Pride of The Queen

Prologue
When father was alive, he taught me how to fence and speak Greek. We had the best of times when we rode the horses, my hair blowing in the wind. I felt free out of my dress after learning how to stand and sit and eat like a princess, it was all horseshit, but mother wanted it and so that’s what I would do. I never had to work so hard to impress father. He always told me “The day you were born was blessing enough for me.” He told me that every time I couldn’t get something perfect. He cradled me in his arms until I was too big for him to cradle. He would sing–Horribly– but it was the thought that counted. Until one day he got sick. There was no more horse riding or cradling anymore. Mother assured me he would get better. She was never good at keeping promises though.

Regina

When was the last time we checked the mail?
“Coline?," "May you please get someone to fetch the mail,” I ask, practicing my manners for the suitors. Coline calls for one of the lower maids as she applies a soft pink-tinted lipstick to my lips. The maid brings the mail and lays it down on a side table “Thank you” I smile after her. She nods with a soft smile on her face. I flip through the mail absentmindedly looking for one special letter.“Oh,” I giggle as I find it, tracing my fingers over the hummingbird wax seal. Coline squeezes me into my third layer of petticoats as I peel off the wax seal and skim over the words of the letter “She really did invite me Coline” I giggle joyously.
“Please stay still Regina you’ll wrinkle the dress” Coline mumbles around the pins in her mouth, glaring only slightly, as she smooths out the growing wrinkles in the periwinkle dress she's been forcing me into, for what feels like the past century. She repositions the ruffled chiffon straps that lay on my shoulders.
“You know how long I’ve been waiting for her invite” I pout “Can’t I be a little happy” I bat my eyelashes at her
“You can be happy after I’ve put this dress on” She sighs pinning the dress back.
“Oh don’t be such a worrywart Coline” I sigh as Coline rubs the slight scuff marks off my heels “Those boys barely know the difference between cerulean and blue,” I remark as Coline pulls the ribbons of my corset.
“Breath in,” She says as she pulls the lace ribbon even tighter “It doesn’t matter if your suitor knows the difference between the shades of blue” She pauses as she ties the ribbon into a pretty bow that rests on the small of my back “he just needs to have character and not sleep around.” She mumbles bitterly as she admires her work “Just hope you don’t have to end up with a working position” she whispers as the room goes silent and the only sounds that are heard are the hushed whispers from people across the palace getting the ball ready, and the sound of Coline walking around the room in search for the curl paper.
“Whatever happened to your late husband?” I wonder out loud, breaking the silence.
“He died as you know and he left all his money to some affair” She grumbles as she braids my hair into an elaborate tower of hair.
“So that’s why you came back? Because he was having an affair?” I raise a perfectly trimmed eyebrow
“No I came back because the seductress attempted to have sexual relations with me,” She says wrapping the hair that she prepped with curl paper around the tongs “The girl must’ve been looney” Coline says lightly and for a minute it seems like she’s sad.
“Or maybe she just really liked you?” I say softly
“I can’t entertain these homosexual thoughts” She mutters laughing half-heartedly “And if she did she wouldn’t have ruined my life”
I frown softly
“Coli-” I start before I’m interrupted by the door flying open.
“Hurry it up will you,” Mother says in a clipped voice, unlike her usual mouse-like quiet.
“We’re almost done here ma’am,” Coline says in a polished voice that she only ever uses for the queen.
“What’s the rush Mother,” I scowl “They should learn some patience” I mutter under my breath.
“These boys and girls are coming from all over the world just to see you, Regina. The least you could do is be present” She sighs seemingly out of breath.
“Just because I’m present doesn’t mean any of them will get my hand” I whisper begrudgingly as Coline powders my face one last time.
“Ah,” Coline grabs a white flared shrug and puts it over my shoulders.
“Perfect,” she smiles, blowing on my face one last time. “Have fun,” Coline whispers to me as she slides a few freshly picked flowers into my hair.
“Thank you, Coline,” Mother smiles as she takes my hand. “We’ll be on our way now,” She says, thanking Coline a million times more as she pulls me out of the room.
We walk down the corridor lined with portraits of previous generations of princesses and queens, and candelabras burning so bright you’d think the palace would have been engulfed in flames by now. We walk by rooms with boringly painted doors, and even more unamusing rooms. When we reach the end of the hall, Mother stops suddenly.
“Tonight is all yours” She smiles staring into her portrait hanging on the wall “Make the best of tonight” She whispers, turning to look me in the eyes. Mother's eyes have always looked like the calm before a storm, a horrid event waiting to happen, but in this very second they look…. Nice, serene even.
