Empty

Staring into the Headmaster's uncharacteristically somber eyes, Severus knew he should feel something.

Indignation, perhaps outrage, would have been appropriate but instead all he could feel was a gaping void where his heart should be. His emotions, so used to being stifled by sheer force of will, necessity, and lately his forays into Occlumency, had deserted him.

Leaning forward, the teenager managed, "They nearly killed me, and your 'solution' is to keep this quiet?"

Albus winced, and Severus gathered the frigid audacity in his tone had sufficed.

"I doubt this was an intentional attempt on your life, Severus-"

Not bothering to hide his incredulity, Severus interrupted, "Unintentional? Black told me to go out there! You don't have to be a Ravenclaw to know how dangerous a transformed werewolf is! Those Marauders have been picking on me for years; bloody Gryffindors!"

"Severus!" Albus' warning was sharp. "You haven't been blameless in this...relationship you have with Mr. Potter and the others, however," he held up a hand to curb Severus' impending protests, "that is not the matter up for discussion. To my knowledge, Mr. Lupin has yet to be assigned a detention for bullying you. Is that correct?"

Gritting his teeth, Severus hissed, "Detentions or not, he's still a prefect. He doesn't do anything to me, no, but he doesn't bother stopping Potter and Black either. Not so brave, is he? But I suppose I can't blame him; after all, he's a wolf, quite a far cry from your precious lions." Raising an eyebrow, the long-haired teen settled back in his chair, smirking.

With a sigh, Dumbledore examined the Slytherin student across from him. Yes, the boy seemed angry, as well he should be after the Gryffindors' near-fatal prank, but there was a dim, almost empty look in Severus' normally sharp, midnight gaze.

"Severus," the professor murmured, "please. Just... This is another boy's future we're discussing; don't ruin it for him. Mr. Lupin has worked very hard to earn his place here at Hogwarts. He doesn't deserve to be expelled on the basis of prejudice and his friends' manipulation alone."

Severus felt his chest cave. Another boy's future? What about his future? The one that had very nearly ended tonight at the hands of an unregistered werewolf? Did the Headmaster truly not care whether he lived or died?

That hurt.

Glaring, he snapped, "Future? What the hell do you think he'll do after Hogwarts? It might escape your notice, Headmaster," the honorific dripped with disdain, "but if even a fifteen year old Slytherin figured it out, his future employers won't be able to ignore the signs forever. He has no future." Severus smirked, "Azkaban might be kinder."

"Enough!" Dumbledore snapped. "I have had just about enough of your attitude Mr. Snape. No one will believe the word of one boy to that of three teenagers and the Headmaster. If you choose to pursue this foolish course of action, you will do so alone."

Snape seethed. "Glad to see your loyalty so unbiased," he snapped, shoving himself to his feet and stalking across the office. He wouldn't gain any ground by arguing with his teacher. Obviously the Headmaster would not be swayed. Yanking the door open, he didn't bother looking back. "I'll hold my tongue, but when Lupin's miserable existence is exposed you can believe I will not hesitate to testify."

Ignoring Dumbledore's shout, Severus slammed out of the office.

***

Wincing, Severus squeezed his eyes shut, trying to convince himself if he couldn't see his attackers, it wouldn't hurt as badly.

So far, his hypothesis was incorrect.

Letting out a sharp hiss when he heard something in his chest crack, Severus felt Mulciber pause overtop of him, before the bigger boy's fists continued to rain down on Severus' ribcage.

"Enough," a smooth, tenor voice ordered, "I want him awake."

Severus' lungs constricted in panic, but the boy forced himself to relax. Lucius might have been cruel, but he wasn't stupid. He wouldn't do...that, in front of other people. Too many witnesses, and Malfoy was a notoriously poor Obliviator.

"Get him up," Lucius sneered before Mulciber hauled Severus to his feet, the smaller Slytherin hunching as he fought the urge to vomit all over Malfoy's shoes.

Dizzy from the pain and his inability to breathe deeply, Severus struggled to keep his eyes open.

"The Dark Lord is displeased with your lack-luster performance." Stepping forward, Lucius pinned Snape's thin body to the wall.

Severus froze.

The slow smirk spreading across Malfoy's face might go unnoticed by the other Slytherins, but Severus knew that feral look all too well.

