Chuuya spanks Akutagawa (BSD)
Akutagawa didn’t mean to do it, he really didn’t. But Dazai left. He left the port mafia and he left Akutagawa, and how was Akutagawa ever meant to get the acknowledgement he carved now? It still wasn’t an excuse, though.
Akutagawa remembered the night before. He’d been hurt and angry, and he felt abandoned, unloved, unwanted. He felt alone. He’d just found out Dazai had left, had chosen to become a traitor of the mafia. No one knew why, except maybe the Boss. Akutagawa didn’t care for the reason, only the action.
Dazai had promised him, when they met, that he’d help Akutagawa find a reason te keep living. How could he keep that promise if he wasn’t here? He hadn’t even said goodbye.
Akutagawa wasn’t thinking clearly. He was lost in his hurt and anger and the feeling that he’d been betrayed by Dazai, and then he’d feel guilty for being angry at Dazai because Dazai had took him and Gin in when they had no one, when they were alone. That didn’t stop the anger though, especially when he considered the way Dazai had taught him. He knew many would see it as abuse, and maybe it was, yet Akutagawa knew different. It was something he could never explain, not because he didn’t know how, but because he was forbidden.
In public, Dazai was more than harsh, he was cruel. More than that, he was dangerous. Akutagawa would be lying if he said he’d never feared Dazai. But there were other moments too, times when no one was around, where Dazai was… softer, somehow. Times where Dazai cared for him when he was injured or sick, times when he punished him, not out of anger and malice, but care and concern. Akutagawa wouldn’t say he was a father figure. Even if they weren’t similar ages, he wouldn’t be able to, as Dazai made sure to keep some sort of distance for him. But, sometimes, in those quiet, private moments, he almost believed Dazai actually cared. Maybe, in his own strange, Dazai way, he did care. Or maybe Akutagawa was just fooling himself and Dazai had truly never cared.
But it was this version of his mentor he’d truly wanted to acknowledge him, to praise him. But Dazai never had. And it was this Dazai he truly felt had betrayed and abandoned him. He could believe that the cruel, sadistic Dazai who shot bullets at him and put him through hell and called it training, he could believe that version of Dazai would leave and not think twice about him. But the… almost caring side of Dazai he saw in these rare moments… it was harder to reconcile this sudden abandonment with that version, that side of Dazai.
Akutagawa had done something completely unlike him then, something he hadn’t considered the repercussions of. First, he’d went to Dazai’s old apartment, the one Mori had given Dazai at Chuuya’s insistence. He didn’t know why, maybe he was looking for a reason Dazai left the Port Mafia so suddenly, maybe he was looking for a clue on where he’d gone. Either way, he found himself in Dazai’s apartment, and shortly after found a bottle of whiskey, unopened. Despite what many people thought, Dazai didn’t often drink outside of his time spent with Odasaku and Ango, claimed there was no point, since he didn’t feel any different after drinking than he did sober. It was all the same to someone who simply didn’t care if they lived or died. Still, he had the bottle, an old Christmas present for Odasaku. Odasaku, Akutagawa knew of his death of course. Was that why Dazai left? That didn’t make sense to Akutagawa, it would be easier to avenge Odasaku’s death if he stayed in the Mafia.
Akutagawa really wasn’t planning on drinking, he really wasn’t. But he found the whiskey, unopened, and couldn’t help but grow curious. Whiskey was the only thing Dazai really drank. Akutagawa couldn’t help but wonder what the appeal was. He opened the bottle and took a sip, before scrunching his nose up. He was hoping for better. Maybe it would taste better if he drank a little more. Akutagawa takes a longer swig. He’s still not impressed. He thinks for a second. The rare occasions he saw Dazai drink it was in a glass with ice. Maybe that would taste better, so Akutagawa tries that, finishing the glass. He still doesn’t really like it, but by now, he’s not just drinking alcohol. Somewhere along the way, his thoughts of Dazai and his feelings regarding Dazai suddenly leaving had bubbled up, leaving him lost in a mixture of betrayal, anger, confusion, sadness, memories, good and bad, resurfacing. He wasn’t thinking as he refilled the glass a second, then a third time. He wanted to forget about it, to not think, to just block it out for five seconds. It wasn’t working.