“I will,” I say, taking in all the sounds and smells of the palace. She takes my gloved hands into hers as she runs her manicured fingers over the light purple lace on my wrists. “Tonight is all mine” I whisper reassuring myself as Mother walks me down the winding staircase and into the ballroom full of men and women, princesses and princes, future rulers and failures, friends and foes. The music plays loud interloping with the whispers and chatter of all of these people I barely know the names of, but over the swarms of people, one person catches my eye. A girl, but not just any girl, my girl, my best friend. She immediately sees me and she waves and I can’t help but smile, a real, genuine smile. I watch Mother follow my gaze to Trixie, and her face changes from soft to adamant disgust.
“Please Reah, that prostitute is intolerable” She whispers her eyes returning to those insufferable waves crashing onto my calm shore.
“Trixie isn’t a prostitute” I mumble, putting on my picture-perfect smile as I see a group of columnists. One of them boldly walks up to us with a recorder and a pen and paper.
“Hello Princess Regina,” She says positively.
“Hello, Miss…”
“Patricia” She interjects
I look her up and down and she’s wearing a standard black Edwardian skirt and a button-up blouse “Hello Miss Patricia” I smile.
In a lively voice, she asks “I’d just like to know, how are you feeling about this ball so far”
“I’m very excited to meet all these new people” I feign a polite smile as she jots down my words.
“I also heard there’s a special prince from the western kingdom with a name you might find interesting” She smiles “His name is Rex” she catches my confused look and continues “which can be translated to vasiliás, and if you’ve been studying your greek that means-” It’s my turn to interrupt her now “King” that’s what that means, vasiliás means… king.
“Indeed” she smiles “Just like yours... Queen” She continues jotting in her notebook “Well, thank you for your time Princess Regina” She walks away with a proud smile on her face as if she didn’t just ruin my entire night.
As soon as she’s out of earshot I bark at Mother “You liar”
“What are you talking about Regina,” She asks with a mask of innocence.
“You lied!” I lower my voice as a few people stare “You said this party was for me but it’s not!” I whisper my voice cracking “It was just a setup wasn’t it?”
She tries to take my hand in hers but I slap it away “Regina” she says sternly staring me down.
“What Mother, haven’t you ruined this night enough?” I storm through the crowd, people’s gaze following me. My eyes are stinging but I absolutely refuse to shed a tear over that woman. I wipe furiously at my eyes, walking faster trying to reach my room, my mind a storm. “GOD” I scream pushing the closest vase over and watching as it shatters into pieces. I look at the shards of glass and I don’t feel even a sliver of satisfaction. I pull up the sides of my dress and start stomping on the shards cursing under my breath. When I finally feel satisfied I look up to see another lady watching me. I let go of my dress and clear my throat “Hello” I say calmly, attempting to control the rage boiling beneath the layers of skin.
“That was quite the spectacle” She jokes “What’s got your knickers in a twist”
I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding in. “My mother told me she was throwing a ball for my enjoyment when it was just a ruse for some foreign prince to court me.” I rant “Can you believe her?” I ask slumping to the floor far enough from the glass shards.
“I can” she laughs sidling down next to me “I married a man and he packed up and left me with his child” When she smiles the corners of her eyes crinkle up almost like she finds her tragedy funny. I aspire to be like her someday. We sit in a comfortable silence before she speaks up.
“You should get back to your party, shouldn’t you?” she says, holding her hand out to me.
“Maybe,” I smile, taking her hand. It’s a small shock how warm her hands feel. Strange.
“I do hope to see you again, maybe next time under different circumstances” She chuckles, the music getting louder as we approach the large doors of the ball. “Wait…” Before I get to ask this mysterious woman what her name is she opens the doors and disappears into the crowd. I walk into the room looking for the mystery woman until Mother finds me in the crowd.
“Regina! Where were you?” She asks her voice going up nervously
“I was barely gone for ten minutes” I run my hands over the smooth texture of the dress smoothing out the wrinkles as Mother takes my hand and brings me up towards the balcony that oversees the ballroom. She waves over one of the nearby stewards.
“Tell the patrons of this party that the princess is ready to start the festivities” She has the fakest smile on her face that could only convince the people who don’t know her and sadly this steward is one of those people. He nods and walks to the middle of the ballroom.
“Let the festivities begin” He claps.
“Please the people,” Mother says, staring forward into the crowd. Not even brave enough to look at me. I sigh and walk down the stairs of the balcony towards the line of ecstatic people. I put on my princess smile and attempt to bear a smile for the rest of this boring night. The only joys I feel are the short glimpses of the mystery women in the crowd and the few seconds in between each dance.

