I Love You
For days, Michelle avoided Carla like her life depended on it. Since she had found out about Carla’s feelings towards her, she couldn’t stop thinking about her. She had a crush, a girl crush as she had called it, when they were younger but nothing serious. Now she was overthinking everything in a lonely booth in the Rovers. Every hug, every kiss, every time they’d shared a bed, every time she’d had a negative reaction to Carla’s relationships, every time they’d been overly affectionate when drunk. Eventually, an equally somber Carla wandered into the Rovers Return and took a seat beside Michelle.
“You can’t avoid me forever, you know?” Carla sighed, “I’m really sorry.”
“Carla, love, have you got feelings for me?” Emotionless and expressionless, Michelle stared at the empty wine glass in her hand. Silence answered the question more effectively than words ever could, “What about Paul? Did you ever love him?”
“That’s where things are hazy, ‘Chelle. I turned to Paul for comfort when neither you or Liam wanted me. He fell in love with me, I wanted a better life and I just accepted it. I knew he could give me a good life, a good life with you still in it. I fell for him after we were already married. As sick as it sounds, I loved you first!” Waterfalls flowed from Carla’s eyes as the world shattered around them.
Weakly, Michelle whispered, “That is sick, Carla. He deserved-”
“You all deserved better. Paul deserved better than me. Liam and Maria deserved better than me. You deserve better than me. I've never understood my mind, I've changed partners like jewellery, but I've always been sure of one thing: you.” Standing, Carla composed herself, “I’ll go. I love you, I’m sorry.”
“Someone will love you, Carla, but someone isn’t me.” Michelle stated with tears spilling from eyes, causing Carla’s heart to crack into a million pitiful fragments. Back at her flat, Carla drank like it was the only thing keeping her alive. Unbeknownst to her, Michelle was also inconsolable and inebriated at the Rovers. Stumbling home, Michelle found Carla’s flat door.
The following morning, Michelle blinked painfully as the sunlight spilled in through the gap in the curtains. She knew she was not alone, but the unfamiliar environment and soft hand on her hip told her she was not with Robert. Turning carefully under the duvet, she turned to find Carla sleeping beside her. Even asleep, she was the most beautiful person Michelle had ever seen. Softly, she brushed the hair out of Carla’s face, causing the woman to stir. Panic overcame Michelle as she thought about the repercussions of the previous night and a tear rolled down her cheek as she thought about Robert.
Carefully, Michelle slipped out of the bed to gather her belongings and get dressed. She pretended Carla was not awake or desperately trying to get her attention. Allowing the door to slam behind her, she ignored Carla shouting after her. Disoriented and rejected, Carla rolled to the side of the bed that faintly smelled like Michelle and let the tears flow as she hugged the duvet closer. Each sob sent an unbearable shooting pain through her head and chest, leaving her wanting her best friend back. She suddenly regretted everything she had told Michelle.
For days, Carla did not leave her flat. She barely ate. She barely slept. Anyone who rang the buzzer was told to leave her alone, and anyone who called or text was ignored. Underworld was reduced to chaos in her absence with her mail slot and email account becoming overwhelmed. Roy felt lost without Carla, especially with everyone asking how she was. Michelle took a similar approach to Carla, shutting everyone out and snapping at customers who mentioned her former best friend. Robert couldn’t get through to Michelle either and she had started sleeping on the sofa. Their engagement was over, yet neither of them wanted to admit it.
Concern overtook Michelle when she decided to talk to Carla, showing up to Underworld unannounced. Unsure of where their boss was or when she was returning, the staff were trying to hold everything together and the phone was ringing non-stop. Turning swiftly, she raced outside towards Carla’s flat. It was not a secret that something was wrong - Carla would never abandon her beloved business like that. She tried her phone on the way, but there was no answer. Reaching the door, she relentlessly rang the buzzer until Carla answered silently.
“Please, Carla, speak to me. Neglecting Underworld isn’t like you. Ignoring Roy definitely isn’t like you. He misses you and he’s worried…we’re all worried. I’m sorry I left, I’m sorry I acted the way I did. I need you to know, Carla, I don’t regret what happened. I love you, just let me in.” A click told her the phone had been put down, but no buzz followed it to let her in. Dejected, Michelle reluctantly headed home.
As her heeled boots jammed between the cobbles, a chime from her phone stopped her racing mind. For the first time since their fallout, a smile appeared on her lips as a message appeared on her phone, “7pm, my flat, bring food x”. Unbeknownst to Michelle, Carla had spent far too long adding and deleting the kiss at the end. Petrified, the pair over-thought their outfits and general appearance. Both women thought time dragged between Carla’s message and 7pm, but Michelle stood 1 minute early with trembling hands. Awkwardly, the pair said ‘hello’ then headed towards the sofa with their takeaway dinner and wine.
Silently, they ate until Carla said, “What did you mean by you ‘don’t regret what happened’?”
Sighing, Michelle turned to look at Carla and grab her hands, “I mean I love you, Carla. I’m terrified, but I love you so much. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I’ve pushed these feelings down for far too long. If you can forgive me, Carla, I would like to give us a go.”
“Don’t just say that, ‘Chelle, I need you to mean it. We’ve been friends for so long-” Carla was cut off by a soft yet compelling kiss.
“I’ve broken off my engagement for you, Carla, I’d say that is pretty serious.” With another kiss, Michelle loudly whispered, “It’s only ever been you. I love you, Carla.”
“I love you too.”