Remus glanced around the crowded platform, pressing his hands to his ears in an attempt to muffle all the noises around him.
"Ready to go, hon?" his mother said from behind him, gently pulling his hands away. Wincing at the sudden noise flooding his senses, Remus nodded reluctantly.
"Alrighty, then, off you pop." said his father, a large man who towered over both Remus and his mother.
Just as he was turning to face his parents, his mum pulled him into a tight hug, just the way he liked, and he relaxed slightly at the calming sensation of being wrapped up tight. "I love you, darling." she murmured into his ear. "Promise you'll write?"
Remus nodded again. "Promise."
He turned with one last wave over his shoulder, hopping onto the Hogwarts Express. And so it begins.
Sitting alone in an empty compartment he'd found, Remus finally allowed his muscles to unclench, letting out a deep breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding. He closed his eyes as he rocked side to side, feeling his body relax as he thought. He was really going, then. No going back now, he supposed.
Suddenly, Remus heard loud voices coming from outside his compartment, and he stilled his body when he saw the silhouettes of two boys approaching through the foggy glass window. The door swung open, and a dark haired boy with round glasses and skinny arms poked his head around it.
"These seats taken?"
Remus shook his head, wondering why this boy was there.
"Great! Come on, Pete, it's basically empty in here!"
Bewildered, Remus shrank back into himself as both people slid into the seat across from him.
"Don't be scared, we won't bite!" the dark haired boy nudged the pudgy blonde one he had called 'Pete', and they both laughed, though Remus couldn't for the life of him understand why - of course they didn't bite, that would be weird! - but he smiled weakly along with them.
"James Potter, nice to meet you. This is my best mate, Peter Pettigrew." the dark haired one - James, Remus thought to himself - reached across the compartment to hold a hand out in front of Remus.
"Er.. I'm Remus." he gingerly took the proffered hand, cringing at the sweaty palm he was met with.
"Cool name." Peter said. Remus shrugged, uncomfortable with the attention, but seemingly unable to make his tongue move to divert said attention back to the other boys. He was saved, however, by another figure opening the door.
"Alright, lads? Any space left in this one?" the boy standing in the doorway rendered Remus speechless, though he didn't quite know why - perhaps it was a combination of things: the thick, dark hair falling nearly to the his shoulders, the striking grey eyes, the absolute presence that this boy carried about himself.
"I reckon we could squeeze another in, what do you think,
Remus?" James said, smiling at Remus, who simply blinked.
"Oh, yeah. S'pose so." he eventually muttered, after realising they were all waiting for him to speak.
"Don't mind Remus, he's a quiet one." James said, and although Remus might have been offended at this if anyone else had said it, he found himself oddly endeared by James referring to him as if they were close friends.
"Mind if I slide in here?" the beautiful boy said, throwing a lazy grin in Remus' direction. Before waiting for an answer, he did just that, plonking down into the spot next to Remus and throwing an arm over the top of the seat. Remus curled impossibly smaller, resisting the urge to squeeze his eyes shut, clamp his hands over his ears and rock, rock, rock.
Seeming to sense his discomfort, the other boy withdrew his arm and scooted a minute amount of space away from Remus as he spoke, shooting a grin at Remus.
"I'm Sirius Black."
Remus watched as James' eyes widened almost comically behind his glasses. Glancing around as if someone was listening to their conversation (there wasn't, Remus checked), he whispered: "Black? Like... Noble House of Black, intense pureblood, all in Slytherin Black?"
Sirius rolled his eyes and huffed a laugh. "Yeah, that. But I'm not a dick, promise."
A laugh startled out of Remus at this, and he clapped his hands over his mouth, surprising himself. Sirius' broad grin directed itself in Remus' direction, and he felt a blush rise to his cheeks, a funny fluttering feeling in his stomach.
"I'm James. James Potter. And this is my mate Peter Pettigrew."
Sirius grinned. "Potter as in the blood traitors?"
James returned the smile, though Remus didn't know why. Blood traitor didn't sound like a compliment to him.
"One and the same, mate."
"I think we're going to get on splendidly." Sirius said, gazing around the compartment in satisfaction. "Just splendidly."
His eyes landed on Remus, and a soft smile that Remus hadn't yet seen split his face.
