Chapter 2- a black fight
December 23, 1975,
8:30 A.M.
James woke up with an odd object on top of him. He sat up, still not quite awake yet. There was a green basket on his legs. What the fuck? He thought, his brain still catching up. Oh. Memories about last night started crashing back, The notes. He had thought that maybe it had been a dream, but no, he had not imagined it, and The Green Basket sitting on his legs was proof of that. He picked up the basket, after making sure that no one was awake, and took out the letter inside.
Merlin you say sorry a lot. I can’t be mad at a piece of paper, so I suppose your thousands of ‘sorry’s’ will have to do. About the letter, don’t put it back in now, since you’ve gone and mucked up my spell, I just wrote it again and sent to them with another basket, which I suppose is more efficient than having one basket for the both of yall.
I’m still pretty sure you’re being sarcastic, how can you have love for me, you don’t even know me, and if you did, you’d probably hate me. You are being even more ridiculous than before you know that? Saying you’ll do everything you can to keep me? I really hope you don’t.
-12 4 8
Huh, James thought. He’d hoped to get to know the gender of 12 4 8, but there was nothing, not even a smug remark on telling him that he’d never figure them out, there was nothing. Determined to get something out of them, he picked up a pen and started to write.
I give you much thanks for your forgiveness, it’s very much appreciated. Also, you are not slick, you know that? I can tell you still want to write to me, you want to know how I know? No? I’ll tell you anyway. You said that you now have two baskets, one for me, and one for whoever, so that means you want to write to me again! I’m starting to rub off on you! Progress! :)
Also can we talk about those negative thoughts? Who said I was going to hate you, I mean I quite like you. Is this a problem that you have? Because I can help! Not joking, actually I think that’s a really good idea since I don't know who you are so it’s not like I can say anything. But genuinely don’t think about yourself that way.
I really hope I do get to keep you,
-1 2 3
P.s. You didn’t answer my question about being a boy or a girl, you didn’t even talk about it. What’s the matter, scared I’ll find out who you are?
P.s. 2 I’ll tell you if I’m a boy or a girl.
James was a little skeptical about whether or not he should have pried about their gender. Finally decided, he folded it and put it in the basket, sending it off with a whoosh. He got out of bed. He thought about waking up Sirius so they could go out to do a couple laps around the quidditch pitch, but decided against it, considering he had gotten to bed late last night. He looked back at Remus’ and Peter’s beds, but the curtains were still drawn, indicating that they were still asleep, so James was surprised when he saw Remus in the common room, writing on a parchment of paper.
Thought you were still asleep.” James said, making Remus startle.
“Oh sorry, just writing a letter.” Remus said, after calming down. James sat down next to him looking at the window from across the room.
“Cool. Mind if I ask who?” He didn't want to pry. Especially with Remus, but if Remus was up to sharing, James wouldn’t mind listening.
“Actually, I’d rather not, you know, it’s kind of personal and stuff. But if she responds-”
“She?” James sat up, excited.
Remus rolled his eyes, “Merlin James, she’s just a bloody friend, besides she doesn't like people like us in that way.”
James frowned, “People like us? You mean wizards?”
Remus shook his head, signing the letter, dropping it in the envelope, and sealing it, “I mean blokes,” he got up, “Going to the owlery, want to join me?”
James stared up at Remus in shock before responding, “I- uh, yeah, sure.”
“Cheers”
James stood up, a little dizzy. She doesn’t like people like us in that way. He tried to wrap his head around what Remus had said. People like us? You mean wizards? I mean blokes. James was aware gay people existed, he just didn’t really think that he would ever meet one. Not that he had anything against them. He actually found them quite cool. Suddenly he remembered something his mother had told him when he was seven. Now remember James, we do not judge other people just because they are different. Not everyone is going to be the same as you, but that’s the beauty in this world. When you meet somebody new, it is really important that you love and support them, okay? He hadn’t put much thought into it back then, he had been so young, but he had never hated someone unless they gave him a reason to. What about me? He had asked, the memory coming back. Who’s going to love and support me? His dad had answered. We will son, me and you Mother will always love you no matter what.
