Valentines Howlers
Valentine's Day was a ridiculous time of year. The smell of chocolates slightly improved it, especially because Remus often managed to nick a few from unsuspecting students who’d already had far too many, but it definitely wasn’t worth the insanity that overtook his schoolmates. Most of the older students, and an alarming number of the younger years as well, were distracted, gloomy, or in literal trances (love potions ought to be illegal) for at least a week leading up to the holiday. It made lessons irritably slow.
The Professors, especially Dumbledore, were definitely too encouraging and even decorated the castle in as many shades of pink and red as possible. It was a bit sickening really, and Remus was grateful for his sanity. For those affected, it was a time of broken hearts, extreme impropriety, and obnoxious drama.
The Valentines Day of Remus’ fifth year, his friends (or one friend at least) somehow managed to get themselves more involved than usual, and not just by James and Sirius receiving over thirty valentines each.
It started at mail time. Mail time, Merlin, that was the worst thing of all about the holiday. There were too many owls to even eat properly and a headachingly loud medley of delighted squeals, singing cards, wails, and sometimes even exploding curses. It was a nightmare.
At first, it was no different that year than usual. That was until there was, from the Slytherin table of all places, extremely exaggerated peals of laughter. The Marauders, resenting any Slytherin happiness, immediately looked to see what was happening. To all of their amusement, it turned out to be little fourteen year old Regulus Black getting his first ever valentine. Not that they’d ever admit later that they ever found it funny.
A few of the Ravenclaws were joining in the laughter by then, pointing to the owl that delivered the card and whispering to each other. The anomaly of the two most notoriously unhumorous houses laughing together was enough to gather quite a bit of attention, even from the other lovesick students.
Regulus looked like he’d gotten a dreadful sunburn as he tried to stuff the card out of sight. Unfortunately for him, Victor Nott, an athletic and strangely popular Slytherin sixth year, had quick seeker instincts and easily plucked it from his hands. By the time Nott was standing on the bench and dramatically clearing his throat, he had practically the entire hall’s attention. Beside Remus, Sirius was staring daggers. As is usually the case with siblings, no one but him was allowed to tease his brother.
In a ridiculously high voice, Victor read the short note out loud, accompanied by more and more shrieks of amusement. “Dearest Regulus, it’s my absolute pleasure to wish you the happiest of Valentine's Days. You are the best and sweetest person I’ve known. It’s my hope that the delight’s reciprocated. Love, Xeno.”
Oh goodness, so that was why it was so funny. Remus, who’d been fearing the same kind of ridicule since he was eleven, felt his stomach turn unpleasantly. Regulus snatched the card back and, with his housemates watching him expectantly, muttered a spell to light it on fire. His face as he watched it burn proved, to Remus at least, that the note hadn’t been completely unprompted.
“Parchment!” Someone whisper-yelled in Remus’ ear. He turned and saw Sirius frantically rummaging through his school bag.
“What?”
“I need parchment. Do you have any?”
“What do you need it for?”
“Jesus Christ, Moony. You must have some.”
Baffled, Remus pulled out a piece of his parchment that was quickly grabbed by Sirius.
He cast a few spells that Remus couldn’t make out on it, and began scrawling messy words as he continued to whisper. The hall was still full of dramatic muttering, and poor Xenophilius Lovegood was getting quite a few nasty looks. Someone even threw an egg at him, and McGonegall was having little success in calming them all down. Regulus was moodily shoveling porridge into his mouth like his life depended on it.
Sirius yelped triumphantly after a minute, grabbed the nearest owl, which happened to be delivering yet another card to James, and tied the folded parchment, that was somehow bright red by then, to its leg. Remus felt that nothing good was possibly going to come of it, but (as always) he made no move to stop it and just watched and waited for the likely chaos.
The owl landed, to Remus’ horror, in front of Xenophilius. Remus held his breath as the boy, who’d been sadly watching Regulus eat and ignoring the uproar he’d caused, untied the letter. Surely Sirius couldn’t be that cruel, could he? Maybe he could be if he felt like he was protecting Regulus. Remus found himself trembling slightly as he tried to breathe properly.
As soon as Xenophilius unfolded the parchment, a voice, Sirius’ voice but much louder than even the other students combined could hope to be, started to speak. Everything else fell silent, and even McGonagall only looked on in horrified amazement. Sirius was smirking at his success as his howler shouted its contents in a eerily cheerful tone.
“Dear Xeno, I want to thank you on my baby brother’s behalf for the lovely note. I personally found it beautiful. You’re quite sweet yourself and absolutely perfect just the way you are, whatever these slimy gits say. I’m surprised we lost you to Ravenclaw with that kind of bravery; you must be bloody brilliant as well. A very happy Valentine's Day from your platonic admirer, Sirius Black.”
Xenophilius beamed. Sirius blew him a kiss and, amid the escalating arguments and a few flying jinxes, winked at Regulus.
Relief flooded Remus. He should never have doubted Sirius’ pure goodness. It was another one of his most incredible moments, in Remus’ opinion. It was one of the few times that he remembered Sirius was a brother to someone besides James Potter, and it was the first time that Remus knew with absolute certainty that he wouldn’t be hated for his inconvenient and continuously growing feelings. Ironically, seeing Sirius so shamelessly stand up for someone so much younger, not to mention from another house, when he usually just complained that everyone besides fifth year Gryffindors were obnoxious, only made his feelings spike all the quicker. He was hopelessly in love, and one day he’d be as brave as little Xenophilius about it.
The howler started smoking before it shrieked out a couple last lines. “The rest of you bloody idiots that were laughing can fuck right off. And Nott, you can go fuck your cousin like we all know you do, no one else wants you.”
There were more peals of laughter, this time mostly from the Gryffindor table, and McGonegall’s shrill “Mr. Black! Detention tonight for that vulgar language. And Mr. Nott, detention every night this week.”
Sirius let out a happy whoop and Remus charmed all the house banners blue and bronze in celebration. Valentine's Day really wasn’t so bad.