The bed
“I defeated Voldemort, I will not be defeated by this!” Harry growled as yet another piece of wood fell from the construction he was attempting. Across from him, Ron grunted as he caught it, all of them winced at the sound of something splintering.
“You can't shoot an expelliarmus at a flat pack bed.” Hermione snorted from the perch she and Ginny were sitting on…supervising.
“Sirius managed it.” Ginny taunted before turning to Hermione, “He did manage it, right?”
Hermione looked at her incredulously. “Don't be ridiculous. Tonks and I did it while Sirius and Remus debated on which way the desk should go for an hour and a half. If they hadn't looked so bloody surprised when they noticed we’d finished it, I would have said it was on purpose.”
“Mione!” Ron whined, “if you’ve done it already, why aren't you doing this?”
“Because I’ve already built one! And now, Lyra's bloody asking for one. I think Sirius actually cried when she brought it up. He was definitely trying to convince her that a magical bed was much better than anything that involved another trip to Ikea. She's having none of it though and I’ve told him that since I built Rigel’s it's his turn. Last I heard he was going to attempt to bribe Teddy with the latest broom….Comet something or other.”
“Six thousand.” Ron, Ginny and Harry replied in unison.
Hermione waved her hand carelessly, “That. He was going to bribe him with that in return for help. He seems to think that he’ll be more likely to know what he's doing. Why I don't know. He's only twelve.”
Harry slowly turned to Ginny. “If we get there first…..”
“James does need somewhere to sleep that isn't going to kill him.” Ginny agreed, eyeing the assorted pieces of the bed her husband was supposed to be building. “Is it meant to have so many bits?”
“Yes.” Hermione sighed, “It has a wardrobe and a desk under it. I think it's meant for smaller rooms but Rigel was adamant. Apparently, it means he has more space for lego and quidditch figures. I think that might be the only thing about it Sirius likes. Did I tell you he bought a sodding ghostbusters car in lego form as a joint project for him and the kids?”
Harry and Ron's eyes lit up. “No.” Harry breathed.
“THERE WERE NO INSTRUCTIONS!” Hermione ranted, “We had to look up the bloody things online in the library and print them! Have you any idea how hard I’ve worked to jeep Sirius away from the bloody internet? Now he's talking about figuring out how to get it in the house!”
Ginny snorted, “At least it’ll keep him busy for a bit.”
“But he looks so bloody sad every time he hits a dead end! And then I feel sorry for him!”
Ginny looked at her shrewdly. “And?”
Hermione slumped. “And now I’m bloody pregnant again. Arsehole. All because of fucking lego!”
Ron snorted., “I’m pretty sure it wasn't the lego you were fucking Mione….fucking Sirius might be more appropriate.”
He dodged as she launched an allen key at his head. “Did someone mention me?” Sirius stuck his head around the door, taking in the carnage. “Oh Prongslet what were you thinking?”
“What was I thinking!” Harry almost screeched, “What the hell were you thinking! You had to know the moment Rigel asked for one, James would want one too.” Sirius grinned. “You could help!” Harry wheedled. Sirius' grin fell rapidly.
“Ah…that would be….sorry Prongslet, I should probably get Kitten home though. You know how pregnancy makes her….and its twins…so….”
“Are you implying I’m a nightmare when I’m pregnant, Sirius Black?” Hermione demanded at exactly the same moment Ginny screeched “Twins!”
Sirius paled. ”What? No love, of course not!”
“Because he wouldn't fucking dare,” Ron muttered attempting to be quiet enough so only Harry could hear.
“Just for that Ronald Weasley, I’m going to take Lavender with me next time I go to Ikea and then I’m going to laugh as you have to build everything she buys.” Hermione glared at him.
Ron paled, “Please no!”
“Yes!”
“Twins Mione!” Ginny breathed. “Minerva's going to retire.”
Hermione laughed, “Minerva will have retired before the twins are anywhere near Hogwarts age, Sirius Black's son and James Potters's Grandson are going in a few years. She’ll be off to the Bahamas the minute the letters are sent.”
“True enough.” Ginny agreed with a grin. “Especially as they’ll be followed by Lyra and Albus. James and Rigel are…rambunctious but those two are bloody terrifying.”
Hermione snorted, “Gods aren't they just.”
“Mione….Mione please?” Harry turned to her, puppy-dog eyes in full force, looking utterly pathetic as he held up instructions he clearly didn't understand. “The pictures don't even make sense.”
Hermine hummed, casting an eye over the part they had managed to build. It had taken four hours and wasn't even the main part of the bed. “You've got that panel on backwards you know.”
Thumbing through the instructions frantically, Harry groaned. “Who's fucking idea was this?”
Laughing, Hermione jumped down from her perch. “Yours when you couldn't say no to your eldest son.”
“Ready to go Kitten?” Sirius grinned.
“I am yes…but you could stay.” she grinned wickedly. “Invite Remus. In fact, that sounds like a wonderful idea. You’ll all have it figured out by the time Lyra and Albus' need built.”
Sirius paled dramatically. “Arent you supposed to love me, Kitten?” he whined.
“Yes. And I do. However I'm currently pregnant, and that's your fault.”
“Because you weren't there?” he taunted.
She glowered, “You looked so sad, it's your fault!”
“It was a pity shag?” he asked horrified.
Behind them, Ron and Ginny barely refrained from laughing at the look on his face.
“Does it count as a pity shag if we’re married?” Hermione mused.
“Yes!” he exclaimed.
“Oh…yes then.” she nodded as Ginny lost her battle and dissolved into laughter.
“I didn't need to know that,” Harry muttered.
Sirius pouted. “I can't believe my own wife was only shagging me out of pity,” he mumbled.
Smothering her grin, Hermione wrapped her arms around him. “Ah, but it was pity and love, Snuffles.”
“That doesn't make it any better,” he responded wryly.
“You say that like you haven't bent me over the dining room table just to get me to shut up,” she murmured.
He grinned down at her, pulling her tightly to him. “I have done that.”
“I know,” she responded drily.
“I really, really didn't need to know that,” Harry muttered. “And we’re never eating in your house again.”
Hermione snorted. “Says the man who everyone has walked in on at least once. I scourgify everything in your house before I touch it.” Ron shuddered.
“I was attempting to forget the sight of Harry's naked arse thanks, Mione.”
Hermione patted his shoulder. “Sorry,” she replied insincerely. “Coming Gin? I’ll send Remus with the power tools.”
Sirius perked up at that. “We need those?”
“THe electric screwdriver helps.” she agreed, knowing she’d won.
“Fine, Kitten.” he sighed. “Maybe send Bill too?”
“I can ask.” She smirked, pulling Ginny from the room.
They returned with takeaway several hours later to find five frazzled men and a laughing Tonks.
The bed, however, appeared to be complete. “That bad?” Hermione asked.
Tonks grinned. “It's been built five times. They've had several panels on the wrong way round, the metal mattress supports on upside down and were following the wrong version of the instructions for the main bed. I’m almost certain Remus cried at one point.”
Hermione snorted but lent into Sirius when he moved to hug her. “Lyra isn't getting one." he declared. "Whoever designed them was more evil than Voldemort. I’d rather fight ten Death Eaters than have to do that again.”
Hermione nodded as she stroked a hand through his hair consolingly. “It's alright sweetheart, we’ll pay the extra to have them build it next time.”
There was the sound of several tools dropping to the floor as all of the room's occupants turned to look at her. “That was an option?” Harry asked sounding strangled.
“Oh yes. Gin and I just decided that seventy-five pounds to build a bed was ridiculous.”