Knowing and Changing

Harry woke to find himself wrapped in Narcissa’s arms and George lying next to him, his hand still holding Harry’s. His throat felt scratchy and his eyes and cheeks dry. His heart still hurt but he imagined that would be the case for a while. 

He sat up slowly, trying not to wake them. His mind was churning. 

He needed a plan. A proper plan for when he went back in time. 

He still hadn’t decided quite where to go. Or should he say when? His mind had been too full of other things over the past month to really sit down and think about anything else. 

Should he go back to Tom Riddle’s time at Hogwarts and make sure he doesn’t create Horcruxes? Stop him from forming his groups? Stop him from killing Myrtle? Maybe make sure he is removed from the Orphanage and put with someone who will love him so he isn’t alone? Stop Dumbledore from meddling in everything?

Should he go back to his parent’s years at Hogwarts? Meet them? Struggle to control himself around them because he wanted to tell them everything? Protect Severus? Find the Horcruxes and destroy them? Destroy Tom before the war really kicks off? Stop Dumbledore from ruining so many lives?

Should he go back to Tom’s birth and raise him with love and care so he doesn’t turn out the way he did? And stop Dumbledore’s meddling?

He was confused. 

So, very confused. 

But at the same time, he wasn’t. There was a huge part of him telling him that he needed to protect Severus. Look after him. Care for him. And… he wanted to meet his parents. Get to know them. Even if he can’t be their son. He wanted to be close to them. 

The question was, however, what year to go back to? And how was he supposed to protect Severus properly if he wasn’t the same age as him? In the same year at school? He was seventeen, nearly eighteen, he should be finishing his final year of Hogwarts. And yet, when Severus was raped, he was sixteen, in fifth year. 

He supposed he could de-age himself. He didn’t exactly have a good education due to everything else he had to worry about. He could get his OWLs properly, and work through his NEWTs. Without too much worry of Tom or Dumbledore. He could protect Severus and be his true self in… well, every aspect. 

He could protect Severus from the Shrieking Shack incident also. 

He just didn’t know how he could make it through being close to his parents and not being able to tell them. And then having to watch his parents raise him, and any siblings he might have. Getting to watch the life he was meant to have from afar. How was he supposed to cope with that?

How was he supposed to cope with that pain?

That loss?

Amongst everything else, how was he supposed to get through it?

Merlin only knew. 

He just hoped he had the strength. 

Though he didn’t feel particularly strong at that moment. 

He sighed deeply, rubbing his hand down his face tiredly. He was so tired of everything. 

He felt shifting beside him and saw that both Narcissa and George were waking up. 

“You okay, Harry?” George asked, squeezing his hand in support. 

Harry hummed, “Just thinking,”

“What about?” 

“The past,” he whispered. 

“Have you decided when you want to go to?” Narcissa asked. 

“Erm… well, I was thinking of being de-aged to fifteen and maybe going to your fifth year? That way I can protect Severus, and actually get to focus on my studies more than I could in this time,”

Narcissa smiled at him, a sadness in her eyes. She kissed his forehead in comfort and stood up, “I am going to get ready for the day. I will meet you both in the dining room for breakfast when you are ready,”  

It was as Narcissa left the room that he realised they were in Malfoy Manor. He really should get over everything so that he can focus more on his surroundings. 

“Harry,”

“What if I can’t do it, George?”

“Do what?”

“What if I can’t handle being around them, knowing who they are to me and not being able to tell them? What if I can’t handle watching them raise me, watching the life that I was meant to have? What if I can’t protect Severus? Or any of them? What if I can’t get rid of Tom? What if I can’t stop Dumbledore? What… what if I fail?”

