chapter 1
Sirius Black had his heart shattered once. For now on, he was keeping it wrapped up in cellophane.
He barely acknowledged his mother slipping on her coat and his brother, Regulus, dragging his owl's cage in the front of their Grimmauld Place mansion. No way would he go with them. With a turn of his heel, he hoisted his trunk and dissaparated with a crack, landing with a sickening thud right outside King's Cross station.
"This is it," He said to absolutely no one. This was the seventh year. His final year. The year he turned seventeen, the year he, Sirius Black, would complete his status as the only Gryffindor in five hundred years of the Black family heritage. He thought of the cigarette burn that was no doubt creased upon his small portrait on the family tapestry tree. He could almost taste the smoke, as though Moony were blowing rings of smoke in his face to annoy him.
The thought of Remus energized him. He walked faster.
Every second he wasted dwelling on his family took time away from spending his last golden years at Hogwarts with his best mates. As his strides grew longer, his thoughts of the ugly mansion on Grimmauld Place grew more and more scarce, a thorn in a rosebush that no longer hurt.
He entered the station, trying desperately to ignore the stares of wizards and witches with their children as he crossed over to the barrier between Platform Ten and Eleven, as well as the Muggles who stared at the owl cages and odd packages. It wasn't news to everyone that Sirius had been "excused" (otherwise known as disowned) from the Black family. He, the Heir of Slytherin. He'd only been at 12 Grimmauld to gather his things for Hogwarts. All summer long he'd been staying with the Potters, writing letters to Moony, who lived in London, and visiting Wormtail who didn't live that far away from James's neighborhood anyway.
"Excuse me," said an elderly voice belonging to a red haired woman Sirius guessed was a Muggle, toting a small boy teetering with nervous energy behind her. "Do you know where Platform-er...Nine and Three Quarters is? The guards won't tell me...you're of his kind, are you?" She was probably asking if he were a wizard.
Sirius shook his head quickly. "Oh no- I mean I am. If you'll want to accompany him you just take a go at the brick wall right over there." He gestured to the barrier in front of them. "It's an illusion."
She looked taken aback for a second, but nodded at the boy beside her. "Alright, Benjamin, you heard him..."
"I'll go first, and you'll see what I mean." Sirius took a deep breath, then ran at the barrier, hoping the Muggles didn't notice. He felt a bit like an idiot after all these years, but he still couldn't shake the nerves. He was running at what looked like a solid wall, for Dumbledore's sake.
He almost could have avoided colliding directly with James Potter, who immediately bear hugged him. Prongs was a very huggy person, which irritated Sirius, who on the other hand was not.
"Prongs!" Sirius said happily after they broke apart. They'd seen each other two weeks before, but it still felt like a life time to Sirius. Being stuck in his childhood home felt like years.
The boy named Benjamin appeared where Sirius had been a couple minutes later, his eyes squeezed shut and his fists clenched by his sides. He had a look of bewilderment on his face when he opened his eyes to find he was on the other side of the platform.
"Wow, It worked, Gran!" He exclaimed to the elderly Muggle lady when she jumped beside him.
"Welcome to Hogwarts," James winked at the boy, who grinned.
Prongs turned towards Sirius. "Mate, you smell like dog fur," he said as he scrunched up his nose.
"I've been transforming into a dog more often," whispered Sirius. "Helps me sleep." Transforming referred to his Animagus form.
As he walked in to the train, Michelle Dante, his girlfriend since the fifth year, came out of the nearest compartment and hurried to greet them. "Hi, love!" He said, kissing her on the cheek.
James glanced at Sirius. You didn't tell her? He mouthed, but Sirius ignored him. No, he hadn't told her that he'd been disowned. Not yet.
"You didn't write me all summer, Siri!" She pouted jokingly, embracing him in another hug. He tried not to stiffen.
" I'm sorry, Mimi, I was super and busy and all..." Sirius used her pet name, because she liked it when he did. And he never did write her because she was Muggleborn. If his parents found out he was dating a Muggleborn they would have disowned him a long time ago.
"Where're the others?" He asked.
"Pete's gotten held up with his parents somewhere, and I dunno where Moony is. Didn't see him on the platform." Said Prongs.
"Well, it's quarter to, they'll be here soon," Michelle said as she tried heaving her very heavy trunk onto the rack above her.
