my eagles t-shirt hanging from the door
Moony,
I hope you receive this letter safely. I have some troubling news to discuss; and before you ask, no, nothing is wrong with Sirius. It actually pertains to me, and I was wondering if you would be willing to help me better understand the way I am feeling. And I do ask that you don’t tell Sirius about this; I would hate for him to find out through a letter meant for his partner, even though you’re one of my best friends. Anyways, I fear I may have done something bad. Something incredibly bad, both for me and the person involved.
I believe I have fallen for Regulus. I’m sure Sirius has told you about Regulus’ appearance at my home weeks ago, but as I’ve spent more and more time with Regulus, I fear I may have fallen for him. I’ve never had feelings like this for anyone- not even Lily (which is a sentiment I am sure you are already aware of, so doesn’t truly need to be said.) You’ve been out of the cloThat being said, I hope you realize now why Sirius can’t know about this little infatuation of mine. I would be a dead man walking of sorts. I trust you. What do I do?
Kindly (and desperately),
Prongs
James sealed the roll of parchment with a small bit of twine, tying it to his owl’s leg and sending her off to find Remus’ home. He sighed, running his fingers through his unruly curls as he looked over his shoulder at Sirius, who was sitting at his own desk and sketching on a blank sheet of parchment. James’ hazel eyes made their way to the window to his left, looking down from the second story at Regulus, who was sitting in the tall grass of the back garden and reading a book. He smiled for a moment, before turning around and sighing. “Sirius, I’m bored,” He said. Sirius laughed, turning around in his chair to meet his best friend’s eye. “Well, I’m going out with Remus in about an hour,” He responded.
The tan boy grinned, beginning to tease his best friend. “Ooh, a little date I see. How fun, what are you guys doing? A romantic walk through the city? Candlelit dinner?” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows. Sirius rolled his eyes and laughed. “Shut it, golden boy. We’re just going to a muggle bookshop Remus wanted to go to,” He said, standing up. “So I’m gonna go shower, and then I’ll head over to his place.”
James nodded, throwing up a peace sign at his friend. “Right, well, see you later Lovebird,” James teased, before turning his attention back to the parchment in front of him. He huffed quietly, leaning back in his chair and taking his glasses off. He set them on the wooden desk in front of him and ran his hands over his face a few times. “Fuck,” He mumbled, glancing out the window again to see Regulus, still nestled in between the blades of grass, still reading his book. Putting his glasses back on his face, he closed the lid of his ink jar and stood up, walking down the stairs and out into the back garden. He let the patio door close behind him, stepping off of the wooden platform and into the soft grass. The warm August sun beat down onto him, and he looked at Regulus in his black t-shirt and dark green pants. How Regulus wasn’t sweltering in this heat, he had no idea.
“Hey stranger,” James said, and Regulus looked up from his book, squinting through the sun at James. “Whatcha readin’?” He asked, sitting down next to the other boy. Regulus smiled warmly, using his finger to hold his place in the book and holding the cover up to James. “I’m re-reading Romeo and Juliet,” He said, plucking a flower to use as a placeholder. James nodded, leaning back on his hands. “Is it as good as you remembered it?” James asked curiously.
Regulus chuckled, setting the book down next to him. “In my opinion, yes. Romeo and Juliet is one of my favorite stories. It always has been, and it probably always will be,” He said, looking over at James. James met his gaze, giving him a grin. “What’s your favorite part of it?” James asked. Regulus thought for a moment, before looking up at the sun. “Act 2, Scene 1. Where Romeo risks death to see Juliet again,” He said. “It’s after Romeo falls in love with her at the Capulet masquerade ball. Appear thou in likeness of a sigh, Speak but one rhyme and I am satisfied, Cry but “Ay me,” pronounce but “love” and “dove”,” Regulus quoted, looking over at James.
James flushed pink, chuckling softly. “You sound so proper when you quote Shakespeare.” He remarked. Regulus laughed, letting his head fall backwards. “Do I? I figured I sounded proper all the time, considering my upbringing,” Regulus said. James laughed louder. “Well, you do, but you just sound even more posh when you quote Shakespeare.”
Regulus grinned, turning to look at James. “My bounty is as boundless as the sea. My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite.” Regulus continued. “Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love.” He said, nudging James’ shoulder with his. “That one’s from Hamlet.” Regulus grinned. James, as normally confident and flirtatious as he was, was flushed bright red. Regulus smirked proudly. “It seems as if I’ve out-flirted the flirter,” He said. James rolled his eyes. “Whatever, pretty boy,” He chuckled, looking down at the grass. “Did you read a lot as a kid?”
