Cellophane

 James tried not to make it obvious. 

He had one hand resting on his forehead over his eyes to hide his gaze, and he was periodically glancing down at the book open in front of him, Hogwarts A History- he thought it was , he wasn't totally sure. He grabbed it randomly in a rush, he physically couldn't care less about whatever he was pretending to read. 

Because...

Regulus Black was sitting three tables down from him, and one to the left. She was facing him, but her head was resting on her crossed forearms.She must be sleeping, because she hadn't moved from that spot since he came in with Remus fifteen minutes ago. Oh shit-

He forgot about Moony. 

James looked quickly across at Remus who sat opposite him. Moony was too enthralled by whatever novel he was reading to notice James staring at Regulus. 

Oh thank god, James thought, as he let his quick panic fade. 

James wanted to tease Remus.Because he had come to the library with the intention of studying,however, Moons had ditched the notion the moment he saw a book that interested him. It didn’t really matter though,Remus always got solid marks no matter what.

 And, for all they teased, James had pretty good marks too. It pissed everyone off because he infamously never studied. James didn't do more than the bare minimum, he flew by the seat of his pants for everything, and it somehow always worked out for him. Sirius, of course, was the same way. And Peter, well, peter always tried his best.

they all offered to help him study whenever he needed it(of course Remus did most of it). 

Peter and Sirius were at the dining hall for dinner right now, and James had accompanied Moony to the library with no intention of staying, but when he saw Regulus, he decided it wouldn't be soooooo bad to stay back to…Study. Just because he was studying Regulus, didn't mean it wasn't studying.   

James decided this was simply… scientific. 

Observation one: Regulus must not be doing well, not when she is this exhausted. Enough to let herself doze off like this in public. James realized he had never seen her sleep before.

Huh...

It was incredibly rare to see Slytherin princess. Oh so intimidating,  Regulus Black , have anything but her guard up. 

Yet here she was. Completely exposed.  

James hadn't spoken to her since the fight that happened almost two weeks ago.

Partly because after the fight, all Sirius could talk about 24/7 was Regulus, her friends, their parents, all Slythins in general, and how much he hated them. It would just be TOO morally wrong to go and have sex with her after that is all Sirius,( his best friend) has been talking about non-stop for the past eleven days. 

But, like James said before, Regulus seemed to be even worse than normal. Just more tired, more thin and pale. If he had to guess, James would say there must be an important exam coming up for her, she always got like this when that happened, ever since she was a little first year and Sirius still cared about her well being.

This was different though. This was the worst he had ever seen her. Maybe it was just because she was older, and all the stuff with Sirius and their family probably wasn't helping. He just didn't want to distract her, or piss her off. James also doubted she was too thrilled with him after he pulled her from Sirius during the fight. 

But he couldn't lie to himself enough to convince him that he didn't care. Because he did. And his heart tugged with longing as he watched her. Her hair was stupidly elegant even when messy. She looked like a painting. She was so… graceful. Even when he could feel how stressed she was.

And that pissed James off. It pissed him off to find himself longing for her when he hated her so much. 

But, he still allowed himself to indulge in looking at her for a bit longer. 

His moment was abruptly ruined. 

Crouch and Rosier entered the library, They were whispering and laughing in each other's ears as they made their way over to Regulus. James rolled his eyes without being able to help it. 

Crouch sat next to Regulus, and Rosier sat opposite him. They were still talking, but James couldn't hear their words. 

James still attempted subtlety as he watched them, glancing back down at his book every once in a while. Obviously no one had noticed him, so he was putting this show on for nothing.

He continued watching as Crouch nudged Regulus with his elbow and she slowly raised her head from her arms. 

She didn’t look surprised to see them, nor did she really react much. Besides looking at them both, rolling her eyes, then turning to look out the window well she stretched her arms and yawed. 

He could tell they were teasing her, because Crouch and Rosier were laughing and nudging each other, then patting Regulus on the shoulder and ruffling her hair. 

This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair at all. They just got to be around her whenever they wanted. Smile at her whenever they want. Touch her whenever they wanted. 

James felt his blood boil watching Crouch swing his arm around her shoulder, and well she didn't reciprocate or smile, she also didn't push him off. Which, for Regulus Black, was basically reciprocating. 

