memories
"A certain darkness is needed to see the stars."
-Unknown
-----------------------------------
James was drowning.
His misery slashed at the life jackets handed out to him, craving more of the false joy that filled his senses. Painful emotions buzzed under the surface barely silenced by the poisoning liquid in the bottle he held tightly. He enjoyed the silence, the complete withdrawal from himself.
"Can you stop being a complete idiot and explain what exactly happened, Jamie?!"
"She said that she....she thimks I'm difficult and some other complicated words. She doesn't wanna be friends anymore." the boy in question slurred words tumbling out like an irregular beat. "With any of us," he added on second thought taking another gulp from the bottle in hand.
"You weren't friends James," Remus sighed reaching out for the bottle that seemed to be sips away from its end.
"Well, we still aren't friends then," a laugh that turns into a fit of hiccups as the other three in the room exchange a glance. James was always one to smile and joke even when the faces around him were grim and the amount of alcohol he'd consume was nothing close to funny.
"I don't think we'll ever talk again." contrary to the grimness of the sentence James has a light-hearted grin on his face as if he didn't even listen to the words that escaped his own mouth.
Frankly, Remus doubted he could even hear his own thoughts over the sound of the din Sirius was creating as he pushed around every bit of furniture mumbling and shouting all within the span of seconds. Redecorating had never been his strong point even when pleased.
Silently questioning Peter's capabilities he debated simply storming out of this place without an explanation and catching up on some much-needed sleep but remembering the unfortunate past of the blond boy he decided it was best to take one of the raging people with him.
"You better find a way to fix this James Potter cause whatever you said isn't worthy enough to ruin this group," Remus said, before grabbing his lover by the collar and dragging him out, slamming the door behind them both.
Peter still sat beside James ocassionally making futile attempts to pull him out of the grave he'd dug for himself. However, the jokes that tumbled out of his childhood friend's mouth served as a reminder to James of another person who would understand them, a person who'd given up on understanding him.
Lily had wormed her way into the Marauders the moment she'd smiled at Remus despite the scars peppering his face and laughed off the jokes Sirius had paranoidly made after seeing the encounter. She'd been silently accepted after comforting Peter through a panic attack that had left even Remus helpless. And been etched into the group with the christening of a special nickname.
Of course, the memory of the complete ceremony that had ended in a drunken haze of kisses and Peter accidentally coming out to the entire group served to only deepen the scars Lily's departure had made.
There were instances that circled in the minds of every Marauders the grooves created only cutting deeper into the scars of their friend's departure.
.......
Lily was more composed about the entire ordeal.
Her mind seemed to comprehend the information easier probably as it had harbored the knowledge for nearly a month now. Though her heart seemed to have needed more time to finally speak up. It still beat irregularly hammering against her chest and sinking down into her stomach clearly upset about the stupid decision made.
But even her heart's rebelling was feeble for the relationship had felt wrong in the end.
She was out already, the music blasting around her and a drink that had been shoved into her hand. Marlene and Dorcas danced somewhere nearby already lost in each other eyes...they're messed up but yet effective method of sleeping with each other every week bound to be put to use tonight again. But weird as it was it left no room for heartbreak in the relationship.
She almost wished she'd followed them in their ways instead of trying to find something stupidly constant in this changing world.
A small part of her wondered if James wished the same or was content with the memories of them together, the only thing that would remain of their broken relationship apart from the soon to be deleted photographs.
The alcohol wasn't enough to keep the scenes from the past year from resurfacing. Lopsided grins, pointless bouquets, random affection, and silly gestures floated back slowly each knocking the wind of the slightly foolish girl. As questioning thoughts wormed their way into her head Lily gulped down the glass in a sip pushing her friends apart and moving to the rhythm of the chaotic mixture of laughs and music
.......
Yelling seemed to be the safest way of calming James down. Peter concluded this fact as he involuntarily flinched at the loud words penetrating the wood. His hands shook slightly as his fingers hovered over Remus' name on his phone. Before he mentally slapped himself getting off the floor and touching the cool metal of the doorknob in one quick moment.
But just as quickly as his courage appeared it vanished as James continued to insult every word he'd uttered since the other two had vanished. It was slightly his fault this entire incident had taken place since he'd accidentally slipped up mentioning Lily's name in an attempt to comfort his broken friend.
"ARE YOU SAYING ITS MY FAULT!??" came the crazed reply as the drunken prankster acknowledged only half the sentence. Locking himself in the bathroom had been nothing but instinct after that as memories from an unpleasant past surfaced threatening to allow most of his childhood to repeat.
Drunk people and Peter did not mix.
But nonetheless, he was stuck, forced to think of a solution before facing his demons alone as he had done once before. Tuning out the voices that begged him not to open the door he tried to stress on the fact that James was his friend, not his family fortunately and unfortunately.
"We can fix this Jim." He yelled through the wood finding his voice for a few seconds before running his hands through his hair and flinching away from the door waiting for it to break down any second.
"How Peter? Where do we even begin?"James whispered brokenly, his voice hoarse.
And that's how Peter found himself alone, with nothing but an incompetent idiot leaning on his shoulder, pounding at easily the fifty-third door that day at nearly 3 am, two hours later. Mumbling incoherently in his ear James seemed to be insisting that this was the right door that lead to his heart, just as he had done for most of the past ones
But disappointment was already creeping up Peter's spine when a few strands of curly black hair came into view. An apology sat on his tongue before suddenly James intervened drunkenly mumbling Lily's name before stumbling past the exhausted boys into the messy apartment.
"He isn't usually like this," the blonde choked out just as his friend gaped at the interior of the random apartment transfixed at the sight he wasn't even registering properly.
Silently raising his perfectly poised eyebrows the unknown boy glanced between the two as an embarrassed blush grew on Peter's cheeks and James clutched his stomach his face turning pale.
--------