Chapter 19
The next morning, Harry couldn’t stop smiling. He was back at Hogwarts, a year older than the first years, and all his friends were here. They had barely seen each other in August due to the Potter/Malfoy fight and Harry wanted to continue the Diagon Alley shop tradition with Sirius going so he declined the invitation to go with his friends. But that was all over now and Harry happily jumped out of bed and opened the curtains to show the gorgeous murky water.
“Rise and shine, sleepy heads!” He sung as he got his clothes for when he got out of the shower.
Blaise groaned loudly. “It’s 6:30 in the morning, wanker, go back to bed.”
“So?” Harry replied. “If we go to breakfast early we get the fresh apricot danishes.”
“You’re the only one who likes those.” Crabbe yelled out.
Harry laughed. “But I’m not the only one who likes the cherry scones and we haven’t had those since the first week of first year.”
“I hate you.” Goyle grumbled. He came out from behind his bed curtains wrapped in a handmade blanket and the biggest scowl Harry had seen on him.
“You’ll thank me when you’ve eaten all the scones and the others have missed out.” Harry laughed again, patting his friends bicep.
“Well, I despise you.” Draco added, also coming out of bed with a scowl and messy blond hair everywhere.
“If you were on the quidditch team then you’ll have to wake up at 5 in the morning for practice.”
Draco rolled his eyes. “Then I thank you for punching some sense into me.”
The last thing Harry heard before going into the bathroom was a sleepy Blaise cursing his existence.
At the breakfast table, there was only one thing the girls seemed to be talking about, and it was the new Professor.
“He’s in the Order of Merlin, Third class, can you believe it? All while being the five-time winner of Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile Award.” Pansy sighed. “If only I could find a man like that.”
“I read all his books in a day, I was so excited.” Tracey said.
“My mother was elbowing people out of the way and managed to get his autograph in every one of my books.” Millicent said proudly.
“I know, we were there.” Blaise groaned tiredly.
“Oh,” Harry remembered, "Hermione told me Lockhart was signing when she went to Flourish and Blotts as well.”
Pansy scoffed. “We went at the same time, I saw her there.”
“As well as the Weasley bunch.” Draco spat. “Told ‘em I was surprised to see them in a shop for all the books they had to buy, the Weasels went so red I was surprised steam didn’t come out of their ears.”
Harry turned around to see Ron talking animatedly to his new friends and Ginny sipping on pumpkin juice. He always used to find it so funny when they turned red.
“Then the father Weasel talked to my father and the Weasel pushed him into a bookcase-“
“What?” Harry gasped, no one had told him about this.
Draco nodded. “I know, but father got back up and punched him in the face. Hagrid broke them up, of course, father didn’t have any harm on him but Weasley was sparring a busted lip from what I saw.”
“Gilderoy Lockhart even thought it was cool, he wanted it to be written in his report!” Tracy whispered like it was an exciting secret.
“Merlin, I definitely should have gone.” Harry muttered.
“Lockhart complemented Draco on his choice of hair colour, saying it must have been his influence.” Blaise snickered.
“He did not.” Draco snapped, blushing slightly. “I am nothing like that heathen.”
Harry was laughing so hard it was silent. “Oh god.” He wheezed. “Lock- Lockhart thought you died your hair for him.”
“I guess he thought that.” Draco grumbled. Everyone else started laughing and Harry had to lean on Dracos shoulder.
“He’s so full of himself, I don’t know why my mums obsessed with ‘im.” Goyle chuckled.
“He fought a werewolf during a full moon and saved a whole village and survived!” Pansy breathed. “A werewolf.”
Harry raised an eyebrow and looked at the golden man sitting at the staff table who was smiling at himself in the reflexion of a spoon.
Millicent must have seen where Harry was looking because she pinched him hard.
“Ow.” Harry frowned, clutching his arm.
“If you looked that good wouldn’t you stare at yourself?”
“He looks like a fag to me.” Crabbe snorted. All heads turned to him.
“A what?” Draco asked.
“A fag. F-A-G.” Crabbe spelt out like he was talking to a baby. “Lockhart is gay.”
“Just because a man is beautiful and talented doesn’t mean he’s gay.” Tracey pointed out, matter of factly.
“If you’re jealous, just say so.” Pansy defended.
Harry felt the need to defend Gilderoy as well. The ‘f word’ Harry heard being whispered whenever he went out with Sirius and Remus sent a shiver down his spine, he would never had guessed one of his best friends would be homophobic.
“I’m not jealous of a fag, thank you very much.” Crabbe snapped with a mouth full of pancake.
“How would you feel if someone was calling you that behind your back?” Harry said. “Stop using that word.”