"He's asked me to make sure you don't forget just how vital someone of your expertise is to our cause." Lowering his voice, Lucius added, "but you aren't the only option out there, Snape. Everyone is replaceable. Where is the serum?"

When Severus hesitated, Bellatrix crowed triumphantly. "He doesn't have it! He didn't finish it!" Laughing, the girl stepped closer, "The Dark Lord will show no mercy!"

Before he could stop himself, Severus quipped, "Maybe he wouldn't have to if I only had to deal with his potions, instead of passing all your classes for you, and studying for my O.W.L.s besides."

Evan Rosier's eyes widened; Lucius' grey gaze turned predatory

Using his robes to hide what he was doing, Lucius forced one leg between Severus' thin thighs and rolled his hips against the younger boy, smirking when Snape blanched in terror.

Leaning close to Severus' ear, Malfoy whispered, "And here I thought you were too busy occupying yourself with other things." A harsh thrust against Severus' hip earned him a quiet gasp.

"Still have those bruises from last time?" Lucius continued, his hands snaking lightly over the smaller boy's prominent hip bones. "You were so pretty, all trussed up, just for me."

"N-no," Severus whispered, hating the pathetic desperation in his tone. "Don't want you to...."

"Oh, I won't." Smirking when the boy relaxed marginally, Lucius whispered, "I'm going to wait until you least expect it and then I'll take you. It's so much sweeter when you don't anticipate."

Shock flickered briefly across Severus' horrified face, before he schooled his features. Harshly, Lucius shoved the fifteen year old away, relishing the pain in Severus' eyes as he clutched his torso.

Yes, this week would be sweet indeed.

***

Rubbing his eyes, Severus struggled to stay awake over his essay. The potions lab was dimly lit at night, and he'd been forced to keep his Lumos spell weak to avoid detection.

Between brewing for the Dark Lord, which Severus had been swiftly motivated to do after his encounter with Lucius; studying for his O.W.L.s; and managing the other Slytherins' homework, the exhaustion was getting to him.

Since he'd begun practicing Occlumency, the nightmares he'd been plagued with since before school started had abated. Now, too tired to even think about fixing his mental defenses before bed, Severus slept restlessly or not at all.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, his sleeve slid up, revealing the fresh bruises from Lucius' latest assault. Wincing, the boy yanked his white shirt firmly back down. The last thing he needed right now was to be distracted.

When the potion brewing in his cauldron finally boiled, Severus staggered as he heaved the heavy pot off the fire. His magic grew unstable the less he slept, and he needed to save what energy he had left to cast a Silencio when he returned to his dorm for a few hours of rest.

Decanting the brew, he carefully stowed the full vials in his bag and settled back at the table. Eyes alternately burning, or tearing, he managed one more sentence before his dark head sank to the table, sound asleep.

***

Bolting awake when a clatter outside the lab announced the rest of the student body heading to breakfast, Severus stared at his unfinished homework in horror.

He'd managed the other Slytherins' assignments, but his own were woefully incomplete, and he prided himself on his high marks.

Glancing at the clock, the young wizard considered his options, then shoved his books into his bag, muttered a quiet cleaning spell, and headed for the library.

By rushing, he managed to finish the History of Magic essay he'd begun the night before, most of his Charms homework, and glance over the spell they'd be working on in Transfiguration that day, before the chiming bells in the library announced classes were about to start.

Breathless, Severus barely reached History of Magic on time. Sliding into his seat, he thanked Merlin that Professor Binns was so unobservant. If he was truly lucky, he could finish his Arithmancy homework during class.

It wasn't ideal, Severus thought to himself, but he was becoming alarmingly proficient at not ideal.

***

"Mr. Snape? Severus, you've got to wake up; it's almost curfew."

Reaching instinctively for his wand, Severus barely curbed the hex on his tongue when he saw the Gryffindor Head of House and his Transfiguration teacher, Professor McGonagall with her hand resting lightly on his shoulder.

As he tensed, she moved back, giving him space, and Severus felt his cheeks heat at the worried frown tugging at her mouth.

"Are you alright, Severus?" She murmured, her hazel eyes looking him over. "It's not like you to fall asleep studying."

Shoving his books hastily into his bag to avoid making eye contact, the young Slytherin shook his head. "I'm fine, must be a little more tired than usual. Staying up late to study for exams most of the time."

He knew the excuse was believable, and, for once, it was the truth. Lately, every spare minute he had (and there weren't many) he'd spent in the library revising.

