Misconceptions

"Keep that up any longer and you'll wear a hole in the concrete."

Though the words were light-hearted, Remus felt the concern in Auror Moody's steady gaze.

Running his hands absently through his brownish blonde hair, the Werewolf sighed and settled himself on the concrete retaining wall surrounding the outside of Azkaban.

"I can't help it; I haven't seen him for four months, Alastor! What if he's...Azkaban changes people," he finished softly.

Moody's brown eye studied Remus intently for a moment. "Aye," he agreed, "and it's changed him, but Severus-"

His words were cut short when the prison doors slid open.

Remus stared.

Severus had always been thin, but he looked skeletal after four months with the Dementors. One ghostly hand clamped tightly over his eyes as he stumbled down the steps. As the man's knees buckled, Remus sprang forward, wrapping an arm around Snape's waist.

"Easy," he murmured as the former Death Eater tensed, "it's just me and Moody. Your eyes alright?"

"Burns," Snape managed, his voice rough from disuse, "too bright."

"Thought you might need these." Pressing a pair of Muggle sunglasses into Severus' free hand, Alastor gruffly squeezed the younger man's wrist. "It's good to see you out again, Severus."

Pale lips quirked into a half smile, and Severus nodded. "I'm told you testified at my trial; I suppose I owe you a thank you since Albus," the boy's voice trembled ever so slightly, "was otherwise engaged."

"You were innocent; it's nothing I wouldn't have done for any of my junior Aurors." Remus felt Severus' breath catch, and tightened his hold, taking more of his friend's weight.

"Where are we going?" Snape managed, when he trusted his voice to remain steady.

"Muggle tube, there's a stop near Grimmauld Place where we can get off." Nodding, Severus fell silent, and Remus allowed his thoughts to drift. After all, the past two years had been chaotic and, although Voldemort had been defeated, they had paid a heavy price.

After that fateful night when the Marauders had discovered Snape's true allegiance, Lily had insisted James change their Secret Keeper. Although reluctant in the beginning, he agreed.

With Sirius as their new confidant, the Potter's transitioned to a different safe house. A week later, Peter Pettigrew was exposed as a Death Eater.

Shaken, Dumbledore had sent James and Lily completely underground. Remus hadn't heard from his friends for more than a year.

A quiet grunt from Severus as he stumbled over a loose manhole pulled Remus back to the present. "If you must stand so close to me, is it too much to ask that you watch where you're going?"

The former Death Eater's tone lacked his usual invective, and Remus noted Severus made no move to pull away.

"Sorry," he murmured softly, "won't be too much farther."

Though Severus didn't protest, Remus felt the smaller man's tension mount as they neared the Tube entrance.

"Alright?" He asked softly when he felt the thin body trembling next to him. Mutely, Severus nodded, but he'd paled more than Remus thought physically possible, and his mouth was drawn in a thin line.

"Don't like the noise. Or the dark."

Alastor rested a firm hand on Severus' shoulder, pointedly ignoring the boy's flinch. "Just keep breathing," the Auror muttered. "Close your eyes; we'll guide you."

Vacillating, Severus considered them warily from behind his sunglasses and Remus waited patiently, giving the other wizard time to think.

After a long moment, Snape's thin shoulders slumped, and he nodded, allowing Remus and Alastor to direct him.

Under his breath, Snape was whispering, "two pinches of ground rosemary. Stir clockwise to combine with the unicorn tears, then add the treacle juice-"

"Doing good, Sev," Remus offered comfortingly, rubbing soothing circles on the other man's back. As soon as they reached their seats, Severus collapsed, gripping the edge until his knuckles whitened and resting his forehead on the pole in front of him.

"There you go; deep breaths," Alastor said gruffly, but Remus didn't miss the admiration in the man's eyes. He hadn't thought Severus would make it onboard.

When the underground started forward with a clatter and groan, their long-haired companion let out a barely audible whimper, and Remus heard Severus' breath catch.

"Shh, it's alright, Sev." Pulling the smaller wizard close, Remus saw a broken smile slide over Alastor's face as Severus buried his head in Remus' sweater, fingers clutching like it was his lifeline.

"How long?" Severus gasped, his eyes clenched shut.

Glancing at Alastor for confirmation, Remus offered quietly, "twenty minutes? If you can't make it, we'll get off and walk."

Severus didn't answer, but the Were heard his companion counting softly under his breath.

When the doors finally opened an eternity later, Severus practically bolted from the train.

Dashing after him, Remus found their companion on his knees outside the station, panting as he rested his head in his hands and rocked.

Giving Severus a moment to pull himself together, Remus was surprised when a hand snaked around his wrist and yanked him down next to Snape.

Unable to stop the faint flush over his cheeks, Remus smiled, remembering just how far he and Sev had come over the past two years....

______________________________________

"Wolf." Severus hadn't bothered raising more than his head from his position sprawled on the couch in Grimmauld's sitting room.

Since many of the Order members spent so much time at Headquarters, Sirius had turned his home into something of boarding house.

"Severus," Remus murmured, surprised to see the Death Eater still there. Typically, Severus left as soon as meetings concluded unless he required medical attention.

Selecting a book from the shelf to avoid the awkwardness of conversing with the Slytherin, Remus settled hesitantly in a chair near the fire.

He felt Severus' dark eyes studying him.

"You play chess?"

Jerking, Lupin nearly dropped the tome. Snape smirked.