After his third glass, Akutagawa is desperate. He can’t stop thinking, and his memories and emotions are all over the place. Akutagawa lets out a scream of rage and, without thinking, throws the glass in his hand across the room, barely noticing how it smashes as it hits the wall. But he does notice, and the sound of the smash makes him jump and accidentally let go of the bottle. That, too, falls to the floor and smashes, whiskey surrounding Akutagawa.
“Fuck!” Akutagawa curses, realising what he just did as he jumps up from his seat on Dazai’s old sofa. His head spins and he stumbles and sways slightly but catches himself before he can fall.
Akutagawa leaves, practically running out of the apartment as fast as his unsteady legs can take him and stumbles his way to where he lives with Gin. He doesn’t notice the concerned redhead, who happens to notice him and quickly grows concerned when he sees how unsteady and out of it Akutagawa looks. A quick glance in his (he guesses) now former partner’s room tells him all he needs to know and sends him running after Akutagawa, hoping to check on him.
Gin jumps and whips around when the door burst open and Akutagawa clumsily runs in. Immediately, she’s concerned as she can instantly tell something isn’t right. If the way the door slammed open and Akutagawa wasn’t warning enough, then him swaying where he stands and then slumping to the ground, seemingly not even noticing her as he quite suddenly bursts into tears is.
“Aku” Gin calls out, concerned, approaching her brother cautiously.
He looks up at her, tears flowing out of hazy eyes, and Gin knows her brother isn’t entirely sober. But she can talk to him about that later, when he’s sober and won’t forget. Right now, her brother is clearly upset and needs comfort, so that’s what she does. Gathering her older brother in her arm, Gin holds Akutagawa as he sobs. It breaks Gin’s heart, she can’t even remember the last time Aku cried.
“Aku? What happened? Did someone hurt you?” Gin asks as he holds him and rubs his back, trying to offer comfort to seemingly no avail.
“He left.” Akutagawa sobbed. “Dazai left, and he’s a traitor, and he never even said good bye, and now I’ll never get to prove myself to him.”
Gin froze for a second before hugging him tighter. She knew she was speaking, trying to comfort him or reassure him, anything. But she didn’t know what she was actually saying as she considered what her brother said. Truthfully, Gin had never been as close to Dazai as Akutagawa was, and she’d never looked up to Dazai as much. Dazai wasn’t her mentor, and Gin had never quite liked the way he treated Aku. Her own training hadn’t been easy but Dazai seemed to take that to the extreme. Gin also didn’t have the same experience of being cared for by Dazai in any way as, after getting her assassin training and giving her a mask, encouraging her to hide that she was female, they really hadn’t spoken much. She wasn’t sure why, if Dazai simply didn’t care or just didn’t know how to interact with women outside of torture sessions and flirting. But, either way, privately, she though things might be better this way. But she couldn’t say that, not now and maybe not ever, not to Akutagawa.
But Gin didn’t know how to comfort him for this. She could only hold him as he cried and offer empty reassurances. She pulled away and gently guided him to the kitchen, still offering words of comfort to no avail. She released him for only a second to get Aku a glass of water.
“I hate him,” Akutagawa suddenly hissed out. “For what he did to me. Not the training, not the cruel things he did then. At least then we both knew he was being cruel, he wasn’t pretending to care. That’s what I hate, him making me think for even a second he gave a single fuck about me” Akutagawa seethes. “I should’ve known really, when he shot at me, but I still thought some small part of him might have cared, even the slightest bit about me, at least enough to not just leave. No goodbye, no explanation, just gone. How stupid I must be, to think a demon could ever care for me, he barely even sees me as a person.
Gin was caught off guard by Akutagawa’s outburst but opened her mouth as she approached him. But Akutagawa was drunk and angry, and truthfully he’d forgotten she was there, just for a second, but a second was long enough. He saw her move and, before he could stop it, Rashomon reacted, heading straight for Gin with vicious, deadly intent. Gin froze in shock, as she realised what was happening.
Suddenly, gravity stopped doing its job but only on Gin who suddenly found herself floating in the air as Akutagawa managed to get Rashomon under control, just as Rashomon bit at the air where Gin was just a second before.
