-----------------------------------------------
“And I can still see it all (In my mind),
All of you, all of me (Intertwined)...
I once believed love would be (Black and white),
But it's golden (Golden)...”
-----------------------------------------------
Regulus Black was taught from the moment he opened his eyes, that love and adoration in the Black family came few and far between. It should never be expected, and would never be given unless required, either by desperation or for public appearance. Because of that, Regulus loved softly, afraid that if he showed too much, he would chase the people he loved most away. James Potter had been coddled since the day he arrived, kicking and wailing. As he grew up, he never questioned how much he was loved by his family. Because of that, James loved fiercely, and the people around him never questioned whether or not he cared for them. Sirius would always tease him, calling him Mother Hen because of how much he cared for the people around him. When Regulus met James, he had felt love envelope him in a warm, protective blanket. James Potter made him feel safe, and even after they had been dating for 5 years, and married for 12, he never felt as alone as he did when he was young. And he made sure that their son, Harry James Potter, never felt as lonely and cold as he did.
Childhood in the Black household could be described as cold, unloving, and unforgiving. Hugs, kisses, being tucked into bed- those were all foreign concepts to the two Black brothers. Walburga and Orion simply had children because they were obligated to, not because they wanted to. Though that large house was cold and lonely, some memories he remembered fondly. He remembered the times, during his parent’s large gatherings with acquaintances, colleagues, people they went to Hogwarts with, when him and Sirius had snuck away to their father’s library. They sat bundled up in one of the plush emerald green blankets his father had draped across their small shoulders as they gazed out of the wide windows. Sirius would always point out their stars; assuring Regulus that if anything ever happened to them, all he needed to do was look up , and he would see his big brother watching over him. He clung to that, the first memory he had where he truly felt like someone loved him, or at the very least, cared for him.
The second memory he had with love was from his second year at Hogwarts. When he was walking with his friend Barty- well, acquaintance was the more likely word he would use to describe Barty. Barty was obsessed with Regulus, mostly due to his status as the Prince of Slytherin because of his ties to the Dark Lord. Regulus always held a certain amount of distaste for Barty, though he would never tell him that. He had a certain reputation to uphold. As the two were walking the grounds, discussing the marks they had just received on their transfiguration assessments, a shy looking Ravenclaw came up to Regulus. Her cheeks were red, fingers fidgeting with the end of the scarf wrapped around her neck. “Um, hi,” She said quietly. Regulus stopped in his tracks, his hands in the pockets of his trench coat. “Uh…hello.” Regulus responded.
The girl cleared her throat. “I sort of have a really big crush on you, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go to the Yule Ball with me?” She asked, voice shaking nervously. Regulus swallowed hard, as Barty looked over at him curiously. “I, uh…” Regulus said. “I appreciate your kindness, but I don’t exactly swing that way. I hope you understand.” Regulus said, before looking down at his shoes nestled into the white snow, and walked away. He heard the muttered confusion of the girl and her friends, but he tried his hardest to block it out as he turned into the long corridors of the castle.
The day after, he had been cornered by Sirius. “You’re gay?” Sirius asked. Regulus nodded, turning to look over his brother’s shoulder. “So what? Do you have a problem with it?” Regulus asked, moving to look straight into Sirius’ blue-grey eyes. Sirius huffed, reaching out to place his hand on his younger brother’s shoulder. “Reggie, I am too. I don’t have a problem with it. I just…wanted you to know that I’m here. And I support you.” Sirius said, pulling his brother into a tight hug.
-----------------------------------------------
“And I can still see it all (In my head),
Back and forth from New York (Singing in your bed)...
I once believed love would be (Burning red),
But it's golden…
Like daylight, like daylight…”
-----------------------------------------------
Though his memories of love were few and far between, there was one memory that he held near and dear to his heart- one that still charged his Patronus to this day, in the many years after it had happened. It was the day that Sirius found out that him and James were dating. The two had been dating for about a year and a half before Sirius found out, though it wasn’t by choice. It had been two years since Sirius had left the Black household, leaving Regulus to deal with the aftermath. James, always the savior, had helped Regulus and Sirius come together after they resented each other for a few months. Sirius resented Regulus for staying behind, being fearful of their family. Regulus resented Sirius for leaving him with their family, knowing how they would react once they found out that Sirius was gone. Thanks to James, the two brothers had reconciled, and Regulus and James started dating shortly thereafter.
