1-Sirius needs to get drunk
September 1980
Political wars were dangerous, you never knew if someone was corrupt or leading you on or manipulating you. Trusted ones had to be chosen wisely or else you were placed with a target on your back and had paranoia till the day you die.
Sirius was tired and drained. The war was unforgiving and relentless. Sometimes he felt like just giving up and no longer trying to stay alive, instead he felt like letting go. But no matter how much he wanted to, he knew he couldn't. It would be unfair to those that had risked and lost their lives for them. The members of the order were dropping like flies, they only had 2 thirds of the numbers that they once did, but then again the Death Eaters also had major losses.
Marlene McKinnon was one of the first to go. They were fresh out of school and Marlene had gone to convince her family to flee when the Death Eaters broke in and brutally murdered them. The McKinnons hadn’t done anything, they had planned on staying neutral in the war but when the wrong side caught wind of their decision Voldemort decided to make an example out of them. The message was clear, either you were with their cause or against it. To them being neutral was the same as being apart of the Order.
Next was Dorcas Meadows, driven by her grief towards the loss of her girlfriend, she began kidnapping Death Eaters by side-along apparating them away during raids before tearing out their throats and would have owls fly them to Voldemort himself. She was able to kill 7 before Voldemort tracked her down and killed her with his own wand, and sending her body to the Order like she had done with his supporters. At that time Sirius didn’t approve of her actions but the longer the war went on, he started realising why she had gone so far loosing the people you love is tough. If Prongs or Moony died, there are no lengths Sirius wouldn’t go to for vengeance. For Regulus too Sirius thought before banishing it from his mind.
He missed his Hogwarts days where they didn’t have a care in the world and the biggest thing to worry about were the end of year exams, he missed only having to walk 3 metres to see his brothers in anything but blood. But honestly to him they didn't feel like that anymore. More just best friends instead of brothers, but then again, lack of seeing them was a large contribution to it. Sometimes Sirius feels so alone, it was miserable and it reminded him of his childhood back in the the gloomy house he once called home.
He rarely saw Remus since Dumbledore was constantly sending him off with the werewolves for months at a time, and even then Sirius himself was hardly home to see him when he was, consistently busy with work, or Auror training or Order stuff, sometimes he forgets what it’s like to just hold his boyfriend. He misses his Moony’s laugh and smile. Lily and James were in hiding, from what he knew there was a prophecy involving their newborn child, Harry. Dumbledore had told them that Voldemort was after them, something about Harry being destined to kill Voldemort (Or vice versa but no one wants to think about that).
The prophecy could possibly refer to 2 children, Harry or Frank and Alice’s kid Neville, it comes down to which one Voldemort marks as his equal. However, Harry and Neville are both babies right now though, there is no possible way a newborn could kill Voldemort. If that’s the only way to stop him then who knows just how long this war could be going on for, how long till one of them is able to face him and win. Whenever Sirius visited them - usually weekends - he could tell that they were getting restless, they desperately wanted Harry to stay safe but Sirius could tell that they longed to go out. Overall they just needed this war to be over. James especially was restless, he was able to go out occasionally, but only if he wore his invisibility cloak and went in areas sparcely populated.
On top of all of that, they had recently started to suspect that there was a spy in the Order, there were just too many coincidences, too many times where Death Eaters got in the way of stuff they shouldn’t have known about. It started a couple months ago and ever since James and Lily heard about the prophecy they stopped going to Order meetings, instead opting to get their information from Sirius who always came afterwards to catch them up, after all they couldn’t risk their son.
Peter is a whole other matter, he drops in at Prong’s from time to time, but they rarely see him as a whole. Sirius is pretty sure he’s tending to his mother whom Sirius is pretty sure has turned for the worst health wise, or is he might be working or just whatever he does these days.
He massaged his temples in hopes of relieving his pounding headache
Bloody hell, Sirius thought, I need some firewhiskey.
Sirius wondered what life could’ve been if Voldemort didn't come and fuck it all up. No more living life in fear, no more wondering who he can and can’t trust to not kill him, no more death wherever he turns. Having his boyfriend safe at home, not worrying whether he had been ambushed, captured, turned or worse, died while with the werewolves. He wonders whether his cousin would still be crazy, or if he and Andy would still be on the family tree, if he’d still have a relationship with his brother.
His brother
He hadn’t properly spoken to his brother in 4 years. To be honest, he regrets how everything went down with him, how he didn’t bring his baby brother with him when he went to James’ place, how he blatantly ignored him when he asked Sirius to stay, not even asking or even trying to convince him to run away to James’. How afterwards, he never once checked up on him, and when he found out he had been marked, how he told him that he wasn't his brother and to never talk to him again.
At the time Sirius thought he was doing the right thing, he thought his brother was evil but looking back he realised just how young he was. His brother was a baby, only 14 when he left, he was swayed by his parents lies and the others in Slytherin. That’s not to say he isn’t mad at him, he wanted his brother to be better, he wanted his brother to be stronger and to open his eyes and see all the lies he’s been fed. His brother is an adult now, although he doesn't blame his brother from back when they were at school, however Regulus is an adult now, he’s in charge of the choices he makes now. Even still Sirius wishes it would be different, that Regulus didn’t choose to be a Death Eater. The traitorous part of him worries about his brother, when he goes on the field he tries to recognise his brother through voice and body language but so far, the last time Sirius has properly seen his brother was back in school.
Sirius sighs, he really needed alcohol
When his Uncle Alphard died, he left all his possessions behind for Sirius including a hefty inheritance. From this he was able to buy a decent sized apartment for him and Remus to live in, 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, modern style kitchen. All in all it was homey and that's all that mattered, most of the furniture was second-hand seeing as they didn’t really want to buy anything new, as long as it worked they were happy. Plus Sirius needed to start saving the money he was burning through it faster than he could make it up from the Aurors, especially after he bought Shelby, his punk motorcycle
Sirius gets off the couch that had been sitting on for the past hour, absolutely drained from Auror training, Moody was working them to the bone, he was getting his licence soon so it will all be worth it. However, it's a day like today where he really wishes James was there with him.
Everyone had been staring at him, apparently his cousin Bella is a confirmed follower of Voldemort. The same girl who was fiercely protective of her siblings and cousins, vowing to always protect them. The same girl who taught Sirius how to braid hair and was driven to the brink of insanity by her parents. There was one time that they were all on the same team, one by one they were either casted out by the family, brainwashed or scared into obedience, too afraid to speak up like their siblings, fearing all the harm that had come to them and not wanting to go through the same.
Sirius walks over to the fridge then the cupboard and grabs a bottle of firewhisky and a box of cigs then settles back down on his old-style floral couch, leaning back to once again wallow in self-pity and get drunk-
CRACK
Sirius jumps up, wand in hand and whiskey forgotten. Moony wasn’t due back for another week, Prongs or Lily would’ve sent a patronus first and Peter was working today. He was confused, those 4 were the only ones keyed into the wards other than him. Slowly Sirius walked around the couch and towards the loft, where the noise had come from. Wand at the ready, Sirius cautiously opened the door, prepared to be attacked at moments notice, his mind however was still racing with possibilities on how this unknown stranger could've gotten in.
Then he saw him.
There on the ground, in all his filthy glory.
His old house elf, Kreacher.
He was holding Regulus’ wand