six
After the big win against Manchester City, the girls were buzzing. But Leah had had enough. She had to say something. So, when the final whistle blew and everyone was heading for the locker room, she spotted Alessia heading toward the team bus, her face set in that familiar, unreadable expression. Leah’s heart pounded in her chest as she jogged after her.
“Alessia!” she called, her voice louder than usual, cutting through the noise of the bustling car park.
Alessia didn’t turn around at first, but when she finally did, she was wearing that same blank expression, and Leah’s frustration boiled over.
“Are you seriously gonna keep ignoring me?” Leah snapped, stepping in front of her.
Alessia flinched, as if she hadn’t expected the outburst. She had never actually heard Leah sound this angry before, it was quite scary if she was being honest. Her eyes flickered to the ground for a second, and when she looked up again, she had that apologetic, almost evasive look in her eyes. “Leah, I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Leah scoffed, feeling a tight knot of anger coil in her stomach. “Don’t lie to me, Alessia. You’ve been pulling away from me for weeks, and I’m sick of it. What’s going on? Do you not want to be my friend or something?”
Alessia took a step back, her hands slipping into her pockets, looking suddenly uncomfortable. “It’s not that, I just-”
“Stop it!” Leah interrupted, stepping forward so their faces were just a few inches apart. “Just… stop pretending. I know you’re doing it on purpose. And I don’t get it. You’ve been pushing me away like I’m some sort of disease. You barely speak to me nowadays, and when you do it’s just a few words. We were fine a couple of months ago.”
Alessia swallowed hard, her jaw tightening. She opened her mouth as if to speak but closed it again, clearly unsure of what to say.
Leah was done. She couldn’t keep pretending like she wasn’t hurt. So, she looked around to see if anyone was near them and did the one thing that had been building up in her all this time - she kissed her.
It was quick. A burst of pent-up emotion and frustration that exploded in a second. Her lips pressed firmly against Alessia’s, and for a heartbeat, everything else fell away. It was messy, raw, and desperate, but it was real.
For a moment, Alessia was frozen. She didn’t move, didn’t pull away, just stood there, her breath caught in her throat. Leah’s heart hammered in her chest as she pulled away, leaving a few inches between them.
Leah’s voice was trembling, her hands shaking. “I really like you, Less. I have for so long. And I’m sick of hiding it.”
Alessia’s face was pale, her expression wide-eyed in disbelief. She stepped back quickly, eyes darting around like she was looking for an escape. “Leah, I- I didn’t know. I didn’t-”
Before Alessia could finish her sentence, Leah turned on her heel, every muscle in her body screaming to get away from the confusion in Alessia’s eyes. But Alessia wasn’t done. She grabbed her arm, her fingers tightening around Leah’s wrist, but Leah pulled away sharply.
“No,” Leah snapped, her voice breaking. “Don’t. Just don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”
She broke into a fast walk, her feet pounding against the pavement, her mind a whirlwind of emotions. She didn’t know where she was going, but she couldn’t stay there. Not with Alessia looking at her like that, like she was a problem that needed fixing.
Leah’s chest was heaving as she walked, her mind racing faster than her legs could carry her. She needed to get away. She needed to calm down. But the world around her felt like it was closing in. There was nowhere to go, she only had one option.
It wasn’t until she reached the team bus that Leah collapsed against the side of it, her breathing ragged, her hands trembling violently. Her vision blurred, and her chest tightened. She felt like she was suffocating, her heart racing out of control. Panic surged through her like a flood, crashing over her in waves. Her knees buckled, and she sank to the ground, clutching at her chest.
“Leah?” A voice cut through the haze of panic. It was Steph, kneeling beside her, her voice laced with concern. “Hey, hey, are you okay?”
Leah couldn’t respond. All she could hear was the rush of blood in her ears, the frantic beat of her heart. She felt dizzy, disoriented. The kiss, Alessia’s confused expression, the rush of emotions that had been trapped inside her for so long - it was all too much. She was sick of feeling like this all the time.
“Leah, breathe with me,” Steph said firmly, her hands on Leah’s shoulders. “Look at me. You’re okay. You’re safe. Just breathe.”
But all Leah could do was stare ahead, unable to stop the onslaught of panic that had taken over her. She had told Alessia how she felt. She had put herself out there, and Alessia hadn’t said anything - just stood there, silent, like she didn’t know what to do.
And now, Leah couldn’t even catch her breath.
****
The bus ride back to London had been filled with laughter, music, and the kind of elation that only came after a hard-fought victory. Arsenal Women had just crushed Manchester City, and the energy in the air was infectious. They had played their hearts out, and it showed. But while the team was buzzing with excitement, Leah couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that had been gnawing at her all night.
They were heading to a local pub to celebrate their big win, a tradition after every huge victory. The girls were joking around, still wearing the smiles on their faces. But Leah couldn’t focus on any of it.. The others were already planning where to go next, talking about which drinks they wanted. But Leah felt disconnected.
She had been waiting for this. After all the tension between them, after what happened in the car park, Leah had hoped this would be a moment for them to reconnect. Maybe Alessia would join them at the pub. It didn’t even matter if they talked about what had happened - Leah just wanted her there, to feel like things could go back to normal, like there was no awkwardness between them.
