Chapter 1
I recount the steps that lead me to this moment. Each step of the day that I took, first was waking up in my flat with the sunlight attacking my face from the blinds that I didn’t close all the way last night. That should have been the first sign that today was going to be horrible, that I should have stayed in, but I couldn’t, with the amount work and responsibilities that needed to be taken care of. Next was that with the realization of the sun I was running late to get to the ministry.
I had gotten dressed and made it through my floo with 5 minutes to spare. Once I got into my office I took notice of the stack of parchments on my desk, piled higher than it was in the last week. The silent groan almost forced itself out. I sat for what seemed like hours to get through it, when I had looked up it was only noon and I still had half to go through. Everyone wanted my opinion and had deadlines, there were at least twenty other people who could have done this. I hate the fact that this was done probably to piss me off.
I thought after the war people would be more understanding and open to change. I should have realized that was a naïve way to think, people would always have prejudice, words that carry double meaning and venom. My patience for working at the ministry was already wearing thin, but I was not a quitter I have something to prove to myself. Although now even that seemed to be a naïve way of thing for myself.
I had then gone to get food and noticed Harry and Ron sitting at a table and went to join them. I had a salad today because it seemed like the easiest thing to eat. They had joined the Aurors after the war, not going back to Hogwarts to finish the final year. I had gone back, but it was regrettable year, I already knew the information from our time on the run. It was nothing more than a filler and looking back I could have done much more with my time rather than sit in classrooms and not paying attention. It wasn’t the same, not everyone went back I had found solace with Neville and Luna, but they were about as much company as Harry and Ginny. I was not in the mood to be around such happy couples.
It’s been 5 years since the war and we have all moved on in one way or another, finding little bits of happiness. Getting to the table I noticed the conversation was a strange one.
“Harry, do you honestly think that’ll happen,” Ron told him, sitting across on the table.
“I don’t see why not. Just ask her, what is the worst that could happen?” Harry said back, with a little bit of bit to his words. I guessed that this had probably been a back-and-forth conversation. I was correct.
“Mione, tell Harry that he’s being ridiculous. I can’t just ask someone out on a date out of nowhere. She’ll think I’m mental.” He sounded frustrated and embarrassed at the same time.
I took my seat fully before answering carefully. “Well Ronald, I think it just depends on how well you know her. Or if you think you wouldn’t make a complete arse of yourself while asking her.”
“It’s Astoria Greengrass,” Harry managed to say before Ron threw his copy of the daily prophet at him.
“Hmm. Not a bad choice Ron. You should ask her.” I said slyly. Harry gave and exasperated Ha, while Ron’s face turned a few shades of red darker. After the war and my return to Hogwarts we had all become closer to some of the Slytherins, including Pansy, Blaise, Theo, and Draco. Draco took longer to become friends with because of the history. Ron is still a little sour but put up with him. I was more forgiving because I know that had the situation been reversed, I would have done anything to save my family. None of us we in control of what was asked of us as children.
“Not you too, Mione. I need someone on my side.”
“What’s wrong with asking her? Neither of you have been in a relationship for a while and you both can’t shut up about quidditch. Match made in heaven.” I let out a breathe. Something had started to unsettle in my stomach, the thought crossed my mind that maybe not eating breakfast was a bad idea with how much stress I’ve been under lately.
“Well, maybe I’ll think it over.” He grumbled. “Have you seen the prophet today?”
“No, I’ve been to backed up with paperwork to even see my desk. What have they gotten their hands on this time?”
“Well, it looks like our friend Malfoy is getting Married. Bastard didn’t even bother to tell us last week when we all met up. I thought we were all a little closer than that.” Ron spit out. Harry nodded in agreement, neither of them had noticed the stillness in my breath. They didn’t notice my eyes blinking faster than I could process a thought. I had to even out my voice before I spoke again.
“What do you mean he’s getting married.” I had let it out almost too fast. My heart dropped to my stomach, beating too fast to comprehend.
“Yeah take a look.” Harry handed me the paper. There was a picture of him with his arms around Pansy, and her showing off an emerald engagement ring. “Looks like they were keeping things quiet. I don’t know why, but hey if they’re happy then whatever.”
It was at this point of my day that I realized getting out of bed was a mistake. The only thing I could do was nod at them, feigning some sense of normalcy. Harry was the first to notice. “Hermione, are you okay? Your look really pale.”
