Comfort
⚠️this chapter is about Self Harm. I am in no way trying to romanticise this topic. I know how bad it is⚠️
Regulus noticed something yesterday. Something he hoped to not have found. Scars. Not on himself obviously. He'd definitely noticed the scars he did have on himself. He noticed them on his boyfriend. He never thought James would do something like this. And he didn't even know how to approach him about it. The only person he could think of to go to was unfortunately remus. In almost every other situations he would definitely confide in remus, but remus is James friend and doesn't want him to worry. But he needs to talk to someone about it.
So regulus sent an owl to remus saying
Meet me in the library on free period. Don't tell James please.
-Regulus A. Black
Luckily they both had the same free period lesson.
"Who's that from moony? What does it say?"
"Why are you so curious Sirius?"
"Because you are my boyfriend moony. I need to make sure you aren't seeing another man"
"Well I'm not don't worry."
"How do I know that?"
"Because this letter wasn't from a secret boyfriend, it's from my friend in ravenclaw, we have a project that needs the final touches. We are meeting in the library so I'll have to pass on whatever antics you are going to pull"
"Good, have fun being boring"
Regulus left the dining hall looking in remus' way to let him know to follow.
"I'm sorry guys I have to go and get my work, I shall see you in the dorms"
Remus set off towards the library. Remus had no clue what regulus could want.
"Hey regulus what's up"
He was quite clearly not fine. Something was up.
"Remus I need your help, but you can't say anything about it ok."
"Ye sure. What is it?"
"I... saw something. James probably didn't want me or- or anyone to see really. A-and I don't know how to approach him about it, or help him."
"Regulus what's up with James?"
"Have you noticed that he hasn't taken his jumper off all year and wears long sleeves in quidditch training? God how could I have not noticed sooner remus."
"Please don't tell me this is hinting at what i think it's hinting at"
"I saw scars on his arm. I was reading and out of the corner of my eye I saw him scratching his arm. It pulled up his sleeves a bit and they, they looked fresh. There was also older ones and lots of white scars."
"Oh my god. I feel so stupid."
"It's fine none of us would've noticed. Does that make us bad people?"
"No regulus it doesn't."
"How do I approach him about this? I can't just leave it and pretend I saw nothing"
"Regulus. I really think this is something that has to come from you. You need to tell him how much you love him. Let him talk to you. He can't have his boyfriend speaking the words of one of his best friends at such a serious topic like this."
"Ok, when you get back tell him to meet me at the astronomy tower. Tell him you saw me on the corridors or something"
"Ok regulus. I wish you luck"
They both walked away heart shattered. Remus felt guilty. He didn't know why, he just did. And regulus was confused and angry and upset. But he had to compose himself.
"Hey James, I passed regulus in the hallways he said he wants you to meet you in the astronomy tower. Said it's important."
"Ok. I'll see you guys in a bit"
"Bye prongs. No shagging my little brother"
"I can't promise you anything pads."
As James left remus told everything to sirius. He was upset. He was confused. He felt guilty. Remus also felt guilty that he told sirius. But it had to be done. Peter would here about it later.
"Hey reg, what do you want?"
"James you know I love you right."
"Yeah, i love you too"
"James, I mean I really love you. I'm here for you."
"Yeah I know that reg, what up? Are you ok?"
"James I uh. Yesterday when we were hanging out. I saw something. I realised something. Your uh sleeve pulled up when you were itching it."
James looked panic. His breathing altered. He had done so well to hide it.
"James"
"What exactly did you see?"
"I think you know what I saw"
"No I really don't. There is nothing just arm and maybe one or two stick and pokes" he knew he wasn't hiding it very well but he couldn't think of a proper way to argue against it.
"James stop. If you really want me to say it then I will"
"I think you may need to clarify cuz personally I don't know what your on about"
"Scars. I saw scars. Fresh and old, believe me I know the difference"
"It must have just been cat scratches you know, loads of people have cats"
"You need help, whether it's by me or mcgonagall or whoever"
"I don't need pity"
"It's not pity it's help, that you need. Look I have a school counsellor maybe you can too"
"I don't need help"
"Yes you do"
"No I don't. Look I don't want to argue I just don't"
James' mind was running a mile a minute he was on the verge of breaking down. How could anyone know? Why was this happening?
"James" regulus said this so calmly and softly that it just made James break down.
Regulus grabbed james' hand and tried to calm him down. But it Wasn't really working so he pulled him in all the way.