"If you're sure..." The woman looked anything but convinced as she handed him his parchment.

"Thank you, Professor, and I am. I'll get to sleep as soon as I'm back at the dorm." The lie rolled easily off his lips; he wouldn't be returning to the dorm for another few hours at the earliest. The Dark Lord had requested more Veritaserum and Severus had to finish the batch tonight.

Striding quickly out the door, Severus headed in the direction of the dungeons, but ducked into the potions lab, dumping his school things unceremoniously to the floor.

As he retrieved the bubbling cauldron he'd hidden in the very back of Slughorn's supply closet (the old fool wouldn't notice anything amiss unless it dropped from the ceiling with an "I'm rich and powerful" sign stuck to it's forehead) and began to add the last ingredients.

As he diced the final sprigs of rosemary needed for the potion, Severus' damp fingers slipped, his potions knife slicing along his exposed forearm.

Hissing in pain, Severus dropped the blade with a clatter before turning to the wound.

Almost mesmerized, the boy's dark eyes watched as a thin line of bright red appeared on his arm, thickening into a dripping stream as the cut began to bleed.

In the dim light, the effect was hypnotic, and Severus trailed thin fingers reverently through the blood.

The sharp stab of pain had cleared his head faster than the Pepper Up potions he'd taken to drinking in the morning before classes.

Bending to retrieve the fallen knife, he moved to set it on the table before pausing... The sudden jolt of pain had revived him better than any spell and he did have quite a lot of homework to finish tonight...

Just so I can stay awake, he told himself, as the knife bit through his skin once more.

***

"Are you even listening to me?" Lily's tone, brimming with hurt, jerked Severus' mind away from the pleasant throbbing sensation emanating from his right forearm.

"Sorry," he murmured, forcing himself to meet her gaze, "a bit preoccupied today."

"You're always distracted lately! This is the first time in weeks you've managed to come see me." Crossing her arms, she stared at him with those piercing green eyes. "I'm supposed to be your best friend, Sev and we barely talk anymore."

Wincing, the Slytherin tugged at his long hair, pulling it back into a ponytail before letting it fall forward once more. "I know, I just- I'm sorry, okay?" He sighed, "between studying for the O.W.L.s and... things are chaotic in Slytherin right now."

"Of course they are," she scoffed bitterly, glaring at him across the table. "Planning more attacks on Muggles are you? I saw the article in the Prophet you know, and Mulciber and Rosier weren't at breakfast that day. Doesn't take a Ravenclaw to solve that one, Severus."

"It's not like that," Snape protested weakly. It was, in fact, like that, but he wasn't interested in Voldemort's cause. If he could get out of it all, he would, but Severus was no fool. As a half-blood stuck in Slytherin for the next two years, rejecting Voldemort would paint an even larger target on his back.

"Really? Then what is it like? You disappear for days at a time outside of classes and when I do see you, you're fawning over Lucius Malfoy and his gang. Sure seems like you're putting an awful lot of time into something you claim you don't support."

"I- I..."

"Save it, Sev." Standing, Lily began to shove her books into her bag.

"Don't you want help with Potions?" He half rose to go after her, but the hand she raised held him in place.

"I'll ask Remus," she snapped coolly, "I wouldn't want to tarnish your precious reputation by letting your House see you with a mud-blood."

Swishing her hair over her shoulder, Lily stomped out of the library.

***

"I'm so sorry, my boy," Albus' tone, so markedly different from the last time they'd spoken, was filled with compassion.

"She- she's...." Clutching the arms of the chair he was sitting on in the Headmaster's office, Severus stared in shock at his teacher. It couldn't be true ... If his mum were truly gone, his Head of House would be there, not off drinking himself into a stupor with a few of Hogwart's upper echelon students.

"How?" He finally choked, fighting desperately to stifle the tears burning in his eyes.

"She was ill, Severus," Minerva kept her voice lowered, but as she moved to touch the boy he flinched. She shot Albus a look, "Didn't you know?"

Weakly, Severus shook his head. There was no point in admitting that Tobias Snape disapproved of owls flying and out of Spinner's End at all hours of the day and night. Communication with his mother during the school year was almost nil.

And now in the summers he'd be all alone in that house with.... Oh, Merlin, he was going to be ill.