Blushing, Remus curled into himself just a little more. Maybe they would.
***
Hopping off the train, Remus was almost shaking he was so overwhelmed. It felt like he was about to explode, his senses were all muddled and he didn't know what to do. At least he had Sirius, James and Peter. They were all walking together, Remus on the tail of the group as he tried to keep up with their fast conversation.
Remus saw Sirius drop back from the group, and they walked in sync for a second before Sirius offhandedly asked: "Are you okay? You seem... I don't know."
Remus shook his head... then nodded, then shook it again.
"Hm." Sirius said, seeming to have gained infinite knowledge about Remus' feelings in just those small actions. "D'you want to hold my hand?" Sirius blushed - how strange, Remus thought to himself, Sirius didn't seem to be the type to blush - "Just, I thought it might help. Sorry, that's probably weird, forget I even said anything."
"Sirius." Remus said, some of the few words he had said to the other boy.
"Yes?" Sirius stopped his rambling to look at Remus.
Remus gave him a faint smile, still feeling on the brink of panic with his head full of bubble wrap. Grabbing Sirius' hand, he continued. "Thank you."
The feeling of Sirius' hand in his own pulled him back to earth a little, and though what he really needed in that moment was his mother's arms wrapped as tightly as they could possibly go around him, squeezing all the noise and smells and bright lights and worries away, this was enough. Enough for now.
***
The boys rejoined Peter and James a few minutes later, after Remus had felt a little calmer and less likely to melt into a pile of goo, still holding hands. Remus notice Peter give them a funny look, but James just smiled at them and invited them back into the conversation. Which, of course, Remus still found challenging to keep up with, but maybe a little easier with Sirius' hand holding his own.
It was funny, really; funny that although Remus had only known Sirius for a matter of hours, he already felt so safe and at home with him. No one could usually ever prevent a 'blowup' as his mum called them - not even her hugs, usually. But Sirius simply holding his hand had grounded Remus enough to hold on a little longer, and though he could still feel the lingering panic on the edges of his senses, Remus knew he could avoid a blowup for at least a little while longer.
The overwhelming fog came back a little when they hopped on the boats to travel across the massive lake, and Remus was definitely on the brink of tears at one point. He liked to think no one noticed in the dark: but he had suspicions that Sirius might have. Remus wasn't worried, Sirius seemed not to be judgemental.
As the group of first years was led up to the castle by a tight, strict looking teacher who had introduced herself as: "Minerva McGonagall - though you all may call me Professor McGonagall.", Remus and Sirius stuck with James and Peter.
"What house do you all reckon you'll end up in?" Peter asked as they walked into the building.
"I dunno mate - hoping for Gryffindor, but isn't everyone?" James answered. Wincing, he turned to Sirius. "Sorry, Sirius- suppose you'll want Slytherin, right?"
Sirius laughed. "I'm not sure about that. I mean, my whole family's Slytherins, so I'd probably be the family failure if I wasn't, but they're all arseholes anyways, you know? Maybe it would be a good thing not to be like them."
James hummed. "See what you mean. Bit of an awkward one, innit." Turning to Remus, he continued: "How 'bout you, Remus? Any preference?"
Remus shrugged. "Dunno, really. S'pose I might like Gryffindor, but."
Sirius squeezed his hand in encouragement, seeming to sense Remus' anxiety. "We'll just have to see what happens, yeah?"
They all nodded in agreement, jumping when a shout came from a kid a few metres away from them with long, greasy, black hair. "Oi, fags!"
The four boys glanced at each other in confusion.
"Stop holding hands! We don't want to see that-" the boy was cut off by a girl with long, red hair.
"Sev! Stop that, that's horrible!"
Still, Remus dropped Sirius' hand, feeling the loss immediately.
"Hey." Sirius said. "Don't listen to him. I quite like holding your hand, yeah?"
With that, Sirius took Remus' hand again. Remus didn't know quite what it was, but warmth seemed to fill him at this. Shooting a small, private smile at Sirius, he murmured: "Thanks."
"No worries." Sirius replied, swinging their hands kind of like how Remus always did by himself. It felt nice. "That's what friends are for, right?"
"Friends?" Remus questioned, unsure.
"Friends." Sirius confirmed.