The Marauders, as brilliant as they were, had decided to have a game night with the girls. The Marauders, Marlene, Dorcas, Mary, and Lily were all crowded around in the Gryffindor common room when Sirius had the brilliant idea to play truth or dare. So far that night, Peter had admitted he had a crush on a girl in Hufflepuff, Remus had taken seven shots in a row and was effectively crossed out of his mind, Lily and Mary had spent seven minutes in heaven, and Marlene had to admit that she had a crush on Dorcas. James was the only person who hadn’t been chosen to do anything, until Sirius looked at him with a sly grin. “Truth or dare, Prongsie.” Sirius asked, and James chuckled, sipping off of his glass of Firewhiskey. “Dare.” He responded. Remus groaned, resting his head on Sirius’ shoulder.
Sirius reached into his pocket, pulling out a small vial of clear, shimmering liquid. “This, my lovely friends, is a bottle of Veritaserum. It’s a powerful truth potion that compels the drinker to answer any question to the fullest truth possible. You, Prongs, will drink this, and answer one question from each member of the group,” Sirius explained, and James groaned internally, his heart rate speeding up intensely. Remus sent him an apologetic look, to the best of his ability considering how plastered he was. James sighed. “Alright, hand it over,” He relented, taking the vial and drinking it in one go. He grimaced at the taste; it was bitter, and it burned going down, but his body felt lighter and his head stopped spinning from how much Firewhiskey he had consumed. Sirius grinned and took the vial back from him.
“Alright, who wants to go first?” Sirius asked. And so they went in a circle, each member of the group asking a question. Peter went first, asking him a question about his family. Then Marlene, who asked him about what he really thought about her Quidditch skills. His answer (which was that she was bloody incredible, and how he wished he was as good as her sometimes) had her crying and hugging him tightly. Each person went, until it was Lily’s turn. “So, James, I’ve noticed recently that your boisterous attempts to woo me have halted. Though I’m not complaining, I’m just curious as to why it stopped?” Lily asked, emerald eyes meeting hazel.
“I’m seeing someone,” James answered. Lily raised an eyebrow, while Sirius gasped loudly. “And you never told us? What the fuck, Prongs!” Sirius exclaimed. James frowned, looking down at his hands. “You’re seeing someone?” Lily asked. James smiled brightly, his head feeling light as a feather. “He’s just so kind, and sweet, and caring. Merlin, Lily, he’s perfect ,” James sighed dreamily.
“HE?” Sirius exclaimed, standing up. “You’ve been hiding a boyfriend behind our backs for Merlin knows how long?!” He yelled. “What bloody house is he in anyways? It can’t be another Gryffindor if they’ve been able to hide it for this long.” Sirius said, running a hand over his face. James smiled lovingly. “He’s a Slytherin, but to be fair, we only hid it from you because we knew you’d react like someone shot your bloody dog.” James explained. Sirius stared down at James for a few moments before Remus perked up, eyes full of worry.
“Merlin, James, really?” Remus asked, rolling his eyes. “Out of all the bloody Slytherins, you had to pick the one you knew would piss off Sirius the most!” He threw his hands up in the air. Sirius whipped his head to look at Remus. “Did you know? James, did you tell Remus and not me that you’re seeing a bloody Slytherin?” Sirius exclaimed.
James shook his head. “I never told him anything! Remus, how did you figure out I’m dating Regulus so fast?” He asked, tilting his head in confusion. Sirius’ eyes widened, and he clenched his hands into fists. Sirius quickly left the Gryffindor common room, leaving a very confused James, and an extremely worried Remus in the dust. “Uh…” James said. “Should we follow him?” He asked, and Remus shrugged. “You’re dating Regulus fucking Black? Sirius’ little brother?” Dorcas pressed.
A bright smile flashed onto James’ lips as he adjusted his glasses on his nose. “I am dating Regulus,” He said warmly. “He’s just so bloody perfect for me, Dorcas. Lily, you’re great, but I kind of always knew you fucking hated me,” James said, resting his hand on Lily’s shoulder. “But so many people knew how much I had a crush on you for a little bit, and I didn’t want my status with Regulus to be so obvious, y’know? I started laying off the bombastic love proposals, and slowly, I stopped, because Regulus is the one for me!” He exclaimed happily. Lily laughed softly. “You’re a tosser, but I’m glad you’re happy, James.”
Sirius came bounding into the common room, grabbing James’ arm and dragging him out of the room. The rest of the group scrambled behind them, some for backup and some for the award winning show they were about to be treated to. “Ow, ow! Sirius, you’re hurting me, let me go,” James demanded, pulling his arm away from Sirius as they rounded a corner. There stood Regulus, in his pajamas and one of James’ muggle band hoodies, eyes wide as he stared at James.
