James was blinded by a flash of green light, and before he could form a coherent thought, he was transported to somewhere unfamiliar.
He struggled to open his eyes as striking white light came in from all around him. It was pressing heavy on his eyelids, suffocating his senses. The room seemed to have no beginning, no end, no walls, no doors. All he could see what the jarring whiteness all around him.
“Fuck,” he cried, crumbling to the ground. “Oh god. Oh no.”
James went through the last moments he remembered. It all happened so fast. God, he hoped Lily was okay. He hoped Harry was okay. He was dead. Everything fell apart so quickly, so thoroughly, and his mind staggered at the thoughts surging through him.
He had warned them, so they must be okay. He told himself they must be. They had to.
He wondered where Sirius was. Where Remus was. Where Peter was.
Fuck. Peter.
That’s the only way they could’ve been found. James let out a wretched sob, allowing the pain to overwhelm him. He had suspected Remus, poor Remus. Remus who loved chocolate, always gave him homework to copy, the mastermind behind the intricacies of their pranks, the most loyal friend he could ask for. James has suspected Remus, and all this time it was Peter.
Guilt clawed his insides, leaving him raw and broken. He was overwrought with agony and crumpled into himself, earth-shattering sobs breaking out in jagged breaths.
There was nothing left for James Potter. His life was over, he’d lost his entire world. And the world lost him, one of the greatest souls of them all.
He was alone.
He was so alone.
-
He heard movement beside him a few minutes later and snapped up his gaze, eyes bloodshot and face streaked with tears.
He frantically looked around, terrified and hopeful and devastated.
His eyes landed on beautiful green, and James was a mess.
“Lily!” he cried, but she didn’t hear him.
“Harry! Oh Harry,” she let out in sobs, distracted and overwhelmed and stumbling about. “Harry,” she faltered, falling to the floor, her hair shielding her eyes.
James rushed over, despite his own fragile state. “Lily?” he whispered, placing his hand on her shoulder.
“James,” she breathed. Lily wrapped her arms around James tightly, her voice muffled against his shoulder, “Oh James.”
“Why you too?” How could Lily be dead? Lily was the smartest witch he knew, his wonderful wife and his forever. The mother of his child. The one solid thing in his life.
James mourned for himself and for Lily, but even more so he mourned for Harry.
Realization hit him like a punch in the gut.
“He’s an orphan now,” James whispered. The worlds twisted and writhed in his brain, sinking into core. His stomach clenched and his eyes stung. All he wanted was to be able to hold his son again.
They sat there like that, holding each other desperately, violent sobs eventually stifling to soft cries.
It was an eternity.
~
After awhile passed, neither James or Lily had any idea how long it was, a gentle hand came to rest on James’ shoulder.
He lightly lifted his head and stared his best friend in the eyes.
“James,” he whispered, awe-struck. He looked far older than 21, and completely destroyed. His face had rough lines where it once was smooth, his frame frail where it used to be strong. He was a shadow of who he used to be, young and lively and spirited, now old and worn and beaten-down.
“Sirius, what happened?” James searched his face with frantic eyes. His heart ached seeing his best friend like this.
Sirius told him everything. How it had been nearly 15 years since they died. Nothing was the same after that, he said. Sirius told James how he went to Azkaban, the extent of what Peter did, how Remus was alone.
James was distraught, mourning the awful life his best mate suffered that was cut short. But Sirius went on.
Harry. He had survived the Killing Curse Voldemort shot at him after murdering Lily. He was The Boy Who Lived. He grew up with Lily’s sister, where he was abused and alone. He was at Hogwarts, a Gryffindor, and was growing into a wonderful young man; you’d be so proud, he said. He was brilliant, and clever, and the perfect mix of James and Lily. Same unruly hair as James, still has Lily’s beautiful eyes. Didn’t care much for rules, only when they made sense to him. Cheeky. Brilliant. Incredible. You would be so proud.
How he had died in front of Harry’s eyes. Remus and Harry were the last faces he saw as he drifted off into death. Harry’s deafening scream.
James didn’t know what to say. It was awful. Everything was awful.
“He’s amazing. He became the most important thing in my life. God, I wish you could see him. He loves you so much.”
James mourned for the life he should’ve had with his son. “Does he have people who are there for him?”