“James?”
James looked up. Remus was standing in front of him.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah sorry, just a bit tired.”
They walked in silence until they reached the owlery. James decided to finally talk once they had arrived.
“So, what’s her name?”
“Melusine”
“Melusine? That’s not English is it?”
“French. She’s named after a goddess in French folklore who was known as the ‘Serpent Lady’”
“Sounds like a Slytherin”
“Yeah, well she's not so you can stop judging her”
We do not judge other people just because they are different.
“Yeah sorry, so she’s, uh a lesbian? That’s how you say it right?”
“Yeah, you have a fucking problem with that?” Remus glared at him so intensely James wouldn’t be surprised if daggers suddenly shot out from his eyes.
James put his hands up in defense, “No not at all, just curious,” He dropped his arms and shrugged, “Sorry, didn't mean to offend you.”
Remus turned around embarrassed, sending the owl off. James was pretty sure his cheeks had turned red.
“No I’m sorry, I just hate when people are are mean to them just for loving who they love”
James nodded his head quickly, “Yeah…” he didn’t want to anger Remus, “I, uh, just never met someone, queer…”
“Yeah well w- they don’t really go around yelling from rooftops that they’re gay.”
James nodded again, “So how do you know her?”
“Like I said, it's personal” Remus started making his way to the door, “Anyways, I’m starving, fancy some breakfast?”
James rolled his eyes, “You're always starving.”
“Must be the wolf in me”
And with that, they were off, laughing all the way to the great hall. James knew that was all he was going to get. Remus was complicated, one day he’ll tell you to fuck off while hexing you, and the next he’d tell you some of his deepest secrets. He just had to be patient.
When James and Remus arrived in the Great Hall, Lily, Marlene, Mary, and Alice were already at the table, eating. James felt his heart beating faster as he approached them. He tried not to look at Lily. He couldn't help it. She was so beautiful. Her emerald eyes, her bright red hair that made her stand out in any crowd, her smile that would brighten any rainy clouds you have, her tiny red freckles that cover her face and go all the way down her neck and down her shirt. James looked away. But what James loved most about Lily, was the way she was kind, and sweet, but also stern and stubborn. She was powerful and smart, but never rubbed it in people’s faces. He loved how she always saw the good in people, always helping first years on school work, or comforting a third year girl over her first heartbreak.
James had fallen in love with Lily Evans in first year, when he first saw her. He had first asked her out in third year. He got turned down, she didn’t like him very much. But James knew that he would win her over, he just needed to give her some time. So in fourth year, he had asked her again. She had said no again. James hadn’t tried again yet, but everyone knew he was crazy about her. Which wasn’t entirely his fault. He had never asked her out publicly, she hated that, however, he had told the Marauders, which included Sirius. James hadn’t been mad at Sirius, he had the biggest mouth, and would talk about anything, especially when he was pissed. And with a girl. Which was quite often, so over time practically everyone knew. James hadn't mind. Lily had. So then James had too.
“James?”
James looked up at Remus who just talked.
“Sorry, what?”
“I asked whether you wanted to eat here or bring food back up.”
“Oh, I suppose we could just eat here.”
“Cheers.” He sat down next to Lily and started putting food on his plate.
James stood around a little awkward. He realized that Marlene was looking at him. He looked back, she laughed, and turned to Mary whispering in her ear, trying hard not to laugh. Not soon after, Mary started giggling looking up at him. That made Alice and Lily turn around to look at him. Great. He sat down next to Remus desperately regretting his decision to stay here. He looked back at the girls, Alice was now laughing with Mary and Marlene probably at him. She leaned in to Lily to whisper. No no no no no no. Lily can not know whatever they were making fun of him, but it was too late, she was laughing, looking at him. But he didn’t feel embarrassed. Or maybe he did, but he was too distracted at Lily laughing, leaning on Alice to steady herself. She smiled up at James, shining all her teeth, showing her gap. James couldn’t help himself from smiling back at her.
Remus elbowed him, “Did you speak to Sirius this morning?”
James frowned, filling his plate with eggs, “No, why?”