James grinned brightly. “Mon amoureux des lions! Hi!” He exclaimed, hugging Regulus tightly and spinning him around. Regulus looked down at him, silver eyes full of fear. “Uh, hi James. Are…are you okay?” Regulus asked as James set him down on the ground. “I’ve never been better, mon amour!” He said, grabbing Regulus’ slender hand in his.
Sirius cleared his throat, hands on his hips. “Can you two stop for one moment and listen to me?” Sirius asked, as James turned to look at his best friend, a lovestruck look in his eyes. Sirius grimaced and he ran a hand over his face, holding it out to point at the two. “So, Regulus, would you like to explain why James just told us you’ve been dating behind our backs?” Sirius asked, silver eyes meeting silver. Regulus swallowed, looking over at James. “What the fuck did they give you?” Regulus asked. “I thought we said we weren’t gonna tell them until we were both ready.” James simply shrugged, resting his chin on Regulus’ shoulder.
“Veritaserum, truth potion.” Peter said, and Regulus turned to look at him. “You gave him veritaserum?” Regulus asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Lily was the one to speak up first. “We were playing truth or dare, and Sirius dared James to drink it and answer a question from everyone on the group. My question was why he had stopped loudly proclaiming his love for me, and eventually James spilled the beans,” Lily answered. “Though, for someone on a truth potion, he surprisingly avoided the specifics for awhile. That was, until, Remus figured it out without saying your name, and James asked how Remus had figured out it was you so fast.”
James wrapped his arms around Regulus’ waist, and the shorter boy sent him a glare. “James, that is not helping the situation. We’re about to get murdered by my brother and your best friend and you think now is the time to do this?” Regulus asked, making most of the group laugh loudly. “But I loooove you,” James whined, pressing kisses to Regulus’ cheek. Regulus rolled his eyes and shook his head tiredly.
“How long has this been going on?” Sirius asked. Regulus stared at his brother, trying to read him. His posture, his facial expression, everything about Sirius screamed anger. But in his eyes, those blue-grey eyes that mirrored his own, Regulus swore he saw a bit of concern; of worry, perhaps worry that James was forcing Regulus to date him, or vice versa. Worry that James was using Regulus, or Regulus was using James to get closer to Sirius after their bout of anger. Regulus sighed, leaning into James’ hug. “A year and a half,” He said. “We started dating shortly after you and I made up when you left.”
Sirius sighed loudly, and James perked up from beside Reg. “But, Sirius, I love Regulus. And Regulus loves me. We care about each other so much, and I know you might be mad at us, but Merlin if I had to hurt him, I would never forgive myself. Don’t make me hurt him, don’t make me hurt myself. Regulus Black is the love of my life.” He said, staring at his best friend.
Sirius thought for a few moments before closing his eyes. “Regulus,” He said, taking a deep breath, and opening his eyes again. “You love him?” He asked. Regulus turned to look at James and gave him a soft smile. “I do, Sirius. I love him a lot.”
“And James, you love him too?” Sirius asked. James nodded quickly, squeezing Regulus tighter. “More than anything in the whole world. And you know how much I love Quidditch. And my mum’s cooking.” He said, smiling at his best friend. Sirius chewed on his bottom lip before letting his head fall backwards. “Fine. As much as I despise this idea, you two clearly love each other. But I swear to Merlin, James Fleamont Potter, if you dare hurt my baby brother, I will rain hellfire upon you,” Sirius said, before turning to Regulus. “Regulus, if you hurt James, he probably deserved it.” He joked, before running up to his brother and best friend and enveloping them in a tight hug. Regulus smiled brightly, hugging his brother back.
After a few moments, Regulus was the first one to pull away from the hug. “You’re seriously okay with this?” He asked Sirius. Sirius put his hand on Regulus’ shoulder, squeezing it gently. “Regulus, as much as the idea of anyone dating my baby brother makes me want to hex myself into another dimension, if anyone’s gonna do it, I trust James the most,” He said calmly. “However, my statement about raining hellfire upon him if he hurts you still stands.” Sirius said, winking at James. James frowned, clinging onto Regulus tighter. “I’m not gonna hurt him Siri,” James whined, making Sirius laugh loudly. “I know, I know,” Sirius said. “But I will.”