Aste

I stay and watch the princess dance from the far corners of the room. Every time she sees me her smile becomes even more radiant. Though I would love to continue to indulge in that luxury, unfortunately, I have places to be. I grab the feather boa and drape it around my shoulders. I exit the palace through the same door the princess and I came in through. I walk down the cold streets, the frigid air prickling against my skin. Maybe I should’ve called a buggy? I have to save a few pounds to feed Lola tomorrow though so I’ll be fine for now, I sigh, continuing my walk. It takes me 15 whole agonizing minutes to walk back home. I knew I should’ve taken a buggy. I pull the spare keys from under the hay welcoming mat. I unlock the door and place the keys back under the mat.
The house is small but it’s our home and I’ve ensured that it stays intact until I can find a better house for Lola and me.
“Lola, dear where are you?” I say in a singsong voice pretending I don’t see her fragile little body hiding behind the house plant “BOO” The little 4-year-old cackles as she jumps in front of me “Oh my days” I feign being afraid holding a hand to my chest. “You scared me half to death” I smile softly, picking her up “Did you eat?” I ask as I walk to the kitchen with her in my arms “Mhm” She nods vigorously “Zestial made me des patisseries” she beams, rightfully proud of her French.
“Oh, did he?” I grab a glass of water and hand it to her “That’s nice, isn’t it?” I run my hands through her ginger hair as she drinks the water. “It’s bedtime now dear” “I don’t wanna go yet” She pouts.
“And why’s that little miss” I chuckle kissing her on the nose
“Zestial said he’d tuck me in”
“Well I’m here, don’t you want Mama to tuck you in?” A sad smile spreads across my face. This isn’t the first time she’s chosen that man over me, but it definitely doesn’t feel better than the last time. But I can understand why, I have a job and I barely get to take care of her so she’s been seeing him more than she sees me. I’m not exactly upset she took a liking to him, only that she also seems to prefer him over me. “You’ll see Zestial tomorrow, ok?”
“Okay” She nods sadly as I lay her down in bed “Did you meet the princess today mama?” She asks her mood suddenly picking up
“I did actually,” I say pulling the blankets up to her chest “She was so kind” I whisper my memories of the princess to Lola as if sharing a secret.
“Can I meet her too?” Lola asks excitedly
“Hmm” I hum “I’ll see what I can do” I kiss her on the forehead “Goodnight Lola”
“Good night mama” She yawns, her eyes fluttering closed.
I sit, waiting for her breathing to even out before I slowly get up from the edge of her bed, making sure not to wake her. I walk out of her room and just as I close her door the front door opens.
“Where were you?” I ask sternly “If you insist on intruding into MY family you could at least be more present” I whisper exasperated
“This is my family too Aste” and I can’t believe he had the nerve to say that.
“It was your family before you went and got another woman pregnant” I raise my voice slightly throwing my hands out in front of me “You can’t keep your prick in your trousers”
“Aste,” He says softly like I’m some child. I’ll have him know I’m almost 28. “I already apologized for that”
“Just because you apologized doesn’t make it any better Zestial” My eyes start stinging and wow right now is not the time for me to get emotional “Sorry doesn’t undo what you made Liloana and I go through,”
Zestial has always been a sorry little man. The fact that he’s shorter than me even without the heels doesn’t help his case either. But I loved him whether he was short or tall, fat or skinny, he was mine. For a while at least. He looks a bit sad, maybe the cogs in his small brain are finally turning. Maybe he’s finally accepting that there is no way to take back what he did.
“Why’d you leave her alone? She’s just a kid Zestial, she needs you” I needed him, but I won’t grant him that satisfaction. He stands there staring at the ground looking even smaller, as if shrinking into himself. I walk back into my room and sit down on the large bed that used to inhabit twice as many as it does currently. Even though everything is tidy and in its place this room feels filthy. Stained with all the good and bad memories that led to our separation. I shrug off the dress letting it pile around my feet, and step out of the constricting circle. I walk into the bathroom and flick on the switch, the room filling with a dim yellow light. I turn on the tap and splash my face with water. Staring right back at me is my splintered reflection in the broken mirror, water dripping down my face and pieces of me fragmented as if showing all the hidden bits and pieces of me. It reminds me of the time I broke my great aunt’s mirror, she was angry, livid even, and god was I afraid. I hid on the other side of the estate until I couldn’t bear living with her anymore, and I can’t help but wonder, would Lola have had a better life if I had stayed or would she have never been born? It doesn’t matter much because my grandmother's gone. She was always stuck in the past and now she’s only a memory. I slip into my nightgown and unbraid my hair stray pieces of flowers falling onto the floor. I’ll clean it tomorrow. I flip off the light and walk back to my room. I lay down in bed, the silence enveloping me until it’s broken by the sound of a door closing. He’s gone. Again. Finally, I figure out what it means to be surrounded by people but alone.