"Aw, M, let me help you!" Said Remus Lupin as he entered their compartment at last.
"Speak of the devil, Moony!" James said. Sirius didn't look up at first. He felt a surge of something like anger (as he'd been about to help Michelle himself) but those feelings immediately evaporated when he looked up. The strawberry blond was helping Michelle push her trunk up right in front of him, his focus behind Sirius up on the racks. He'd grown several more inches, his t-shirt rising so Sirius could see flesh showing, and Sirius's heartbeat hammered against his chest as he looked away, cheeks red.
"Christ, you've grown so much you look like Bowie," Peter said in awe, and Sirius privately agreed. But he quite frankly preferred the old, awkward, gangly Moony who was a nerd at everything and who would gladly smoke a pack of fags a day if Sirius didn't nag him about it.
"What're you staring at, ya poof!" Remus grinned at Sirius, snapping him back into reality.
Remus and Mary had evidentially given up, and used a hover charm to hoist Mary's trunk up above him. Sirius glanced nervously up at the barracks. It would probably burst any moment from the weight of the trunk.
"Y'know what? Fuck the prefect's carriage. It's my last year, therefore I'm spending it with my best mates." Remus said, peeking out warily into the corridor. Prefects were supposed to ride in their own carriage.
"You'd better patrol the corridors for ickle first years!" James said gleefully. "I heard a bunch of them have gotten their hands on some dungbombs..."
Sirius smirked. By the look on James's face he'd probably distributed the goods out himself.
Michelle collapsed into the spot next to Sirius and leaned into him. He smiled to himself. It was good to be back.
* * * *
Two hours later, the train was hectic again as students departed, a wave of trunks and owl cages and Remus having to rescue someone's frog who had fallen into the lake. The usual chaos. Sirius took it all in, for the last time.
The Gryffindors all walked together, Michelle catching up with Lily Evans and the rest of the seventh year girls, talking animatedly about their courses tomorrow. Sirius didn't even want to think about homework.
"How're your transformations?" Sirius asked him as the two fell behind the others.
Remus kicked an invisible pebble with his foot. "Alright."
He could tell by his tone that they were in fact not alright, but he knew not to press him, especially when they were surrounded by other listening ears.
Remus grinned mischievously when Sirius looked back at him. "At next weeks' full moon, we'll have so much fun." The Marauders were very much illegal Animagi, and they helped Remus with his transformations into a Werewolf once a month.
Sirius heaved a sigh. Remus was still the same old Moony who worried over everything. But more attractive.
* * * *
Happiness, aparently, could be found in the depths of chocolate pudding. Peter shoveled the stuff into his mouth, to the disgust of Remus, who was an absolute snob when it came to chocolate. He only ate Honeydukes, obviously.
"Just think about it," Sirius said as he stared sadly up at the galaxy above the Great Hall. "This will be the last first time Wormy will ever have his beloved chocolate pudding for the year."
"Don't remind me," Remus groaned. He was sure Hogwarts would slip away from him if he didn't suppress the fact that next year, there would be no returning to the four poster bed in his cozy Gryffindor dorm room. He also barely had an appetite because of the full moon coming up, but that might have been because of Wormtail's table manners.
"I've got alcohol for the party," James said to the three of them, interrupting Remus's day dreaming as he lowered his voice to a whisper.
"Party!? and alcohol? What alcohol? Prongs, there are first years-" Remus said in alarm.
"Whaaat? They all go to bed early anyway!" James said as he swatted Peter's hand away from his carefully preserved chocolate pudding.
"I swear to fucking Merlin, Prongs, we have class tomorrow!" Remus said, already dreading how hungover he would be the next morning.
"Don't drink then!" James smirked, knowing full well Remus drank the most out of the four of them.
"You know Moony can't resist a drink," added Sirius, slinging an arm over his shoulder, making Remus blush furiously.
"I'm not going to be hungover in class tomorrow," He said irritably, crossing his arms.
"Your lips to Dumbledore's ears," James scoffed.
* * * *
Later that evening, when the lower years had gone to bed, James promptly brought out the alcohol, Sirius his record player, and a clearing had been laid out in the middle of the common room where some people were already dancing drunkinly. Out of protest, Lily said she would report them, but Remus hadn't seen her leave the common room yet. She was tangled up on the couch with Michelle having a Muggle smoke.