But as the team arrived back at London Colney, she saw Alessia head straight to her car, not even saying goodbye to anyone.
“She’s not coming,” Steph said, suddenly appearing beside her. Her tone wasn’t accusing, just straight up.
Leah was. "Why not?" she asked quietly, though she already had an inkling.
Steph shrugged. “I think she just needed some space. Maybe she’s tired. You know how she is.”
Leah nodded, but it didn’t make it any easier. She tried to push the feeling aside, but it lingered. She had hoped, so badly, that after everything, Alessia would be here - just to be part of the celebration with the team.
They went home and agreed to make their own way there, but Leah couldn’t stop thinking about Alessia. The thought that she wasn’t there, that she’d made the choice to not go, troubled her. Was it because of her? Was Alessia avoiding her because of what had happened? The kiss. The confession. Everything .
When they arrived at the pub, Leah sat with the group, but her mind wasn’t there. She smiled, nodded, tried to engage in the conversations around her, but it felt off. Every time someone laughed, it sounded distant, as if it were happening far away from her. She felt like an outsider, surrounded by people but disconnected from the moment.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out quickly, hoping for a message from Alessia, but it was just a group text from the team about the plans for tomorrow’s training session. Leah’s stomach dropped. She had told herself she wouldn’t check her phone constantly, but here she was again, waiting for something - anything - from Alessia.
When the team started to order rounds of drinks, Leah noticed that some of the others had noticed her distant mood. Steph gave her a look. "You okay?" she asked, leaning over with a raised eyebrow.
Leah forced a smile. “Yeah, just exhausted.”
“You sure? You seem kinda… off. Is it because Alessia’s not here?”
Leah’s heart skipped. She hesitated, not sure how much she wanted to admit, but then realised Steph had seen her in a state before. “I don’t know. I just… I thought she’d come. I really thought she’d come tonight.”
Steph raised an eyebrow again, a knowing look crossing her face. “You like her, don’t you?”
Leah’s face went red, and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She had never really talked about it with anyone on the team. Hell, she’d barely been able to admit it to herself.
"I don't want to make things weird," Leah muttered, her voice barely above a whisper. "But, yeah. I think I do."
Steph’s expression softened. “Knew it. You two are close. But if she doesn’t want to talk, you can’t force her to, Le.”
Leah sighed, looking down at the table. She knew she was right. But it didn’t make it hurt any less. She just wanted to be close to Alessia again, the way they were before her feelings took over. To feel like they were on the same page, like everything that had happened hadn’t ruined the bond they had.
"I need to apologise. I just walked off, after doing something so spontaneous… I screwed up," Leah mumbled. "She looked horrified. She doesn’t want to be around me now. Not like that."
Beth came over a few minutes ago, listening in on their conversation Beth already knew Leah had feelings for Alessia, because she’s her best friend. And best friends know these things. Plus, the two of them were constantly teasing her about it a few months ago. She reached over, placing a hand on Leah’s arm. “It’s not about you. It’s about her. If she’s avoiding you, maybe she’s trying to figure something out. Maybe she doesn’t know what to do either.”
Leah nodded, trying to hold back the lump in her throat. She appreciated the words, but they didn’t really help. She wanted to believe that Alessia wasn’t pushing her away because of her feelings, but a part of her wasn’t sure anymore.
After a while, the noise of the pub started to blur into the background. The laughter, the clinking of glasses, the constant chatter - it all felt so far away. Leah could barely even focus on what people were saying. Every time she caught a glimpse of the door, she hoped to see a blonde ponytail walk in. But she didn’t.
She wanted to go find her. To knock on her door, apologise for the kiss, for pushing her too hard, for walking off, and tell her how much she really, truly cared. But she didn’t. She stayed at the pub, trying to drink and laugh with the others.
As the night wore on, Leah finally excused herself and stepped outside for a breath of fresh air. The cool air hit her face, and she leaned against the wall of the pub, her arms folded tightly across her chest.
She felt so small, so unsure of everything.
“Idiot,” Leah whispered to herself, rubbing her face with both hands.
She wanted to call Alessia, but she couldn’t bring herself to. What if it made things worse?
Leah sighed again, looking up at the dark sky. She just wished things could be simple.
****
The next few days were a blur for Alessia. She tried to act normal during training, to maintain the professional front, but inside, everything felt off. Every time Leah looked at her, Alessia’s heart raced and she’d look away, the weight of everything suddenly unbearable. Every time she’d look over at Leah, she had a devastating look on her face. Alessia knew it was her fault. She felt guilty. Leah confessed how she felt, and as much as Alessia wanted to do the same, it just wasn’t that easy.
Leah, for her part, had no idea what was going on inside Alessia’s head. As much as she wanted to pull her aside and start a conversation. She chose not to. After wise words from Beth and Steph, she decided to give Alessia as much space as she thought she needed. Beth had even offered to speak to Alessia herself, but Leah immediately said no. If Alessia wanted to talk to Leah, then she’d most definitely listen. But if she didn’t, then she’d respect it. She just didn’t want whatever was happening between the two of them to affect the team.