Gin looks towards the door and sees Chuuya standing there, looking relieved. Chuuya gently stops his Ability, lowering Gin back to the ground.
Akutagawa immediately ran over and started checking on her as he rambled “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
Gin immediately comforted Akutagawa, even though she was still shaken up by what almost happened. “I know you didn’t mean to, I forgive you. I’m okay. You didn’t hurt me. Rashomon didn’t hurt me.”
Chuuya was also watching, looking as concerned as Ryu. However, he seemed to accept her words as he turned to Akutagawa.
Akutagawa also turned to Chuuya, who he’d met a few times since Dazai became his mentor. They weren’t super close, but Akutagawa knew he had a strong of Ability and had grown to respect Chuuya after he got over his jealousy that he got Dazai’s attention and got to work as his partner.
“Thank you, Chuuya. I’m sorry I lost control. Thank you for saving Gin. I never would’ve forgiven myself if I hurt her,” Akutagawa admits, trying to be respectful.
Chuuya watches him and sighs. “We’re lucky I got here when I did.”
“Yeah, what are you doing here?” Gin blurts out “not that I’m not grateful, I am, just curious.”
“I saw Akutagawa coming here. He looked upset and, well, drunk. I came to check on him, make sure he got here was safely and make sure he was okay” Chuuya trails off, slightly awkwardly.
Gin’s gaze softens, noting Chuuya’s concern for her brother. “Thank you.”
“No problem. I can’t imagine Akutagawa took the… news well. And I didn’t either. But D- I wouldn’t have been able to relax without knowing he was okay.” Chuuya admits.
“I suppose you got a goodbye” Akutagawa huffs, slightly bitter, as he scowls.
“If you consider blowing up my car a goodbye, sure” Chuuya shrugs, trying to act like he doesn’t care. It doesn’t work. “Otherwise not a word,” he can’t quite keep the bitterness out of his tone. Somehow, that makes Akutagawa feel better, knowing it wasn’t just him who was left without a word. Though he couldn’t help but wonder, if even Chuuya, the guy who knew Dazai better than he knew himself and who could read Dazai like an open book, didn’t know Dazai was leaving, who did? It seemed like it was a sudden decision but it was unlike Dazai to do something without thinking it through.
Chuuya noticed the cup in Gin’s hand. “Well, I’m sure you’ll be better at comforting Akutagawa than me, so I’ll leave you to it, and let you get back to sobering up.”
“Wait!” Akutagawa panics “You can’t just leave. What if I lose control again? I don’t want to hurt Gin.”
“Yeah, and I don’t really know how to look after someone while they’re drunk” Gin admits, trying to hide that she’s also worried Ryu will lose control again. She doesn’t fear her brother but she’s seen what Rashomon can do.
Chuuya sighs, “I’m not staying here, but if you want, I can take Ryu and look after him. I need to talk to him about something in the morning anyway.” Chuuya offers, his voice taking on a slightly stern edge at the end.
Both of the Akutagawa siblings agreed and Chuuya and Akutagawa left and went to Chuuya’s apartment. Akutagawa spent the night in Chuuya’s spare room, the room Dazai always stayed in when looking after Chuuya after Corruption, as Chuuya sobered him up and kept checking on him to make sure he was okay.
That brings us to now, the morning after. Akutagawa is hungover, but he didn’t drink enough to forget what happened, and the guilt for nearly accidentally hurting Gin remains, along with anger at himself for drinking so much and losing control of his Ability in the first place. Rashomon was dangerous, Akutagawa knew that. Akutagawa couldn’t afford to lose control of Rashomon. But he had, and all because he’d been drinking. He hadn’t even liked drinking. It was so stupid. He knew what Dazai would’ve done if he knew what happened, and while Akutagawa is still pissed at Dazai, he can’t help but think that maybe some consequence should occur.
“Oh, you’re awake” Chuuya acknowledges as he enters his spare room and sees Akutagawa awake. “Good, we need to talk about last night.”