“Jeez, I was just stating my opinion.” Crabbe said, holding both hands up.
“Well your opinion is rude.” Pansy scoffed.
Professor Snape went around the table handing everyone their course schedules for the year. Harry grabbed his with a thank you and looked over it. Double Transfiguration with the Ravenclaws first.
The eight Slytherins walked together to the classroom. Pansy and Tracey were furious with Crabbe for his comment, Harry was too but he couldn’t find it in himself to say it aloud, but maybe the girls sensed it because they linked arms with Harry and the three of them walked ahead of the group.
Tracey pulled out her timetable and told everyone they had potions next and Defence Against the Dark Arts after lunch with a glare at Crabbe.
“Tracey, why have you outlined all of Lockhart's classes with tiny hearts?” Harry asked teasingly.
Tracy blushed and folded it back up to put in her robes. “I just love learning new things, is all.”
Harry only hummed but he and Pansy shared an amused smile.
Professor McGonagall was as strict as ever as she gave many demonstrations on Beetle Buttons. Most of the Ravenclaws knew what they were doing but Harry had forgotten everything he learned last year and improvised most of the lesson. He was meant to be turning the Beetle into a Button, but all he managed to do was give his beetle a lot of exercise as it scuttled over his notebooks in an attempt to escape his wand.
None of his fellow Slytherins seemed to be doing much better, except Blaise managed to turn half of his beetle into a button, much to Professor McGonagall’s dismay. Luna, from the train at the end of last year, sat two seats away from Harry and was changing the colour of her beetle instead.
“Change it purple.” Harry said with a grin. Luna looked up with a shocked expression.
“Harry!” She gasped loudly. “Purple is the colour of the mending grass ’a’ lopes! I cannot, I will not-“
“Miss Lovegood, what is going on over there?” McGonagall called out.
“The colour of the mending grass ‘a’ lopes, Professor.” Luna sighed sadly.
“…right.” McGonagall said. Everyone stifled a laugh that Luna either didn’t notice or didn’t care about.
Potions with the Hufflepuffs was next and it was just as uneventful as Transfiguration. Professor Snape was teaching them the Fire Protection Potion which made Harry wide eye Draco and Blaise, this had been the potion he drunk down in the Chamber last year.
They were split into pairs, a Slytherin with a Hufflepuff, and each had a cauldron to work with. Harry was partnered with Justin Finch-Fletchley, a curly haired boy Harry knew by sight but had never talked too.
“Justin Finch-Fletchley, nice to meet you at last.” He introduced brightly, shaking Harrys hand. “Of course I know who you are, the famous Harry Potter. You smiled at me in first year that one time in the library, d’you remember?” Harry did not. “My goodness, you gave me something to talk about, none of my friends had ever been smiled at by a celebrity, especially since you were surrounded by your friends who all glared at me. Awfully brave of you, I say.”
“Er… you’re welcome?” Harry replied awkwardly.
“You excited to be taught by that Lockhart chap?” Justin asked, happily slicing the bursting mushrooms. “Awfully brave, he is. I read all his books and so did Mother, my name was put down for Eton mind you, and she didn’t want me going to Hogwarts but after reading all that Lockhart did, she begun to see how useful it’ll be to have a fully trained wizard in the house-“
“Are you a halfblood too?” Harry asked.
“Oh no, I’m a muggle-born, Mother didn’t seem to believe it when I got the letter and thought it was one of those pranks the government plays. Isn’t your mother a muggle-born? I remember reading that somewhere.”
“Ye-yeah, she is.” Harry replied.
Justin laughed. “That’s what makes you nicer than your friends, I think. I’m sure they’re all great chaps but that Malfoy fellow hasn’t made a great first impression that yet changes my mind.”
Harry laughed and added the salamander blood to the cauldron, stirring it anti-clockwise until the potion turned green.
Harry was thankful when the lunch bell rung, feeling like his brain was a useless, empty box. Everyone left the potions classroom and brought their bags up to lunch with them.
His brain didn’t feel any smarter when Hermione skipped up to him with a handful of perfect buttons she had produced in her Transfiguration class.
“Way to go, Granger.” Blaise spat nastily, he was still grumpy about his half beetle button.
“Thank you, Zabini.” Hermione replied just as nastily, she turned her head to Harry and grabbed his hands. “We need to find the perfect time to meet in the library.”
“It’s the first day back, ‘mione, can’t we wait till we actually get some homework.” Harry whined.
Hermione clicked her tongue but nodded. “Alright.”
He sat down between Draco and Pansy, as usual, and stole a potato off Pansy’s plate. Before she got mad he quickly asked “what do we have next?”
“Defence Against the Dark Arts.” The girls said all at once.