Bolting to his feet, Severus dashed out the door of the office, blindly running to the nearest bathroom and slamming the door.

Collapsing in front of the toilet, he heaved, gasping for breath as his body regurgitated the little food he'd managed to eat that morning.

The thought of being alone with his father caused his chest to clench painfully, and he sagged against the wall of the bathroom.

A moment later, the door opened, and two concerned professors walked inside.

Immediately, Minerva knelt beside Severus, clasping his shaking hands in her own. "Breathe, Mr. Snape," she ordered quietly, "you're having a panic attack."

Turning to her colleague, she demanded, "Albus, fetch a calming draught and let Poppy know we'll be right up to the infirmary."

Shaking his head, Severus attempted to argue, but the powers of elocution he valued so highly had deserted him. Instead, he found himself hugged close as his teacher slowly talked him back to a normal rhythm of breathing.

When he trusted his voice to stay steady, Severus managed, "don't want to go to the infirmary."

Professor McGonagall nodded gently. "Alright, Severus," she demurred quietly, though her hand hadn't left his back. "You do need to drink that calming drought though; you've had quite a shock. If you need someone to accompany you to your dorm-"

"No!" Shoving himself up, the young Slytherin felt his heartbeat quicken again. "Professor Slughorn is there if I need anything,"

His teachers didn't object, but Severus saw the look McGonagall gave the Headmaster.

"Alright, Severus. Drink your potion and you may go." Grabbing the vial, the teen swallowed it in one gulp before handing the glass back.

"Goodnight, professors," he muttered, before slipping silently from the bathroom.

"I worry for that boy, Albus." Minerva sighed, studying the door long after the child disappeared through it. "He curtails his emotions far too quickly for a child of fifteen... And a panic attack at the news of his mother? You should speak to Horace about additional monitoring for him. I'd suggest a Mind Healer but I doubt Severus would agree. His reactions are...abnormal."

Albus' eyes darkened as he nodded his agreement. "I will keep an eye on him," he murmured. Yes indeed, Snape could be precisely the person he was looking for....

***

Stifling a groan, Severus barely managed to stay on his feet as he stumbled into the bathroom. Every step caused a stabbing pain in his posterior, and he could feel blood seeping through his trousers.

Last night had been... Clenching his hands into fists, Severus felt the satisfying bite of his nails on his palms. The pain grounded him more firmly than anything else.

Not bothering to shower, the Slytherin ran a brush through his hair and splashed some water on his face. Deciding anything else would require far too much effort, he slowly limped down to the Great Hall. Whatever Lucius had done, the after effects were worse than usual. On the way out of his dorm, Severus summoned the book on healing magic he kept handy for just these situations. He didn't have time for a diagnostic spell right now, but later he could take care of whatever damage had been done.

Breakfast had finished already, not that Snape was too gutted at missing it, and the desks were back in place for the fifth years. Gingerly, Severus perched on a chair, laying his head on his arms in an effort to keep his weight off his arse.

As the Ministry worker reviewed the rules for the test, Severus felt his mind wandering. Forcing himself to focus, he shifted awkwardly, discovering if he sat sideways and bent close to the parchment it lessened the pain.

Resigning himself to a few hours of discomfort, Severus began to write....

***

Resting his aching head on his arms, Severus blinked to clear the dizziness. His abdomen and upper thighs throbbed with each movement, and he wished desperately for a glass of water.

Thankfully, he only had one final question.

Picking himself up, he forced the quill across the parchment, sighing in relief when he finally finished and closing his eyes briefly.

"Time!" Immediately, the students' parchments flew to the front of the room, and the examiners instructed the teens to exit the room in an orderly fashion.

Waiting a moment for the chaos of several rowdy, whooping classmates to leave, Severus rose shakily and managed to stagger out of the Hall.

On his way outside, he paused at the kitchens for a glass of water and an apple one of the house elves pressed into his hand before ducking into the sunshine.

It was really a beautiful day, the dark-haired teen mused, as he limped to his favorite spot. Severus had discovered the secluded niche between the roots of a large tree during his second year and it had become his thinking place.

Pulling out the book, he began to search for the correct spell. Something to do with internal bleeding, he told himself, unwilling to glance at the section labeled sexual assault and recovery. After all, he hadn't fought Lucius off, had he?

Just as he'd found the correct page, a familiar voice broke through his thoughts.