James wondered if this is all it would be forever. Just secret time together in storage closets and empty classrooms. Then pretending not to notice each other in public. Watching her from a distance. Never kissing her. He wondered if the closest he would ever get to hugging her would be pulling her, thrashing and screaming, from fighting with Sirius. And, vaguely, he wondered if Sirius would ever forgive him if he knew what James was doing. Because, for Sirius ,this was it, she was it. The cardinal sin.

"James-" Moony's voice interrupted his thoughts, he looked up to see Remus was standing and packing his things,"Let's go find pads and worm tail. I'm starving"  

“Come on Reg,” Barty said, standing up from his seat next to her, “Let’s go to the hall. You slept through most of dinner, you know. And you should eat.”

Regulus yawed again, then rubbed her eyes, “yeah, but i’m not really hungry.” 

Evan was standing up now too, “you never are Reg, but you know what? This funny thing happens to your body when you don’t eat properly,” Evan began,

Regulus said nothing, but was giving him a deadpan look.

“You die.” Evan said with a straight face, a beat of silence passed as Evan and Regulus looked at each other. Then Evan cracked, and smiled.

Barty let out a small chuckle at their interaction.

"Is this all because of the Transfiguration exam coming up?" Evan said, 

Regulus sighed,tilting her head back and running a hand over her hair line, "No, no, I mean I've being studying extra, yeah. I guess but we've also had Quidditch practice everyday, and i have piano-"  

"Stop, seriously Reg," Barty said cutting her off, "I know your parents expect you to be top of the class and they are all intense and shit, and i know you're one of the best on our team, well except for me of course- " Evan snorted a laugh at Barty's comment,

"And I know, I know you're a piano prodigy, blah,blah,blah. You feel like you always have to be ten steps ahead of the game. But Jesus Reg, cut yourself a break. you've been number one since our first year, literally no one is your competition," Across the table Evan was nodding in agreement, "Don't let that go to your ego," Barty said, grinning, "I just mean you don't have to constantly be killing yourself, alright? Because, listen Reg, I don't know if you have looked in the mirror lately, but you, and hear me out- look like absolute shit."    

"agreed," said Evan. 

“Uhuh, yeah, yeah,” Regulus said, scoffing.

Regulus sighed, then started standing up slowly. She knew they meant well, and that they did just want her to be alright, but this is how she had worked for the past five years. It hadn't failed her yet. So what if she was a little more tired than normal, or whatever. This was nothing, they were just being over dramatic. Regulus grabbed her bag from the table to slung it over her shoulder, "Well c'mon," Regulus said, looking back to her friends, she gestured her head to the door and they followed, mumbling, "yes, your highness ," and "of course my liege,"  

They entered the corridor exiting the library, there were a few other students in the hall too, but Regulus noticed James Potter a few steps in front of them. He was with Remus Lupin. They were probably on their way to the dinning hall too.

Regulus got a weird feeling in her stomach as she watched him. She hadn't seen him since the fight with Sirius. It had only been like eleven days but it felt like it had been forever.  

She was still angry at Sirius. Well, she always was. But she had been upset with Barty too. For being so stupid etc. 

Speaking of, Barty still had a pretty gnarly bruise on his jaw. At first he was embarrassed and had a bandage covering it. However,  after Vivian Lee; a tall, very pretty, seventh year Slytherin, saw the bruise accidentally, after he forgot to bandage it for dinner a few days ago. Vivian had grinned at him and then told him it was “pretty hardcore.”  

Barty had ditched the bandage for good after that. And was now telling anyone who asked (girls) that he got it from, “going too hard” in Quidditch.

Regulus and Evan were having a good time watching Barty act all cool about his self-proclaimed “athletic wound”. It was, Regulus will admit, very funny to watch his ego reach an all time high. However what was even funnier was when Barty would brag about it to some girl in front of Evan and Regulus, and they both could feel Barty start to get nervous that maybe one of them would snitch and embarrass him. They hadn't yet, but they both threatened it daily.

Neither Evan, nor Barty mentioned the fact that Potter and Lupin were in front of them. They either didn't notice, or were just not in the mood to care.

Every time James and Regulus meet up, James is the one to initiate it. It is weird that over a whole week has passed and he hasn't been in contact with her at all.

Not even to pester her when he got the chance. Nothing. 

Maybe James was angry because of the fight. 

Maybe he was angry at her because she was going to hit Sirius. 