“Harry, I know you won’t fail,” George said, and Harry was going to interrupt, “No, Harry, listen to me, please. Harry, you know what you have to do to end this bloody war. You’ve already done it once, you can do it again. I have every faith in you, and I know that everyone else does as well. And you aren’t going to be alone, you will have people around to help you. Your mum had so much faith in you that he gave you this opportunity to not only go back and change everything, but he gave you the opportunity to go back and live the life you deserve more than anyone else I know. He gave you this opportunity so that you can find true safety and happiness, as well as save the world you know,

“Harry, I know that it will be unbearably hard for you to know your parents as friends, and watch them give baby you the life you were meant to have. I know. I know how much you want a family, how much you wanted parents who loved you. But you have this opportunity to get to know them, you have this opportunity to save your younger self and make sure he doesn’t grow up like you did. That he is safe, loved, and cared for. And if it gets too hard for you, then tell them. I don’t know them as people, but they are your parents whether you are the same age as them or not, And I am sure that they will understand, and help you get through it. And I am sure that the rest of the group will be able to help you also,

“And in regards to Severus; yes, you might not be able to protect him from everything that happens to him. But I know that you will try your hardest, and he will know that too. And I reckon, that to him, just knowing that he has such a strong, fierce protector as you, and everyone else in the group, as much as it won’t automatically heal him, it will help somewhat to know that he isn’t alone. It will help him to know that he has people who love and care about him, look after him, and want to try and protect him,”

“I don’t want to be alone,” Harry whispered.

“And you won’t be, Harry. The group will all love you and welcome you with open arms,”

“No, I don’t want to go alone. I want you to come with me. I can’t… I won’t have anyone I know there. I won’t… I won’t be able to cope thinking you are alone… I know you won’t be alone, because you will fade away when I go back. But I need you, George. I need my brother. My family. I can’t… I need you to help me,”

George looked at him sadly, “Harry, we don’t even know if someone can go with you,”

“I know. But, if you can… if you can come with me, will you? I… I need you to help me, to ground me, to help me push through it. No one there will understand, truly, what I have gone through, and I know that if I am going to keep from breaking down too much then I need someone who understands there with me. And you deserve to find some happiness for yourself, George, and I think… I think maybe being somewhere where you can be yourself without fear of reprisal will be good for you. I know that you and Fred had to hide bits of yourself from your family because they didn’t like it, but… you can be yourself in the past, you can live the life that Fred would want you to have. And I just have this feeling that I will need you there with me,”

“I mean, if I am able to, of course I will come. Someone has to look after you whilst you look after everyone else. And, well, I can’t pass up the opportunity to prank the Marauders now, can I?” they both grinned.

“And, of course, I will help,”

“Of course. If I can though, I will be de-aging myself along with you, and changing my appearance slightly so I look less like a Weasley. And we both have to unleash our Slytherin sides, I believe,”

Harry hummed as his stomach rumbled and they smiled sadly at each other before getting out of bed and getting ready. 

They walked to the dining room in a comfortable, yet sad, silence. 

…

Harry went to Gringotts that day to talk to Ragnok and Bagrod about his trip to the past. He got an accounting of everything that was in the vault and was surprised at the amount of money, books, files, jewellery, clothes, weapons, potions ingredients, and other items in it. He also had ownership of a large, yet comfortable home in the middle of nowhere, near where his parents would live when they got out of school. 

He also asked about the possibility of George coming with him, and was so unbelievably relieved that he was allowed to come. He was allowed his brother with him. Apparently his mother foresaw his need for a companion to help him with… well, everything, and said to Ragnok that if he needed to take someone with him then he could. The time-turner would only allow a maximum of two people to use it, however.

He asked if they would be able to take a de-aging potion before they left, and if George could change his appearance, and that was also approved. 

All that was left was to make preparations and wait for the potions to be made for them. They could leave whenever they wanted. They also had to come up with their new identities but they would do that when he brought George to the bank with him. 

Harry decided it was probably a good idea to add more to the vault, who knew what they would need. Harry transferred a large chunk of the money he had from his various vaults into the one he would be using in the past. It wouldn’t be needed in this time anymore, and although he already had more than enough money in the vault, it never hurt to be prepared. 

Him and George spent a week moving clothes that would work in the seventies, prank items, Fred and George’s notebooks with their work in, more ingredients, books, and everything else they could think of, including the invisibility cloak and the Marauders’ Map. Anything to get one up on the Marauders and Dumbledore. Harry even snuck back into Hogwarts to take some Basilisk fangs for the Horcruxes. 