"Oi, Snivellus! Whatcha got there?" James Potter's tone was mockingly curious as he waved his wand, summoning Snape's book.
"Healing magic? A bit different from your usual selection."

Gritting his teeth to stifle a moan, Severus bolted to his feet, pulling his wand.

"Expelliarmus!" Catching Snape's wand, Sirius laughed. "Not fast enough, Snivelly."

Grinning, James tossed the book to the ground. "What do you think, Siri? Should we give old Snape here a chance to practice his new spells? I reckon a nice stinging hex would do the trick."

Frantically, Severus tried to focus enough to nonverbally recover his wand. Without it... he could only imagine what Potter and Black would do.

"That's no fun James! Unless..." Sirius' eyes gleamed unpleasantly, "we up the ante a bit. Levicorpus!" Smirking, he yanked Snape into the air by his ankle. "Love this spell; awfully useful, thanks for making it Snivellus."

Kicking desperately, Severus felt his head swim as he dangled helplessly in the air. "Put me down, you imbecile!" he hissed, glaring.

Black pretended to consider the notion. "No, I don't think I will. You're less hideous like this. Though," Sirius stepped closer, grabbing Severus' hair roughly, "not a fan of the insults. Langlock!"

Grunting furiously, Severus fought to reverse the spell currently fastening his tongue to the roof of his mouth.

"Much better," Black agreed cheerfully, as Potter began circling his Slytherin rival, as if contemplating what to do with him.

"James! Sirius! What in Merlin's name are you doing? Put him down, this instant!" Yelling, Lily stormed toward her house mates, the picture of righteous indignation.

James, at least had enough sense of self preservation to look mildly apologetic. "We're just having a little fun-"

"Fun?! Really?" Her voice took on that disconcertingly sarcastic tone that sounded too much like Snape for him to find it comfortable. "Severus, do you find this entertaining?"

At her friend's vehement shake of the head, Lily pointed her wand, "Finite Incantatum!"

Severus hit the ground with a muffled groan, but rolled to his feet immediately. Blinking back tears, he reached for his wand.

"Oh come on, Evans! He started it," Sirius protested as Lily plucked the Slytherin's wand from his fingers and returned it to her friend.

Rolling her eyes, the girl shook her head, "I'm sure, Black; that's what you always say."

"Well on the topic of things we always say... Lily will you go out with me?" James' blue eyes looked distinctively hopeful.

"Are you mad?!" To be fair, Severus thought, she sounded more exasperated then furious. "You've just held my friend hostage in the air and hexed him mute; I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last boy on earth, you arrogant toe rag!"

Turning on her heel, she stormed off. Watching Lily go, Severus couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped at the crestfallen look on Potter's face.

"Word to the wise, Potter, give it up. She's too good for you." Retrieving his book, Severus made it three steps before he was hit with a stinging hex.

Cursing himself, Potter, and Black vehemently, Severus whirled, firing an Incendio at the duo before he could think. Was he really going to duel with them in front of half the student body? They'd be suspended for sure-

"Oh you are on, Sniv!" Advancing, Potter and Black began circling, working the angles to get behind Severus.

The Slytherin knew this was not going to end well. He was still injured, and his thoughts were sluggish from blood loss. Added to that, both Gryffindors had full freedom of movement while Severus was slow thanks to his injuries.

"Confringo!" Barely managing to dodge the fiery explosion from Potter, Severus failed to hear Black's Reducto and reacted a moment too late.

As the ground in front of him exploded, sending Severus flying, he braced for impact, managing a quick cushioning spell before hitting the grass.

The pain was blinding, and the wounded teen felt his teeth snap together as stars danced across his vision.

Blinking his way back to full consciousness, he found himself dangling in the air yet again, as most of the fifth year clustered to see just what the Marauders would do to their losing opponent.

"Looks like someone's bleeding," Black sounded oddly pleased, and he turned to the crowd. "Snape bleeds like a girl!"

This announcement was greeted with a combination of jeers and raucous laughter, though Severus noticed Remus looking distinctly uncomfortable.

"Do you even have a prick under there?" Fixing Snape with a look, James turned to the crowd. "Shall we find out?"

As the gathered teens roared their approval, Severus fought all the harder to get free.

No, no, no, he couldn't hold a glamor. He was exhausted and bruised and they were all going to find out what happened to him.