"I... A little."

With a huff, Severus waved his hand and a chess set from the mantel zipped across the room. "Black or white?"

With a grin, Remus hauled himself up and pulled his chair over.

Snape beat him in less than ten moves.

Smirking, the Slytherin reset the pieces and they began again....

***

Wrenching his arm away, Severus swore loudly, as Molly jumped.

"Sorry, sorry, that was my fault." Voice tight with pain, the Death Eater struggled to regain control of his ragged breathing before offering his arm again.

Wincing, Remus held the bottle of Muggle antiseptic Molly had handed him the moment Severus walked into the room the coppery odor of blood evident even to the fully human members of the Order..

Hesitating, not wanting to insult Severus' arguably touchy personality, Remus chanced, "Molly...is there anyway we could do this in the living room?"

Puzzled, Mrs. Weasley's eyebrows rose. "I suppose so.... Is there a particular reason why?"

"I think a little distraction might help our patient. Have you ever seen Star Wars, Severus?"

The man in question gave Remus a look that showed clearly what he thought of this idea. "Have you taken complete leave of your senses? I'm bleeding and you think now is an appropriate time to introduce me to Muggle culture?!"

With a knowing smile, Molly slipped a hand under Sev's shoulder. "Come along child; he has a point. You could do with your mind off things."

Hefting Severus to his feet, she steered the spy onto the couch while Remus turned on the television set.

As the opening music played, Remus chanced a look at Snape. The man's dark eyes were fastened on the screen and he held perfectly still, entranced.

Remus smiled.

***

"This is quite possibly the worst excuse for sustenance I have ever had the misfortune of tasting."

Shoving his plate away, Snape fixed Sirius with a pointed look. "Unless your life vendetta is to poison us all, I suggest you dispose of this."

Hiding a sigh of relief, Remus quickly pushed his own plate away, though Sirius' cheeks flushed in embarrassed annoyance.

"Okay so I'm not Molly! It's not that bad!" Black choked down a mouthful with difficulty before hurriedly reaching for a glass of water.

One of Severus' eyebrows arched, "I'll let your reaction speak for itself."

"Oh go fix something yourself if you're going to be so particular!" Sirius snapped, though his tone was exasperated instead of cruel.

"Particular? No. In complete possession of my mental faculties? Unarguably. Stay here, I'll find us something palatable."

Pushing his chair from the table, Severus strode from the room.

Genuinely curious, Remus followed the dark-haired wizard into the kitchen, keeping his mouth from dropping open with difficulty.

Severus stood over a cutting board slicing carrots, his sleeves rolled to his elbows and an apron tied around his waist.

For a moment both men stared at each other.

Remus couldn't tear his eyes from the razor thin scars up and down Snape's thin arms. When he finally managed to meet Severus' midnight eyes, the other man raised his chin defiantly, a silent challenge.

Swallowing hard, Remus managed, "you can cook?"

For a split second, Severus looked almost relieved before smirking. "Obviously. Thought I was a vampire, did you? I assure you, Lupin, I'm quite human. Smarter than average, and," here his eyes shone just the slightest bit lighter, "obviously handsomer, but human nonetheless."

At that, Remus' jaw did drop.

"Did you just make a joke?!"

Lips quirking in amusement, Severus shrugged. "Believe it or not, I do have a sense of humor, Wolf."

After a long moment as Remus struggled to regain his powers of elocution, Snape's thin cheeks flushed and he went back to chopping carrots. "If you must be here, make yourself useful. There's broccoli and cauliflower on the counter. I trust even you can manage chopping them into florrettes?"

Deciding immediately not to mention he had no idea what a florrette was, Remus grabbed an apron and started to work.

***

"Congratulations!"

With a shout of surprised panic, Severus nearly hexed Dumbledore across the room, his raised wand shaking as he stared at the assembled Order members.

"What-" he gasped, inky gaze trailing over the forest green tablecloths, cake, and banner hanging from the ceiling, "is the meaning of this? You said it was urgent!"

Smiling, Mrs. Weasley stepped forward to embrace the reluctant wizard. "And indeed it was. You passed your potions mastery exam! That's a cause for celebration if I've ever heard one; Merlin knows we have to take every chance while we can."

Her eyes radiated a deep sadness as they flicked to her children in the corner.

"I... I don't know what to say," Severus muttered, cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

"Say let's have cake and you'll make everyone's day!" Charlie Weasley shouted, garnering a laugh from the assembled adults.

With a reserved smile, Severus nodded his assent....

Almost two hours later, Remus noticed the man of the hour was absent and slipped from the party up the stairs.

As he reached the landing, a hauntingly familiar melody teased his ears and he paused, his enhanced senses following the noise to a room halfway down the hall.

Pausing just outside the doorway, Remus watched Severus sway lightly as his long fingers teased note after note from the decrepit piano.

When the last chord floated away, Remus chanced, "Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. I didn't know you could play."

Severus didn't look up, suggesting he'd known Lupin was watching, but his smile was thoughtful. "Not many people do."

Ducking into the room, Remus leaned against the dusty instrument. "Who taught you?"

For a long moment, he didn't think Snape would answer. Just as Remus was about to leave, deciding Severus needed some time to himself, the man murmured quietly, "No one. The library at Hogwarts had books, musical theory, it's called. It was a good...distraction. I started my fifth year."