They came up with their new identities with the help of the group and the goblins. They would be going by the names Hadrian Ignotus Peverell and George Frederic Peverell. Harry had performed a form of the blood adoption ritual that would make George his actual brother so they could make it work. Harry had to talk to George privately first, however, as George worried what Fred might think about it. 

Even though they didn’t have to do the ritual it would make everything easier if they did as they wouldn’t then have to come up with two stories, or complicate their story too much. Their story was that they were home-schooled, in America as their father had business in the country, but their parents had been killed in an attack when they came back to the country, so they were now going to Hogwarts. It wasn’t much, but given the state of the world at the time it would be somewhat reasonable and they hoped that people wouldn’t ask too many questions about it. 

…

Harry was sitting in his room at Malfoy Manor, looking out the window as he thought about… everything. He just hoped that he could get through everything without falling apart. But he wasn’t counting his eggs on that front. 

There was a knock on the door and he called the person in, turning to find Luna closing the door gently behind her. She smiled at him and he smiled back.

“How are you, Luna?” 

“I am okay, thank you. How are you?” she asked softly. 

“Somehow, I think you know,” Harry said with a wry grin on his face. 

“Hmm. I do, but sometimes it is nice to hear it from the person,”

Harry nodded, “I am tired, worried, scared, and everything else,”

“We all believe in you, Harry. You and George. We believe in you both. And we also believe that you will both find happiness in the past,” He could hear a firmness in her voice which she only gets when she is telling him something she sees. 

He swallows deeply, his Adam’s apple bobbing a couple times as he realises what she is saying. 

“I will be happy,” he whispered. 

“You will be free,” she smiled, “eventually. Once the Dark Lord is gone and Dumbledore has been removed from his positions, you will be free. And happy,”

He couldn’t help but hope that she was right. He tried to believe but he had lost the ability to believe in things a long time ago. He tried, though. And he hoped. 

Merlin knew that all he wanted was a family, and freedom. 

“I have something to return to you, which I feel you might find useful,” she held out her closed hand and Harry held his palm open as she dropped something small and smooth into it. 

He looked down and sucked in a deep breath when he saw the resurrection stone. 

“You should talk to him. You and George,” she whispered. 

He closed his eyes, his fingers closing over the stone in his hand. 

“Thank you, Luna,” he whispered as he tried to hold in his tears. 

“It is what family does, Harry. Just… be prepared for who else might appear when you use the stone,” 

His eyes shot open and he looked at her with worried eyes, thinking that maybe James, Lily, Sirius and Remus would show up again. He couldn’t talk to them. Not now. 

“Not who you are thinking of, Harry. Someone precious,”

Harry’s eyes widened in understand and a pain shot through his heart. He sighed as Luna wrapped her arms around his shoulders. 

“You will be okay, Harry. I know you will. It might take some time, but you will be happy, and free, and have a family. And you will make sure the country is safe from the two lunatics, with the help of your family. George will be happy too, eventually. You will all be happy, and safe, and free, eventually,”

“I’m scared,”

“I know. But I wouldn’t tell you those things if I wasn’t three hundred percent sure that it was true. You will all be okay, Harry. I promise. It will take time, and it will be difficult, but you will be free. You will be happy. I know you will never stop loving Fred, or your daughter, and they know that too. But you have more than enough room in your heart for someone else,” 

Harry breathed in her comforting scent and her words. He tried to will himself to believe them, but it was so terribly difficult. 

She pulled away from him after a few moments of silence. 

“Would you like me to go and get George so that you can talk to Fred?” she asked softly, a sad smile on her face. 

Harry took a few moments to gather his thoughts, and feelings, and everything else. He knew he needed to talk to Fred. Needed to know that he was… okay. That he was… that he didn’t mind what Harry and George were doing. 

It would just be so bloody difficult to talk to him, especially if their daughter might be there also. Though it made sense that she would be.

“Okay,” he whispered. 

She kissed his cheek and left the room quietly, leaving him to his thoughts as he waited for what would probably be the most painful conversation of his life.