sleeping arrangements

You're heaving with every breath you take, your legs heavy as they press harder into the pedals of your old, beat-up bike. You regret now taking that bet with Yelena and Wanda. A week before, they had fought about the fastest way to get from the dorms to the main building of the Academy, Wanda insisting the bus was definitely faster than Yelena running through private backyards and jumping over fences.
Of course, you had to get involved, adding that both your friends were wrong—none could beat biking along the pedestrian zone. So now you ended up here.

The truth was that the bet was really between you and Lena; Wanda had never been late once, getting to the main building early every morning since she prefers getting work done in the morning and spending her free afternoons baking and reading. Both you and Yelena knew that a bus that had three stops between start and destination could never be faster than a route that already only took ten minutes on foot. You and Lena were the ones who more than often had to sprint to class in the last minute, Yelena showing no fear running through the private gardens of the school's neighbors and hopping the Academy fence just to run over the sports ground.
You were always too scared to anger a stranger to follow the blonde, rather taking your bike.

The three of you decided to bet, the losers having vowed to cook dinner of the winner's choice. You let out an exhausted and defeated sigh as you see Yelena just stopping a few meters before you at the goal: the main entrance.
“Ha, suck it, loser.” She exclaims, her accent a bit thicker, something you noticed happens every time she's celebrating.
You get off your bike, placing it in one of the bike racks and locking it before facing her again. “Congratulations.” You say and smile. You guys fall into light chatter for a couple of minutes before Wanda comes running, immediately stopping the second she sees both of you.
“How was the bus ride, ma’am?” Yelena taunts with a shit-eating grin, while you just shrug and say, “I guess we have to accept that she was right.”
Yelena was about to add something but was cut off by Wanda’s voice. “If you say another word, I’ll let her do most of the cooking.” Her finger pointing at you immediately silences her, and you let out a deeply offended huff. “Where, when, and what do you want, Ms. Winner?” Wanda asks and starts walking toward the library. “Sarmale and Cozonac, please.” Yelena replies meekly. “That’s doable, even though I'm not sure if I can sneak into the Academy's kitchen again, especially not after our arsonist over here almost burned it to the ground last time. ”You fake an annoyed look. “I burned a single pancake, for fuck’s sake.” Ignoring your justification, Lena speaks again. “I'm positive if you cook a portion more, Nat will let us use her kitchen.”

You met Natasha first at fourteen, the sisters had just been placed into a family after a few years of moving around in foster care, and Wanda, as well as you, had taken Yelena into your friend group instantly and had been invited to her birthday party. Nat was obviously there as well. She was seventeen at that time, and you were crushing hard the second you saw her. She was already training to get into the Academy. Both of the sisters wanted to be S.H.I.E.L.D. agents ever since they had been saved after being kidnapped and trafficked as little children.

The party was uneventful: a small circle, a calm movie night, and a lot of you staring at Natasha.
Wanda noticed. You had never been an especially nervous person, so seeing you stumble over your words and having your eyes glued to the back of the older girl’s head confirmed your little puppy love for Nat.

Over the years, you didn't see her often, mainly because you all hung around the Maximoff's' place, including Pietro in your activities, and because they had this huge apple orchard you all loved. That didn't change the fact that every time you did see her, your heart fluttered a little. It definitely didn't get better with time, quite the opposite.
Half a year ago, shortly before the three of you signed up for the aptitude test, you fell for her.

The past months had been spent in hard training, and Natasha, who had gotten into the Academy four years prior, had been helping out. You had many doubts in that time. Yelena was insanely fit, she had trained with Nat most of her life, and you assumed she didn't stop after Nat moved into the dorms. Her grades weren't insane, but they were good enough. It was a no-brainer that she would be let in, her skills and fitness being precisely what the Academy looked for.

