What do you want with me?
As he came to, James felt what he guessed was a sofa or a small mattress beneath him, it definitely wasn’t his so he assumed one of his friends had picked him up from where he fell after the battle and taken him home to treat whatever harm the curses he had thrown at him had caused to his body. It couldn’t have been the enemy that had found him, they killed innocent people for fun, there was no way they would have picked up a ‘blood traitor’ like him and rested him on their sofa. If they were going to bring him back, they would have locked him in some hidden dungeon and killed him when he woke up, meaning it was almost definitely someone in the order.
When he realised there were voices nearby, likely from behind a door, he tried to focus on figuring out who they belonged to. His hearing was slightly muffled but they did sound very familiar. Eerily so. Well, that was good, it had to be somebody from the order or he wouldn’t recognise the voices as they spoke.
James pulled himself upright slightly, leaning against the arm of the sofa and taking in his surroundings. He picked up his glasses from where they had been placed on the table for him and had to close his eyes for a second whilst he was adjusting to how bright everything was. It appeared that whoever had picked him up had fixed and cleaned them for him.
The room wasn’t all too homely. There were a few things that helped give the impression of somebody living there but nothing made it seem like a forever home as much as a temporary place to stay out of convenience.
“I told you, I’ve done all I can! The spells all say he’s fine and I’ve given him what I can before he wakes up. Stop acting like this is all my fault, I didn’t ask you to bring him here. I never promised he’d be up and skipping around in an instant!”
The voices, as he had expected, came from just behind the door, which was left slightly ajar, letting the sound drift through. They were hushed but still just loud enough for him to be able to hear what was being said, though he was still not able to hear them well enough to put faces to the voices he heard.
“So you would rather I just left him there, then? What would you have said if I came back and told you that I found him unconscious and alone in the aftermath of a battle and abandoned him? Come on, Reg, don’t lie.”
Reg. Reg, Reg, Reg. It wasn’t. It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t. It must be somebody else with the same nickname. Or maybe he had misheard and they had actually said something entirely different. Probably.
“Well it certainly would have been easier, wouldn’t it? We haven’t spoken to him in months, he undoubtedly thinks we’re still running around trying to kill all of his friends. What do you think he’ll do when he wakes up and sees us? He’s not going to trust us. He’s probably going to try to kill us. He’ll wish we hadn’t bothered and then it would all have been for nothing. Did you even think about that?”
“Do you think it matters if he doesn’t want our help? Do you really think it wouldn’t mean anything? Knowing we saved him from being found by one of your cousins? Or Greyback or any of his lot?” The voice was louder than the other man and James didn’t need to strain his ears to hear it anymore, though his hearing still wasn’t well-adjusted enough to piece together who he was. “And no, believe it or not, the first thing I thought of when I found our Jamie lying on the ground, looking half-dead, wasn't about what insult he would call me when he woke up! Surprisingly it was how I could save me because, unlike others, it seems, I’m not entirely heartless and-“
He heard not-Regulus sigh and lower his voice even more, he heard people moving and assumed whoever the people happened to be were now hugging. “You know I didn’t mean it like that. You know I would never mean it like that. I know why you brought him back and I would have done the same thing but you need to be patient with him, yeah? I’ve done everything I can so we just need to wait. He’ll be fine. You know I didn’t mean it like that, Evs.”
It was looking more and more likely to be who he was dreading by the second.
“I know but the fact that it didn't even cross your mind that I didn’t bother thinking about the consequences makes me think I’ve done something wrong. It makes me think that I have done something that made you think that I don’t still-”
“Evan?” He shouldn’t have said it. He had wanted to hear the rest of the conversation to find out more but the second he had properly connected the dots, he couldn’t help it. The shock of realising who had brought him here had overshadowed his curiosity. His voice was weaker than usual but still came out loud enough for it to be heard from the hallway. The overwhelming feeling that came with releasing he had been wrong about thinking it wasn’t Reg the voice belonged to. He had been wrong, they really were here, his boys.
No, not his boys. Not anymore. Not his, not after they made their choice. The three of them had selected their path and he would rather die than follow them on it. He couldn’t forget that. They weren’t the boys he had known at school, they had changed, they were disgusting, he couldn’t trick himself into thinking they were who they used to be. The boys he knew were gone, these men were not them, Not anymore.