Akutagawa really didn’t want to do that but knew there was no other choice. Akutagawa had fucked up and nearly hurt another port mafia member, and Chuuya was an executive, he couldn’t ignore what happened. Technically, Chuuya should have told the Boss, but it seemed he hadn’t, and Akutagawa was reluctantly relieved. He was sure the Boss wouldn’t be as merciful. “I know” Akutagawa grumbles
“How much do you remember?” Chuuya asks, watching Akutagawa carefully to make sure he told the truth.
“Everything” Akutagawa admits, knowing he won’t be able to lie even if he wanted to. And he finds that he doesn’t really want to.
“Good, so I don’t have to remind you of anything. So, wanna tell me what happened?” Chuuya asks sternly.
“I was stupid, that’s what happened. I was pissed at Dazai and I’d been drinking so, when Gin moved, Rashomon acted before I could think to stop it. I tried, to stop Rashomon I mean, but I couldn’t.” Akutagawa frowned.
“Why were you drinking in the first place? Where did you get the alcohol?” Chuuya asked even though he had his suspicions.
“Don’t judge me” Akutagawa snapped defensively, not liking the questions. It was just reminding him how foolish he’d been
“I’m not judging you, I’m trying to understand what happened” Chuuya states, remaining patient. It’s odd, whenever Akutagawa saw Chuuya with Dazai, he was yelling and trying to fight him or bickering with him, but here and now, he seemed calm and determined to know what happened.
Akutagawa reluctantly answered. “I found some whiskey in Dazai’s room, I don’t even know why I was in there, what I was looking for, but I found the whiskey, and I’ve seen Dazai drink it a couple of times, so I tried it. I got carried away, I didn’t even like it. But I kept drinking. I just wanted to stop thinking about it, about him. I just wanted to stop wondering if he ever cared, even a little, but it didn’t work. It just made me angry, and, god I feel so stupid. I know he didn’t treat me well, not all the time, and yet, even though it hasn’t been long, even though he may have never cared… I miss him.” Akutagawa couldn’t explain this to anyone else, Gin wouldn’t understand and he wasn’t really close to anyone else. But, somehow he felt Chuuya might understand.
And Chuuya did understand, eyes softening as he realised how Akutagawa ended up in this position. And he was going to comfort him, reassure him that someone understood, Chuuya understood, but he had to do something else first, and it wouldn’t be pleasant for Akutagawa, Akutagawa might even hate him when he was done, Chuuya could accept that, even if he didn’t like it. He had to make sure this wouldn’t happen again, there were two options, neither would be pleasant for Ryu, but Chuuya would be there to offer comfort after in any case.
“I get it, Akutagawa, I do. Maybe better than anyone, and we will talk about that in a bit, but first I’m afraid there’s some rather unpleasant business we have to deal with first” Chuuya shares sympathetically but sternly.
“I know” Akutagawa scowls “you’re going to have to tell the Boss what happened, aren’t you?”
“That’s one option. There is another, but it’s not much more pleasant.” Chuuya admits.
“What is it?” Akutagawa asks, curiously.
“Well, Akutagawa, it would seem you and I are more alike than I thought” Chuuya scowls but it’s not directed at Ryu, it seems more like he’s remembering something.
“How so?” Akutagawa narrows his eyes, not so sure he likes where this was going.
“Well, I’m ashamed to admit this, so you better not tell anyone,” Chuuya warns with a glare before continuing “but when I first joined the mafia, I did something similar, got drunk and lost control of my Ability. Luckily it wasn’t my full Ability, but it was still very dangerous, and I nearly hurt a lot of people, mainly because I panicked after I initially lost control, and couldn’t stop panicking. It was terrifying, losing control, nearly hurting so many people. I didn’t dare drink alcohol again for months after that.”
“What happened?” Akutagawa asked curiously. He’d never heard this story, but from the way he told it, it seemed Chuuya hadn’t actually hurt anyone.
“Dazai happened. He saw what was going on before I could hurt anyone, then he calmed me down from my panic and looked after me while I was drunk.” Chuuya admits, staring off into the distance.
Akutagawa looked at Chuuya with wide eyes, trying to picture the image in his head. Somehow it wasn’t too hard to imagine. That rare, caring side of Dazai, not entirely soft, still teasing, but helping and taking care of people. Of course when it was over, he acted like it never happened.