A small frown graced Regulus’ lips. He reached down and picked at the blades of grass surrounding them. “Yeah, mostly out of necessity,” He said. “When I wasn’t being forced to speak and act a certain way, or in later years, when I wasn’t being forced to go to meetings with the Dark Lord’s followers, reading was my only source of solitude. That, and drawing. Though, looking back on it, I was pretty shit.”
James laughed loudly at that. “Oh, I doubt that.”
“James, I was horrible at drawing. I mostly did it to just…shut my brain off for a few moments, y’know? I was never doing it to be good at it,” Regulus chuckled. “If I wasn’t drawing or reading, I was probably taking those French lessons my mother made me go to,” He grimaced. James quirked an eyebrow up at Regulus. “You can speak French?” He inquired. Regulus nodded, picking at the weeds again. “Yeah, so can Sirius. Although, I doubt you’ve ever heard him speak it. He told everyone he was going to use it in ‘special circumstances only’, so,” Regulus chuckled softly.
James shook his head. “Bloody tosser, that one,” He joked. Regulus giggled beside him. “Say something. In French, I mean,” James asked. Regulus looked at him and thought for a few moments. “Chaque atome de votre chair m'est aussi cher que le mien: dans la douleur et la maladie, il me serait encore cher.” Regulus said slowly. James listened intently. “What does that translate to?”
Regulus flushed softly. “It’s a quote from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë. It translates to ‘Every atom of your flesh is as dear to me as my own: in pain and sickness it would still be dear.’ It was the first thing that came to mind,” He said, and James felt his cheeks flush an even darker crimson. “That’s beautiful, Reg,” James spoke. “You read a lot of classic literature for someone so young. Not that it’s a bad thing, simply…a curious thing.”
A comfortable silence fell over the two for a few moments, as they both sat and watched the blades of grass move slowly in the wind. James considered speaking a few times; damn that fear of being boring, but he never did, fearing the calming moment between the two would be ruined. Regulus was the first one to speak.
“Can I tell you something?” Regulus asked quietly, and James turned his attention towards him.
“Anything, Reg.” James said, reaching out and grabbing Regulus’ hand tightly.
Regulus nodded. “When…when I first came here, I told Sirius that mother had used the Cruciatus curse on me twice; once when he left, and another before I left,” Regulus said. James nodded. “That was a lie. I lost count of how many times she used it in the year Sirius was gone.” He said quietly. “She took all of her rage about Sirius leaving out on me. She told me that I should have stopped him, I shouldn’t have let him get away. That it was my fault that he left. So she punished me for it,” Regulus said, swallowing hard. He squeezed James’ hand back, sighing. “I didn’t tell Sirius because I didn’t want him knowing that his leaving was the reason the abuse got worse,” Regulus said. “They were mad that he left, so they took it out on me. It wasn’t just the Cruciatus either. It was confusion hexes, stinging hexes, weakening hexes. Some that I had never even heard of before.” He said, brushing his thumb against James’ hand. “Walburga is a hateful fucking cunt.” Regulus said simply, which caused James to laugh softly.
“Orion wasn’t much better, honestly,” Regulus said. “He was just…less frequent. Walburga’s punishments were constant. But Orion’s…his were somewhat worse. Just because of how bombastic he was- he could command a room without saying a single word, so his punishments were just as commanding. One time he used the Imperius curse on me, forced me to hurt my house elf Kreacher. It was horrible,” Regulus said.
“But you’re out now, and you never have to see those tossers ever again.” James said matter-of-factly. Regulus nodded, running his fingers over the cover of the book nestled next to him. “That’s true. I can only hope that I never have to see them again.” Regulus said.
“You’re incredibly brave, d’you know that?” James asked.
Regulus turned his head to look up at James, raising an eyebrow. “I doubt that’s true.”
James shook his head, turning to fully face Regulus. “No, it’s true. It’s the truest thing I’ve ever said. You, Regulus Black, are the bravest person I know of,” James said, grabbing both of Regulus’ slender hands in his large ones. “You’ve been through so much horrible shit in your life, yet here you stand- healing, growing every single day. You’re so strong, it’s incredible. It’s one of my favorite things about you,” James said, his cheeks flushing immediately after he said it. Regulus was just as pink, and he diverted his gaze from the boy in front of him. “Thank you James. I don’t know when I’m going to be able to believe you, but…it’s nice knowing that someone believes in me.” Regulus said softly. James smiled shyly, squeezing the boy’s hand. They spent the rest of the day basking in the early August sun, before Effie demanded that they come back inside, lest they get a sunburn.
