The Issue with James (and company)
As expected, Dorcas was the first to get to the girls’ favorite compartment on the Hogwarts Express. Whether she’d grown or just gotten stronger, Dorcas didn’t know, but she was able to lift her luggage all by herself. Promptly, Marlene arrived. Marlene was simultaneously the most and least organized of the group. She never woke up on time and couldn’t seem to plan her days if it was her life on the line, but she had to give it to her: Marlene was always on time.
“Your ears!” Marlene gushed.
“It’s really no big deal, the rest of you already have yours done,” Dorcas shrugged.
“Are we being mentioned?” Mary popped in.
Marlene cleared her throat, “Dory was just telling me how teeny of a deal her getting her ears pierced was.”
Lily laughed, “What a load of rubbish that is! You wrote me just swooning out of excitement at the prospect!”
“Besides,” Mary began, “we’ve all had them pierced for ages. I say this is a monumental event!”
Marlene jumped at the chance, “We should throw a party to celebrate!”
Somehow, from outside the compartment, Sirius heard their conversation, at least the last part of it.
“That’s a brilliant idea! You know, I have a hook up for snacks and-”
Dorcas cut Sirius off, “Marls was just joking-”
Marlene then cut her off, “Sort of.”
Dorcas continued, “What I was saying is there’s no need for a party and therefore no party happening.”
“Who says you need a reason for a party? Besides, I think the bonding of the boys and girls Gryffindor dorms is a great one already! You and Remus, Lily and I-” James appeared out of nowhere.
“I do,” Dorcas said firmly.
Sirius cackled, “No need to get your knickers in a twist, really, James here was just arguing his point.”
At this point, Dorcas and Lily were both severely red in the face.
“Come off it, Sirius,” Marlene said with gritted teeth.
“They’ve got her too,” Sirius remarked.
Marlene huffed, “Nobody’s got me, they’re my friends and I thought you knew that.”
Peter chimed in from some unknown spot outside the compartment, “Come on, lads, we don’t need a bunch of girls to throw a party.”
“But,” James added with a wink before running after his friends, “ you Lily are always welcome at our parties.”
With an extreme roll of her eyes Mary sighed, “You can’t even say the word party around those imbeciles.”
***
Later that night, when the girls’ luggage had all been unpacked, Marlene crawled into Dorcas’ bed.
“You know you don’t have to defend me or anything?” Dorcas muttered.
“Huh?” Marlene looked confused.
“If Sirius is your friend then you don’t have to start arguments over me or ruin that just for me.”
“Dory, Sirius is a friend, you’re the friend. The friend I’ll always go to first, the friend who always has my back, the friend who doesn’t hurt my other friends' feelings on purpose. And besides, if he’s going to be talking loads of rubbish, I’ll be sure to set him in his place.”
“That’s a rather odd way of calling me your best friend,” Dorcas grinned.
“Oh, hush, you know what I meant. With all that reading you do I just had to make sure I was on your level. So what are we going to do about this party, and James’ little crush that’s proven a big plight on Lily?”
“We’re going to do something?” Dorcas asked.
“Of course! It would be improper to call myself your best friend if I’m not willing to get my hands a bit dirty.”
With some skepticism Dorcas questioned Marlene, “Marls, what’s going on in that brain of yours?”
Marlene climbed back out of the bed without answering. She flipped the lights on to moans of tire from Lily and Mary.
“What now?” Mary groaned.
“Now? When have I ever done this before?” Marlene argued.
“Actually,” Lily started, but didn’t finish because Marlene shushed her.
“The point is,” Marlene decided, “it’s important this time. We need to ruin the boys’ party and teach them a lesson.”
“A lesson?” Mary seemed intrigued.
“Of sorts,” Marlene grinned even wider than she had before.
“Would this lesson, of sorts, include James’ constant annoyances?” Lily suggested.
“Of course, we couldn’t forget the plight on your happiness that is James,” Marlene replied.
Dorcas asked her again, “So then, what is the plan?”
Marlene smiled, “Well, I was thinking you all could be of help with that part.”
“So the whole thing?” Dorcas grinned back.
“Well when you put it that way,” Marlene said.
“We could just tell McGonagall,” Lily suggested.
“No,” Marlene replied, “She’ll just take points from Gryffindor.”
“We could poison them?” Mary suggested.
“Doesn’t that seem a bit rash?” Dorcas asked.
“Not seriously, just enough to get the message across. Oh! I was looking through our potions book the other day-”
“You’ve read through our potions book?” Lily looked skeptical.
“Oh shush, Lily. What I was trying to say before you so rudely interrupted was there’s a potion called Pompion Potion that turns the drinker’s head into a pumpkin. I think we’re supposed to learn it some time later in the year.”
“That would be perfect!” Marlene exclaimed.
“I suppose it would be funny yet harmless,” Lily succeeded.
Marlene corrected her, “Hilarious.”
“You’re brilliant Mary,” Dorcas made sure to say.
Mary’s cheeks turned a light pink, “Thank you.”
It seemed that Mary was in her element- the element being planning their revenge. She was much more than just a pretty face, but Dorcas had to admit that Mary had quite a pretty face.
“When is the party anyways?” Dorcas asked the other girls.
“You know just as much as the rest of us,” Marlene shrugged.
“Slughorn has taken a liking to me, seeing as I’m his best student- other than Severus of course. Maybe we can leverage that somehow?”
“Lily,” Marlene replied, “you’re selling yourself short. You are his best student, hands down.”
“You could distract him, while we borrow the ingredients,” Dorcas decided to say.