Remus felt his breath catch, but Severus didn't offer further information and the Were didn't feel like admitting he'd known more about Snape's fifteenth year than the Slytherin would've liked.

The silence settled once again, but it wasn't as uncomfortable as Remus would've thought.

"I... I got you something."

Snape's head snapped upright.

"It's not much," Remus hurried to explain, "I just saw it in Diagon and...well, it reminded me of you."

Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew a carefully wrapped parcel, extending it toward Severus.

Eyeing Remus warily, the newly initiated potions master's fingers closed around the gift, though he made no move to unwrap it.

"Why?"

Surprised, Remus looked across at the other man. Severus was studying the gift intently, but his obsidian eyes flickered in Lupin's direction before darting away.

"I get the feeling you haven't gotten a lot of presents over the years. I guess... I figured we should celebrate while we can. No one knows...no one knows how this will end. Better to enjoy the time we've got, you know?"

Slowly, Severus nodded, but his eyes were shadowed. "This doesn't mean I'm going to do anything for you; you realize that?"

Remus nodded.

After a moment, Severus carefully undid the wrapping, taking pains not to tear the paper, before lifting the thin copper dagger inside.

The handle was beautiful, carved to look like a serpent, the blade the tongue, and a dark green stone gleamed as the eye.

"For your potions. I read copper is best," Remus rambled before falling silent, hands twisted hopefully in his lap.

When Severus looked up, Remus was surprised at the depth of gratitude in the man's eyes. "Thank you," the wizard murmured, before sliding the dagger experimentally up his robe sleeve into an arm sheath.

He looked happier, Remus decided.

"We'd better get back before they send the Aurors to find you." Joking, Remus refused to allow Severus' derisive snort to derail him.

"You assume too much, Lupin. The party is in full swing; I highly doubt anyone will notice I'm missing."

"I did, didn't I?"

For a moment, Severus stared at Remus, his piercing gaze pinning the Were. "I suppose you did," he murmured standing to his feet, "alright then, down to face the masses I suppose."

______________________________________

"Sure you're up for this?"

"Not at all," Severus murmured, staring at Grimmauld Place from behind the thick sunglasses. "But Molly will have my head if I don't put in at least a token appearance."

"She'll understand if you need more time. They all will, Sev." Remus rested his hand lightly on Snape's shoulder again.

"I...am aware." Snapping his sleeves the way he always did when nervous, Severus rolled his shoulders back. "Then again, if I don't go now, I don't know if I'll be able to talk myself out of leaving Spinner's End again."

"Good lad," Moody muttered, "bite the bullet, and all that."

Rapping the knocker on the door, the trio had only a moment to wait before Molly Weasley appeared.

"Oh Severus," grasping the man's thin forearms, she pulled him into the house before folding the dark-haired wizard in her arms.

For a long moment, Remus thought they'd be scraping Mrs. Weasley off the ceiling, before Snape's arms clasped tightly around her torso.

"Shh, it's all over, dear; you're home now." Rocking on the balls of her feet like she did when little Harry or Ron grew fretful, Molly smoothed Severus' tangled hair.

When Severus pulled away, letting out what sounded suspiciously like a sniff, though Remus knew better than to mention it, the red-haired matriarch squeezed his hands lightly.

"Your room's already fixed up and I've told everyone you'll want some space. Dinner should be ready in an hour if you want to join us; if not, I'll bring a plate."

Tugging his robes closer around him, a too-thin protection against the outside world, Severus nodded.

"And Severus?" When the raven head snapped upright, Molly murmured, "no matter what anyone else says, I'm proud of you."

At that, Snape really did flee, down the corridor and into his room, closing the door and locking it to ward off any intruders. Deciding to give him a moment to collect himself, Remus trailed down the hallway after Severus, sitting on his rear outside the door.

Leaning back against the wood, he felt his lips tug in a broken smile. The last several months together had changed...everything, but it wasn't the first storm they'd weathered...

______________________________________

"Dumbledore's asked me to spy."

Honestly, in the moment, Remus couldn't have explained why he was confiding in Snape of all people, and yet, it was the man's sarcastic company he'd sought out after meeting with the Headmaster.

Coal bright eyes jerked from the Potions text Severus was reading and he slipped one pale finger inside to mark his place.

"Say no."

"I..." Hesitantly, Lupin lowered himself to the counch, staying far enough away that Severus could leave.

"Oh you bloody fool, you've told him you'll do it." Raising his eyes to the ceiling, Severus added under his breath, "Gryffindor courage be damned."

"You're not a Gryffindor; you said yes."

Severus' features contorted, and Remus caught a glimpse of unfathomable pain before Snape's Occlumency shields slammed into place. "I suppose I did."

The silence lingered, neither sure how to break it.

"I assume he wants you to convince your fellow mangy beasts to join us? The Dark Lord has been pushing for us to recruit them."

When Remus nodded, Snape sighed heavily, his fingers carding through his tangled hair. "When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow."

"Shouldn't you be spending your last night with the mutt?" Snape's thin mouth tugged into an almost wry smirk, "I'm hardly the most invigorating company."

"Sirius... doesn't get it. He tries, and I love him for it," Remus smiled softly, "but the only one who really understands is...you."

"If you're looking for free advice, I suggest you go elsewhere. I have far too much studying to do to be a source of comfort for someone who should've known better than to put himself in harm's way."