All the boys groaned but they finished lunch and went outside to sit near the clock. Draco and Harry talked about quidditch while Pansy plaited little braids into Harrys hair for several moments when Harry got the feeling they were being watched. Blaise noticed first and elbowed Harry in the ribs to get his attention to the very small, mousy haired boy that Harry now remembered was staring at him during The Sorting ceremony last night. He was clutching an ordinary muggle camera and the moment Harry looked at him, he turned bright red.
“All right, Harry? I’m…I’m Collin Creevey.” He said breathlessly, taking a small step forward. “I’m in Gryffindor and was- and was wondering if I could get a picture… if that’s alright?” He finished, holding the camera up hopefully.
“A picture?” Harry repeated blankly.
“So I can prove that I’ve met you,” said Collin eagerly, stepping forward again. “I know all about you. Everyones told me. How you defeated You-Know-Who when he tried to kill you and how he disappeared and all that and you’ve got that lightning scar on your forehead and a boy in my dorm said that if I developed the picture right, then it could move.” Collin drew a shuttering breathe of pure excitement. “It’s amazing here, isn’t it? I never even knew magic existed till I got the letter. My dads a milkman, and he couldn’t believe it either. So I’m taking lots of pictures to send home to him and my little brother. And it’d be really good if I got one of you“ -he looked around nervously at Harrys friends- “maybe one of your friends could take it and I could stand next to you? And then, could you sign it?”
Harry just stared blankly. Collin shuffled on the spot with his face getting redder and eyes getting wider. Draco was chuckling next to him and Blaise looked like he was trying so hard not to laugh.
“Er…” Harry started.
“Harry would adore to take a picture with you and sign it, especially with his hair done up all pretty.” Pansy interrupted, walking up to Collin and taking his camera.
Collin grinned so widely he was practically shaking on the spot. “Oh goodness, I was hoping-“
“Indeed, little boy,” Pansy winked, “stand next to the famous Harry Potter and smile as big as you can. Come on, Harry, that goes for you too.”
Collin stood next to Harry and went on his tip toes so his head was at the height of Harrys chin, Harry glared at Pansy who was having the of her life moving then around like she was professional. Crabbe and Goyle were snickering the whole time and Tracey and Millicent kept whispering to one another. In the end, Harry just smiled tight lipped and hoped it was good enough for the first year.
When Pansy said “all done”, Collin ran to his camera and grabbed it out of her hands with a manic eagerness that made Harry uncomfortable. “Thank you so much, Harry Potter, when I develop the picture I’ll come to you so you can sign it… if you still want too.” Then he ran off.
“Pansy, I hate you.” Harry grumbled, undoing the two small braids she did.
“How can you hate me when I made that little boy so happy?” She pouted fakely.
He rolled his eyes and stormed off to his afternoon classes, his friends mocking Collin Creevey all the way there.
Professor Lockhart was already in the classroom when the group arrived, a bunch of Gryffindor girls breathlessly anticipating what the professor had to say next. He looked up when the Slytherins came in and his blue eyes zeroed on Harrys forehead. The scar.
“My, my, it can’t be.” Lockhart spoke breathlessly. “If it isn’t Harry Potter in my classroom.”
“Well, I do go here, sir.” Harry replied sassily. His friends laughed as they sat together. If he knew today was just going to be people gaping at him, Harry would have stayed in bed and gotten one of his friends to get him an apricot danish.
“I did not see you at my book signings at Flourish and Blotts, if I had seen you, we would have made the front page together.” Lockhart said, walking towards Harry.
“Um- me and my godfather went later.”
“Sirius Black, if I remember correctly?” He asked, waiting for Harry to nod before continuing. “He and I aquatinted back in out Hogwarts days, we were only a year apart. Such a handsome man, he was, and so talented at quidditch. A beater, was he?”
Harry sighed but nodded. Crabbe whispered something to Goyle, Harry could guess what it was.
“Harry, Harry, Harry.” Lockhart smiled, how could the man show all his perfectly straight teeth without even talking? “I have so much to teach you about fame. You might not have won Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile five times in a row but you had a good head start when you were one years old.”
Draco leaned towards Harry to whisper in his ear. “Him and Collin should meet and start a Harry Potter Fan Club.” Harry scowled and shoved his face away, the last thing he needed was for Lockhart to hear the phrase ‘Harry Potter Fan Club’.
The classroom was full but Professor Lockhart didn’t notice until Blaise pointed it out. They were sharing the class with Gryffindors, to Harrys dislike, but at least Hermione will be the teachers pet so Harry wasn't forced have to be. Lockhart walked to the front of the classroom and cleared his throat so it turned silent. He picked up Neville Longbottom's copy of Travels with Trolls and held the portrait on the cover to his own face.