While Wanda wasn't necessarily as active as Yelena, she was smart; she aced every test and had an impressive talent for learning new things in no time. She was ambitious as well and a hard worker, of course she would be accepted.
You, on the other hand, weren't extremely fit, and while your grades were good, they weren't close to impressive. It was ultimately Natasha who pulled you out onto the porch one evening to ask what was up. She was the one who listened to your doubts. You didn't want to be a failure, didn't want to disappoint your friends. It was also Nat who convinced you to at least try. She looked up at the night sky and talked about taking risks. You found her to be even more beautiful on the inside, that very night, with the soft moonlight shining on her velvet skin and her voice calmly in the wind. You couldn't help but fall.
Ever since then, you saw her occasionally on campus. She was in her last year and highly regarded for her excellent grades and loyalty. And you were looking after her, yearning to know her deeper, to be able to play with her red locks of hair and listen to her heavenly voice. But given the fact that you were her younger sister's best friend, and also a coward when it came to admitting your feelings, it would all stay in your head, a mere fantasy.

“Hello?” Yelena’s voice wakes you from your little daydream. “Are you alright?” she asks, light concern in her eyes. You just nod, not noticing the knowing smirk on Wanda's face.

“Okay, tomorrow, 6 p.m. is fine then?” Both look at you.
“Yeah, sure.” You turn to Wanda. “Should I do a grocery run?”
“That'd be great, I'll send you a list later.” And with that, you all sit down to actually study. You've never been in Nat's apartment before. It's on the first floor of an apartment building, just a few minutes from the city and maybe a half-hour run from the Academy. You find yourself in front of the bare door, shopping bag in hand and a little too nervous, given that this is supposed to be a normal movie night. You'll cook dinner, eat together, and watch some movie Yelena begged you all to watch. It's all pretty standard, but the knowledge of Nat being there stresses you.

It takes two dull knocks before the door opens, revealing the inside. It's sparingly furnished; a few dark wooden shelves, filled with books and boxes, stand tall against the hall walls. There are three doors before the hallway spills into a bright living area.

“Hey, Wanda is already in the kitchen. Come in.” Nat greets you warmly. For a second, you imagine feeling her gaze wandering over your body. Your cheeks heat at the thought that maybe you should have worn something else besides your favorite pair of sweats and the washed-out band shirt. But then again, this was a normal hangout with your friends, no occasion where jeans or dresses were required. You stepped in, following Natasha into the first door on the right, of course after taking your shoes off, and entered the kitchen. It was clear it existed before Natasha moved in, with its worn wooden countertops and a rough-looking gas oven. Only the fridge seemed somewhat newer, out of place, too big and modern.
Wanda greeted you while you set the bag down on the gray tiled floor and started unpacking. Again, you had the feeling of eyes on you, but when you turned to check, Natasha had already left the room, leaving you and Wanda to cook dinner in the already small kitchen. Wanda noticed you glancing back and smirked. “You know, you’re both grown women now…” she trailed off, letting you fill in what she’d been implying. You laughed and threw her an unamused look.
“She’s Lena’s big sister.”
Wanda shrugged. “Pietro is my twin brother, Kate is Yelena’s roommate, Clint is Natasha’s best friend. Are we done listing our interpersonal relationships now?”
You rolled your eyes. “You know exactly what I mean.”
“Yes, but I think it’s a stupid reason. You’ve liked her for, what, four years now? Obviously, you had no chance with her at fourteen, but you’re an adult now, a pretty hot one, I might add, so why wouldn’t you at least try and ask her out? The worst she can do is say no.” “Actually, the worst she can do is feel disgusted, tell Yelena, who then would beat the crap out of me for drooling over her sister.”
Wanda threw you a sharp look. You knew that wouldn’t happen, but something similar bad could. “I’m just scared things would get awkward, not only between me and Nat, but also between me and Lena. You know how weirded out she gets when someone looks at Nat that way.” You sighed. Yelena was normally perfectly rational, but every time she hears someone thirst over her sister, it’s like a switch being flipped. It happened before that she ranted to you about it. She’s very protective of Natasha, just like Natasha is over her. They never approved of anyone who showed interest in the other. “It’s up to you in the end. I’m just trying to say that you are a capable adult, who is clearly into another sane and capable adult.” Wanda turned back to the food while you started chopping, the only task Wanda lets you do.
“Wait, did you just imply I’m insane?”