“Borrowed?” Mary raised an eyebrow.
“I personally like to call it stealing,” Marlene said.
“Sorry if I have some decorum,” Dorcas joked.
“That should work, but first we’ll have to figure out when the party is being thrown,” Lily said.
“Good night,” Mary yawned.
“Good night,” Dorcas added.
“Night,” Marlene said.
“Night,” Lily finished.
***
Finding out this information didn’t prove to be a hard feat. All four were in the great hall, eating, when they heard the boys make their entrance.
Loudly, Sirius proclaimed, “Our party tonight is going to be just brilliant!”
“Pete’s on food, you’re on music, I’m on invites, and Remus is- well what part are you playing Remus?” James listed their jobs.
“I don’t want any part in whatever rivalry you have going on with the girls. I, unlike you, have actually gotten them to tolerate me,” he replied.
“You would betray us for some girls?” Sirius huffed dramatically.
Remus rolled his eyes in reply. After that they had passed and couldn’t be heard from all the way at the other end of the table.
“Are you sure we’ll have time to make the Pompion Potion?” Mary asked.
“I read through it and it’s a simple potion. You three will get the ingredients after potions today and just leave the rest to me,” Lily said, ready as ever.
***
Potions was the same as ever. Severus stared holes into Dorcas’ back the entire time while James glared daggers into his, Peter almost blew up the entire dungeon, and Lily brewed her potion as if a war wasn’t going on around them. Despite the havoc, the plan was coming along swimmingly. After class, Lily pulled Slughorn aside to ask him something- they hadn’t gone that far in detail while planning. For a moment, they believed all their hard work (a total of less than an hour of planning) had been done in vain. For some reason, Sirius fancied staying behind for a moment.
“What are you three doing?” he asked them.
“Just waiting for Lily to finish asking Slughorn her question,” Marlene replied.
“What question?” he asked her.
“Blimey, I don’t monitor everything my friends do,” Marlene quipped.
Sirius backed off and let the girls get to work.
Mary grabbed the foxglove, bouncing bulb, flitterby moth, and a few other ingredients from the cupboard. They each hid a couple in their robes so nobody would wonder why one of the girls had a large bump growing out her hip.
“Thank you, professor, that was, erm, a very helpful discussion, but I must be on my way now,” Lily told Professor Slughorn.
The girls then made their way up to the dorm, luckily without any interruptions.
“Do you suppose he’ll notice anything’s missing?” Dorcas asked the others.
“He’s not that smart,” Marlene replied.
“You got everything?” Lily questioned them.
“Yeah, who knew he kept living things back there.” Mary supplied.
“I’d better get to work so you all can get ready,” Lily announced.
Mary, Marlene, and Dorcas changed out of their robes and eventually began working on various assignments while Lily was mashing, chopping, and stirring various ingredients.
“It’s done,” Lily declared, showing off a vial of bright orange Pompion Potion.
“Looks right,” Marlene shrugged.
“It’s perfect,” Lily corrected her.
They could hear the music starting in the common room, something decidedly muggle, while Lily rushed to change out of her robes like the other three girls had hours earlier. They were surprised to see that the common room was empty but for a couple of third years who didn’t seem aware that a party was supposedly going on.
“This’ll be even easier than I thought,” Mary chuckled, quietly.
The others smiled back and made their way over to the snack table.
“Not much of a party, eh?” Marlene leered.
While Sirius, who was previously standing near it was busy refuting Marlene’s claims, Dorcas poured Lily’s potion into the punch. Remus, who she hadn’t realized was leaning against the wall just opposite of her, raised an eyebrow. She just shook her head, hoping she’d conveyed her message well enough. He didn’t say anything, so she must have.
Sirius, obviously annoyed, announced, “Let’s have a toast boys, to our very successful party that has only just begun!”
James and Peter shuffled over to Sirius and each grabbed a glass.
“Remus?” James probed.
“I’m good,” he insisted.
James shrugged and drank along with Peter and Sirius. Within seconds, their heads began morphing into vibrant orange pumpkins.
“Oi, what’s happening?” Sirius screeched.
“Your head’s a pumpkin, Pete’s too!” James answered.
“So’s yours!” Peter shrieked.
Remus didn’t seem able to contain his laughter. The girls were in the same boat as him. The third years looked over briefly, but didn’t care enough to actually do anything.
“Change me back!” Sirius shrieked.
“Us, change us back!” James interjected.
“Cant,” Lily assured, through fits of laughter.
“What do you mean you can’t? We’ll, we’ll do anything, please!” Peter pleaded.
“We’ll tell you how to do it if you promise to stop harassing Lily here, and that you’ll be nicer to us, and other girls in general,” Mary listed their demands.
James looked rather embarrassed, like he’d turn red if he wasn’t already orange, “I, I’m not sexist you know? My mum wouldn’t allow it. She-”
“Seems your mum has lost hold of you and the rest of your friends these past few months,” Dorcas interrupted.
“Alright, we promise!” Sirius proclaimed.
“Now fix us!” Peter begged, and with a couple of glares he added, “Please?”
Lily told them, “Just as I said, we can’t. It’ll wear off in a few hours. Now, we’d better get going, see you later boys!”
As they walked up to their dorm, the four girls heard Remus saying, “They’ve really gotten you prats now,” before succumbing to another fit of laughter.
Dorcas was sure some pouts, or whatever equivalent you can make to a pout while a pumpkin, followed.
“I don’t think you’ll have to worry about James bothering you anymore,” Mary supplied.
“Nope, I don’t think so either,” Lily confirmed.