Remus' Letter
Remus woke up to a letter from his father, he crept into the bathroom to read it before getting ready for the day.
'Dear Remus,
Hope you're doing well in school, and having fun. Your mother and I are excited to see you again soon next month, we miss you very much.
I know I've said this over and over, but please be careful. You know society's view on werewolves and transgender people, and if anyone were to find out… I don't even want to think about what would happen. You should, of course, make friends. You're a kid, you should be laughing and messing around with other people your age. But because of your secrets, you need to be extremely careful. Don't get too close to your friends, or befriend anyone that has a strong curiosity.
I'm just extremely worried for your safety. There's no need to mention this to your mother, she cares about you so much but doesn't fully grasp just how dangerous it is to be a werewolf in a wizarding society or the bigotry towards trans people.
Be safe. I love you.
Lyall Lupin'
Remus read the letter over and over. He knew how dangerous it was, and he realised how reckless he had been. His roommates were extremely curious and nosy, they tried to spend every moment with him and become extremely close. If he continued this way, they would soon find out and he'd be kicked out of school.
He spent a while sitting in the empty bathtub, thinking of ways to make his roommates leave him alone. He knew he hadn't been overly friendly with them, and they only wanted to hang out with him during classes or meals.
But it would be hard to get rid of them nonetheless. Unless he outwardly told them his feelings of indifference towards them.
He wanted to be friends with them, they seemed fun. But it was too dangerous to go on any further. He repeatedly told himself how much they would hate him if they knew he was not born a boy or that he was a werewolf.
It was the weekend so there were no classes; he decided upon spending the whole day in the library. There was nothing else to do anyway.
He made his way down to breakfast, the hall was mostly packed by the time he got there.
In the middle of eating, Sirius dashed out while clutching a red envelope. James followed close behind but Peter remained seated, although he seemed to want to follow after them.
With James and Sirius gone, Peter started talking to Remus.
"I'm so glad we don't have classes today, I'm not doing a single piece of homework till Sunday evening at the earliest. Gives me loads of time to rest. That was a howler, right? Probably from his parents, I think he got quite a few detentions last month so it's probably about that."
Remus nodded, "right", he responded, pausing from eating.
"What are you up to today?"
"Library."
Peter nodded, "Makes sense. You're in there a lot. Can I come with you for a bit?"
Remus looked up, "Thought you didn't want to do any work today?"
He shrugged, "Yeah but I'm really gonna need help with that transfig essay and I thought you might help me."
"Fine. But only because teaching you helps me remember things more."
"You should be a teacher", Peter grinned.
Remus paled and went back to his food, he didn't reply.
Once they were finished eating, the two went to the library. However as they entered, Pince rounded upon them in fury.
"Mr Pettigrew! What do you think you are doing here?"
Peter folded his arms, mocking her pose, "studying!"
Pince almost growled, "I told you, you're banned for the next two weeks!"
"I told you, your books told me how to make that book tornado. So it's your fault! You should be the one banned!"
"It's my library!"
"It's my school work!"
Remus walked away as they continued bickering, he sat down at a table in the far corner.
After a couple of minutes the shouting stopped, followed by a slammed door and Pince walking around the library, muttering about Peter.
"Remus!" Lily said, sitting down at his table.
"Hi Lily."
She smiled and handed him a book, "Thought I'd return the favour. My father sent me this in the post a couple of weeks ago. Apparently it's new so I assume you haven't read it yet."
Remus looked at the cover, squib by Nina Bawden.
"I won't spoil it for you but it's really good. Thought you'd quite like it."
"Thank you", he said, fidgeting with the corner of it.
Lily smiled again and brought a half finished essay out of her bag.
"I was meant to be finishing this with Sev, but we got into a little argument. He gets slightly annoyed about me reading these books and not wizard ones. Especially when he saw me reading this one book-"
She cut herself off, looking guilty.
"I can't tell you why, it's not my place to say anything and he's entrusted me with the information. It's like a secret, you know? You never tell anyone else your friend's secret. No matter what it is."
Remus looked up, "Even if it was really bad? Or you were disgusted about it?"
Lily laughed slightly, shaking her head. "Of course not. Unless it was something so… you know, absolutely horrible. Like, they murdered a bunch of people."
Remus grinned, "Lily! That's the first thing that comes to mind?"
Lily leaned forward, her laugh replaced with a serious expression.
"Remus…" she whispered.
Remus leaned forward as well, nervous about what she was about to say.
"…are you a murderer?"
Remus snorted, uncontrollable laughter coming out.
Lily smiled, triumphantly before catching sight of Pince.
"Pince is coming over." she whispered to him.
Remus stopped laughing, abruptly.
"What is going on over here?"
Lily smiled up at her, "Sorry Miss. We were working on our transfiguration essay and Remus here started coughing. It was like he was just choking on his own saliva, the poor boy."
Pince turned to him suspiciously.
Remus made a show of viciously coughing into his arm, he didn't stop until she had completely left.
He pointed at Lily with furrowed brows, "You. You're a little liar, pretending to be a sweet student but you're a menace."