Biting back a laugh, Remus resisted the urge to tell Snape this was exactly why he'd come. If anyone could remind him of his own foolhardiness, while keeping the anxiety at bay, it was Severus.

A companionable silence descended once more. Snape's fingers turned the pages of his book almost listlessly now and Remus forced himself not to stare too obviously, wondering what was going through the dark wizard's mind.

As the fire in the grate burned low, the Were hauled himself to his feet.

"Lupin?"

Turning at the door, Remus cocked his head, waiting.

"Don't die. You're becoming a halfway decent chess opponent."

Snape offered the barest hint of a smile before opening his book once again.

***

"Alohamora." Remus' voice came out a desperate croak as he fumbled with the door knob of Grimmauld's forbidding entrance.

"What the hel-" Snape's eyes widened when he caught sight of the Were outside and he seized Lupin under the armpits, practically dragging him inside.

"You're not supposed to be here," Severus managed to gasp, his slight frame struggling under Lupin's bulk.

"Complications," Remus managed, gritting his teeth as Snape almost dropped him into a chair.

Eyeing Remus, his midnight eyes unreadable, Severus tugged off his thick black robe and rolled up his sleeves, flinching almost imperceptibly when the Were's gaze darted to the Mark.

"Strip," Snape ordered with practiced efficiency, before waving his hand to summon a medical kit.

"It really isn't that much of an issue-" cutting off Remus' protests with a derisive snort, Severus crossed his arms.

"Consider this repayment for all the times you've assisted Molly after the..my assignments."

Reluctantly, Remus tugged at his ragged shirt, hissing when the fabric scraped at the inflamed slashes along his back.

Surveying him, Severus' mouth pulled into a thin line. "Pack fight," Remus offered, by way of explanation.

"I can see that," Snape snapped, "what I find impossible to understand is why you've let things progress this far. These wounds are clearly infected! You don't have to be a trained Healer to ascertain that."

Turning, the dark haired wizard shouted, "Black! Get down here!"

Remus winced; unless a miraracle had occured in the three months he'd spent undercover with the wolves, Sirius would be virtually useless. Decidedly not a morning person on the best of days, Padfoot was even worse when roused in the middle of the night.

"I wouldn't expect much from him-" gasping as Snape probed at his back, Remus didn't miss the fear in the Slytherin's eyes.

"You're burning with fever," Severus murmured, almost to himself. Waving his wand in the direction of the kettle, he set water boiling.

When those fingers returned to his skin Remus hissed, electric shocks of pain following wherever Severus touched.

Too exhausted to cry out again, Lupin felt his stomach twist with nausea. With a groan, he curled, vomiting weakly over Snape's shoes.

Jerking in surprise, Remus heard the panic in Severus' tone as the man yelled, "right now Black!"

Slumping backwards, Remus' vision swam. Vaguely, he registered the shock of pain when his head smacked the wall before everything faded to black....

With a muffled groan, Remus fought against the invasive light, blinding even though his eyes were tightly closed.

His whole body ached, and he felt too exhausted to move, but the sharp pangs of agony he'd felt pierce him over the last...day? week? he wasn't sure how much time had passed, were blessedly gone.

"You're awake," the voice, strained from lack of sleep, was a far cry from Severus' usually sarcastic drawl.

Growling grumpily, Remus attempted to burrow deeper into his pillow, content to remain here, warm and comfortable as long as possible.

"Come on Lupin, you need to eat. Your body's still far too weak and unless you want more nutrient potions spelled into your stomach you'll rouse yourself this instant."

"Five minutes," Remus grumbled, "too bright."

A dry laugh greeted that statement. "Fine, but let me up first. You've put my legs to sleep you blasted wolf."

Curiosity getting the better of him, Remus forced his hazel eyes opened and just as quickly shut them again wincing at the light. It really was much too bright, though the light wasn't what caused his heart to pound.

Severus, hair pulled up in a messy, charcoal bun, was seated in the corner of the sofa, Remus' head nestled in his lap.

"You stayed with me," Remus murmured, unable to keep the surprise from his voice.

Snorting, his companion tangled his thin fingers in the Were's hair. "It was a small sacrifice; your infernal howling was disturbing everyone else."

Cheeks heating in embarrassment, Remus could feel the blush creeping up his face. "Habit," he muttered.

Snape made a noise somewhere between a snort and a laugh and tugged more insistently at his patient's hair. "Up, Lupin," he ordered.

"Going, going," getting his feet under him, Remus forced himself into a sitting position, rubbing his temples as the room spun around him.

"Your blood sugar will be low; I couldn't give you too many potions or they would've reacted negatively." Snape slid free, looking decidedly awkward for a moment in one of Sirius' short sleeved band T-shirts and acid washed jeans.

"I'll get you some chocolate," Severus padded silently out of the room, forcing Remus to bite back a laugh at the sight of Snape in Sirius' rainbow socks.

Settling back into the comfort of the couch, Remus felt himself dozing before a cheerful, "Moony!" dragged him from his slumber.

"Pads," he felt his mouth pull into a wide grin as his friend entered the room.

"Merlin, you don't know how worried we were Moony." Crossing the room in seconds, Sirius' arms circled Remus in a tight hug.

"You scared me good," he mumbled, before thumping his friend emphatically. "Snape hasn't slept for almost two days because of you, you know! If he's not in that blasted lab of his, he's up here with you. Good thing too," Sirius muttered, but the annoyance in his voice was forced, "bloody temper of his gets worse when he's tired."