“I was surprised too. We weren’t even really partners yet at the time.” Chuuya admits, chuckling slightly before catching himself and giving Akutagawa a warning glare. “But that’s not the main point. The next day, me and Dazai had a talk. He wasn’t an Executive yet, but was still more or less Mori’s right hand man. Technically, he should’ve told Mori, but he didn’t want to, and I didn’t want it to just be brushed off. I thought I deserved some sort of punishment. I was going to go to the Boss, but Dazai stopped me. He said that I could either go to Mori as I intended or he could punish me.” Chuuya knew now that he would’ve received the same punishment either way. Either way he would’ve been spanked. But, somehow, he was glad he took Dazai up on his offer. It was somehow more comfortable that way. “when I asked how he’d punish me, he told me he’d spank me.”
“What?!” Akutagawa blurted out, jaw dropping and eyes widening in shock. He really wasn’t expecting that.
“Shut up” Chuuya, muttered, blushing slightly but warning Akutagawa with a glance. “You tell anyone anything about this, they’ll never find your body” he threatened.
“I won’t tell anyone," Akutagawa assured, still shocked by what he’d heard.
Chuuya sighs and continues his story, deciding, since he already told him part of it, he might as well finish it. He can’t believe he’s talking about this to anyone, let alone Akutagawa. “I was surprised too. At first I thought it was a joke or he was messing with me, you know, being Dazai.”
Akutagawa nods, listening carefully.
“But I soon discovered he was serious. At first, obviously, I was against it, I didn’t want Dazai spanking me and I knew – or at least thought- he’d never let me live it down. I was only partly right. Occasionally he’d joke and tease me about it. But only ever in private. As far as I know, he never told anyone. But, it just seemed embarrassing. Then I thought about it some more, and decided that was why I should accept it. Dazai would never let me live it down, so I’d never forget and make the same mistake. So he spanked me with his hand and with his belt. It was awful, but somehow I felt better after, less guilty, like I’d actually been punished. I learned later that Dazai had spoken to the people I nearly hurt and made sure they wouldn’t tell the Boss. Said he’d dealt with me but not how. As far as I know, Boss still doesn’t know and if he does, he never said anything.”
Akutagawa was staring at Chuuya still, but now with narrowed eyes. He was starting to get an idea of where this was going and he wasn’t a fan. “What exactly was the point of this little story?”
Chuuya gives him a look. “We both know you’re smart enough to figure that out yourself, but yes, I’m essentially giving you the same choice Dazai gave me. I can go and tell the Boss, let him deal with you or assign someone else too, or you can take the same punishment I did, a hand and belt spanking, from me.” Chuuya states sternly, turning a firm look on him.
Akutagawa scowled and glared, holding back from exploding in anger, but stopped himself and actually though things through. He’d fucked up, he knew that. He nearly hurt Gin, his sister, the one person who had always been there and always would be. He’d gotten drunk, stupidly, foolishly. He’d lost control, which he knew was dangerous. Even if no one had gotten hurt, this couldn’t happen again. Maybe a spanking was the way to go, it would be embarrassing and painful enough to teach him in a way words simply didn’t. It was with great reluctance that Akutagawa quietly muttered “option 2. I’ll take the spanking.”
Chuuya nods. “okay. Here’s how this will work. In a second, I’ll ask you to bend over my knee. I expect you to do so without arguing or complaining. I’ll start with my hand over your trousers and will gradually bare your bottom. Then for about the last 10, I’ll use my belt. When I give you the 10 with the belt, I do want you to count them. Understood?”
Akutagawa gulped slightly but nodded. “I understand.”
“Good. Now I want there to be no misconceptions about why you’re getting spanked, so I’ll tell you now before you begin. The most obvious is the fact that I’ll be spanking you for nearly hurting another Port Mafia member. I understand that it was an accident and unintentional, but it was a dangerous accident and one we can’t afford to happen again. Next time we might not be so lucky and someone might get hurt. I will also be spanking you for drinking alcohol, not necessarily because you’re underage, I would be a hypocrite if I did that, but because you did so irresponsibly. You did so while in a bad mental and emotional state, and as a result you ended up drinking more than you perhaps would have otherwise. This, combined with it being your first time drinking, means that you got drunker than you should have, which is what ultimately lead to this loss of control and danger.”