The talking stopped and was t replaced by frantic whispers, followed by the door slowly opening as the two of them stepped into the room. James was ready, he was prepared to stand up and march over to them, to snap, to grab his wand and hex them for ever coming anywhere near him again as if they cared. For doing something so purely kind as if it changed their actions, as if it was enough to make him forget abut their beliefs. The second he heard the door shut, he reached down to his pocket to grab his wand but found that it wasn’t there. Regulus spoke and he refused to look up, staring holes into the floor instead, scared of what he would do if he looked up at them. Scared that he would find himself thrown out of his senses upon seeing the two of them again. He didn’t look up as he heard Regulus step closer to him as he spoke to him, voice surprisingly calm compare to what he had expected, given the circumstances. He sounded almost bored but James still knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t truly unbothered, he just wasn’t letting himself feel so he could deal with this in the most simple way possible.
“Your wand was broken when Evan found you, we still have the pieces if you want them but we didn’t steal it to leave you defenseless so we could kill you, if that’s what you’re thinking. That’s an awful lot too much like my mother for my liking. We only took it because there was no point in you having it, we wanted to keep it safe. You don’t need to worry, we’re unarmed.”
He couldn’t help but believe him. Regulus’ voice had that sincerity he couldn’t fake. He nodded slowly, showing he understood and believed him. Then he made the mistake of looking up. When he saw the way they were both standing closer to him than they had since March, looking so similar to how they had before, he felt close to ill. He kept reminding himself of what he had thought before he looked up. They were Death Eaters, disgusting, pathetic excuses for human beings, not the boys he had once loved. Still loved. No, no he couldn’t think that. If he thought it, he might have to accept the fact that it was true, which he most certainly was not ready to do. He kept telling himself that he couldn’t admire them like this. He couldn’t be missing them how he did. He shouldn’t be wanting to stand up and rush over to them. He most certainly should not be longing to reach out and hold them like he once had. But he did. Oh, he did.
“Are you okay? You look sort of spaced out. Are you in pain?”
Oh, Evan. As worrisome and caring as ever. He shouldn’t be, he really shouldn’t. Not anymore.
“I’m fine,” He took a moment to breathe, tearing his gaze away from them and focusing on getting the information he needed. “Where are we? Why did you bring me here? What do you want with me?”
Regulus sighed and Evan looked slightly hurt.
James watched as Evan slowly pulled up a chair from across the room and placed it in front of him, sitting down and reaching out gently to take one of his hands and looking down, nodding, when James wrenched it back before he could.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It was selfish.”
No. Please try again, please, I won’t stop you this time. I just need someone to keep trying because then I won’t feel guilty for letting it happen.
The words were so close to spilling out but he took a deep breath and kept them in, looking away from Evan and trying to seem unbothered, focusing on the clattering of jars on the opposite side of the room to stop himself from crying at the look he saw on Evan’s face before he turned away.
Regulus had busied himself with scooping fresh potion of some kind into a small glass and inspecting it, probably to check it had been brewed properly.
“We live here. The three of us. Well, not all the time, our families are the suspicious sort so we get away to here whenever we can but it’s safe enough for nobody to be able to find you. Reg put up the wards when we first bought it, nobody else can get it. Only people from the household and anyone we bring along, like you, are let in.”
Three. So Barty was still with them, then. He hadn’t expected any less. He had ditched them and they had stuck together, living like he was never there. Well, that was what he wanted, wasn’t it? To be nothing to them but a distant memory.
“Right.”
Evan clasped his hands together, likely to refrain from reaching out again.
‘We don’t want anything with you,” James scoffed and Evan shot him a desperate look. “I found you when the battle was over and you looked as good as dead. Don’t think that what happened in March changed how terrified I was when I saw you. Don’t even consider the fact my feelings towards you changed enough for me to just leave you there to be found and killed because you would be so, so wrong.”
James hesitated and looked around at Evan again, resisting the urge to move closer and hold him and tell him it was okay and that he forgave him.
No, James. You can’t do that. He’s the enemy now. He’s evil. Don’t let his tears trick you.
He opened his mouth to speak but Regulus walked over, stepping in front of Evan before he could get out a response.
“Come on, sit up properly. You need to take this or you’ll pass out again.” He held the glass in front of James’ face and looked him dead in the eye, showing he wouldn’t take no as an answer.
But James didn’t care what Regulus wanted. He hadn’t seen him since he had become one of them and for all he knew, he could be trying to poison him.
“Why? I watched you brew that, who knows what’s in it.”
“You know. Because, like you just said, you saw.”
James sat up straight and crossed his arms.
“Well I only saw a bit of it, didn’t I? You could have slipped some nightshade in there earlier for all I know.”