Remus choked back a laugh. Somehow, he thought Sirius might be stretching things a bit. Snape had been wearing his clothes after all.

Sirius' grey eyes surveyed Remus carefully for a long moment. "He's not... He's an okay bloke. For a Slytherin," Pads added hurriedly, but Remus felt the sincerity behind the words.

Nodding in acknowledgement, Remus didn't have time to answer before Severus re-entered, a loaded tray in his arms.

"Chocolate waffles and coffee," the young Death Eater announced, distributing plates to everyone before perching across from Black on a chair.

Yes, Remus thought, as Severus asked in an almost pleasant tone, whether or not his robes were dry yet, war did change people, and perhaps for the two men in front of him, the effects had not been entirely negative.

***

"Remus! Remus, come on, you've got to wake up!"

Weathered hands shook the Werewolf's broad shoulders and a moment later hazel eyes flickered open, blinking in confusion.

"Moody?" Staring up at the Auror, Remus felt his chest tighten. "What's happened?" he demanded, reaching for his shirt and trousers.

"Snape," Alastor muttered gruffly, his eyes clouded in worry. "He's at Grimmauld; it's...not pretty."

Without bothering to ask, though his mind supplied one gruesome image after another, Remus finished dressing and grabbed his wand.

At some point, Alastor had vanished downstairs to set a fire in the grate. As soon as Remus appeared, he tossed a pinch of Floo powder in and stepped through to Grimmauld, Lupin close behind.

His keener Werewolf's eyes found Severus immediately, even in the dim sitting room of Headquarters.

Still swathed in his Death Eater robes, Severus' arms were curled tightly around himself, and he rocked gently, a final attempt to soothe whatever ailed him.

A moment later, the sharp copper tang of blood hit Remus' nostrils. Holding back a growl, he turned to look at Alastor, but the man simply nodded toward Snape.

With a jolt, Remus realized the blood soaked into Severus' robes was not his own.

"Severus," he called gently, taking a hesitant step toward the man. Severus barely registered Lupin's presence, a brief flicker of his empty eyes the only indication that he'd heard.

"Sev..." Not entirely sure what to say, Remus chanced a few more steps, almost reaching the Death Eater's side before Snape recoiled.

"Don't," the wand pointed at Remus' chest trembled between Severus' thin fingers. "Not tonight Lupin."

Pausing, Remus raised his hands obediently, then settled on the ground near the sofa. "I won't, Severus," he murmured, struggling to know what to say.

When Snape lowered the wand, pushing it away with a hint of revulsion on his pale features, Remus rose, perching on the far end of the couch.

Snape's eyes tracked the movement, hunching further into himself.

It had been years since Remus had seen their spy like this, broken, and so, so tired of fighting.

"Whatever it was, Sev, you had to do it. I know you didn't choose this," he murmured. "But I'm not going to leave you here. I-" he glanced at Snape's bloody robes, "you don't have to do this alone."

"Children, Lupin, they were children." Severus practically snarled, "and I killed them all. They screamed for their parents, for their siblings, for mercy-" his voice broke, and the dark head dipped suddenly to hide in his hands, as his body shuddered.

It took Remus a moment to identify the sound.

Desperate, heaving, gut-wrenching sobs.

Snape never cried. Snape was snippy and caustic and willing to risk himself in ways the rest of them wouldn't ever consider, but now... Now he looked so small, attempting to stifle his cries with his hands.

"Sev...."

"Don't call me that," Snape choked, struggling to pull together what was left of his dignity. "Just leave, Remus. Go!"

Flinging a hand in the direction of the door, Remus stared in horror at the mess of scars along Severus' forearms. It had worsened since the last time he'd seen Snape naked. The man's glamors must have fallen, his magic failing him as his emotions roiled.

"Why, Sev?" Remus murmured, struggling to keep his own voice steady. This version of Snape, aged well beyond his twenty years, had finally broken and Remus had no idea how to pick up the pieces.

"Need it," Severus managed, wiping furiously at his eyes. "Need to tonight."

Eyeing his companion nervously, Remus squared his shoulders. "Alright, let's go."

Dark eyes flicked up to his own, shock registering for barely a second. "W-what?"

"You want to cut? Fine," Remus studied Severus, "but I'm not leaving you alone. I don't...I don't think you and knives unsupervised is a smart idea right now."

Warily, his gaze tainted with suspicion, Severus stood, slipping silently from the room, Remus on his heels.

The two didn't speak as they entered Severus' room at Grimmauld. Remus watched, feeling his chest clench tighter moment by moment, as Snape collected his tools, laying each one out with a soft reverance.

Razor.

Towel.

Iodine.

Bandages.

Still eyeing Remus like he thought the Were might change his mind at the last moment, Severus settled on the floor, knees pulled to his chest.

Tugging his sleeve up, breathing harsher than normal, Sev lowered the thin blade to his arm. Swallowing with difficulty, he gave Remus one last glance before clenching his hand into a fist and dragging the blade rapidly up his arm.

Remus barely held back a grimace as the blood bloomed to the surface of Snape's pale skin but the man's hiss of relief worried him. Was this truly Severus' only coping mechanism?

"You don't have to watch. It's sickening, I'm aware." Filled with self-loathing, Snape's Cokeworth accent crept through his usual unmistakable drawl.

"No," Remus heard himself reply, before his brain caught up, "someone needs to see."