Struggling to breathe past the lump in his chest, Snape felt his robes vanish, followed by his shoes and tie.

Writhing in midair, Severus swore as they divested him of his shirt and, a moment later, his pants.

He was petrified, the warm summer air suddenly cold as it washed over the cuts marring his bruised upper thighs, ribcage and forearms before he'd realized cutting there would be too obvious.

The bruises Lucius had left on his hips, wrists and arse were on full display, and for a moment, all was silent.

Remus Lupin appeared just as stunned as the rest, but the werewolf took half a step forward before he was shoved out of the way by an irate Lily Evans.

"You despicable, loathsome, arrogant, menace!" Stomping across the grounds, Lily grabbed Severus' robe, wrapping it around his shoulders before storming up to James Potter.

Pulling herself to her full, vindicative height, she slapped him across the face.

"How dare you." Her voice had dropped to that icy cold tone Severus knew meant all hell was about to break loose. "Get him down, this instant."

Shocked, James hesitated for a moment, but when Lily pulled back her hand once again, he hurriedly returned Snape to the ground.

The moment his feet hit the grass, Severus bolted, hands clamped tightly over his face. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction of watching him cry.

***

"Sev? Sev, I know you're up here." Lily's voice was soothing, albeit more cautious than normal.

Easing himself farther into the Owlery shadows, Severus scrubbed a hand across his face. It was too warm up here dressed in only his robe, but he hadn't bothered to wait for the rest of his clothing to be returned.

"Hey," slipping under the rack of birds next to him, Lily's piercing green eyes studied him.

"Hey," he muttered, miserable.

Softly, she reached out, offering him his shirt and pants. "I thought you'd want them."

Relieved, the Slytherin motioned for her to turn before quickly yanking his pants back on. He knew the blood was still trickling down his thighs, but for now it felt good to have his clothes back.

"We have to go to the hospital wing; those bruises.. they're not good, Sev."

"No!" Wrapping his arms around his knees, Snape nodded toward his book, "I have this. I can fix it."

Unconvinced, Lily studied the cover. "Alright...." She murmured. After a long moment, she whispered, "and the cuts?"

Severus stiffened.

"What about them?"

"I- magic doesn't work on...self harm." Twisting her hands awkwardly, Lily stared at him through her red hair.

Lifting his chin, Severus fixed her with what he hoped was a disbelieving look. "You're accusing me of self-harm? It was a potions accident; I just haven't had the time to heal it with all the stress of tests this week."

Frowning, Lily's mouth tightened, "don't lie to me, Sev. Friends don't do that."

With a snort, the black-haired boy laughed, "so now we're friends again? You haven't spoken to me in almost a week!"

"That's because Bellatrix Black," Lily's mouth twisted in distaste, "has been watching you like a hawk and you know how she feels about me. I'm not going to associate with those Death Eater wannabees and neither should you."

"Yeah? Well I happen to have to live with those 'Death Eater Wannabees' and they've spent more time with me this week then my supposed best mate has in ages." Granted, they might have been hurting him, but Severus was angry now.

Flushing, Lily's hands went to her hips. "So why don't you ask Mulciber to be your best friend? Or Regulus? I hear he's lovely." Her voice dripped with sarcasm. "You can go out and Crucio the Muggles together."

"That's what you think of me?" Severus felt his heart clench at her words.

"You haven't proven me wrong lately."

The words hung between them for a moment before the Slytherin crossed his arms.

"I- I didn't mean that...." Lily whispered, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

Snape flinched, ducking out of reach.

"Come on Sev, don't be like that. Let's go get you fixed up; I'd like to give those Slytherins a piece of my mind-"

"How do you know it was them that did this? It could've been Potter." Crossing his arms tightly over his chest, Severus waited.

"I know it was them because James and Sirius, while they might be royal prats wouldn't do anything to you that'd leave...that." Shifting uncomfortably, she nodded to his thighs.

Feeling his face heat in panicked fury, Sev snapped, "You don't know anything, Mud-Blood!"

Lily recoiled as if he'd slapped her.

Severus felt his heart stop, "I- I didn't mean-"

"I see," her eyes gleaming with tears, Lily straightened her shoulders, her voice steely.

"I don't ever want to speak to you again, you horrid boy." Turning on her heel, she matched out of the Owlery, before he heard her footsteps racing down the corridor.