“I know. It was dumb. It won’t happen again” Akutagawa declared with a determined scowl.
“Then let’s make sure of that, shall we?” Chuuya stated. “Over my knee.”
His tone left no room for argument, so Akutagawa bends over Chuuya’s knee. He blushes as he does, embarrassed to be putting himself in such a situation. Still, he knows he deserves this, technically even asked for it. That doesn’t mean he has to like it, though.
Smack smack
The first spanks land over his trousers. They’re firm and sting even through the material of Ryu’s trousers. He can already tell Chuuya won’t be going easy on him. “Ow!”
Smack smack smack
Chuuya says nothing as he gives Akutagawa the first round of firm warmup spanks. Akutagawa grunts and hisses at the sting of each spank but Chuuya pays little mind to it as he keeps spanking.
Smack smack smack smack
“Ow! Chuuya-san, that hurts!” Akutagawa hisses.
“I’d hope so, that’s the point” Chuuya states sternly, before remembering Dazai saying something similar to him, though in a much more taunting tone.
Akutagawa hisses as more spanks land. He dreads to think how much more it will hurt by the end. While Chuuya isn’t going easy on him, he also isn’t spanking overly hard. But it still stings Ryu’s pride and his backside both.
“Now I think it’s time for these to come down.” Chuuya declares sternly as he pulls Akutagawa’s trousers down. Without thinking, Akutagawa reached back, as if trying to pull his pants back up. Chuuya caught his wrist, grabbed his other wrist, and pinned both Akutagawa’s arms to the middle of the back, in a grip that was firm but not painful. Akutagawa wouldn’t be escaping Chuuya’s grasp anytime soon but it didn’t hurt. Akutagawa realised what he tried to do and looked back, wondering if he’d just made things worse, and Chuuya gave him a stern look and readjusted Akutagawa so that he was bent over one of Chuuya’s knees and his legs were pinned down, locked into place. Akutagawa gulped, realising he was now at Chuuya’s mercy and wouldn’t be going anywhere.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to” Akutagawa blurted out before scowling, embarrassed.
“That’s why there’ll be no additional punishment for that.” Chuuya nods. He finishes pulling Akutagawa’s trousers down, revealing his plain black boxers. “Now let’s continue.”
Smack smack smack smack
The next series of spanks was firmer and harder than before and landed quicker. Akutagawa just knew that if his legs were free, he’d be kicking them by now. He grunted and hissed as each spank landed, pinned down firmly and unable to move as his boxers offered little protection against the firm hand raining down spanks.
Smack smack smack smack.
Chuuya watched the spanks land. He was waiting until Akutagawa’s butt was pink to begin the next stage. Akutagawa started to cry out, making Chuuya feel slightly guilty before he buried the feeling, hardening his resolve as he continued spanking, determined to make sure this didn’t happen again.
Chuuya noticed Akutagawa’s butt was a pink colour and spoke once more. “Okay, Akutagawa. These boxers are coming down and we’re gonna have a little chat” He stated sternly before pulling Ryu’s boxers down and spanking his bare butt, causing Akutagawa to cry out louder.
“Now, why are you getting spanked?” Chuuya demanded
“Because I was careless and dumb” Akutagawa answered as tears came to his eyes, the combination of the spanking, his guilt over what nearly happened with Gin, and the emotions associated with Dazai leaving the Port Mafia was getting to him. “I got drunk and lost control of my Ability, and nearly hurt Gin in the process.” He cried out at each spank he received as he answered.
“And will this happen again?” Chuuya asks, focusing his spanks to Akutagawa’s sit spots and thighs.
“No, Chuuya-san it won’t” Akutagawa vowed.
“Good. Then we’re just about done.” Chuuya nods before taking off his belt. Akutagawa nodded.
“Remember 10 spanks with the belt. You count each one. Then we’re done.” Chuuya told him sternly. Akutagawa nodded.
Chuuya began spanking Akutagawa with his belt, ensuring only the leather, and not the buckle, hit his bottom, and that he didn’t let the belt land in the same place more than once. Akutagawa let his tears fall as he sobbed while diligently counting each spank with the belt.