“Oh, um, just with last night, I wanted to make sure he was okay,” He started putting toast and cakes on his plate.
James raised his eyebrows, “Really? Cause you didn’t seem to be so concerned last night with, and I quote, ‘I don’t want to know who he’s sticking his di’-”
Remus' hand came up so fast to James mouth that James almost fell backwards. Marlene was staring at them suspiciously while James was laughing in Remus’ hand.
“Shut. Up.” Remus said before removing his hand. James was laughing so hard that some of the Gryffindors around them stared.
“No seriously, why were you so mad last night?” James asked, ignoring the Gryffidors. They were used to James and Sirius creating chaos all the time and they went back to eating their breakfast. One didn’t. Marlene. She was still staring at them.
“I wasn’t fucking mad at him James.” He grumbled.
James should have probably stopped there, but today, he decided to test his chances. “Really, then what was with the grumpy attitude?”
James heard Remus inhale and exhale tensely, “I. didn’t. have. an. attitude.” he said through gritted teeth.
James was about to answer something before Marlene cut him off.
“Okay what the fuck is going on?”
Remus and James both looked up at her with shocked faces.
“Oh don’t give me that bloody look. Where’s Thing 2 and Thing 3? Also why are you two arguing?”
James and Remus glanced at each other.
“Well, I, –”
“Oh this, no this is not arguing.” Remus said, interrupting him.
“Also why do you call them that?” James asked.
Marlene looked back and forth between them, “Well Remus is Thing 1, Peter is Thing 2, Sirius is Thing 3, and you’re Thing 4.” She said matter-of-factly, “Also you really think that I’m going to believe you about not arguing, that’s such bullshit.”
Remus and James frowned.
“I’m so confused about the order.” Remus said.
“Why am I the last ‘Thing’?” James asked at the same time.
Marlene rolled her eyes, “Remus is Thing 1 because he’s the one that I’ve known the longest, Peter is Thing 2 because I quite like him and he’s a lot smarter than you,” she pointed at James, “except maybe Remus, but anyways, Sirius is 3rd just because it annoys him to not be number 1, and that, leaves the last slot for you Jamie-Boy.” She smiled, proud of herself.
James groaned, “Ugh does everyone know about that nickname?”
Marlene nodded, taking a sip of her orange juice, “Yep! Just like everyone knows about you fancying a specific girl…” Her eyes drifted to Lily and James turned as red as a tomato.
Remus snickered, “Well, I greatly appreciate being Thing 1.”
“Of course,” she leaned in to ‘whisper’ as if this was top secret information even though everyone could still hear her, “You were always my favorite.” She added with a wink.
James looked back and forth between the two. He was about to make a sly remark, but suddenly he heard shouts coming from outside the Great Hall. Him and Remus looked at each other before getting up and hurrying to see what was going on.
“Yeah, well I’msorry if I’ve disappointed you, but let's not forget who disappointed our parents first!”
“As if I give a shit about what our parents think! Or about what you think!”
“Really?! Then they must be so excited to learn about you and your little new toy! What was hi-”
“SHUT UP REG! You think you’re the perfect son doing everything our parents ask of you!? Well you’re rotting reg, you’re already dead! I mean look at you! You don’t even look alive-”
“Shut up.”
“- You’re just Mum and Dad’s puppet!-”
“I said shut up!”
“-Yeah, you’d do anything she asks of you, ‘Regulus go up to your room!’ ‘Regulus behave!-’
“Shut. up.”
“- ‘Regulus! Stop talking!’ ‘Regulus you’re turning out like you’re brother’‘Regulus you look like one of those nasty queers!’ ‘Regulus-”
“Sirius goddamn it shut up!”
“- ‘I know you’re lying!’ ‘Regulus kill that mud-’”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP SIRIUS”
“- Oh I’m sorry, did I say something? Cause if I remember well, you always hid behind me while she Lacero me! WHILE SHE COMPLETELY EXPOSED MY THOUGHTS TO HERSELF! WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU WATCHED, practically cheering her on.”