Regulus leaned against the fireplace, still holding out the glass. “Would you rather be left unconscious in a room full of death eaters for Merlin knows how long? Just take the potion, lo- Potter. This isn’t worth my time.”
Love. That was what Regulus had been about to say. It was the name he had always used for him and now he was trying to avoid using it. Again, isn’t that what James wanted?
“Why should I trust you?”
Evan, once again, looked desperate.
“Please just drink it. Why are you so sure we’re trying to hurt you? Reg, I really think we should tell him about-”
“No. Not yet. It would raise too many questions. Later, when Bar is back and we’re all settled.”
“Reg, I don’t think we will be settled until we tell him.”
Regulus just shook his head and Evan seemed to give up.
“If you want me to drink that, show me that you mean it.”
Regulus looked more fed up than James had seen him in at least a year.
“How do you expect me to do that?”
“I don’t know. You’ll figure something out.”
He took a moment to think and then sat fine on the floor in front of James and looked into his eyes like he always used to when he was asking James something important. He immediately felt his heart race.
“I brewed this myself so it would be perfect and so I know there is no chance of it not working. The reason I’ve been acting distant is because I don’t want to let myself miss you because I’ll get the false hope that you miss me too and start making everything you do something it isn’t. Not taking the potion isn’t going to kill you, you’ll be fine, it will just take longer for the curses they put on you to wear off and you might not care about that but I do. I could have just left you how you were and you would have been fine, you wouldn’t have known the difference but I wanted to brew it and make you take it because I still care. I still l- I wanted you to take it because I was being selfish. And if you don’t believe me, you don’t have to. Because it doesn’t make a difference to you so you don’t need to care, the only person it will affect is me and if you decide to go note me and not take it then you won’t care about that anyway. So I’m asking you to take it in a selfish gesture, love. That’s why.”
And James knew that he shouldn’t. He knew that he couldn’t just let Reh get to him. He tries to stop himself.
And yet, he found himself grabbing the glass from Regulus’ hand and downing it in one, choking at the aftertaste.
Regulus stood up slowly and turned around, walking back over to the makeshift workstation and clearing up.
“Didn’t think that would work.”
James froze and stared at the back of Regulus’ head in slight shock.
“That was all a bunch of lies?”
Regulus craned his medal around and smiled. “No.” Then he turned around again and got back to work.
After a few short moments of silence, they heard the door open and Barty appeared. James had to try as much as he could not to cry. He looked exactly the same as he had before. It would lame sense, seeing as it wasn’t even that long ago, but it was still a lot to take on the fact they were only metres apart.
He walked over to Regulus first, pulling him aside and whispering for a few minutes, glancing over to the other two every so often and then nodding, kissing Regulus on the cheek and walking over to where Evan was still sat before James.
He leaned down to kiss the top of his head and tilted his face up to look at him. James didn’t know how to describe the emotions he was feeling. It reminded him of so many nights where he had snuck into the Slytherin dorms.
“Everything going okay?”
He smiled softly in response, making James’ heart ache.
“Could be worse.”
“Ah, well, that’s good then.” He kissed Evan again, then finally turned to look at James, looking him up and down as though he was trying to figure out how much of a threat he was.
“Nice to see you awake. Shame though, I’m sure the peace and quiet was rather nice while it lasted.”
James tried his best not to grin and shrugged in response. “Well, it’s not like you’re any better at sitting in peace and quiet so I don’t know where that’s coming from.”
“Sneaky little bastard. You probably need to go back to sleep soon, you know. Reg says you just took the potion now so it’ll kick in and start expelling the residual magic soon, it can be tiring. It would be worse if you hadn’t taken it but sleeping is probably for the best. Don’t worry. You don’t need to panic about any scary monsters hiding around, we’re going to stay here anyway to make sure you don’t die in your sleep or something. And you’re fine to sleep, you don’t have a concussion or anything, fix just nasty leftover stuff from Mulciber’s curses.”
He knew that it was a bad idea but the second Barty had suggested it, James realised that despite the amount of time he had been unconscious, he was more tired than he had ever remembered being. He felt himself slide back down so he was laying on the sofa again and heard Regulus sigh in relief.
“Thank Merlin. I was worried you were going to say no to everything and bake this all so much more difficult. Thank you James.”
He felt his mind slip away a little, managing to get a few more words out before sleep consumed him.
“I’ve missed you all. My boys. I really, really did.”
He felt Evan cautiously rest a hand on top of his and gears Barty’s voice somewhere in front of him, his mind too cloudy to pinpoint where.
“We know, baby. We can talk about it later, yeah?”