Chuuya’s heart broke, listening to Akutagawa’s sobs, but he kept going until Akutagawa counted the tenth spank with the belt.
Akutagawa had never felt a pain quite like this. Each spank of the belt left a burning stripe across his bottom. It hurt so badly. But he kept going. He just had to count to 10. Then it would all be over.
As he counted the tenth spank, Akutagawa slumped over Chuuya’s knee, like a puppet who’d had its strings cut and sobbed. Chuuya instantly stopped spanking and put the belt down. He soothingly rubbed Akutagawa’s bottom as he sobbed.
“It’s okay. The spanking is over. You’ve been punished. All is forgiven.” Chuuya reassures speaking softly, as he soothingly rubbed Akutagawa’s bottom until he stopped crying.
Then he carefully sat Akutagawa up and hugged him, holding him as he whispered reassurances to him.
“Are you okay?” Chuuya asks after a few minutes.
Akutagawa nods.
“Stand up a second.” When Akutagawa stood up, Chuuya left the room, coming back minutes later with a tub. “Cooling cream to soothe the pain” he explained. “Do you want to rub it in yourself, or do you want me to do it.”
Akutagawa blushed but hesitantly answered “Can you do it?”
Chuuya nodded and sat back on the bed, Akutagawa bending back over his knee, as Chuuya started rubbing the cream into his butt soothingly. “You know, you’re not alone in this, right? Missing Dazai, wondering if he ever cared. I thought I knew him, that I could read him pretty well. I know he was never exactly loyal to the Boss but I had no clue he was planning to leave. So either something suddenly happened that made him leave, or I never knew him as well as I thought. Either way I didn’t get a goodbye, a warning, a sign, anything. Just a bomb. You know, that first night, I was about to do what you did, get drunk, try to forget. But Dazai’s gone, so if I get drunk, and if I lose control, who’s going to stop me hurting someone? Who’s going to take care of me while I’m drunk and taunt me while they do it? Who’s going to punish me for it and then make sure it’s never mentioned to anyone, not even the Boss? I hate him, so much, I want to kill him, but he’s my partner. He’s the closest thing I have to a friend. And more than anything, I hate that I don’t even know where he went or why.”
Akutagawa listened and couldn’t help but empathise. It wasn’t exactly the same, but it made Akutagawa feel better, like he could open up. He couldn’t say this to Gin, he knew she didn’t like Dazai, how he treated Ryu, and he did understand it. But maybe Chuuya would understand him. “It’s so hard to explain. He wasn’t my friend. Most of the time he didn’t like me or even care about me, but sometimes… sometimes I almost let myself believe that he truly did care. Times when I was ill or injured and he’d take care of me. Early days in my training where he was more patient. Times where his words weren’t cruel so much as they were teasing. I looked up to him so much, I wanted him to be proud of me. All anyone saw was the ways he mistreated me. And I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t scared of him at times. But I truly thought he cared at least a little bit. And now- now I just feel dumb, like I tricked myself and he never cared at all, and… I feel betrayed. That he just left and didn’t say goodbye. I feel like he abandoned me, like he gave up on me.” Akutagawa admitted. It was a moment of softness and understanding. After this he and Chuuya would go back to being members of the Port Mafia, but for now, for now they could be a little more honest for just a second. “I hate him, too. He was never my friend, never my partner. He was my mentor, I somehow thought he’d always be there, you know, but he’s gone, and I might never know why.”
“I can’t say whether that’s true, that he gave up on you, I don’t know. I’d like to think it’s not true, that he didn’t just give up on us and leave, that there’s a reason. He’s Dazai, he always has a reason, a plan something, but I never thought he’d leave. Even if he’s not loyal to the Boss, to Mori, I thought he’d stay for me. He was the one that convinced me to join after all. I’d like to think that, but I don’t know anymore."
For the next hour, Chuuya comforted Akutagawa and they talked about memories with Dazai good or bad. Neither of them brought up their biggest worry, that he’d left because he’d decided to end things once and for all. And when that hour ended, Akutagawa and Chuuya went back to being Port Mafia members, but whenever Akutagawa got in trouble, Chuuya would be there to punish him and let him know he was forgiven.