A little over an hour later, you stepped into the living area. The room had many windows and was therefore well-lit. On the right was a big table with chairs underneath a black rug. On the walls were framed pictures, hanging shelves with plants, DVDs, and video games. On one shelf, you even recognized a small black clay cat, a replica of Liho, Natasha’s childhood cat, which Yelena crafted when Nat moved out. On the opposite wall was a desk with a laptop and a table lamp. To the left was a two-seater pull-out couch and three black beanbags, facing the TV Natasha used to have in her room. It was also on the same dresser it had always been.

You put both the plates you carried in front of Yelena and Natasha, who were already seated. “This looks amazing.” Nat said, looking straight into your eyes.
“Thank you.” She added. The direct eye contact made you blush.
“I didn’t really do anything. Wanda only ever lets me chop stuff.” You explained, bashful.
“For a good reason. As much as I adore you, you are a terrible chef.” Wanda chimed in, putting the other two plates in the empty seats.“Once. I burned a single pancake once.” You replied, sitting down as your company chuckled.
You had to admit, the food was amazing; way better than you could have ever cooked it. Judging by the pleased little noises and hums, the others thought so as well.
The dinner went by fast. Soon, everyone fell into light chatter, and even your tense shoulders relaxed a little.

“Alright, ladies, since you both cooked and Yelena won that bet you had, I’ll wash up,” Nat said to you and Wanda, smiling directly at you. Your heart felt a little lighter and your face warmer. This woman could probably cuss you out, and you'd still be in awe.You helped carry the dirty dishes into the kitchen while Yelena and Wanda prepared blankets, drinks, and snacks for the movie night. You stood a little awkwardly in the doorway as Nat put down the dishes she carried, stretching to get the dish soap and exposing her lower stomach. You didn’t want to stare, but then again, you couldn’t seem to look away. Her stomach was toned, and your mind went blank—so blank that you didn’t fully realize Natasha had told you to hand her the dishes. Instead, you just stayed spaced out, staring at her now-clothed lower stomach.

“Hello, dear? Everything okay?”

That brought you back to reality. You felt the blush rise again, apologized, and handed her the dishes, trying to ignore the butterflies the word “dear” raised in you.
She smirked and was about to say something, but you cut her off.
“If you give me a towel, I’ll dry.” You blurted out, wanting to slap yourself.
You didn’t lose your cool ever, why now?
Both of you worked quietly. It wasn’t uncomfortable, and you actually enjoyed being able to focus on one task and not on Nat. “Shit.” You heard, and turned to see Natasha’s shirt wet.
“I swear to God, for some reason that happens every single time. Let me change real quick.” She said before pulling off her shirt and throwing it into the washing machine in the corner. Then, she left to grab a new shirt from her bedroom.

You might as well have died right there, feeling your face drain of any blood. You decided to escape into the only door left, assuming correctly that it was the bathroom. After splashing some cold water onto your face and your inner monologue telling you off, you emerged again to find all three women in the living space.

“There she is, now the party can start,” Yelena beamed, happily pointing to the empty beanbag next to her. Wanda and Nat shared the couch, and you were happy not having to look at her the whole time.
The movie Yelena picked was surprisingly not some action movie. Instead, she picked Legally Blonde, which was rather untypical but welcomed by you. Something funny sounded good right now.

After the movie ended, Natasha suggested watching the other two and doing a sleepover. You all agreed, and after fixing some more snacks, you started the next movie and fell back into a comfortable silence.