James finally got to the center. Sirius and his brother Regulus were surrounded by students. Regulus was looking down at his feet while Sirius was practically looming over him. They didn’t have wands, the Blacks could hurt each other with much more than curses. Words. And people knew damn well that when they spoke they fired venom.
“That’s not true.” Regulus looked sad. If James wasn’t on Sirius’ side he’d almost pity him. Almost.
“Is it?” Sirius was furious, and why wouldn’t he be? But James saw another expression he rarely saw on Sirius. Desperation.
Regulus shook his head. James was pretty sure he was crying, but that might have been a trick of the light.
“I feel bad for you Reg. You want to know why?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “You’re suffocating, Reg. All alone, and you’re drowning Reg, but the most pathetic part is you’re not asking for help, cause she told you not to. She tells you you’re fine. And you’re stupid enough to believe her.”
Regulus shook his head, “That’s not true, she’s trying her best. She’s trying her best to raise me.” He was practically pleading, like he was trying to convince himself it was true.
Sirius scoffed, "Toujours Pur? Tu peux faire semblant qu'elle t’aime, mais au final c’est sa main qui te traîne au fond du lac.”
James had no idea what he was saying, but he heard some of the teachers coming over their way.
“Fuck you.”
“Yeah? Well fuck you right back! You completely fucked up my life!”
“Oh I fucked up your life!? No, our Mother fucked up our lives Sirius, not me!”
“Oh so now you admit it!”
“Okaaay! Sirius, stop!” James stepped in the circle making his way toward Sirius.
“Fuck off James! Me and Reggie need to settle something.”
“Don’t. Call. Me. That.” Regulus spatted.
“Aw boohoo poor Reggie is sensitive to a nickname.”
“Sirius! I’m serious, the teachers are coming, and you already have detention!”
James heard Regulus mutter ‘Pathetic’ and James glared at him.
“No I’m Si-”
“Mr.Black and Mr.Black!”
“Shit.” James turned around to see Professor Mcgonagall dispersing the crowd of students.
“What is going on here?!”
James couldn’t let Sirius have more detention than he already has, “I'm sorry Professor, but we-”
“Not you Mr.Potter! I am directly speaking to the Blacks!” Her voice was stern, and James mumbled ‘sorry’.
Regulus was looking down at his shoes. Pathetic, James thought. Sirius spoke first,
“We’re sorry Professor-”
“Sorry? For what, exactly?”
Silence.
“Well? Please don’t all talk at once.”
More silence..
“Very well, detention, all three of you, my office tonight” She walked away, telling some students who had lingered to go back to their dorms.
“Well, thank you Reggie for that, now you just got us detention on Christmas break” Sirius wasn't leaving, clearly he still wanted to talk to Regulus, but James couldn’t understand why.
Regulus scoffed, “I got you detention, yeah go ahead and blame everything on me. If I recall, you’re the one that came up and talked to me.”
“Yeah cause you kept on sen-” Sirius looked at James, as if he just remembered that he was there too. James raised his eyebrows as if to say, Well, go on.
Regulus looked at James too.
“I kept doing what Sirius?” Regulus said slyly, still looking at James. James knew what Regulus was doing.
Sirius closed his mouth, narrowing his eyes at Regulus, “Nothing, don’t you ever talk to me again.”
“Suits me,” Regulus shrugged and started walking away.
“No, don’t you walk away!” Sirius said, catching up to Regulus and grabbing him by the arm, yanking him back.
Regulus raised one eyebrow, “Right, that’s your job”
“Uh Sirius?”
Both of the brothers turned to look at him.
“Maybe we just go.”
“Maybe, we just not.” He turned to Regulus again, “Why did you say that?” He snapped.
Regulus looked at him with no emotion, “I said a lot of things, you’re going to have to be more specific than that.”
Sirius stared him down, “Fine, play dumb, or maybe you’re not playing, maybe you really are dumb.”
Regulus stared back at him, James was pretty sure neither were blinking, “Okay.” Regulus turned around and left, before Sirius could stop him again.
“What the fuck?” Sirius whispered, more to himself than to James.
“Come on,” James said, before leaving, with Sirius behind him.