Remus Lupin IV
They had been in the hospital room for two days now and Remus was on the brink of going utterly mad. They still refused to give him back his clothes, stating that it was more sanitary with a hospital gown. He had tried to ask for a pair of pants or a robe, but they only replied that they didn’t offer any of such to patients. He had reminded them several times that he wasn’t a patient. Something Healer Greengrass and his nurses kept ignoring, they saw himself and Harry as pair in need of assistance. Remus supposed that he should be grateful for the fact that they even let him stay with Harry.
Harry was sleeping soundly, and Remus stood by his crib watching his little chest rise up and down slowly. He had been declared almost completely healed and would see a curse breaker later this day. He missed the knock on the door and looked up when three people entered the room. Healer Greengrass made his way to crib, casting diagnostic charms. The other person was Madame Bones, her presence surprised him as she hadn’t been back since that one visit.
The third person explained her presence.
The man looked as he had always done, maybe a bit thinner and eyes a bit hallow. But the rest of him fit Remus memory perfectly. He was tall and stood straight with a natural haughtiness around him. His black hair flowed down to his shoulders, much more unkept than it usually was. His eyes were a molten silver, and they were meeting Remus own. The werewolf faltered under the man’s heavy gaze, a familiar longing filling him. But he quickly stopped it from festering. Anger taking its place.
“One step closer and I’ll rip your throat out” Remus snarled at his old friend before swiftly stepping in between the threat and his cub. His eyes glowed, amber orbs which gave further proof of the deadly creature the man was. Remus felt his magic tighten itself around him, ready to obliterate any threat to the boy that Remus had completely claimed as his own.
“Mr. Lupin-“ It was madame Bones who spoke first but she was quickly interrupted by the grey-eyed man.
“Remus”
The werewolf’s name rolled of the man’s tongue with ease, it was said with such reverence that Remus grew even angrier. How dared he?! A growl rumbled his chest while the snarl grew fiercer.
“That’s quite enough Mr. Lupin”
Remus laughed without any trace of humour at woman’s words. “It’s not. It will never be enough”
Sirius seemed to break at the other man’s words. The otherwise proud man fell to his knees, eyes searching Remus beseechingly.
“I didn’t do it, we switched at the last minute. We thought that we could fool everyone by making Peter the secret keeper. They were supposed to be safe”
Remus took a step back at his former friend’s words. Not quite understanding what the other man was saying.
“Mr. Black was cleared of all charges this morning and the department is now on the lookout for one Peter Pettigrew”
Remus felt himself go dizzy at her words. Peter had betrayed them. Peter and not Sirius? His chest hurt at thought of Wormtails betrayal, but he also felt relieved. Sirius was innocent. Remus tried to blink away the black dots filling his view, he realised a second too late that he had stopped breathing.
Remus opened his eyes and sat up; his body felt a bit tender. Especially his head. He blinked and tried to recall what happened, it came to him quickly.
Sirius was innocent.
He massaged his temple trying to ease the headache lurking behind it.
“You gave us quite the scare there Moony”
Remus whipped his head to the sound. Sirius Black was sitting by the crib and Remus knew that he had been observing Harry. Surely taking in every detail about the boy.
The werewolf opened his mouth to say something but closed it when he realised that he had no idea about what to say.
“Looking good by the way”
Remus blushed and quickly tried cover himself a bit more with the gown. He couldn’t believe that he had greeted Sirius in a dress and then rapidly fainted. The whole scene felt indignant now that he knew of his old friend’s innocence.
“You seem quite sane for having spent two months in Azkaban”
Sirius shrugged before smirking. “They didn’t like Padfoot much”
He lifted his eyebrows in response. It still felt a bit surreal; Remus had wanted to deny that Sirius would ever side with the murdering megalomaniac when he first learned about what happened, but he had then been forced to accept that his wishes didn’t change the cold hard facts. Now he felt lost and guilty, he had been ready to forget about one of his best friends and with that been complicit in dooming him. The werewolf could see that the ex-prisoner had been weakened physically and despite his earlier words, he knew that Sirius was suffering from his exposure from the dementors. He did also know that his time in Azkaban had kept him from properly coming to terms with James’s death. The dead look in his eyes told him that much.
“I’m sorry” Remus said without looking at the man, he let his eyes go to Harry instead. The toddler who now had his godfather back, it was a true blessing. “Don’t” Sirius said harshly. Remus looked at him quizzingly. The grey eyed man gave him a crooked smile. “I’m out now, Harry’s with us and everything will be alright”
He couldn’t help but think that Sirius was trying to convince himself with the words, that everything would be alright. “I didn’t want to believe it, but the facts worked against you. Dumbledore was certain that you were the secret keeper and I had only last seen all of you on Harry’s birthday, I didn’t know what to do. I should have noticed the lack of trial, but I didn’t bother. I thought it was short and decisive. I should have checked”
Sirius let out a humourless laugh.
“Don’t blame yourself Remus, I don’t. We lost them and you grieved, I never should have gone after the rat. I shouldn’t have given Harry to Hagrid. What kind of godfather does that? His parents had just been murdered for merlin’s sake”
“You didn’t think straight, you saw their bodies and you wanted to make the one responsible pay. You couldn’t have known what it would lead to” Remus said, his eyes meet Sirius grey ones. The pain he could see made him lose his breath, Sirius was hurting.
“They told me about was done to him, how those filthy muggles abused him. It should never have happened”
Remus ignored the slur. “No but you’re here now and no one will ever hurt Harry like that again”
“No one will ever harm a hair upon his head” Sirius snarled darkly, reminding Remus of all the rumours of the Black family’s lack of restraint. He smiled softly at the man and nodded. It seemed to be enough to make the other man calm down, the snarl was replaced by a frown.
“I know that there’s been a wedge between us since Hogwarts Moony despite my efforts of apologizing. Will you ever forgive me?”
Remus clenched his jaw and shut his eyes, not wanting to meet those grey eyes.
“I’ve already given you my forgiveness”
“No, you accepted my apology”
Remus sighed; he didn’t understand why he had to bring this up now. Or ever.
“What more can I do Sirius? It’s in the past and it don’t matter anymore, we have more important things to worry about” Sirius narrowed his eyes at Remus. “It matters because you keep on pushing me away”
Remus looked at him bewildered. “You’ve been in Azkaban how could I have been pushing you away?”
Sirius snorted. “You’ve been pushing me away ever since that night, you would never have thought me guilty if that hadn’t happened. James always told me to give you time and I did. But he’s not here anymore and I can’t stand you looking at me like you do. You have this wall between us, you smile at me and speak to me but it’s not real.” Sirius closed his eyes to gather himself “You know what’s funny? Your earlier anger was more genuine than your current smile and I would actually prefer you hating me than this façade of indifference”
Remus was speechless. He felt indignant and angry at his words, no matter the truth of them.
“Well tough luck Black, you made your choices and while I regret what happened to you and my inaction regarding it – I don’t owe you anything. I cut my losses with you a long time ago. And I wouldn’t be speaking to you right now if it weren’t for that child”
He could see how his words seemed to cut into the man who had always walked around without care, it hurt to see him hurting. But Remus Lupin wouldn’t let him trample all over him, Sirius Black knew exactly why Remus could never trust him again.
“You know that I regret my actions” Sirius said. Remus laughed at his words.
“You regret that you got caught, your regret what it would have made me, and you regret what it ended with. But don’t think me a fool to not know that you don’t regret the deed”
Sirius didn’t get a chance to answer as a knock sounded. It was time for Harry to see a curse breaker.