Awake?
There's always days where I feel like nothing is real. There's this sense of disconnect between me and reality. I don't know what's real, what's fake, and what's my own imagination. I fear one day, I'll disconnect and I'll never find a place to land again. The ribbon that is trying me to this world will become severed one day, I just don't know when.
Gangle sat up slowly, looking around the unfamiliar room. It was an eerie feeling, to know something belonged to you and yet you felt no closer to it than you would a stranger. Her head turned slowly towards her phone, the screen was bright for some reason. Slowly she grabbed it, disconnecting it from the charger. The alarm screen was prevalent, the options ‘snooze’ and ‘stop’ taking up most of her screen, the rest held ‘6:30’. She hadn't registered that it was going off, that it was the cause of her early wake. She slowly glided her thumb over the options, silencing the noise that had been echoing off the walls, never quite reaching her ears. She desperately wished she could've remained asleep. Sleep was the only time she ever felt okay, she was too tired to remember her dreams, or nightmares, so she was never disturbed nor rewarded in slumber. It was pure neutrality, true peace. She dragged her legs over the side of the bed , the weight of gravity overtaking her limbs, and stood up with regret. She knew she had things to do, and she needed to get going before she was late.
Time is the only thing I have and yet I find myself in a deplorable lack of it all the same.
She grabbed her bag and threw it over her shoulder, slouching as though the weight of the world had been dropped on her. She left her room and glared into the unknown. To the left of her was another door, her roommates no doubt, next to it the bathroom, and ahead of her was a small living area with an even smaller kitchenette attached to it. Somewhere in the middle was the exit, the threshold into uncertainty. Walking past her roommate and into the bathroom, she stared at her reflection. Her hair fell just above her shoulders, her roots were very visible, the bright red dye had faded into a light pink, becoming muddied by her natural brown. She hadn't had the time to dye it. Or cut it. Or take care of it at all. She'd been swarmed with work, school, and the chaos that was attempting to balance everything else. She'd thrown on a pair of black slacks, and a long sleeve Hatsune Miku shirt, though she'd covered it up with a hoodie. It didn't matter anyways, she'd have to change into the light blue button up that sat next to her non-slip shoes in the very bag that was hanging off her shoulders. She forced herself to smile despite hating what she saw, she'd perfected the art of the customer smile, it was like wearing a mask, except it was a lot easier to break. It took force to break porcelain and plastic, but it only took words to break her. On top of that she looked tired, the eye bags were plastered under her eyes the same way a neon sign is hung on a wall to draw attention. Except this sign read ‘sleep eludes her’ in big, purple text.
Smile inside and out. She thought as her smile faltered, her green eyes showing every bit of sadness and exhaustion that she was desperately trying to hide.
Maybe just smile on the outside and don't let anyone see the inside. They can never see the inside.
With that, she left the bathroom and stepped over the threshold, stepping out into an unknown, empty hallway. She locks the door before re-cliping the key back onto her belt loop, the shiny red carabiner adorning a handmade charm that hung silently next to her room key, work keys, and car key. She left the building, the cool autumn breeze danced along her skin. It reminded her of a hug from your favorite person, but you're hiding something from them, so while you know the hug is warm it feels empty because they don't fully know you. She found her car and slid into the drivers side, placing her bag into the passenger side before starting the engine and googling directions to Spudsys. The chain restaurant she had worked for, for the past 5 years. Except this wasn't the same, it was a new location, in a different town, in a different state. She was grateful they let her keep her managing position as she transferred locations, understanding that she must go to college. She stared at her dormitory blankly before she left the parking lot and started her first mundane day in this new town.