Severus shrugged, before returning his attention to his arm. The slashes were deep, savage and punishing at first. Remus fought to urge to launch himself across the room, catch the pale fingers in his own, and force Snape to accept comfort instead of taking out on himself the anger at what Dumbledore asked him to do.

Gradually, the cuts bled less and less as Severus' fury eased. The lines became shallow, shorter, and finally Snape rested the razor on the bedside table, reaching for the towel.

Without speaking, Remus took the towel, pouring a generous measure of iodine over it, and slowly pressed the cloth to the wounds.

For a moment, he thought Severus would object, but the man simply leaned back against the headboard.

In silence, Remus cleaned each throbbing mark before bandaging the Slytherin's abused forearms. When he'd finished, he grasped the hem of Snape's robe.

Dark eyes flickered with dread, and Severus clutched the fabric.

"You need to sleep," Remus kept his voice soft. "I'll bring you a nightshirt."

After a moment, Snape nodded.

When the robes were gone, spelled away to be cleaned, and Severus was redressed in an oversized Muggle T-shirt, Remus pulled back the covers and made sure his companion was settled.

As he turned out the lights, a quiet voice called, "Remus?"

Pausing, Lupin glanced back, surprised by Severus' use of his first name.

"Stay?"

A smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, Remus crossed the room, curling up on the far side of the bed.

______________________________________

Deciding he'd waited long enough, Remus knocked lightly on the outside of the door.

"Sev? It's me; can I come in?"

When no sound issued for a moment, Remus tried the handle, pleased when the wards surrounding the room allowed him entrance.

A dark lump on the bed showed him where Severus was, and Remus hesitated a moment before lying down next to the man.

Half a second of hesitation, then Snape rolled to face Remus, his eyes red from sunlight exposure, and face paler than ever, a thin line of blood leaking down his arm.

Gently, Remus reached between them, flipping Severus' arm and pushing up the sleeve. Only one red line, he noticed, and a thin one at that, shallow in comparison to Severus' other scars.

"Feeling a little more grounded?" Lupin quiered, softly.

Severus paused for a moment, thinking, then nodded.

"They're all here, aren't they? Weasleys and Lily and...the Order?"

Still holding Snape's arm, Remus nodded. "They're all excited to see you again. Everyone worked hard for your acquittal."

Snape nodded. "I'm grateful," he murmured, voice barely audible in the dark room.

"But?"

"But..." Severus winced, "always something with you, Lupin."

"Remus. You called me Remus before...."

"I did a lot of things before," Snape offered evenly.

"Including the question deflection technique. What's bothering you?"

Severus' lips quirked in a half smile. "You know me too well," he murmured, before running a hand through his hair. "I...I don't know what they expect, anymore. The war...it was never good, but it was, in many ways, easy. I knew what I had to do and now..."

His voice fading, Severus shrugged. "I don't know what to give them. And they..., Remus there are so many people down there." Trembling slightly, the Slytherin's fingers bunched in the sheets.

Remus nodded, not sure what to say to assuage Severus' fears. He knew none of the Order members down the hall wanted anything more than the best for Sev but four months in Azkaban was enough to make anyone doubt humanity's best intentions.

"Why don't we get some rest? You'll feel more clear-headed after you sleep. Then... Then we can decide whether or not to go down." He offered, reaching out slowly to pull Snape closer.

The man tensed, then relaxed gradually into Remus' touch, nestling his head against Remus' chest, his arm tucked under his head in place of a pillow.

Rubbing soothing circles over Snape's shoulders, Remus sighed. This would be difficult, he held no illusions to the contrary, but unlike before, everyone waiting for them in the kitchen wished nothing but the best for them.

As his eyes closed, Remus found himself smiling at the memory of the last Order meeting that had caused Severus this much anxiety....

______________________________________

"I don't think I've seen you this nervous since...probably third year," Remus couldn't hide the amusement in his tone as Sev lapped the kitchen table for what had to be the third time.

"Third year?" Pausing, the Slytherin quirked a brow, puzzled.

"Yeah, right before finals? You were really on edge." Grinning, Remus added, "you nearly hexed Sirius through a wall when he stepped on your toes."

For a moment, Snape stared blankly, before his eyes lit with understanding. "Oh," he murmured quietly, "yes, now I remember. That was...quite the summer."

Sensing there was more to that statement then met the eye, Remus waited, but Severus remained silent.

After a moment, his quiet footsteps resumed.

"Hey Sev?"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you know so many curses our first year?"

Obviously surprised at the question, Severus' lips curved into a rare smile and he settled at the table. Folding his hands around the cup of tea Remus had made almost ten minutes ago, Snape cast a wordless warming charm before answering.

"Before Hogwarts, I worked in the Wizarding World. My mum brewed potions when my father was... indisposed, to make ends meet. Eventually, things...we needed extra money."

Sev's fingers tightened around the fragile mug, "on one of of trips to buy potion's ingredients, I discovered a Mr. Borgin in Knockturn Alley was looking for a shop boy."

At Remus' horrified look, Snape flushed. "Nothing obscene! I was in charge of sweeping up, dusting shelves, and later helping customers. Mr. Burke, V Borgin's partner, took a liking to me and gave me some of the shop's spellbooks to read over my lunch breaks."

Shrugging, Severus took a sip of his tea. "I worked for him for two years before coming to Hogwarts and every summer after that. He was...a benefactor in many ways, though not kind."