"Reggie, I'm so sorry. I just couldn't take it all anymore. Everyone around me was having such a hard time and I felt bad. Then me and you dating got out so I got outed. An-and I felt like I was losing control and doing this made me feel... in control." James sobbed into his chest.
"James it's fine okay. Your feelings are valid. Please don't try and make them invalid. I fully understand things were difficult and I just want to help you"
"Thank you reggie"
They sat in silence for a bit. James curled up in his boyfriends arms.
"James. It's ok if not but, can I see?"
James got nervous but he knew that regulus would see eventually anyway. He rolled up his sleeves and it was littered with scars both red and white.
"James, oh my god. When did you start?"
They were both on the verge of tears.
"Last summer at home."
"What do you use?"
"Whatever sharp objects I can find really. Sharpeners mostly"
"Okay, I'm going to help you ok. I don't want you dying on me. I love you too much and you have such a great life ahead. James please let me help you"
"You can help me. I love you reg"
"I love you to James. I have to tell you something though. remus knows and by now he's probably told Sirius and Peter. Please don't get mad. I needed help on how to approach you about it."
"It's fine. They probably would've found out eventually"
"Okay we need to go back they are probably expecting us back soon. Before we do though please come to me whenever you feel like doing it. Or sirius and remus and Peter are there for you."
"I will do don't worry"
They headed back to the gryffindor common room. Everyone was pretty much used to seeing regulus coming in and out of this houses area since they got outed. James was very anxious to face his mates. He worried they would see him as less of a man.
They entered the dorms and it looked like sirius had been crying. They had already started making a box of sharp items in the dorm to keep away from him.
"Hey guys"
"James I'm sorry. I should've noticed sooner"
"Pads it's ok. There was a point to why I wanted no one to know"
"James we are here for you. We will also be trying to help. We have created a box of the known sharp items in the Dorm. Peter did some research on this and we found out that most people relapse and we don't want you to do that. We don't want any more trips to Madame pomfrey than necessary. But please talk to one of us"
"Thanks guys I appreciate it."
"It's ok prongs. But if you have any sharp objects you use please can you hand them over"
James started walking towards his side table, hesitant at first, and opened the bottom drawer. He just took the drawer out and placed it on remus' bed. Everyone gasped at the amount of objects were in there. Remus picked them all up and dumped them into the box.
"Thank you. For everything"
"Prongs. We are going to have to tell McGonagall about this. You need help. And we need to get these checked for infections."
" I'm fine I've got you guys and I don't think they are infected"
"James. You know that we have to tell her."
" she will tell my parents"
"Because you are endangering yourself"
"I'm not. It doesn't even hurt that much"
"That's the most concerning part"
"Whatever she just doesn't need to know"
"I'm putting my foot down now. We are telling her you are getting help end of" sirius had been quiet for so long but he had to. James would listen.
"We were thinking of going to see her now. But you don't have to go james. Regulus and me can go, you can wait here"
"Ok then I'll wait here with sirius and Peter."
Regulus gave James a kiss goodbye and went with remus to her office.
They knocked on her door and she opened it with a confused look.
"Hello remus. Hello regulus. What can I do for you two?"
" we need to talk to you, it's serious"
"Ok remus. The two of you please come in"
" thanks"
They all sat down and McGonagall ordered them some tea but they declined knowing they won't be there long.
" okay what's this about?"
"Well, how do I say this? Me and James were together the other day and while I was reading he um scratched his arm and a bit of his sleeve rose up. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw this and there were scars along his arms. You had to know he needs help. He won't go if we tell him."
McGonagall looked hurt. Like she'd just found out her dog died. Of course the marauders annoyed her but she also had a special place for them in her heart and secretly favoured them.
"We have made a box of all potential weapons from our dorm to keep away from him"
"Thank you for informing me about this. Please can you get James and I will take him to the hospital wing."
"Yes I'll bring him here in a minute"
"Thank you regulus"
They headed to go get James to see that the three of them were laughing and joking around.
"Hey james come on, McGonagall wants to take you to the hospital wing"
James looked devastated. Secretly he knew this would happen and sort of hoped it would happen.
They headed back to McGonagalls office. Everyone was quite confused about all the comings and going of the marauders and regulus. When they got there madam pomfrey was also stood there.
"Come on James let's take you to the hospital wing, regulus can come with if he wants"
"Please come with reg"
"I will do don't worry."
They headed off to the wing and No one said a word. James and regulus went hand in hand and didn't separate the whole check up. They did there routine checks and sent James back to his dorms and regulus back to his dorms. The day had taken an unexpected turn. But James was relieved, and content. He knew he had a great boyfriend who loved him and he knew that he was going to get better soon.