Gone
James woke up to the sound of muffled sobbing, an endless mantra of “ithurtsithurtsithurts.” His back was aching, but that was nothing compared to the sharp panic rising in his chest.
“Lily?” he asked groggily, his voice hoarse. But then, it hit him—Moony.
“MOONY!” James shouted, bolting upright with the instinct to get to his friend. A sharp pain shot through his back, and he winced, groaning as he tried to push past the discomfort.
“James!” Lily’s voice cut through his panic. “Glad you’re awake, but... let’s keep it down, yeah? Moony’s having a hard time.”
James’s heart pounded in his chest, but he didn’t process Lily’s words immediately. His eyes locked onto the figure huddled on the floor, and his breath caught in his throat.
Remus was crouched on the floor, knees pulled to his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. He was muttering over and over again, his words indistinct but unmistakable: “ithurtsithurtsithurts.”
“Moony?” James choked out, his voice cracking. “Mate, what’s going on? Talk to me…”
At the sound of James’s voice, Remus’s head snapped up. His eyes were wide, glazed, unfocused.
“Grant! You’re here! I knew you would come!” Remus blurted, his voice full of frantic hope. He staggered to his feet, wobbled toward James, and threw himself at him, hugging him so tightly that James couldn’t catch his breath.
“Matron said... said I don’t have any lasting injuries this time, but…” Remus rambled, voice breaking, “Grant, you’re here… I knew you’d come back for me.” His words trailed off into a shaky sob, still convinced he was in the presence of Grant.
James’s heart sank. He froze for a moment, the weight of the situation hitting him all at once. Remus thought he was Grant.
Of course, James knew who Grant was. All the Marauders did; ever since first year, when Moony had woken up screaming his name.
He swallowed hard, trying to steady his breath, and gently pulled Remus back, trying to get a good look at his face. “Moony... it’s me, James. It’s me.” His voice was gentle but filled with desperation.
Remus pulled back, blinking at James, his face a mix of confusion and something almost childlike. “Whaddya mean, Grant?” He sounded genuinely perplexed, as though the idea that James wasn’t Grant hadn’t even registered.
Sirius's expression hardened as he watched the scene unfold, the weight of it all settling deeper in his chest.
“I’m James,” James said, quieter this time, the words tasting strange in his mouth. “I’m here, Moony. It’s me, not Grant.”
Remus stared at him for a long moment, his brow furrowing as he seemed to try and make sense of it all.
James was silent. What’s going on with Moony?
“Moony, it’s me. James,” he repeated softly. “It’s really me.”
Remus blinked again, a slight shake of his head as though trying to clear the fog. “Grant... You’re really here, huh?”
James swallowed the lump in his throat, but instead of correcting him again, he just nodded. "Yeah, I’m here, Moony. I’m here… Grant. I mean, me. James."
Sirius’s gaze flickered to James, his eyes filled with a mixture of sorrow and frustration. He could see the pain on James’s face, the heartbreak as Remus continued to call him Grant, even after everything.
“No, Remus,” Sirius said, voice tight. “You’ve got it wrong.”
Remus didn’t look up at him. Instead, he muttered to himself, “Grant’s here! I can’t believe it! Matron said he had left for good!”
“Moony...” Sirius stepped closer, trying to get his attention. “It’s not Grant, alright?”
But Remus, still confused, still unsure, just curled back up, wrapping his arms around his knees, and whispered, “Grant said I’d be safe.”
Fuck.
Sirius shut his eyes and looked away.
“Well… you are. With us.” James told him tentatively.
“I know I’m safe with you Grant!” Remus smiled at James, but then looked over at Lily. “Mum? What are you doing here?”
Lily froze, “Remus… I’m not your mum. I’m Lily.”
Remus shook his head, “No. Mum?”
Sirius looked up at Lily, who was clearly uncomfortable, “Remus, mate, that’s not your mum.”
Remus looked up at Sirius and balked, “BUTCH! G-GO AWAY. Y-Y-YOU CAN’T HURT ME.”
Sirius looked crestfallen.
As the tension thickened in the room, Lily’s eyes flickered toward Remus, then back to James and Sirius. Her expression hardened, but her voice was soft with concern. “I’m going to get Madam Pomfrey... and Professor McGonagall,” she said, her words clipped but filled with resolve.
Without waiting for a response, Lily turned to leave, her footsteps quick but measured. Just as she reached the door, Marlene, Mary, and Christopher appeared in the doorway, their faces pale and filled with worry.
“Mum?” Remus murmured, his voice still broken. “Mum, don’t leave again. Please.”
Lily hesitated for a moment, her heart aching at the sight of Remus in such pain. She blinked back the tears that threatened to rise, then straightened up, pointing toward the dormitory. “I’ll be right back. Stay here.”
Christopher’s eyes widened. “What’s going on, Lily?”
Lily’s gaze softened, but she couldn’t afford to explain right now. “Just stay with him. Keep him safe,” she said quickly, gesturing to the room.
Marlene and Mary exchanged confused glances before they nodded, stepping further into the room. Lily, though, didn’t wait around for further questions. She turned sharply and made her way toward the hospital wing, her thoughts a blur of worry and determination.