Regina

The end of the night is in sight until a boy or man rather, comes along, he has a young face framed by red hair and these strange emerald green eyes. This must be the foreigner. I can say he isn’t half bad-looking.
“Hello Princess Regina,” he says bowing.
“Hello, Rex,” I say ignoring the casualties.
“May I take this last dance?” He asks holding out his hand
“You may” I put my hand in his slightly larger one as he pulls me close and we walk to the middle of the ballroom.
“The palace is beautiful isn’t it?” He says attempting to start small talk as we spin
“If you believe so” I shrug, attempting to right the position of my sleeves.
“I have a proposition for you princess,” He says looking proud of himself.
“Go on,” I say intrigued.
“In return for your hand in marriage my family will give you all the money you could dream of” This cheeky smile forms on his face as he says this proposition.
“Why would I need money from you?” I scowl. “Are you insulting me by insinuating my kingdom needs your help?” I ask my tone sharp as a knife. He looks surprised when I ask that question as if he generally thought I would be stupid enough to accept such an idiotic proposition.
“I didn’t mean to make it seem like that I apologize princess” He mumbles his bushy brows furrowing as he spins me.
“This dance is done is it not” I feign a smile as the music ends “Good day, Prince Rex” and there’s a failure, I think to myself as I walk back to where Mother is standing looking over every single one of my dances. “Are we done here?” I ask, her eyes still avoiding mine.
She doesn’t utter a word, she doesn’t even look at me, can you believe that? I excuse myself from the ballroom with a lie like
I’m feeling horribly sick.
Horribly sick?
Yes, nauseating even. As if. I march up the same stairs Mother and I came down from hours ago. Opening the double doors and walking down the portrait-lined corridors. I finally arrive at my room. Sitting on the stool in front of my vanity, I pull out the flowers Colin placed in my hair. They really are beautiful. I wonder what my mystery woman is doing right now?
Maybe she’s a princess from a faraway land and she’s riding on her carriage to go back to her home. Maybe she came here only to see me. That thought brings a smile to my face.