The retreat had been a long-overdue break from their grueling schedules, but for Maloi, it felt more like a punishment. BINI had been on a roll, with non-stop performances, practices, and promotional events. Their management thought a 3-day retreat would be good for the group’s morale, especially with tension bubbling under the surface—not just between Maloi and Colet but with everyone feeling the weight of the spotlight.
The trip started out simple enough. The eight of them, along with Ate Jovy and Coach Matthew crammed into two vans packed with luggage and snacks. The plan was to spend three days in a quiet retreat house in the outskirts of Laguna, away from fans, cameras, and deadlines.
Maloi had spent most of the ride pressed against the window, her headphones on as she stared out at the passing scenery. She wasn’t ignoring anyone on purpose; she just didn’t have the energy to pretend everything was fine. Every laugh from Colet in the van felt like a jab, a reminder of the growing distance between them. Colet, on the other hand, was unusually animated, cracking jokes and laughing with Jhoanna, though her eyes darted to Maloi every so often, searching for something she couldn’t name.
The retreat house was nestled in a quiet, wooded area, surrounded by tall trees and a small garden. It was charming but simple—bungalow-style, with a large, open space inside where they would all sleep on a single, massive mattress. No bedrooms, no privacy.
“Para tayong nag-fifieldtrip,” Gwen joked as they walked in, eyeing the communal setup.
“Or camping,” Mikha added, setting her bag down. “But, you know, indoors.”
“Ang saya nito!” Jhoanna exclaimed, already exploring the house. “We’ll get to bond talaga!”
Maloi forced a small smile, but the idea of being stuck in such close quarters with Colet made her stomach twist.
Ate Jovy and Coach Matthew stayed just long enough to make sure they were settled, giving instructions about curfews and morning activities. “Kami na bahala sa food. Just enjoy, ha? Rest and bond,” Ate Jovy reminded them before leaving for the nearby staff quarters, which were in a separate building.
When the door clicked shut, a strange silence fell over the group. It wasn’t awkward, exactly, but there was a sense of rawness that came from being left to their own devices. Without their managers hovering, it was just them—the eight of them, with nothing to do but spend time together.
The first few hours passed uneventfully. They cooked dinner together—well, mostly Aiah and Stacey did the cooking while the rest hovered around offering “helpful” suggestions. Maloi stayed in the background, quietly chopping vegetables and letting the others take the spotlight. Colet noticed her absence in the conversations, but every time she tried to catch Maloi’s eye, Maloi would look away.
After dinner, they played board games and talked about random topics, but Maloi remained distant. She laughed when appropriate, nodded when spoken to, but she wasn’t there. Colet could feel it, and it gnawed at her. She wanted to talk to Maloi, to ask if she was okay, but every time she worked up the courage, someone else would grab her attention.
By the time they set up the mattress for the night, Maloi’s mood had visibly dipped. She lingered by the edges, letting the others sort out the sleeping arrangements.
“Ate Maloi, dito ka na lang,” Gwen offered, patting the spot beside her.
But Maloi shook her head, moving to the farthest corner. “Dito na lang ako,” she mumbled, pulling her blanket and pillow with her.
Colet watched her from across the room, her chest tightening. Maloi looked so small, curled up in the corner like she wanted to disappear. Colet’s first instinct was to go to her, but Jhoanna grabbed her arm.
“Dito ka na,” Jhoanna said, motioning to the space between her and Sheena.
Colet hesitated for a split second, but the moment passed, and she allowed herself to be pulled to the middle of the mattress. As she settled in, she glanced toward Maloi one last time. The sight of her, alone and turned away from everyone, sent a pang through Colet’s chest.
Maloi lay on her side, staring at the wall, her thoughts refusing to quiet down.
Maloi hadn’t missed the way Colet had been glued to Jhoanna’s side all day—laughing at her jokes, leaning into her during photos, brushing her arm whenever they passed each other. It wasn’t anything new, really; Maloi had seen it countless times before. She had always told herself not to dwell on it, not to let her thoughts spiral.
But today felt different. The way Colet’s eyes softened when she looked at Jhoanna, the unguarded warmth in her expression—it hit differently this time.
When was the last time she looked at me like that?
The thought lingered, sharp and unwelcome.
A faint ache settled in Maloi’s chest, but she forced herself to keep her expression steady. She told herself it shouldn’t matter, that Colet’s happiness was what truly counted. But no matter how much she repeated it, the feeling refused to let go. It was never that simple. It never could be.
Her mind replayed every interaction with Colet over the past few weeks, searching for answers she already knew but didn’t want to face. Colet had been the first to step back, the first to turn away—and Maloi had told herself she understood. Maybe Colet needed space, or maybe it was just easier this way.
But the distance hurt more than she wanted to admit. Every attempt to stay strong, to tell herself it didn’t matter, crumbled under the weight of her longing. It felt unfair—like she was standing still, trying to hold on to something that Colet had already let go of.
Why does it still hurt so much?
She missed her.