Regulus laughed softly, turning to James. “Alright, let’s go get you the antidote for the veritaserum before you spew out any more secrets,” He said softly, grabbing James’ hand and intertwining their fingers. Regulus led James down towards the potions classroom, with James following close behind. What Regulus didn’t know, was that after they had turned the corner, Sirius had turned around and grinned brightly at Lily. “Lily Jane Evans, I can never thank you enough for getting them to finally admit it to me,” He said, hugging her tightly.
“I can’t believe it actually worked,” She cheered, high fiving Mary, who had helped her brew the Veritaserum due to how she excelled in potions. Remus rolled his eyes, turning to look at Peter. “They’re all idiots,” Peter said. Remus sighed, leaning against the wall behind him and nodding. “Yeah, but they’re our idiots.” He said softly.
Regulus pulled James into the potions classroom, searching around for the ‘in case of emergency’ veritaserum antidotes he knew Slughorn kept in his classroom. James wrapped his arms around Regulus’ waist from behind, pressing soft kisses into his shoulder. “I’m sorry I told everyone, I couldn’t help it,” James said quietly. Regulus laughed softly, pulling out a drawer and taking the small vial of antidote out. “Garçon d'or, it’s alright,” Regulus said, leaning back to press a kiss to his boyfriend’s temple. “They were gonna find out eventually, mon amour.” He said. James huffed. “I know, but I still feel bad.” James said softly. Regulus turned in the boy’s arms, wrapping his arms around James’ neck. “My angel, my sweetest boy, I promise it’s okay.” Regulus said, pressing a soft kiss to James’ lips. James melted into the kiss, tightening his grip around Regulus’ waist. After a few moments, Regulus pulled away, handing James the small vial of the antidote. “C’mon, drink this and let’s go to bed,” He said, before the two of them walked hand in hand back to the Gryffindor dorms.
-----------------------------------------------
“I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you,
I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you.
I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night,
And now I see daylight (I see daylight), I only see daylight…”
-----------------------------------------------
The birds chirping in the early morning sunlight woke Regulus up, silver eyes blinking away the sleep that covered them. He turned over to see James, who was now his husband, thumbing through a Quidditch magazine. “Good morning, mon amour,” Regulus said softly, voice raspy with sleep. James looked down at his husband and smiled warmly. “Good morning, my angel.” James said, leaning down to press a soft kiss into Regulus’ curly black hair.
Suddenly, they heard the sound of two small feet sprinting down the hallway, and their bedroom door flew open, revealing their son Harry. “Papa! Daddy!” He exclaimed, throwing himself into their king sized bed. Regulus smiled brightly, scooting over to allow Harry to slide in between his fathers. “How’d you sleep, mon rayon de soleil?” He asked, brushing the boy’s dark hair out of his eyes. Harry smiled brightly up at his dad. “I slept well, papa,” He said, curling up in between the two men. James wrapped his arm around Regulus’ shoulders as he sat up, back pressed against their headboard. Harry had just turned eleven, and they knew he would be getting his acceptance letter to Hogwarts soon. Their son would soon leave for most of the year, so they cherished all the time they could get with him now. Harry moved so that his head was in James’ lap, legs splayed across Regulus’. “Excited for Hogwarts, kiddo?” James asked, running his fingers through his son’s hair. “Absolutely!! I can’t wait to make so many friends,” Harry said excitedly. “And I’m excited to know what house I’m gonna be in.”
Regulus laughed, looking down at his son. “Whatever house you’re in, we’ll be excited for you regardless, darling,” He said. The two fathers excitedly talked with Harry about Hogwarts, about Quidditch, everything. And though Regulus had grown up not knowing what love felt like, he was certain he knew what it was now. It was sitting in their fluffy bed, arms wrapped tightly around each other as the morning sun spilled into their bedroom, talking with their son about his journey to the school where he had met his soulmate. His best friends. To Regulus, that’s what love felt like. And if he died tomorrow, he knew he would be content with the life he lived, and the love he felt surround him every day.
“Reggie?” James asked, pulling Regulus out of his thoughts. He looked at his husband, humming softly as if to ask ‘what?’ James laughed softly, carding his fingers through Regulus’ dark locks. “Harry wants to make pancakes, but he wants us both there to help him. Ready to get up?” He asked, getting out his bed and holding his hand out to Regulus. A soft, warm smile graced the shorter man’s lips, and he grabbed his husband’s hand.
“Yeah. Let’s go before he burns down the kitchen.” He said jokingly, pressing a soft kiss to James’ lips before racing down the stairs, ready to make pancakes with his perfect, loving family.
-----------------------------------------------
“I only see daylight, daylight, daylight, daylight…
I only see daylight, daylight, daylight, daylight…”
-----------------------------------------------