Lily laughed again, "We've been best friends for two months and you only just realised? You're slower than I thought."
Remus leaned back in his seat, his fingers finding the corners of his book to fidget with again.
"We're best friends?" He asked.
"What?" she questioned, "of course we are."
"I thought Snape was your best friend."
Lily grabbed his hand, "you can have more than one best friend. I love you, Remus."
Remus smiled, going into his bag and grabbing another book out.
"I was thinking you might like this. I annotated when I first read it so I was thinking maybe you'd like to add to it? Just random thoughts you have while reading it or something? If you wanted to?"
Lily nodded in excitement, "That sounds so fun, yes! And you could annotate the squib!"
Remus agreed, and they decided to finish the transfiguration essay then start reading the books afterwards.
They stayed in the library for hours, only just noticing the time a couple of minutes before lunch was due to end.
The two practically ran out the library and to the great hall, just making it in time to eat lunch.
They continued eating and reading in the hall till they had finished the books.
"Do you want to do another swap?" Lily asked as they walked back to the common room.
"Sure. I'll put my things back in my room and grab another book for you."
Remus walked up the stairs to the boy's dormitory, he looked through his bag and his fingers touched the letter from his father.
The sudden fear came back to him. He knew Lily would never tell his secrets to anyone, and she'd never try to work them out if he didn't tell her.
But the three boys behind the door were different. And he couldn't risk it. Lily was his best friend anyway, while those three only talked to him because he was there.
Remus opened the door, and was met with his roommates.
Sirius pounded over, "Lupin! Guess what! So, James and I forgot the invisibility cloak existed and then Peter reminded us of it so I said 'Guess it must be invisible to our memory as well' Funny right?"
Remus' lips involuntarily quirked up and he breathed out a small laugh before remembering the letter. He walked over to his bed and sat down.
"We're going to the kitchens to get some snacks for Sirius' birthday. Want to come?" Peter asked.
Remus looked over to them and shook his head, "I'm alright. Going to read for a bit."
"Well the party will probably start a little after dinner. We're also going to invite Marlene, Mary and Lily." James said, the three boys heading out the door.
"I probably won't make it." he answered, opening his back and sorting it out.
Sirius turned around, "What? But it's in our dorm?"
Remus shrugged, "I've got things to do."
"The party will still be happening after lights out, so you'll just be late."
Remus shook his head, "No. Sorry, it's just that I'd rather read in the common room than join your party."
James tapped on the door before speaking, "I know you're not very social, but don't you want to hang out with us and celebrate Sirius' birthday?"
Remus shrugged again, grabbing the letter out of his bag. He knew the three boys were only inviting him because he lived where they were having the party. They weren't actually friends, they didn't really care about him. He couldn't get close to them.
"Not like we're proper friends or anything. Happy birthday, though."
All three of them left the room, leaving Remus by himself again.
He pocketed the letter and sorted through his pile of books before picking one up that he thought Lily would enjoy.
He left the room and went down to the common room and found Lily sitting by the window in one of the alcoves.
"Hey. Here you go", he passed her the book.
"And yours", she said, giving him her book, "Did you want to go down for dinner?"
Remus shrugged, "I'm not that hungry and I don't really want to be surrounded by the whole school at the moment."
Lily nodded, "In that case. I'll grab us a couple of rolls then meet you back here and we can get a start on these books?"
"Good idea", he smiled.
Remus opened the book Lily had given him and started to read. It was only a couple of minutes until Lily was back again, she passed him a bread roll and the two sat in silence as they read. Occasionally pointing out something interesting or funny to the other person.
As it got to 6pm, Lily hurriedly got up.
"I'm meant to meet up with Sev, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot."
"It's fine, don't worry about it. Have fun."
"Thank you, Remus" She hugged him before quickly leaving the common room.
Remus got out the letter from his father again, reading the words over and over again.
He clutched the letter tightly. His father was right, but it still hurt that he couldn't have a normal life because of who he is.
At least he had Lily. She'd probably leave him if she found out who he really was, but at least she wouldn't tell anyone else.
Tears pricked his eyes; his best friend would hate him if she found out his secrets. And goddammit that hurt.
He didn't go upstairs till late at night, when the letter was soaked in his tears and Lily's book was long since read.
He quietly entered the dorm, Peter seemed to be asleep while Sirius and James were silently watching him.
He walked over to his bed to find it filled with all his things. They had just thrown his stuff without any care for it.
He carefully started moving stuff from the bed to the floor, a few of the edges of his books were bent or ripped. One of his records seemed to be scratched. A few ink pots had spilled onto the duvet and onto his only school shirt, staining it. It made him want to cry.
He quickly got into bed, closing the curtains around it. He reached into his top drawer, thinking a snack might help calm himself down.
But his hand grazed a completely empty drawer instead.
He heard James and Sirius whispering from across the room.
You stole his food?" he heard James say.
The two stayed quiet for a moment before James spoke again.
"You've got to own up to it and apologise, Sirius."
"I will", Sirius replied.
Remus heard footsteps, presumably Sirius walking back over to his own bed.
He fucking better apologise, Remus thought, before crying himself to sleep again.