No- Regulus thought, No way- I mean, we hate each other, sure. But we were never really mad at each other, right?    

Maybe James decided that their- whatever it was, is over. That he was over her . 

Shit . She felt her heart sink. She didn't want to deal with this right now. She couldn't bear it. 

"I'm," Regulus started suddenly, "I'm not feeling well." She said fast before turning around and heading back in the direction of the common room. 

The two boys stopped, and silently stared after her as she left. "She's acting weird." Evan said stupidly. "God aren't you a genius."Barty said, rolling his eyes.  "Let's just leave her alone" 

That was usually their philosophy, to just leave her alone. And Regulus was thankful for it.   

Regulus didn't speak to anyone well passing portraits and students and ghosts. Her skirt swayed, and posture stayed straight as she moved. Finally reaching the dungeon. She sighed well walking and let herself slouch and drag her feet to her dorm section.  

Alice was the only other person occupying their room when Regulus entered. She was sitting on her bed knitting something and smoking a cigarette. Alice turned her head to look at her as she dragged herself in and kicked her shoes off. "Hi Regulus...you alright?" She asked in an even, calm voice.

"fine." Regulus breathed, setting her bag down next to her bed, then sitting on it, facing Alice. 

"Want one?" Alice cocked her head to the side, gesturing to a case of cigarettes on her night stand. Regulus nodded, reached over to grab one, put it in her mouth, then lit it with the end of her wand. 

 “Not having dinner?” Alice asked, she didn’t look up at Regulus, she was fixed on her knitting.

“No,” Regulus said. “The perfect time to sleep is when no one is in the dorm.” Regulus said, and Alice nodded in agreement. 

Regulus took a drag, and then sighed it out. She stood up to stretch and walked over to her wardrobe, opened it, and looked at herself in the mirror that hung inside it. 

“Nervous for McGonagall’s exam?” Alice asked, absently. 

“No.” Regulus said, as she unbuttoned her uniform shirt and shook it off, then went to slide off her skirt.  

“I am.” Said Alice, but her voice didn’t sound nervous. 

“Don’t be, you’re good at Transfiguration.” Regulus said as she peered at herself in the mirror.  She cringed a bit at the reflection. She had lost weight. Subconsciously she knew it was from stress, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it. 

Regulus was constantly anxious. About the war, Voldemort, her mother, Sirius, all the secrets she was keeping.   

But those things were worth being anxious over. 

She wouldn’t admit to anyone, including herself, that something as simple as an exam could make her anxious too, even though it did.

Of course Regulus, with all her good traits, also had major procrastination issues. So, one of  her go-to “studying” rituals usually went as such; she would play piano for as long as she could till her fingers went numb, read three novels, stay an extra hour after quidditch practice- then once it had reached the middle of the night, she would study as much as she could running purely on exhaustion and adrenaline. Regulus decided this was perfectly healthy. 

 She took another drag of her cigarette and slid on a T-shirt. It had a faded print of The Talking Heads on it. Classic. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” said Alice.

Regulus kept the cigarette in her mouth  and walked into the bathroom, she ran a hand through her hair and looked at herself in the mirror over the sink, then bent down to wash her face.

“Are you going to the game tomorrow?” Alice asked, she spoke a bit louder so Regulus could hear her.  

“Oh,” Regulus said, remembering. “I don’t know. I forgot…probably not.”

“It’s Gryfindor and Hufflepuff,” Alice said, in her same dreamy, even tone. “It could be funny. I thought you would want to see it.” 

Regulus sighed a bit at the last comment. Alice was alluding to James without actually talking about him.  “Are you going?” Regulus asked, even though she already knew the answer. 

“No.” 

“Why do you always know who’s playing if you never go in the first place?”

“I don’t know, I just listen, I guess” 

To that, Regulus nodded, and took one last drag before putting it out on the bathroom wall. 

“You haven’t been out on a late night rendezvous in a while.” Alice regarded.  

“...Yeah, I guess not.” Is all Regulus replied. She walked over to her bed.

“Mhmm,” Alice responded. 

“Night Alice,” Regulus said, rolling her eyes before closing the drapes. 

Regulus couldn't sleep. She felt sick. Fuck James Potter. She didn’t even want to decipher these emotions. Feeling whatever this was, was making her physically ill. 

Fuck I just need to sleep.