"A toast!" Sirius yelled as he stepped on a nearby table. "To another year!"
James promptly pushed him off, which led to a slew of curse words from Sirius, but everyone laughed in spite. Maybe it was that most of the kids in the room were seventh years, or that You-Know-Who was on the rise, but everyone wanted to live a little. Remus somehow knew this would be the first of many alcohol-driven parties to come that year.
"Moony, want a drink?" Peter gestured to under the table, where bottles of firewhiskey nestled in a crate that looked suspiciously like an Owl post box.
Remus took one look at the alcohol under the table, then noped the hell out of there. He was a prefect, but if he didn't see the alcohol...well, then he didn't have any reason to confiscate it.
* * * *
Two hours later: Remus John Lupin was a prefect, pissed as fuck, and playing hide and seek with the others, because why the fuck not?
* * * *
Wisdom was easily acquired when hiding under your bed with a sauce pan on your head, pointing a wand at your best friend.
"Found youuuuuu," Remus slurred as he flicked his lit wand in Sirius's face. Perhaps he shouldn't have had all that firewhiskey shots earlier. Perhaps he shouldn't have gotten so drunk in the first place.
"Dammit! Get over here before Marls finds us," Sirius dragged Remus towards him. "You fucking giraffe, your legs are still visible."
"Ha," Remus said nervously, not quite sure if it was the side effects of the whiskey or his insufferably impossible to supress attraction to Sirius that was making him feel like he'd just been knocked off a Hippogriff.
"We'll win this game, and then we'll get to see Peter walk around with a pan on his head tomorrow," said Sirius confidently, touching Remus's hand with his own.
He was referring to a game a very intoxicated James had come up with half an hour ago. Whoever lost the game of sardines would have to walk around with a saucepan over their heads all day tomorrow. It was his most stupid and unoriginal idea yet. So far, Remus was losing horrifically, because his stupid body was too long and skinny to find good hiding places.
"This is so stupid," Remus said stubbornly, pushing his arm away. Last year he would have obsessed over a single hand touch for a whole week, but this year was different. He wasn't going to let a stupid, adolescent crush take over his final year at Hogwarts. It wasn't like he'd been in love with the idiot since fifth year.
Sirius didn't seem to hear nor care, instead ducking his head out to see that James had apparently found them.
"Here they are!" James said, yelling into his makeshift megaphone he'd made out of his discarded school schedule."Now shove over, mates, I'm close to losing and Wormtail is on my tail. Haha, geddit?" James laughed drunkinly, Remus mumbling "very funny".
Soon enough the rest of the game participants joined them under the bed, until Peter was inevitably the last to find them.
James proudly took the saucepan off of Sirius's head to give to Pete, the loser of the game. "Aw, damn!" said Padfoot remorsefully, who'd apparently grown to like his newfound metal apparel.
* * * *
The next morning at breakfast, every Gryffindor seventh year was hungover to the fullest, Sirius slumped over his morning breakfast potatoes in a daze. James, however, gleefully poked Peter in the chest.
"There's a message for you if you look up." grinned James impishly.
Peter attempted to look up but in vain, as the metal rim of the pot he'd been forced to wear just managed to skim his upward peripheral vision.
Remus let out a burst of laughter. Some hungover Gryffindors winced from the noise. James had enchanted words up above poor Wormtail's head:
"Ain't it great to be back, fellas?" James said, clapping Sirius on the back as he clutched his head from a headache.
"Gerroff me, psycho," Sirius grunted.
* * * *
The morning after James's parties were always horrible. Sirius thought nothing could be worse then the searing headache he was nursing until he saw his brother enter the Great Hall. And head straight toward him, his mouth formed into a grim line.
"Heads up, my brother's got something to say," Sirius said, jutting his chin out in Regulus's direction. James refrained from fussing over Peter's saucepan, staring Regulus down.
"Don't make eye contact, doofus!" frowned Peter from the side.
"Sirius." Regulus said, towering over the huddled up form of Sirius on the bench, probably enjoying the height difference since standing up, Sirius was nearly four inches taller then his little brother.
"What." Sirius chose to mock him, speaking in the same monotone voice Regulus had decided to use that day.