I look up, “No, not really, I’ve been feeling really off all day. I think this salad was a mistake.” This was the truth, I felt horrible. “Do you think you could take me home.”
Harry nodded. “When I get back I’ll send an owl to Richards to let him know. Ron, can you cover for me.”
“Yeah mate. Mione, feel better. I’ll try and stop by after, maybe mum can send you some soup?” Ron looked at me for an answer.
“That sounds nice, maybe later on today someone can drop it off.” It took me a long time to be able to accept their help like this. The me from 3 years ago would have gone by myself and not told anyone, that only lead to more worrying.
Harry had gotten me into my flat and set me on the couch. I had just enough time to push him out of the way to make it to the toilet to let out what I had just eaten. He made his way to the bathroom door with a glass of water. I thanked him before grabbing the glass and drinking the water slowly. “What’s wrong Hermione? I mean really wrong?”
I could never really lie to him. I was always closer to him than Ron, maybe it was because of how we grew up. I loved the both of them, but Harry was like my brother. So the new I told him was the hardest thing I had ever done.
“Harry, I’ve made a big mistake,” I heard how my voice shook and my eye started to water, but I couldn’t cry yet. We walked back to the couch and sat down. My flat was across the street from Diagon Alley in muggle London, I could see the busy street below. “ I don’t even know where to start. I’ve been keeping a secret for almost a year, I thought everything was going well. We were going to come clean in a few weeks, or so I thought. That’s not even the worst part, Merlin, I’ve been so stupid.”
The tears had started to fall and I couldn’t get them to stop. “Mione, what’s going on, you and who?”
I looked at him, and I felt the shame rising in my face. “Draco.” I took a breath, Harry let out a small gasp. “Draco and I have been seeing each other for a year. We kept it quiet, I thought it was so we could see if it would last before bringing everyone in on it. But now I know the truth. He’s getting married.”
Harry’s face morphed several times, confusion and anger were prominent. “You mean that you’re dating Draco Malfoy and now he’s marrying Pansy! I can’t believe the fucker, I’ll kill him.”
I couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than stare, Harry almost never lost his temper like this. I grabbed his hand and tried to slow down my tears. “Harry, I need to tell you something, and you cannot tell anyone else. Gods, I thought it would be good news. I was fucking naïve. I’m pregnant.”
Harry looked at me like I gained a head. I could almost hear his brain turning in his head. He took in a deep breath before speaking again. “You’re pregnant? With Malfoys child? And we just found out that he is marrying someone else?” The calm in his voice was scary, too calm.
“Yes.” I sighed. “He doesn’t know I only found out 2 days ago. I was going to tell him today, he would normally show up at my flat around now, I would come home for lunch to see him. But today I thought about sitting when I saw you in the lift this morning.” I told him.
“What are you going to do? Are you going to confront him?”
“Yes. I don’t know if I’ll tell him about the baby, but I need to know what the hell is going on, and how long he has been playing me for.”
Just then ask if the gods themselves a had sick sense of humor, my floo activated. My stomach dropped, there was only one person who would come to my flat. It was Draco, still in his work robes. His face was straight, no emotion showing. He walked out and didn’t notice Harry standing from the side of the room he had been pacing around.
“Granger, where were you? I was looking for you, assuming we would come together.” It was then his face went hard, noticing the tears on my face, I didn’t have a chance to say anything before Harry pulled him back and punched him.
A small scream let out of my lips as they both went to the floor, hitting each other and they rolled around. “Why the hell is Potter here?” Draco yelled.
I managed to gather Harry in the moment the hits stopped. “You’re lucky I don’t fucking kill you Malfoy. What the fuck is your problem? Were you just leading Hermione on while getting engaged to Pansy?”
Draco’s face fell, he wasn’t expecting what Harry had just told him. “How do you know that?”
“It’s in the bloody Prophet! You stupid bastard.” I had found my voice. “How could you Draco? After this whole fucking year, you decide to do this? Not even giving me a heads up.”
Draco stood up, he leveled the same height as Harry, but Harry had more muscle. “I was coming over to tell you. I thought we could talk about ending things. I mean it’s not like we could have gotten married, Granger. After what you went through with the Cruciatus curse, you would most likely never be able to have children and I need to continue the line. I thought you would have understood that. And Pansy has always been my best friend so it made sense." He paused. "Granger, this was never anything more than shagging when it was convenient."