Tangling his fingers in his hair, Severus yanked, pulling at the strands until he felt blood trickling down his scalp. Stifling a scream, the boy collapsed to his knees wrapping his arms around himself as he cried.

Severus was well and truly alone.

***

Scuffing the tips of his boots along the corridor, Severus couldn't be bothered to watch for Lucius or even Potter. The exhaustion he'd been battling almost all year had taken its toll. His eyes fluttered shut constantly, the only thing keeping him awake the throbbing pain in his torso at each step.

Then again, Severus thought, his lips tugging into a poor imitation of his trademark sneer, he supposed that's what he got for sleeping outside Gryffindor Tower. It had been his final effort to reconcile with Lily.

Instead, the red-haired witch had appeared only long enough to threaten to report him to Professor McGonagall for being out of the dorms past curfew; blatantly ignored his attempted apology, and finished with, "Oh sod off Snivellus; we both know I'm too good for you."

Then she'd slammed the portrait in his face.

Wincing, Severus climbed gingerly down the dungeon stairs, one arm wrapped tightly around his abdomen as he struggled to catch his breath. Merlin help him if Filch caught him; the fifth year could barely manage walking, let alone flee Hogwart's caretaker, he thought morosely.

Then again, perhaps this would finally be what pushed him over the edge. The healing spells Sev normally excelled at had proved useless and since visiting the Hospital Wing was out of the question... Severus resigned himself to the inevitable.

Finally reaching the safety of the dungeons, Severus murmured, "Alohamora," pointing his wand at the shadowy portrait of Salazar Slytherin guarding their common room.

The painting remained obstinately in place.

Why wouldn't it open? Cursing, Severus tried the spell once more.

"You'd think he'd have it figured out by now, Lucius. Some prodigy he turned out to be."

Severus froze.

Bellatrix Black's voice lilted with something akin to happiness and Severus knew that meant nothing but trouble for him.

"Then again, he is a half-blood. Might take him a little longer to realize we don't tolerate pathetic, Gryffindor-loving bastards in our dorms."

Severus pulled away from the canvas like it was aflame.

Lucius chuckled, "Now he's got it... I think a few nights sleeping in the classrooms will teach you your lesson, Snape. At least after term ends in a week you'll have the summer to...realign your sympathies."

Frustrated tears prickled at the corner of Severus' eyes. Resisting the urge to kick the door in a fit of rage, the boy turned and made his way back down the hallway.

Though he'd always known members of his house could be cruel, they usually left him alone aside from vague threats and homework demands.

Thoughts whirling, Severus didn't look up until he felt the breeze tug at his hair, blowing the strands into his face.

He was atop the Astronomy Tower.

The view was beautiful. A crescent moon hung suspended above him, the surrounding stars gleaming like thousands of eyes winking in the darkness.

Small smile tugging the corner of his mouth, he stared down at the shadowed grounds. Hogwarts was almost...haunting like this, without the voices of his classmates shattering the stillness, the trees painted a thousand shades of grey.

Without pausing to think, Severus slipped his robe from his shoulders, the patched fabric pooling around his ankles before he bent to fold it, unlacing his boots after.

Almost tenderly, the Slytherin carefully stacked the robe on top of his boots before undoing his tie.

His socks, worn through at the toes and heels, followed, tucked neatly into the boots, before his satchel clattered next to the pile. Finally, the young potions prodigy tugged his wand free from his waistband. His fingers, clenched around the black wood, and hovered over the pile before opening.

The wand landed silently, a minute dip in the robe.

Blinking back the tears he hadn't felt start again, Severus examined the walls, before rolling his shoulders back. He could do this.

He had to do this.

Pulling himself up, fingers searching out the minute chinks in the stone, Severus hauled himself up the retaining wall of the Tower, groaning as he crouched on the ledge, one arm tightening around his throbbing abdomen.

It took a long moment for Severus to recover and when he finally managed to gain his footing, his shoulders were trembling with desperately suppressed sobs.

Really, this shouldn't be so difficult. He had nowhere to go, not at school since Lily...since he'd insulted her, and without the protection of his House, Severus knew the Marauders would only grow more bold. And the idea of spending his summer alone with Tobias Snape....

No, this was the only way.

Closing his eyes, Severus forced himself to look at the stars instead of the ground. Vaguely, he wondered if it would hurt.

"I'm so sorry, Mum."

Taking one final breath, he jumped.