The late-night conversations that stretched until dawn, the ridiculous inside jokes only they understood, the way Colet always seemed to find her side without a second thought during meals—each memory felt like a bittersweet echo in Maloi’s mind. She missed the quiet, unspoken connection they once shared, those fleeting moments when the world faded away, and it felt like it was just the two of them against everything.
But those moments were gone now, replaced by the sound of Colet’s laughter shared with Jhoanna. These days, Colet gravitated toward Jhoanna’s company, and Maloi tried to convince herself it was for the best. She should be happy for Colet—really, she should. But no matter how hard she tried, the hollow ache in her chest whispered a truth she couldn’t ignore.
As the room settled into the quiet hum of slumber, Colet found herself lying wide awake. She stared at the dark ceiling, her thoughts a tangled mess she couldn’t unravel. Every glance at Maloi earlier that day had been like a sharp ache in her chest—a mix of longing and guilt she couldn’t shake. It was like she was on the edge of something, but she couldn’t figure out what.
When she’d seen Maloi choose the farthest spot on the mattress, something inside her cracked. She hated this distance between them. She hated that Maloi felt the need to stay so far away, to avoid her. Did Maloi really believe Colet didn’t want her near?
That thought stung more than she expected. But maybe that was exactly what she deserved. She had been confused, unsure of how to act around Maloi, torn between feelings she wasn’t ready to confront. So, she had distanced herself because it was easier than facing the truth. Easier than admitting she wanted Maloi in ways she couldn’t fully understand.
Colet shifted uncomfortably between Sheena and Jhoanna. The warmth of their presence did nothing to fill the growing void in her chest. Sheena’s laughter had been infectious, and Jhoanna’s stories engaging, but Colet couldn’t focus on them. Her mind kept flickering back to Maloi—sitting there, quiet and subdued. Her smiles, once so easy and effortless for Colet, now seemed reserved, distant, as if there was an invisible wall between them.
Why had things changed? Why couldn’t it go back to the way it used to be when it was just the two of them, laughing and talking for hours without a care in the world?
Colet’s heart twisted with the weight of the unspoken words between them. She missed it. She missed her.
But she couldn’t bring herself to admit that, not yet, not when she was still so unsure about everything—about herself, about her feelings, and about what Maloi meant to her.
And yet, despite the confusion, the ache in her chest told her one thing for certain: she wanted to be near Maloi again. She needed to. She just didn’t know how to fix what she had broken.
Unable to take it anymore, Colet slipped out of bed, padding to the bathroom to clear her head. She splashed water on her face, gripping the edges of the sink as her mind raced.
Why does it feel like I’m losing her? she thought, her chest tightening.
When she returned to the darkened room, her feet moved on their own, guiding her to the far end of the mattress where Maloi slept. Colet stood there for a moment, clutching her pillow and blanket. She didn’t know what she was doing—she just knew she needed to be near her.
She hesitated, biting her lip. What are you even doing, Colet?
But the pull was undeniable, something primal and deep in her chest urging her to move closer. She couldn’t stop herself—not this time.
The mattress creaked softly as she knelt down, cautiously slipping into the narrow space beside Maloi. She held her breath as she settled in, her heart hammering in her chest.
She told herself it was because there wasn’t much room left on the bed. That’s why I’m here. There’s no harm in this, right?
But as she laid her head on her pillow, mere inches from Maloi, she couldn’t stop the thoughts flooding her mind.
I shouldn’t be here.
And yet, she didn’t move. She stayed, her eyes fixed on Maloi’s peaceful face. The rise and fall of her breathing, the soft flutter of her lashes, the way her hair framed her face—it all felt so familiar and yet so painfully distant.
Colet swallowed hard, fighting the tightness in her throat. She missed this—being near her, feeling this close, even if Maloi wasn’t awake to see it. The distance between them over the past weeks had been suffocating. Every forced smile, every interaction that felt hollow, had chipped away at her resolve.
I just want things to go back to the way they were. Why can’t it be like before?
The warmth of Maloi’s presence enveloped her immediately. She felt herself relax in a way she hadn’t in days, weeks, months—how long had it been since they’d been this close? Since Maloi’s quiet laughter had been just for her, since Maloi had reached out to hold her hand without hesitation?
Maloi stirred slightly in her sleep, her arm draping across Colet’s waist. The small gesture sent a jolt through Colet’s body, her breath hitching in her throat. She froze, unsure whether to stay or slip away, but when Maloi instinctively pulled her closer, Colet couldn’t bring herself to move.
Colet’s breath hitched. Her pulse thundered in her ears, and for a moment, she was sure she’d wake everyone up just from the sound of her racing heart. Maloi’s face was so close now, her soft breaths brushing against Colet’s neck. She looked so peaceful, so vulnerable, and Colet couldn’t look away.
This feels too good. Too right.
Her chest ached, the yearning growing sharper with every second. She didn’t understand this—why she felt so tethered to Maloi, why her heart seemed to only beat louder when they were close. But she knew one thing for certain: she didn’t want to let go.
She couldn’t stop the tears that pricked at the corners of her eyes. She didn’t understand why it hurt so much—why being this close to Maloi felt both like a gift and a curse.
