It’s like a million little stars
"Right" Wilkes claps his hands together as he stands at the front, they're in the changing rooms restlessly waiting to go out on the pitch. "Game plan is that there is no game plan, we win or you have fucking embarrassed us all and you can do the walk of shame in the common room" Regulus rolls his eyes, and glances around the room to see all his teammates in various states of boredom and apathy. he can't really blame them, Wilkes may be good on the pitch but he isn't known for his inspiring speeches, no that award goes to another captain, one who is known for lifting up spirits with his sunshine aura and positive outlook. James has always been good and making people feel at ease, even if its right before playing a match in front of the whole school.
Regulus himself isn't too worried about the match today so much as he is at not getting distracted, although Ravenclaw's captain Amelia Bones is a good player, she takes after her brother Edgar who used to be at the school, and pandi is a whizz on a broom (she's a seeker for a reason) the rest of their team is weak and Ravenclaw always depends on already knowing the other teams strategies and plays, and unlucky for them Wilkes made sure to tip them off on the wrong ideas making sure that their 'spies' AKA players that dress up as Slytherins and watch them practice (all teams do it ) were at the wrong practices.
Slytherins are known for their slyness after all.
He hears the cheers from the crowd outside and feels that familiar spark of excitement run through him, there is something about being on a broom that he revels in, the feeling of control and power that he gets from being up in the skies, like its just him and the clouds.
his favourite time to ride Is the night though, and not just because of James (he might have made the experience a little bit more enjoyable, exciting, fun- right you get the picture) but the feeling of solitude, of riding around in the cold night air as darkness envelopes him like a blanket hiding him from the world, where he can just breathe and fly amongst the stars, can try and reach them.
and maybe a part of him likes to imagine them as Sirius
likes to imagine that the stars will fall below and let him find them
it reminds him of nights in their garden, hidden behind outgrown branches and small lantern lights that made them unseen from the house windows
where they could giggle and whisper, feel invisible behind the nights darkness
where they could watch the stars and feel invincible and brave
they could feel bright and huge without the piercing cold eyes of their mother watching them
they could be free.
"leading them by their captain Wilkes: it's Slytherin!" Regulus is knocked out of his reverie, as then team makes their way out the pitch, heavy cheers outweigh the thunderous boos that are coming from the sectioned painted in red. They fly out and Regulus searches for Barty out in the stands, wanting to see his comforting familiar face. he flies by Pandora and gives her a smirk that she reciprocates before zooming further up along with him. The two of them, seekers, hovering above everyone, here regulus feels at ease.
he can't control or stop the letters that his mother keeps sending, he can't control his future or his path, he can't control his own feeling about Sirius and whether he wants to never see him again or bury himself in the safety of him.
he can't control his feelings for James Potter either. good, beautiful James who lights up every room and managed to get Regulus to destroy his own built up walls with his own hands, without even trying to he was able to undo the cold mask that Regulus has been creating since he was a child. he showed him his letters, he told him about the betrothal, he has become someone that his mother would look at with disdain and disgust.
she would call him weak
she would call him foolish
and maybe he is, maybe he is the biggest fool to grace this earth, maybe James Potter has made a fool out of him and pulled him into the suns warmth.
he is unable to pull away, he is bound to move around the sun and never stop
he is entranced by its magnificence and in awe in of its beauty
the whistle goes off and the match takes off, players moving with aggression and urgency (the aggression is mostly players clad in green) and Regulus drowns it all out, drowns out the commentary of "and Rosier receives the ball, the chaser moving up the pitch before passing to Avery and-"
Regulus doesn't do much for the first half of the game, mostly hovers watching the players score and repeat, a couple of times he passes Pandora who gives him a cheeky smile or wink before moving on. until suddenly, an hour into the game he snatches a glance of something shimmering in the background, and he grins as his eyes stay glued to the moving ball that flies around just behind pandora. In a second he's off, sinking down below in a plan to trick her "it seems as though Black has found the snitch and is nose diving to the ground at a concerning speed" he keeps going until the ground becomes closer and closer.
he doesn't want to harm Pandora and makes sure that she doesn't hit the ground, so with an amount of grace that can only be achieved via lots of practice he begins to glide forward and soar back into the sky, managing to find the snitch quickly again. By the time Pandora realises she has been tricked and begins to steer away from the ground, Regulus is already back in the air, chasing the ball with a high velocity.
"and Black is gaining on the snitch, Lovegood behind trying to regain the pitch, but Black is too close his hand is reaching out and-BLACK HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! SLYTHERIN WINS."
The sense of euphoria that comes with winning a match is unbeatable, the cheers so loud and the thrumming of your heartbeat. Regulus had always loved being seeker, the final moment, the winner of the game, the feeling of having the snitch curled into his palm, a satisfying catch after the chase.
they stay in the sky for a while, cheering but Regulus doesn't like the company its too loud, loud, loud. so he flies to the ground and sprints over the Barty who whoops before picking him up and swinging them around. and in that moment Regulus lets everything go and its just them, laughing into each others ears, high on the win.
"well well well, stealing my thunder, how could you?" Pandora laughs as he grabs her into a hug. he isn't one for affection, but here will the crowds so loud and the soaring of his heart he wants to share a moment like this.
he doesn't mean to look up and find him, but his eyes will always search for the matching grey ones. Sirius is standing with the others, he's laughing with McKinnon as they start to leave the stands, his hand still holding Lupin's. and James, well James is glowing, even in a scarf his face is so bright, he walks with Pettigrew and Evans.
oh. Evans
and suddenly the euphoria comes crashing down, these past couple months he had completely forgotten about Lily Evans and the adoration James had for her. the love he had for her.
he feels stupid, utterly and completely stupid because how could he forget, how could he forget the countless love confessions and affirmations.
because to James Regulus was what? his best friends brother? a Slytherin? a friend?
because to Regulus, James was something so bright and good and-
and he had been stupid, because whatever this was, whatever he felt for James would never be anything
it could never be anything, so why had he been doing this?
"hey" It's Barty, his soft voice is there, and he gulps feeling even more stupid because he is upset. "you alright there mate?"
upset in a way he vowed to never be after Sirius left
after his mother had cursed the emotion out of him
after he had promised to be better, to his mother and to himself.
he had to be better, because he wasn't James or Remus, he wasn't Sirius
and this all of this? was him being foolish enough to wish that he could ever be, he wasn't his brother he never had been.
he had never been brave or loud, he had never been a leader nor a fighter. but he was a Black, through and through. He was a hider, able to disappear under a cloak of invisibility, he was a faker, able to fake and pretend to be what he needed to be.
he was a survivor, and James Potter was merely a weakness, a boulder in the way, a scratch on a map.
Regulus didn't get to be like Sirius, he had to be better. He was going to be better
"yes, yes I'm fine" and he was, because he had to be.