Sirius, at last, showed a soft smile. “Yes. He has his best friends. Hermione, who’s a lot like you Lily, smart as a whip and loyal. Ron, Molly and Arthur’s kid, who’s hilarious and loves Harry with his whole heart, whether or not he’d say it. The whole Weasley family cares for him as if he was their own.
“He had me too, and he has Remus. McGonagall. The whole Order wants to protect him, and would all die before they let harm go to him.”
James was destroyed. He was so happy Harry had people, but so sad Harry didn’t have him.
“Thank you, Sirius.” James paused. “For being there for him.”
“Of course,” he breathed. “God, of course.”
Sirius came forward and held onto James and Lily, and he was so comforted feeling the warm embrace of friends he hadn’t seen in far too long.
Sirius’s mind only could see Harry, the final look on his face as he fell through the veil. Sirius was so angry, so broken, so regretful. He wanted to be there for Harry. At least he had Remus
~
Sirius heard a soft breath let out behind him.
He pulled away from James and Lily and met with the eyes of his best friend, his lover, his everything.
“Remus,” he breathed, standing up and crumbling into him. He clutched Remus, held on desperately, sinking into his warmth and familiarity. He smelled the same, felt the same against his body.
They stayed like that, holding each other, falling into despair.
When they parted at last, Sirius saw the dampness in the Remus’s eyes. He look weary, even more so than the last time Sirius had seen him, and so worn down.
Sirius had a million questions but none reached his lips. They simply looked into each other’s eyes, holding their gaze as if it was the only thing grounding them.
James and Lily must’ve noticed, for they stood and walked over to Remus. Lily collapsed into him, holding him tightly.
James searched Remus’s eyes. He needed to say something, to do something.
“I’m sorry,” was all he could muster. “I’m sorry.”
Remus looked so tired. “It’s okay, James. It’s in the past. It’s really okay.”
This was strange to hear. It didn’t felt like the past to James, but so much time had passed between their deaths.
“I love you, Moony.”
“God, Prongs, I love you too.” They embraced, words unspoken understood between them. “I understand.”
After a few moments of silence, Lily asked, “What’s happened?”
Remus wanted to cry out, to disappear, to fall apart. The pain was too raw. But of course, they deserved to know, so he told them.
He told them of the war, and how it had all played out. All Harry had gone through, after Sirius has gone. How Harry had gone to hunt horcruxes to defeat Voldemort. His unceasing selflessness. His unwavering determination.
He told them about Tonks, about his son. Teddy.
Remus turned to Sirius. “Pads, I love you, forever. It’s always been you, but times were hard, and I needed someone steady and someone to hold on to.
“I loved her, I love her. But she wasn’t you.” His gaze was set on Sirius, searching and pleading.
“I understand, Moony,” he said, face steady yet soft.
Remus simply nodded, and went on. He spoke of all the deaths. Fred, Molly and Arthur’s son. Moody.
“I’m sure there’s more,” he choked out. “I don’t know it ended.”
That hung in the air, unsettling them all.
Remus let out a wretched sob, thinking of his orphaned son. His mind drew the painful parallel.
“Teddy, he’s the Harry Potter of this war.” James and Lily looked confused. “Both parents killed and left an orphan of war.”
They all rushed forward and wrapped Remus in an overwhelming hug.
Remus mourned for his son, for the war, for everything. But he was grateful, at last, to be reunited with his friends.
“I’m sure Harry will do it,” he said at last. “His talent is so great, his will so strong. He can defeat him at last.”
James and Lily regarded him with a look he couldn’t place. A mix of regretful longing and pride.
“He’s wonderful,” Remus said, holding their gaze. Sirius nodded from beside him.
“Sirius said so too,” James said, a soft smile on his lips.
“It’s true, honestly.” Remus told him of how Harry had put him in the place when he tried to run.
James and Sirius let out a bark of laughter and Lily smiled.
“That’s our son,” she said.
“That’s your son,” Remus grinned.
Everything had fallen apart, but somehow each of them felt pieced back together in the presence of old friends.
The pain was raw, wounds torn open, but the beautiful familiarity soothed. They were full of love, of pain, of hope. They were united after tragic lives cut short, stained by tragedy and heartache and grief.
Their pain was unique and collective. The sting of betrayal. The deep ache of loss. The guilt of what they should have done. The longing for a life they didn’t get to live.
It was everything at all once, and nothing it all. A mutual understanding passed between them, and now together at last, they slipped into the unknown.