridiculous.” Regulus touched upon his head, feeling the sticky substance he had spent a bit of time lathering onto his unruly hair that morning. “Girls like to run their hands through it.”
All this talk made Regulus feel sick. He didn’t finish the last bits of his food and he got up, leaving the table and briefly saying goodbye to his mates. He tried to be fast on his walk to his dorm, he didn’t fancy having to deal with any other girls.
And it was only morning.
Upon walking into his dorm, he found Tarquin sitting on his bed, smoking a cigarette. Regulus was far too fired up to even comprehend his own actions, but he found himself walking right up to him and plainly asking, “Can I have one?”
“That’s not how you ask.” Tarquin replied coldly, not looking at him.
“Stop being a fucking child and give me a fucking cigarette,” Regulus spat, unsure of where his tone came from but holding it as proudly as he could. Tarquin looked him over, before sighing and handing him one.
Regulus took out his wand, before using it to light the cigarette, and pressing it to his lips. “Where’d you learn that?” Tarquin asked, suddenly, as Regulus took a long drag and leaned against the bedpost.
“Nowhere,” Regulus knew he was trying abnormally hard to be cold at that moment, but he did end up showing Tarquin the trick. They sat there for a while, lighting their cigarettes over and over with their wands. Regulus liked the way Tarquin’s face lit up when he finally worked it out for himself.
Then, separately of course, they both got ready for their classes and made their way out the door together. They didn’t talk, but that was fine with Regulus. It seemed to be fine with Tarquin, too.
When it came time for them to part ways, Regulus took a deep breath, trying to find something to say. “I hope all the girls stop looking at me,” Regulus said quietly, and Tarquin looked up.
“Why? Isn’t that what every bloke wants?” Regulus could pick out the jealousy in his friend’s voice.
“I don’t want it,” Regulus shook his head, “it’s bloody embarrassing.”
Tarquin smiled then, “Oh, I’m sure you’ll manage.” And he gave Regulus a look that Regulus couldn’t quite place. Tarquin started down the opposite end of the hallway.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Regulus called out to him. But Tarquin just turned towards him and grinned, before turning back away. Regulus felt a strange beating in his heart then, and he shook it off, before heading to class.
…
That day was probably one of the weirdest in Regulus’ life. In every class, schools of girls either whispered about him, stared at him, talked to him randomly, or sat down next to him without a word. It was insanely strange, and even with Regulus understanding why, he didn’t find himself liking it.
Well, it was more so that he didn’t like himself. He felt uncomfortable being noticed, uncomfortable being looked at and fawned over when he didn’t find himself to be anything special.
Before dinner that evening, he sat with his roommates in the common room, while he worked on homework quietly as he absentmindedly followed along in their many meaningless conversations.
Until, he randomly asked, “Do you think I should change anything about my appearance?”
His roommates blinked at him, before Mason began to laugh, “You sound like a fag, Regulus.”
Regulus didn’t let it show on his face, which he was good at, but that word took him aback. He’d heard it before, but for some reason he didn’t expect it from Mason. Well, he never really expected it from anyone. He heard Sirius use it once or twice.
“Sorry,” Regulus shook his head, “I’m just… I don’t know.”
“Feeling insecure?” Ben teased.
“No, no,” Regulus sighed, “I just want to impress the girls.”
“You want to impress them now?” Clement smirked, “Change of heart, I see.” Clement then got off of the couch and sat in front of Regulus, “Fuck your appearance. That doesn’t matter.” Mason and Ben laughed at that. “You're the guy every girl wants. So act like it. Act like you don’t give a damn. That’ll make them crazy.”
Regulus tried to understand, even though he really didn’t get it, “So, just be a dick?”
“Precisely.”
Regulus considered, “Maybe. I can try.”
Clement grinned, leaning against the couch now, “And, drop the gel.”
“I won’t,” Regulus shook his head, “I’ll look like a bloody hooligan if I do.”
“So be it,” Clement shrugged, “better than looking like that.” His roommates laughed, and Regulus rolled his eyes, returning to his homework.
…
After dinner that evening, Regulus and his roommates walked back to their dorm, joking about how some Slytherin first year had a choking fit in the middle of dinner and nearly turned purple.