"There's news from Mother, and it's important. She ordered me to tell you."
"So she couldn't bother sending a Howler?" snickered Sirius, but seeing the expression on Reg's face, he refrained. "Merlin, Reg, I'll be there," he said in exhasperation, waving the Slytherin away.
The best way to pretend like you didn't care for someone was to pretend you didn't care for someone. Best to cut to the chase, and Sirius was tired of Regulus playing the messenger for his parents all the time. Though ever since James had been given permission from Sirius to burn any letters from his family on the spot when they arrived to their dorm room, it had been harder lately to get any messages accross, un-disowned or not.
"What d'you reckon your mother wants?" Moony said in disbelief, watching Regulus's retreating back with a wary expression on his angular face.
"To welcome me back into her loving arms? I don't think so," Sirius said sourly.
"Should I...y'know, come along with you?" Moony lowered his voice so James and Peter couldn't hear as they were in their own argument about the stupid saucepan again.
In the few microseconds Moony leaned accross the table, hands effortlessly avoiding tipping over the sugar bowl like anyone else would have done, Sirius let all his precautions about day dreaming drop.
This year it had been harder and harder not to. Moony's shirt collar was unbuttoned, freckles and old small gashes from his transformations threatening to show.
Sirius wished they would. He would gaze at them like constellations if he could.
Remus's eyes were heavy with sleep that morning, but in a cute way that made Sirius want to off himself. The way this boy held himself, like he had no care in the world even though Sirius had watched him dissapear into the shared bathroom every single morning since they were eleven with his ointments and salves, combing through his wavy hair and trying to fix his facial scars with beautification spells; even though he was already so effortlessly ethereal, it made Sirius want to scream in frusteration how Moony didn't just appreciate himself.
But he wasn't gay or anything like that. Sirius reminded himself quickly. He had a girlfriend.
Sexy, amazing Michelle Dante, the most beautiful girl in school and the one all the boys chased after.
Speaking of which, Michelle was currently glaring at him from across the table with the rest of the Gryffindor girls. He'd forgotten to greet her good morning. Oops.
He tried to distract himself with memories of cherry red lipstick pressed against his skin, and the obvious fact that he should really go greet his girlfriend, but his brain betrayed him and strayed to the forbidden painting, the one boy who would be the death of him. Remus John Lupin, who speaking of which, was looking at Sirius with a confused expression on his gorgeous face because...shit, Sirius had blanked out and forgotten that the boy he was fantasizing over was right in front of him and had asked him something practically centuries ago!
"Y-yeah, Moony, it would be good if you'd came along with me." Real slick there, Black.
"Shall we?" Moony grinned. They would have to pick up James's invisibility cloak from upstairs before making their way to Regulus before the breakfast hour ended. At this point, they all joked it was the Marauder's communal cloak because of how little James cared about any of them using it without his permission.
"Right..." Sirius said as Moony followed him out of the Great Hall like a wandering deer, completely forgetting about Michelle Dante, who watched him prance after his best friend like a lovesick puppy.
* * * *
"You'd better slip that invisibility cloak on. Reg's probably going to show up soon," said Sirius as the two boys walked down the hallway.
Remus never understood how Sirius knew exactly what "spot" Regulus referred to when he was sent to give Sirius updates or news on the family. The two treated these meetings like a top secret exchange of words, and not like they were just two brothers having a conversation. Remus was often invited along on these "missions," as Sirius called it, mostly to be in on the secret, but also to be a witness if things got messy between them. And moral support, but Sirius was too macho to admit that he needed Remus to be there for him to be more than just his second if things went wrong.
A couple minutes after Remus had slipped on the invisibility cloak and tucked himself away behind a tapestry for extra security, Regulus finally appeared, a piece of parchment clutched in his hand.
"Mother and Father requested I give this to you," he said to Sirius solemly, who snatched it out of his hands right away. After a couple seconds of fast reading, he looked up.
"They want me to drop of school so I can attend Durmstrang? I thought I was, -ahem-, excused. What the actual fuck," Sirius frowned.
"Mother's not happy about this summer," said Regulus as he watched Sirius crush the note with his shoe.
"I don't give a damn. I'm not afraid of her anymore." That part was true. Walburga could have sent a Howler and Sirius couldn't have given two shits, Remus was a witness to that.
