"what are you reading?"
sirius looked up, surprised to hear her voice. he smiled at her, glancing down at his book before answering, "your dog's making me read the shining."
"you're my dog sirius," she countered with an amused smile, "how are you liking it?"
"it's not bad." and then sirius added, hiding any hurt that may come across, "aren't you supposed to be on a date?"
"i was," she answered easily, "we just came back early. 's not the same without you."
it would be a lie if sirius said he didn't feel giddy at her words. but then again, anything she said had him feeling all the soft feelings that a school girl felt when talking to their crush.
"i'm glad you and moony think i'm more important than alone time." sirius feigned a smile, nothing would ever help him get over the gut wrenching feeling of knowing that she liked another boy. "merlin knows i would use it to snog whoever i'm with."
she rolled her good-naturedly, planting herself down on the couch besides him. "man whore."
sirius only chuckled at her words, not feeling the slightest bit offended by it.
the common room door creaked, opening just big enough for remus and james to pass through, chatting between themselves. it didn't take long for remus to spot his girlfriend sat next to his best mate, beaming when he approached her side.
"hi," remus greeted, standing at behind where she sat, his front pressed against the couch. remus leaned down, planting a kiss on her lips. she kissed him back, muttering a soft hi as well.
sirius couldn't help but turn his head, facing the opposite direction of the two. he felt sad, a stinging feeling that would not budge whenever he saw them together. he felt guilty. merlin, there's so much guilt.
he didn't want to be in love with her, there wasn't any active thought put into it, by the time he realized and over analyzed his feelings to death it was too late. she was with remus and she was happy.
and at the end of the day, he knew that whatever he had with her was something.
something that he would never bring himself to forget.
seeing them kiss made him mad, he shouldn't be feeling this way, why is he so angry that remus got to be her's but not him? why is he angry that they were good for each other? why does he hope that she doesn't love remus as much as it seemed?
why does it seem like she's much happier with him than she'll ever be with him?
and if it's so, maybe he'll wait around because he knew —despite how sickening it made him feel, that it will take more than just a little time to let her go.
so he'll wait, and wait, and wait, until she no longer has an affect on him.
"my birthday is coming up," james stated, sitting on the arm chair on sirius' other side. "we should throw a surprise party."
"surprise party?" she asked with a small laugh. "you're telling us to throw you a surprise party?"
"yes." james nodded frantically, lips in a tight flattening smile. "you should throw me a surprise party."
"doesn't that ruin the whole surprise party part of it?" she followed up, eyeing remus with a cheeky smile.
"i'm a good actor," james shrugged, "you plan it, i act surprise, there we have it, the perfect surprise party."
"you're ridiculous," she laughed. head leaning backwards until it touched her boyfriend's torso. remus smiled as well, his hand reaching upwards to play with her hair as he watched her interact with his glasses clad friend. "so ridiculous that i'll throw that 'surprise' party for you."
grey eyes lingered on the way remus' slender fingers tucked a strand of stray hair behind her ear. the action was so tender, so soft and loving that he couldn't help but long for himself to be the one doing it. sirius hated how much he envied remus being able to touch her whenever he pleased, compliment her whenever he wanted, kiss her, call her his.
"sirius," she called out, grabbing his attention. "you're helping me, i'm not taking a no."
he felt elated then. she chose him, she could've chosen anyone for help but chose him. and fuck, it made him more exhilarated than the novel remus lend him could ever do.
it's pathetic how much of his happiness is reliant on her. even when it came to the smaller things, like how she could've chose to use anyone but she chose him. she chose sirius over remus.
sirius look at her, his demeanor flirtatious as usual. "how could i ever say no to a pretty girl like you?"
•••
if you asked sirius who much he had drunk he would lift up his hand, bringing his pointer finger and thumb together until there was barely a centimeter between them and say, “this much.”
even if he was slurring his words, unable to keep his balance, he would still say, “this much.”
he was truly intoxicated and yet he sobered up so quickly at the sight before him that it scared him.
standing across the room was remus and her, dancing their hearts out to miss you by the rolling stones, a song that he personally requested himself.
he can’t help but watch her sway to the music, she dances so nice. he knew it was wrong —creepy even, for him to see her this way so he turned, knowing that if he saw her again, he wasn’t so sure he could keep being just her friend.
he wanted to get closer, if it was possible, and if she pushed him away, finally setting boundaries to where their friendship lies.
that would be where he stay.
and if it was so, sirius will wait around, praying for the day he gets to hold her and have her call him her’s.