He had been mid-laughter when he heard someone call out to him, and he turned around, suddenly coming face to face with Emmeline. She was beautiful again, her face showing no reminiscence of bruising or a bludger to the head. He went to say something, but then remembered his roommates were behind him, and he remembered what they said to him only an hour or so ago.
“What?” Regulus asked, and Emmeline smiled pleasantly despite his tone. She, too, had friends behind her, who were looking at him like he was some sort of celebrity.
“I wanted to say thank you,” Emmeline spoke a little nervously, “I appreciate what you did for me.”
Regulus tried to keep a neutral expression, “I would’ve done it for anyone. Don’t mention it.” He didn’t sound like himself as he tried to turn away, but she grabbed his arm, and pulled him back to face her.
“And,” she was even more nervous now, red painting her cheeks, “I was wondering if you wanted to… go to the Three Broomsticks, with me, this weekend.”
He was about to respond when his roommates erupted into hooting laughter, as Emmeline looked embarrassed once again. Regulus looked back at them, considering, as he turned back to Emmeline. “Maybe,” Regulus shrugged, before walking away from her and trying to act like the conversation didn’t happen.
Well, that was impossible.
“Maybe!” Ben cheered, “Motherfucker said maybe!”
“Shut up,” Regulus cringed, “Fuck.”
“Bloody good job,” Clement sighed happily, “bet the whole school will be hearing about that tomorrow. Poor girl.”
“I didn’t reject her!” Regulus said defensively, “I was doing what you told me to do!”
“And you did it right,” Mason assured, “trust me, you did it right.”
“All we have to deal with now is that hair,” Clement grinned, “if Reggy will let us.” Upon hearing that nickname again, Regulus shoved Clement, causing Clement to shove him back a little harder. And that was that, for then.
…
That night, Regulus stayed in bed, staring at the wall and trying to fall asleep. He felt very energized, very awake all at once, and he couldn’t quite fall asleep.
Before he knew it, he was getting his slippers on, covering himself in his silk pajamas and exiting his dorm room as quietly as he could. He really did hope he didn’t wake his roommates, he’d feel terribly guilty for that.
He walked down the stairway in one motion, his sudden tiredness buzzing against his eyelids. He didn’t know where he was going, what he was doing, or why he left his dorm. But he was walking through the dark, cold common room, heading towards the portrait door.
“Regulus.”
Regulus stopped in his tracks. He knew that voice anywhere.
Regulus slowly turned around, before seeing him sitting on the couch. Regulus swallowed, before saying the only thing he felt he could say, which was, “Yes?”
“What are you doing up?” The boy asked. Barty Crouch had changed over the summer. His sugary blonde hair had grown a little darker, and was cut a bit shorter. He was taller, maybe. Regulus had forced himself not to notice anything until that very moment.
“Going on a walk,” Regulus lied.
“Suspicious,” Barty retaliated.
Regulus shrugged, “Do you need anything?”
“No,” Barty answered, as routine, “you still ask that, all the time.”
“I couldn’t break the habit,” Regulus sighed, “I’ll be going now.” He turned away, desperately trying to escape, until…
“Regulus.”
Regulus turned around again, “I don’t want to talk to you, Barty. I want to go on a walk. Can I do that, please?” Regulus didn’t know where the weakness in his voice had come from, but it was there. Barty looked at him, and nodded, before Regulus left the Slytherin common room and walked through the portrait door.
He stood, his back facing the portrait, as he covered his mouth and breathed heavily. His chest swelled, and he found a wall to lean against, trying to relax himself and wishing he could go back inside. But he didn’t want to see Barty. He didn’t want to face him again.
And yet, for some reason, somehow, he wanted to walk back in. He wanted to see him sitting there. He wanted to understand, and he wanted to talk, and he wanted to know.
But, no.
Regulus found himself sitting outside that portrait door until he couldn’t bear it anymore. And once he reached his limit, he went back inside, oddly relieved to see Barty’s seat empty. He walked back up the stairs, up to his dorm, and climbed back into bed.
“Goodnight, Reggy,” Regulus heard, startling him and pissing him off all at once.
“Piss off, Tarquin,” Regulus huffed, and he heard a laugh.
Which was nice to hear.
…