"At least she's giving you a chance to prove your loyalty. What do I have? One wrong move, and they'll probably kick me out too," replied Regulus.
"You were always her favourite, Reggie, don't act like you werent," Sirius snapped in annoyance.
"Can't you just consider her request, though?" Regulus was pleading now, the corners of his mouth twisting into frusteration."I thought you wanted more than anything for our family to be happy!"
"I'm not going to be the first Black to drop out of Hogwarts in a century. I already have my Gryffindor status. And in seventh year? They're completely mad," Sirius snorted. Remus privately agreed. Though this was pretty shocking news, he wasn't exactly surprised the Blacks would pull something like this on their disowned son.
"You were supposed to be the heir! Not me!" said Regulus angrily. "Let's face it, they never wanted me to be anyway. They were waiting for the moment to kick me out, you were just their breaking point!"
Remus watched the two with increasing worry over whether or not he should leave, or possibly do some wordless magic to break the two apart. He was also wondering what this breaking point was that had caused Sirius's dismissal from the family. It seemed like a very private conversation,but Sirius didn't seem to want him to leave.
As though taking the hint, the younger Black boy snuffed out the light he had lit with his wand. "Nox".
"If Mother wanted to have a word with you she would have pulled you aside over the summer, which she did, but you were too distracted to listen," sneered Regulus. "I see how you look at that Lupin boy. You read his letters anyway even when Mother forbade you to!"
Remus was taken aback by that. How did Sirius look at him anyway? He could hardly understand Regulus's posh words and nevertheless his accent, perhaps he had meant something else. Remus was rather touched that he had read his rather lengthy detailed letters, however.
"You're insane, Reg," said Sirius as his younger brother walked away without another word. Remus was well aware that the bell for the first class was due, but it was History of Magic for both of them and Professor Binns hardly noticed even when a pin dropped, he was so engrossed in his boring old lessons.
Remus never knew what to say in these situations with Regulus. Being an only child, and unwanted by his parents because of his lycanthropy, he had never understood sibling bonding or rivalry. The Black brother's relationship had always been rocky and all over the place, and for some reason it had always been Remus consoling one or the other, whether on the other side of an invisiblity cloak, tucked in a corner, or in the flesh trying to reason with them. He didn't know why he always inserted himself (it certainly wasn't his business), but Sirius always wanted him to come along anyway.
"Ugh, I hate how he still calls her that!" Sirius said in disgust as Remus stepped out behind the tapestry, pulling the hood of the invisiblity cloak away from his head where he had been hiding.
"Call her what?" Remus said curiously.
"Mother!"
"I'm sorry, Padfoot," Remus said softly, sensing none of Sirius's sarcasm in his sudden outburst.
"I just- I know he's her favourite, but it's awful how she treats him. How she treated us, when we were little. But maybe she's changed, I dunno- since she kicked me out," Sirius said as they sat down against the stone wall.
It was getting late. Class had definately started by now, but when they had these kinds of talks it was always outside of their dormroom, away from the other Marauder's ears.
Sirius mistook Remus's silence for ignorance. "Fuck, I don't mean to get you into these things. I guess you just always know what to say."
"I do?" Remus said quizzically. He wasn't so sure of that. Most of the time he spit out whatever bullshit he could think of in that moment, and it usually didn't make a lot of sense either. But all his friends agreed that he was the best to come to with their problems, so maybe his hit-or-miss method was working.
Sometimes he wished they would listen to him rant about his problems as well, but that was a whole other issue. Remus almost preffered being the therapist friend, it helped him not cry over his own problems and wallow in sadness. He was way better dealing with his friend's emotions than his own. It was less messy that way.
"I mean, of course you do," Sirius grinned mischiviously. "And I'm still worried about that letter. Do you reckon Orion and Walburga would really send me to Durmstrang? Even after 'excusing' me?"
"But think about it!" Remus gasped dramatically, struck with inspiration. "I hear the lads at Durmstrang are gorgeous, Black. Your parents will totally want to send you there once you talk about what a crush you have on this fine young bloke you met at summer pureblood camp!"
For a microsecond he thought Sirius would stare at him in horror and call him a queer like most other boys would, but Sirius laughed out loud. "Brilliant, Remus. You're brilliant!"
Moony glowed.