Remus stared in amazement. "That's it?! Seriously?!"

Laughing, Snape's eyes gleamed, "precisely it, Lupin. It was more fun to hear the rumors then set the record straight. I especially liked the one where I was Grindelwald himself reincarnated."

Before Remus could fire back an answering shot, a voice yelled, "James!"

Sev tensed.

"Don't freak out on me now," Remus muttered, reaching across the table to haul his companion to his feet.

"I don't 'freak out'," Severus snapped, but his hands clenched tightly around the teacup as he trailed Remus out of the room.

An auburn-haired woman, her arms wrapped tightly around a giggling, black-haired toddler stood in the doorway, as Sirius embraced her husband.

James Potter, sobered by months of remaining in a safe house, spoke animatedly to Sirius, before catching sight of Remus and his reluctant partner.

"Sev!" Recovering her senses first, Lily thrust the toddler in her arms at Sirius and practically ran down the hallway, embracing her friend tightly.

"You saved us," she breathed, her shoulders trembling as Snape awkwardly patted her back.

"I- it wasn't anything you wouldn't have done for me," he muttered.

"No," Lily pulled away to look him in the eyes, "that's not true and you know it. I left you when you needed a friend most and I accused you of being a Death Eater when everything you did was on Dumbledore's orders. I don't know if you can forgive me, Sev but... could you try?"

His eyes widening in amazement, Remus felt Snape's shock. "I- of course," he stuttered, "the blame was on both of us. Before the end of fifth year I was involved with the dark arts and the people I chose to spend my time with...were undesirable. I could've handled the situation better," he finished, smiling down at her.

Behind his wife, James cleared his throat, "not to interrupt or anything but Harry kind of needs the bathroom..."

Coming back to herself abruptly, Lily grinned and reached for the squirming toddler. "We'll introduce you in a moment."

Striding quickly down the hallway, she yelled, "play nice!"

For a moment the former Marauders and their favorite target eyed each other before James sighed heavily.

"Okay Snape, I can't say I was the best person in school," he grimaced, "but in spite of it, you still saved my life. I...I appreciate it and if there's anything we can do..."

Trailing off, Potter shifted awkwardly.

Severus nodded sharply, accepting the apology before glancing at the kitchen. "Perhaps some tea?" He offered though Remus knew Snape wanted nothing more than to flee.

"Tea sounds great," Remus shot the Slytherin a covert smile before Sirius remembered his manners and ushered them into the living room.

When Snape finished making tea and Lily returned with the toddler, conversation, stilted already, died completely.

With a sigh, Lily looked at the four men surrounding her. "I-"

She was cut off by a surprised yell from Severus.

Expecting to see the dark haired man clutching his forearm, Remus couldn't help the laughter that erupted at the sight of little Harry, his fists bunched firmly in Severus' hair.

To avoid having his hair yanked out by the roots, Sev was hunched awkwardly, fingers tightly grasping Harry's pudgy fists.

"Oh yes laugh hysterically Lupin, that's definitely going to help." Snape's sarcasm was significantly less intimidating when he yelped as Harry tugged harder.

"Harry! Harry Severus Potter, let go, this instant or you'll be sitting in time out for five minutes!"

Attempting to loosen the toddler's hold, Lily missed the shock on Severus' face.

"You- you named him... Harry Severus Potter?" Too stunned to protest when Lily finally detached her son from Snape's hair, several dark strands in his fists from the tussel, Sev stared at his friend.

"Oh," Lily flushed, studying her feet, "well it seemed fitting since without you he wouldn't be here... If you don't like it, we can change it. No birth certificate or anything yet since we've been underground."

Swallowing with difficulty, Severus shook his head. Softly, he murmured, "no, it's.. it's nice. Harry Severus Potter," his gaze softened as he studied the squirming child, a new appreciation on his thin features.

______________________________________

From there, things had grown easier, Remus knew. James and Sev had edged around each other warily for a few weeks before James walked in on Remus and Snape in the back garden, Remus' hands tangled in Severus' hair as the two kissed. After that, James had no qualms leaving his wife and Sev alone together.

And together they were. The two had picked up their friendship almost where they'd left off.

Lily started studying to become a Healer and since Sev had already taken the required courses for his potions mastery, the two spent long evenings in front of the fireplace, quizzing each other on various terms and procedures.

Tugged from his thoughts when he felt Severus stirring, Remus smiled when dark eyes opened to focus on him.

"Feeling better?" He asked, brushing a wayward strand of hair out of Sev's face.

"Marginally." Pushing himself upright, Severus ran his fingers through his hair, then straightened his robes to put himself in order.

"You hungry?" Remus asked, cautiously.

Severus smirked, "starving actually. I...I think we should go down," glancing at Remus he added, "I don't know how well I'll handle it, but I want to try. For them. And...well, we should tell them about-"

Remus nodded careful to keep his face schooled when all he wanted to do was grab Severus and snog him senseless.

He'd been looking forward to telling the Order their news since they'd received their joint offer, but at Sev's insistence, had kept it secret. Good thing too, he supposed, since Severus' arrest but now, now they could finally celebrate!

Patiently, Remus gave Sev all the time he needed before opening the door. His...lover? boyfriend? he honestly didn't know what they were at this point, but Sev had let him in and that was all that mattered right now, was fastidious in getting ready.

After a brief shower and a cleaning charm for his robes, the duo padded silently down to the kitchen.

