Remus is in his bed re-reading some cheesy poem collection. He isn't an idiot tho, he knows damn well when to read it, that way no one will find out what a huge sap he is. Alone time in the bedroom is extremely rare but merlin seemed to have blessed him this evening. Or so he thinks until the bedroom door cracks only the faintest of open.
It always surprised him the wariness in which Sirius moved when they were in private. The loud and obnoxious Sirus Black. How someone who shined brighter than the stars felt the need to make themselves small used to shock him endlessly. The moment Sirius poked his head and saw him he relaxed notably. Remus did as if he didn't notice the small smirk that appeared on Sirius' face.
They walked slowly towards Remus, while he made a huge effort not to put down his book. Sirius was wearing a green sweater she liked to steal from Lily, one of Mary's skirts and some black stockings. A shiver came down Remus' spine, they looked gorgeous. Apparently, Sirius was shaking too. The twat was freezing, after all, it was mid-February in fucking Scotland.
Sirius continued rubbing her hands together in a poor attempt to warm them. Neither of them spoke a word, they didn't have to. Sirius just took off his boots while Remus read for the 20th time the same verse without even knowing what it said. Around the 30th time, he felt the bed shift and Sirius was next to him. They put his head on Remus' shoulder using one of his hands to pillow it while the other went over his stomach. They shifted a few more times until they felt comfortable enough, Remus remained unmoving the whole time. He could feel Sirius's breath in his neck, the way one of her legs was holding both of his in place, how their fingers were tense in his stomach as if something wasn't completely right, as if Sirius were somehow nervous.
"What are you reading moony?" Said Sirius so faintly that if Remus wasn't paying attention to every breath they take he would have missed it.
"A book" was the poor and shaky answer he could give. Sirius huffed to this and shifted a bit more, sliding her hand under Remus' sweater.
"Fuck pads you're bloody fucking cold" that horrified statement and the velocity in which Remus conjured a blanket over both of them made Sirus giggle.
"Yeah yeah, you laugh you twat, that was like touching a dementor."
"I wouldn't try and suck your soul." said Sirius a bit offended "Are you going to tell me what your book is about or not?"
Remus didn't want to share his little secret but how do you say no to Sirius Black?
"It's poetry. I know, I know I'm a pathetic sod who-"
"Read to me."
Sirius didn't ask, so Remus couldn't really deny it as no petition was made. So he stopped babbling and started looking for his favourites poems to read to them. Some were about friendship and family, others were about death and loss, but the ones he liked the most were about forbidden love. Maybe because they hurt as much as they brought joy to his heart. Maybe he chose those to read out loud because they made him think of Sirius. Maybe he chose them to remember that he could never have the person who was cuddling him right now. After all, why would Sirius Black want him back?
They stayed like that for a while, Remus reading and Sirius listening, until Remus stopped. He thought Sirius fell asleep and felt free to put the book down and just stare at them. Their curls, their lashes, their slightly ajar mouth. He started thinking about her like he always did, about holding their hand, sleeping like this every night, calling her his partner. He needed to stop doing that, but he didn't want to. Remus Luping had a thing for pain, sometimes he felt it was the only thing he knew. It was hard for him not to find some comfort in it.
He lowered his arms and hugged Sirius' body, pressing it slightly closer to him.
As he closed his eyes he said hopeless "I wish you knew the way I feel about you."
"I think I do" Sirius' hoarse voice answered
"I- I thought you were asleep"
"I was, now I'm not"
"Yeah I gathered that"
"Moony you are an ass"
And with that Sirius pulled Remus' face down and planted a soft kiss on his lips. Remus was in fact an oblivious ass because Sirius, the love of his life was now kissing him and he couldn't for the love of Merlin remember how to breathe. Until Sirius' hand on his stomach started to scratch him and just like that the air came back to his lungs all at once.
"Wait, wait, do you like me?" Sirius didn't know whether to laugh or to kick Remus on the shin. He sat on the bed and face Remus only for one second before he barked.
"Merlin Moony you used to be so clever, did you hurt your head recently? OF COURSE, I like you you twat" They decided to be mad until they saw the utterly horrified and sorry face Remus was making, so they could only avoid laughing for so long. "Of course, I like you Moony, I do, I really do"
Remus was quite shocked, to say the least, and he could seem to react. This was everything he had been dreaming of since he saw Sirius on the Hogwarts express in first year and felt the desperate need to say something to that kid, to make them notice him. He made an attempt to compose himself, he had practised his undying love monologue to Sirius thousands of times in his head. But at the moment the only thing he came up with was "Cool, I like you too"
As he finished saying that he wanted to punch himself in the face. But as Sirius started laughing again and cupped his face to give him a second kiss he thought that maybe he didn't do so bad after all.