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Regulus was fucked. Royally, eternally, fucked. Regulus ran his fingers through his hair, staring into himself in the mirror. Why did James make him so unbelievably happy? Why did he feel his heart skip a beat whenever James smiled at him? He knew he’s had crushes before; but they were all small, petty crushes on boys who were clearly uninterested. But with James, he felt different. It didn’t feel like a simple crush, it felt like his whole world was spinning, like he was disoriented and didn’t know where he would land. It made his heart beat faster when he saw James, or when he would hold him when he would have panic attacks, Regulus felt as if he simply couldn’t handle it anymore.
He had a crush on James Potter. His brother’s best friend. And he was royally fucked.
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“Has Sirius ever shown you where our namesake stars are?” Regulus asked. It was late, probably around 2am, but James and Regulus were sitting on the patio in the back garden. The summer sky was surprisingly clear, allowing them to see the stars shimmering against the inky black sky. James shook his head, his shoulder brushing against the shorter boy’s. “No, he never has,” James said, turning to look at Regulus. Regulus smiled softly, pointing up at the sky. “Do you see that small cluster of stars? It’s called Canis Major. The star at the very top is Sirius,” Regulus said, and James watched him as he pointed.
“Really?” James asked, searching the sky. “Yeah, and when I was little, Sirius taught me how to find it every time. He would always tell me that if anything ever happened to him, or to me, all I needed to do was look up and I could always know that he was watching over me,” Regulus said quietly. “And that group of stars is the Leo constellation,” He pointed slightly over, James’ eyes following him. “The brightest star is Regulus.”
James leaned closer to Regulus, following his finger to see the brightest star in the constellation. James smirked, feeling his cheek brush against Regulus’. “Brightest star in the Lion constellation, hm? How Gryffindor of you,” James teased. Regulus giggled softly, shaking his head. “Shut it, James,” He said softly, turning to look at James. His heart skipped a beat when he felt how close he was, James’ warm breath against his face. It smelled like mint, probably from when he had brushed his teeth in the hours before they were supposed to sleep. James stayed looking up into the sky, looking at the stars.
“The Regulus star is in the heart of the lion, yeah?” James asked quietly.
Regulus blinked. “Yeah, it is.”
James turned to look at Regulus, their noses brushing against each other. “I suppose that’s why it was so easy for you to steal mine, then.” He said, smirking. Regulus felt his cheeks glow pink, noses brushing once again.
“Regulus?” James asked.
“Hm?” Regulus asked, looking into James’ warm eyes.
“Can…can I kiss you?” He asked carefully, reaching up to brush some of Regulus’ hair off of his cheek.
Regulus swallowed hard, nodding. “Please.” He pleaded.
James closed the gap between them, lips pressing against Regulus’ soft ones. Their lips moved in perfect harmony, like they were meant for each other. Regulus nearly felt like he would explode, his heart swelling as he reached up to grasp James’ t-shirt gently, as if James would run away if he let go. James carded his fingers through the other boy’s locks slowly, pulling out of the kiss a few moments later. They breathed softly, foreheads resting against each other’s.
“Do you have any idea how badly I’ve wanted to do that?” James asked, laughing softly.
Regulus giggled, nudging James’ nose with his own. “Such a smooth talker,” He whispered, a soft smile on his lips.
James grinned. “I, uh…I’ve liked you for a few weeks now. I think I started liking you before then, but I didn’t actually acknowledge the feelings until recently.” James said softly, pulling away slightly so he could look at Regulus. Regulus flushed, averting his gaze. “I’ve…I’ve liked you since my second year. But I also didn’t acknowledge the feelings until a few days ago.” Regulus admitted.
James grinned brightly, nudging Regulus softly. “Aww, my little lion heart has liked me since his second year?” He teased, making Regulus roll his eyes and gently punch him in the arm. “Shut up!” He whined.
James shook his head, wrapping his arm around Regulus’ shoulder tightly. “Nope, you’re mine now, I’m never shutting up.” James said, looking down at the boy in his arms.
Regulus rolled his eyes again, looking up at James. “Well,” Regulus said. “How about you shut up and kiss me again before I explode.” He said, smirking.
James laughed heartily. “Gladly, darling,” He said, before pulling Regulus into another gentle, careful kiss.
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Prongs,
You already kissed him, didn’t you?
Worried for you,
Moony
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Moony,
Yeah. I did. I’m fucked if Sirius finds out.
Scared for my life,
Prongs