“I miss you,” she whispered, her voice trembling in the stillness. The words slipped out before she could stop them, and once they did, she felt like she couldn’t breathe.
She clung to Maloi more tightly, pressing her face into her hair as silent tears traced down her cheeks.
Colet’s arm moved on its own, slipping under Maloi’s head. She adjusted slightly, wrapping her other arm around Maloi’s waist, holding her closer. It felt selfish, indulgent, but she didn’t care. For this one moment, she let herself have this—let herself pretend that nothing had changed between them.
Her lips brushed against Maloi’s hair, a soft, lingering kiss that she hoped Maloi wouldn’t wake to feel.
As the minutes stretched on, her breathing finally steadied. The warmth of Maloi’s presence calmed the storm inside her, and for the first time in weeks, Colet felt a sense of peace. She closed her eyes, pressing herself closer to Maloi as sleep finally pulled her under.
Her last thought before drifting off was a quiet plea, whispered into the night: I’m sorry, loi.
When Maloi woke up to sunlight streaming through the windows, her first instinct was to turn away from it, her body craving just a few more minutes of rest. She blinked against the brightness, trying to shake the haze of sleep from her mind. Her body felt unusually warm, wrapped in a cocoon of comfort she hadn’t felt in a while.
She shifted slightly, ready to sit up—until the weight of an arm draped across her waist stopped her.
Her breath caught as her head turned slowly, her heart already pounding in her chest before she even saw her.
And there she was. Colet.
Maloi’s world stilled. Colet’s face was mere inches away, her features softened in sleep, her breathing steady and calm. The sight sent a jolt straight through Maloi’s chest, a mixture of surprise, confusion, and something far deeper that she didn’t want to name.
For a moment, she didn’t move. She didn’t even dare to breathe. She was afraid—afraid that the smallest shift would break whatever spell had brought them here, like this.
Her eyes traced every detail of Colet’s face—the way her lashes fanned against her cheeks, the faint pink of her lips, the way a lock of hair stubbornly fell across her forehead. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful, and Maloi hated how her heart betrayed her by wanting more of this.
What are you doing, Colet? Maloi’s thoughts spiraled as she stared. Why are you here?
Her chest ached with a longing so raw it almost hurt. She tried to convince herself to move, to pull away, to end this before it became too much to handle. But she couldn’t. Not when this moment felt so precious, so fragile.
The distance she had tried to maintain for weeks, the walls she had carefully built, crumbled in an instant. Because here Colet was, holding her like nothing had changed, like Maloi was still her person.
And Maloi wanted to believe it. Just for now.
She closed her eyes briefly, her mind racing with the memories of every time she had caught Colet laughing with someone else, whispering with Jhoanna, or giving her attention to everyone but her. She had told herself it didn’t matter, that it was for the best, that she needed to let go. But lying here, with Colet’s arm around her, all those defenses felt so small, so useless.
Her hand moved before she could stop it, her fingers brushing against Colet’s wrist where it rested against her waist. The simple touch sent a flood of warmth through her, making her throat tighten. She shouldn’t let herself feel this, but it was too late.
I miss you, she thought, the words heavy in her chest.
Slowly, carefully, she shifted closer, allowing herself to press her body just a little tighter against Colet’s. She wanted to memorize the way this felt, to burn it into her memory. She allowed herself to tighten her hold, her arm wrapping instinctively around Colet’s back.
Maloi’s gaze lingered on Colet’s face for just a moment longer, and she felt a pang of guilt. What am I doing? But her heart betrayed her again, whispering back: Just for a little while.
With a soft sigh, Maloi closed her eyes, her head resting lightly against Colet’s shoulder. The warmth, the closeness, the steady rhythm of Colet’s breathing—all of it made her feel safe in a way she hadn’t felt in weeks.
She told herself it was okay to stay like this for just a bit longer. Colet didn’t seem to mind. She even shifted slightly in her sleep, pressing closer to Maloi as if seeking her warmth.
A faint, bittersweet smile touched Maloi’s lips as she let herself relax. She was terrified of what this would mean, but right now, she just wanted to let herself believe this was real. That Colet wanted to be close to her, too.
Her eyes grew heavy again, the pull of sleep too strong to resist. As she drifted off, her last thought was simple, filled with a longing she didn’t know how to contain:
Please don’t let this be the last time.
When Colet woke up an hour later, it was to the sound of giggles. She opened her eyes to find Sheena and Stacey crouched nearby, their phones pointed at her and Maloi.
“Oh my God, Macolet shippers will die for this,” Stacey whispered, snapping another picture.
Colet’s face turned bright red as she realized the position they were in. “Shee, Stacks, stop it!” she hissed, untangling herself from Maloi and sitting up abruptly.
Maloi stirred awake, her eyes fluttering open in confusion. When she saw Colet’s flustered expression, her cheeks turned pink, and she quickly sat up, avoiding her gaze.
The moment was over, but the feelings it stirred lingered, heavy and unspoken.