Giving Sev a moment to adjust, Remus watched as Snape's gaze darted around the crowded table.

Mr. Weasley was deeply engaged in a discussion with Auror Moody, gesturing madly with what looked like a rubber duck in his hand.

To their right, several of the Weasley scamps were gathered. Bill, a third year Hogwarts student now, and his brother Charlie, a first year, were obviously debating some aspect of magical theory since high had their Transfiguration textbooks out and open.

Mrs. Weasley appeared to be attempting to moderate the discussion but her attention was split as she tried to head off her twins' George and Fred, from starting an all out food fight as they flicked peas at their brother, Percy.

Ron, the same age as Harry, was keeping Lily occupied as the two toddlers smeared food all over themselves, each other, and the floor.

Baby Ginny, blessedly asleep on Sirius' lap (Black had discovered a particular affinity for small children over the past years. Severus claimed it was because Sirius had never grown up and Remus could not find grounds to refute that argument) didn't stir in the slightest at the noise.

James, the first to notice the two men hovering in the doorway, was about to say something when-

"Uncle Sev!" Harry shouted, before receiving a sharp smack on the back of his hand from George Weasley.

The children had been given a rather in-depth discertation on PTSD prior to Snape's arrival and, aside from Harry's indignant squawk, remained silent.

Severus must have suspected something, but he only arched an eyebrow and offered, "you may speak, you know. If I tire of your incessant chatter, I'll cast a Silencio spell."

Erupting into giggles, the children resumed their conversations easily, followed shortly by the adults, albeit at a somewhat more subdued volume.

Mrs. Weasley dished up steaming portions of food, dispatching plates for the latecomers and shifted so the two could sit together.

Severus remained silent, watching the conversations unfold as he ate and sipped the coffee Molly handed him.

"Alright?" Remus murmured quietly, not wanting to make Sev jump. Thinking about it for a moment, Severus nodded, then whispered, "are you going to tell them? I'll feel better when I'm not on edge about it."

Picking up his knife, Remus tapped it gently against the rim of his glass, waiting until silence fell to speak.

"I- that is, we have an announcement." Glancing at Sev to make sure they were united on that front, Remus bit back a laugh at his lover's 'oh get on with it already' look.

"Since Dumbledore was asked to step down as Headmaster,"

Due to some serious accusations of neglect and thinly veiled references to abuse, but Remus avoided mentioning that,

"Headmistress McGonagall has offered us both positions at Hogwarts. I will be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts," Bill and Charlie out out enthusiastic whoops at that, and Remus grinned, "and Sev will be working in the infirmary, part time."

At Lily's questioning look, the Slytherin glanced at the table. "I've decided curse-breaking isn't for me. Instead, when I'm not employed in the hospital wing, Minerva has offered me free use of Hogwart's brewing facilities. I hope to open a small, mail-order potion's business, or brew to order shop."

"Huh?"

With a laugh at Charlie's obvious confusion, Severus explained, "people tell me what they need potions for and I'll develop a brew to suit their needs."

"Like an exploding farts potion?!" George Weasley yelled, clapping a hand over his mouth when Snape flinched. "Sorry," the boy muttered, sheepishly.

Under the table, Remus squeezed Sev's knee lightly in reassurance.

Severus' eyebrows arched, but Remus didn't miss the way Snape visibly forced himself to relax. "Mr. Weasley, if you find yourself so inclined to come up with a potions recipe for such a ludicrous purpose as "exploding farts" you will, I hope, have the wherewithal to alert me before testing it on your unsuspecting victim."

After a moment of confused silence, Severus huffed in exasperation. "Fire exploding from your rectum; need I say more?"

Remus stared at his partner in shocked amusement.

Percy was, unbelievably, the first to break. Doubling over and laughing until the tears ran down his face, he choked out, "you managed to make it sound so- so CLINICAL!"

That unfortunate observation set the rest of them off, and though Snape did his best to level a fearsome glare at the gathered parties, a slight smile tugged relentlessly at the corner of his mouth.

That night, after the Weasleys and Potters returned home, Remus hesitantly settled onto the settee in their room. Severus was still in the shower; though he'd taken one earlier, the Were suspected his Slytherin needed a little time to think things through.

The evening had ended well: Molly served desert; Sirius played a rousing game of exploding snap with the children; and Severus had routed Remus soundly in chess before vanishing into the bathroom.

Now, Remus couldn't help but wonder how sharing a room would go.

They'd done far more than simply sleep in the same bed before Severus' arrest but...he wasn't sure what Sev's limitations would be.

When the bathroom door opened, Severus padded silently across the floor, curling up under the covers before his eyes, glinting in the darkness, found Remus.

"Are you going to keep me waiting all night?" The voice, tinged with sarcasm as it might have been, was almost pleading.

Almost bounding to his feet, Remus forced himself to walk calmly across the room and settle next to Severus.

After a moment, damp hair brushed over his exposed chest, and Sev rested his head on Remus' torso, one arm curled instinctively under his head.

"I don't... I don't think I can do...more than this," Sev whispered and Remus felt his lover tense, expecting rejection.

Gently, Remus shifted, wrapping his arm around Snape's too thin body and hugging him close, his free hand carding through Severus' hair and along his scalp.

"I'm just glad you're home, Sev," Remus murmured, his eyes closing as he fell asleep to the familiar heartbeat keeping time alongside his own.