This time I had enough. I drew my wand and silently said a splicing hex on his arm, it didn’t cut him too deep, nothing that would need stitches. He fell in the pain. “I hate you. If you ever come near me again it will be so much worse. I have half a mind to run to the press and tell them exactly what went on between us. All the nights you spent here; I would come out the victor is that media frenzy. The poor little war heroine taken advantage of by Draco Malfoy.” He looked up at me in shock, but I continued. “I can’t do that without sacrificing my own privacy though. If I see you again, I will let all of the Weasleys in on what you did, and I’m sure Fred and George would find a way to wreck all that you have built, and I wouldn’t be able to hold back Ginny or Ron.”
“We defended you Draco, let you into our circle, became friends. I can’t believe you.” My next sentence was filled with venom. “Stay away from us Draco, never come across me again. I won’t tell Pansy because I’m sure she knew nothing about this and she would kill you. But I never want to hear from you again. Now leave before I let Harry finish what he started.”
He walked to the floo, before he left there was a look on his face that I could not place. But I had already wasted too much time on him. Too many daydreams, and secret wishes that can never come true. They all seemed to burn to ash in my mind.
Harry took me by the hand and lead me to my room, he sent a Patronus to Ron saying that I was sick, so he was going to take care of me and not come back for the day. I climbed into bed and he joined me. I don’t know if Ron sent one back, the only thing I could hear were my sobs filling the room while Harry comforted me.
* * * *
I must have fallen asleep, because when I wake up the sun has set and I hear some noise from the kitchen and are alone in the bed. After I finish going through the day in my head I get up. Determining that it was not a dream but did in fact happen. I walk to the kitchen and find Harry with a pot of soup over the burner. “Hey, Molly sent this over so I’m heating it up.”
His expression is calmer than earlier. “Thank you. I’m going to brush my teeth and I’ll come sit.”
When I return to the kitchen, he has bowls set already and a pitcher of water with glasses on the table. I sit in front of the other bowl. We silently ate until he began the conversation. “So, what do you think your plan is?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t want him to know about the baby. I don’t think I could bear it if he had to stay in my life after this. That’s probably horrible, right? To keep a child away from their parent?” I sighed.
“Normally I would agree. But I think that might be the right call. I mean he just proved that he never thought of you in anyway other than someone to shag without repercussions. Honestly, I don’t know, I am pretty biased. But I’ll respect your wishes.”
I took some time to run with the thoughts in my head. I came to a conclusion. “ I need to leave Britain. That’s the only way to make sure he doesn’t know. If anything it would be dangerous to stay and be found out. My baby is a half-blood and Draco would be a blood traitor. We would be targeted by any death eaters still in the shadows, they would want nothing but to use me especially as an example." I took a breath before continuing. "I can ask Kingsley if any other Ministry has an opening that I could take. It wouldn’t take me too long to learn the language.”
Harry contemplated what I just told him. “You're right. But are you sure? You would be leaving almost everything behind. Not that we couldn’t visit you, but are you sure?”
I looked at him, and sadly replied. “Yes, but that also mean that you cannot tell anyone the real reason I am leaving. Ginny would be the exception because it wouldn’t be fair to keep that from your wife. I couldn’t ask you to do that. But no one else.”
He nodded. “Of course. Should I give Ginny a call right now? She should be home at Grimmauld.” I told him yes.
Ten minutes later Ginny is walking through my floo, looking very confused. I sat her down on the couch and have her the explanation of the day. She cried with me and cursed at a non-present Draco, promising to hit him with a bat bogey hex. She hesitantly agreed with my plan to leave, but only if we had constant communication and visited from time to time.
“I’m going to be an aunt again! I can’t wait to spoil the baby!” She let the excitement take over.
“No going overboard Gin. But it will be much appreciated. If anything buy things in secret so people don't ask too many questions. Tomorrow morning I will talk to Kingsley and then I’ll go straight to your place to let you know where I am going.”
They both nod, getting up to leave, but Harry turns around. “Are you sure you’re okay to be alone tonight?”
“Harry, it’s almost 2 am. I will be fine until 8 am when I go to see Kings.” I let out a breath. “You have a day off tomorrow, enjoy sleeping in, cause then you help me pack.” I giggled at how he moaned at the thought of packing up my vast amount of books.
“Okay, goodnight Mione.” They gave me a hug and were off.
I turned into bed. Praying to whatever existed that this child look like me. Despite that silent prayer I dreamed of a child with light blue eyes and curly brown