“Me.” He said, winking at the book. “Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile Award but I don’t talk about that. I didn’t get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!” He waited for people to start laughing and Harry knew he had told this joke to every class he had taught.
“You’ve all brought a complete set of my books, very well done. I thought we’d start today with a little quiz, just to see if you’ve read them and taken anything in.”
He handed everyone a test paper then walked to his desk and sat on it. “You have thirty minutes, you may begin…now!”
Harry looked at the questions and his scowl deepened.
(1) What is Gilderoy Lockhart’s favourite colour?
(2) What is Gilderoy Lockhart’s secret ambition?
(3) What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart’s greatest achievement to date?
This, unfortunately, went on and on until:
(54) When is Gilderoy Lockhart’s birthday and what would his ideal gift be?
Half an hour later, the Professor collected the papers and looked through them in front of the class.
“Did you actually answer any of the questions?” Harry whispered to Draco.
Draco snorted. “I barely got through his Magical Me autobiography, it was that bloody boring. I got my mother to read it and tell me what it was about”
“I was pretty proud of myself,” Harry smirked, “I came up with some creative words for ‘I don’t care’ and ‘who gives a flying fuck’. I even drew a pair of rolling eyes for that question about what he had for lunch on the third night in Holiday with Hags.”
“And to think half the witches here worship the ground he walks on.” Draco chuckled.
“Tut, tut-“ Lockhart shook his head, “some… creative answers here and hardly any of you remembered my favourite colour was lilac. I said so in Year with a Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully — I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples — though I wouldn’t say no to a large bottle of Ogdeds Old Firewhisky!”
He gave another roguish wink. Blaise was looking at him in disbelief and Harry could hear Crabbe and Goyle stifling their laughter behind him with little success; on the Gryffindor side, Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas were also trying to hide their laughter but their shoulders were shaking too obviously. Pansy, Tracey and Millicent all seemed to be staring at him in awe and hanging onto every word. Hermione visibly perked up at Lockhart saying her name.
“… but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions — good girl! In fact” — he flipped her paper over — “full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?”
Hermione raised a shaking hand.
“Excellent!” Lockhart beamed. “Quite excellent! Take ten marks for Gryffindor-“ Millicent cracked her knuckles “And so to business-“
He then went behind his desk and pulled out a large cloth covered cage.
“Now — be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizard kind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm.”
Despite finding this man irritating beyond reason, Harry leaned over his large pile of books to get a closer look. Beside him, Draco looked up from whatever he was doodling and on the Gryffindor side, their attention was on the front.
“I must ask you not to scream.” Lockhart whispered mysteriously. “It might provoke them.”
As everyone held their breath, Lockhart whipped off the cloth.
“Yes!” He yelled dramatically. “Freshly caught Cornish Pixies!”
Harry and Draco just looked at each other in confusion whereas Seamus Finnigan snorted from the front row.
“Yes?” Lockhart smiled at the boy.
“Well, they’re not… they’re very dangerous, are they?” Seamus choked out.
“Don’t be so sure, little boy.” Lockhart wiggled his finger annoyingly at them all. “Devilish little tricksters, they can be.”
The Cornish Pixies were electric blue and around eight inches tall, with pointed faces and voices so high pitched it puts that annoying fat ladies singing voice to shame. The moment the cloth has been removed, the pixies started gibbering and muttering to one another, flying around the cage and rattling the bars.
“Right then.” Lockhart announced. “Let’s see what you make of them.” And he opened the cage.
It was pure chaos. The pixies zipped around the room in a million different directions. Two of them seized Neville Longbottom by the ears and lifted him in the air. Several flew through a window, broken glass cluttering the floor. The rest continued to destroy the classroom. They grabbed ink pots and poured them over students heads, shredded books and paper, tore pictures off the wall, grabbed books and bags and threw them out broken windows. Within minutes, the classroom was beyond recognisable with students hiding under tables and Longbottom swinging from the chandelier in the ceiling.
“Come on now, round them up!” Lockhart called. “They’re only pixies.”
He rolled up his sleeves and brought out his wand. “Peskipiksi Pesternomi!”
This had absolutely no effect, actually, one pixie grabbed his wand and threw it out a window. Lockhart gulped and hid behind his desk. Longbottom fell from the chandelier with a loud bang against a desk.
The bell rang and everyone got up and rushed to get out of the classroom. The Slytherins were one of them.
“Come on, come on.” Blaise urged, grabbing Draco’s book bag that was heaved on a lantern, without looking if anyone was following him, he ran towards the door.
Harry and the others weren’t far behind him and they didn’t stop running till they were in the Great Hall.
"My father will definitely be hearing about this." Draco muttered.