Too Much
Rowdy, unpleasant, a pain to deal with…all the things that Dorcas had been called as she sat fidgeting with her fingers in front of cruel teachers. Her hair was too unkempt, her skin was far too dark and her cold biting tone didn’t bring the warmth to the classroom at all.
She was always far too much.
Only once, in the year of grazed knees and sandboxes, scrawled out number worksheets and far too much play time did the young third grader meet a kind teacher. A woman who wordlessly squeezed her shoulder in moments of difficulty, always linked her hand into Dorcas’ when she stood in the front of the line.
Bright, happy, sunny, Dorcas once said, a rainbow with all of my favourite colors.
Some people saw only in black and white, rainbows were infuriating to them, blind and bitter with hatred. So they twisted their cruelty in shapes and fingers watching as the vulnerability latched onto the teacher as well. A teacher who stopped smiling like the sun and no longer wore rainbows on her hair.
When she was much older Dorcas understood the irony behind her childish recollection. The true motive of the color blinded, ignorant people and just like all those years ago, her motive remained.
Protect the rainbows from the clouds.
——
The world was divided into two for Regulus, the puppets and those tugging at the strings choreographing every move, every friend, every word. For most of his life he’d been the latter, following in his parent’s footsteps but with his own patterns of cruelty.
Lately he’d been the former, pushed around by the whirlpools of water, drowning all because he’d refused to learn to swim all those years ago. Stubbornness and pride will be the death of you all. His brother had screamed so determined, so full of hatred and pride himself.
And now it seemed Sirius had managed to be drained out, while Regulus was still brimming with the past, overflowing with scars and pain.
“Ok,” he said softly, cogs whirring in his head, “I’ll do it.”
He’d lost enough passion and love for one life, he would not lose this fresh start either. Dorcas took that as enough of an answer and she waltzed out, beaming, the most important thin in Regulus’ world fluttering in her hands.
He heard the door open and the two remaining girls walk in, he heard them exchange pleasantries, rustle through shopping bags, go about their lives as if they hadn’t just crumbled Regulus’
He had the inane need to slide down the door and curl up into a ball at the floor, hug his knees and sob like he hadn’t allowed himself to in years.
“Cry all you want Reggie I’ll wipe away every tear.”
He hadn’t cried since his brother had left, too scared to wipe his own tears, too scared that no one else would ever want to. Too scared that tears were what drove his brother away in the end. So he blinked back the stinging in his eyes and opened his phone.
No wallpaper, no profile pictures, nothing to indicate he existed at all. Just the way he had been in Grimmauld place simply floating through the days and blending into the background. His home screen however was a privilege he allowed himself to have, confident that no one would ever know his password. It was a bright picture of a laughing Regulus perched beside Evan and Barty who bought had their hands around him, both picking up the pieces after a particularly brutal Christmas at his home.
He was inclined to click on their groupchat, call them and spill all the troubles, but they would insist he stay over for the rest of his college years and he would be more of a burden than ever and the barrier between his business friends and his ballet life would crash down, only to reveal a terrified young boy.
So he scrunched up his feelings into a corner of his heart and collapsed at the table his entire body aching with a mixture of exercise and emotional turmoil. He logged onto a vague apartment searching site, something close enough not to alert his parents and something cheap enough for him to afford.
A new house, never one home.
—----------
Dorcas came back after a while a cup of tea in her hand, she was still glad of her victory and eager to rub it into the younger’s smug face. Her conditions were perfect and clearly the bargaining chip had been worth it.
She clicked open the door and frowned at the sight. A mop of curly hair was fallen over the laptop top and Regulus’ chest was rising up and down slowly, more calm than it had been in days. Setting the mug at the beside table she glanced at the open screen.
‘Cheap Apartments for you!’
Slowly the smugness was fading. She shook the boy by his shoulders. “Regulus? This can’t be very comfortable.”
“Five more minutes.” he whispered burrowing deeper into the crook of his elbows
Slowly Dorcas lifted the boy up, “You’re weirdly light.”
The boy only hummed quietly settling into the bed where Dorcas dropped him, “Y’know you can take two months Regulus.” She said quietly, “You don’t instantly have to search for a new place.”
His eyes fluttered slowly still half asleep, still red rimmed around the edges where hot tears had refused to fall. “Thanks.”
Despite her anger and her cruelty and her too much nature, despite herself, Dorcas smiled at the tired boy, feeling like she had done something right for the first time. It was the same feeling she got when her teacher had squeezed her hand, a warm blanket of comfort over a tired, misunderstood person.