When the second movie ended, Yelena got up, her eyes visibly heavy, which didn’t surprise you, given she spent the whole day in the gym, like every Saturday.
“I’m going to head out. Is it alright if I take one half of the bed?” Her accent was thick on her words. “Sure, Wanda and I’ll take the couch.” You answered softly, which Wanda underlined with a nod.
With that, Lena nodded and disappeared into the hall. “You guys still up for the third?” Nat asked, earning two nods. You all repositioned, Wanda taking up all three beanbags to build somewhat of a bed and stealing almost every pillow from the couch. You now sat next to Natasha, whose legs were comfortably resting on your lap.
You didn’t really notice the movie, instead solidly focusing on the sweat clothed legs on your lap and debating if it was socially acceptable to draw little circles with your fingers on your best friends older sister. You did end up deciding it wasn’t, and kept your fingers still. Your focus didn’t return to the TV. Instead, your eyes found Wanda, who was sound asleep in her makeshift bed. You chuckled a little, knowing this happened every single time you had a movie night, catching Nat’s attention.

She looked at you and then at Wanda. For a second, she smirked, then both of you fell silent. She seemed to be in thought before her voice broke the silence.

“Hows school? Still scared you don’t fit in?” She smirked a little.
“Honestly, yeah. I mean, I got in. You were right that trying was worth it, but I’m still no athletic genius like Yelena nor as ambitious and crazy smart like Wanda. I’m still pretty much average.”
You smiled, but it didn’t reach your eyes and was laced with insecurity.
Her smirk fell immediately. “But you got in, and you’re doing well. Who cares if you don’t spend every single free minute in the gym or in the library? You’re a good student, your grades are fine, and you’re in damn good shape. You’re like a perfect mix of Lena’s and Wanda’s extremes.”

You pressed your lips together. She had a point somewhere, but you still felt like an imposter in a way. “I guess. It just feels a bit strange. I mean, I love living with them,” you looked at Wanda, “but it feels like I’m living their dream, not mine.” Nat looks away in silence for a moment, before she speaks again, “What would your dream be?” You feel her looking at you, her gaze mustering the edges of your face. “I wouldn't even know, to be honest. I never thought this far, I've always been busy enough with living day after day. I feel like I don't know what I want, don't even know who I am.” You stare at your hands. You haven't talked about that outside of therapy ever, and it surprises you that you manage to talk about it so freely. Especially since you normally can't even talk to the redhead without tripping over your own words.

She nods, her eyes never leaving you. “I think there is enough time for you to figure it all out. I didn't know what to do with myself either. To be fair, I wasn't even convinced I'd make it this far.” She chuckles a little, her gaze now finding the ceiling. “And even now, after I found out who I am and what I want, I struggle to actually act on it. I think you fit in amazingly, and that you will find your way.” Now it's your turn to muster her face. “You always seemed so sure of yourself…”

Natasha shrugs. “I only decided to try out for the academy because Lena wanted to go there, and I spent my free time in the gym, processing my feelings in a rather productive way anyway, so it was really just an easy solution. I was lucky that I started to really love it.”
You nod, and a comfortable silence lays thick above the two of you.

After a few minutes of only the television making sounds, she turns to you once again. “Any other life updates? Maybe any relationship updates? I heard this Vision guy, the year below me, is spending quite some time with Wanda.” She says.

“They do,” you agree. “but Wanda doesn't want to date right now, at least that's what she told him.” You explain, thinking back to the awkward conversation they had in your shared bedroom, while you sat in the living area trying not to listen, which was hard with your headphones, phone, and any other kind of distraction inside the very same room they talked.

“Damn, do you think she means that? Or was she just not that interested?”
You throw her a confused glance. “Since when are you this interested in Wanda's love life?” That makes her actually flush a tiny bit. You try to burn the image in your brain, you’ve never seen her turn red before.

“I don't know, I think I just care about you guys.”
You nod. “She means it. She liked him, I'm not sure if it was romantic yet, but it had definitely potential to become more. She just doesn't want to commit to another thing right now, since she does have a lot on her plate, and being away from Pietro is hard. They've never lived apart before.” You explain, while she listens and nods understandingly.

“I see. Any other news?”
“You can just ask me about Lena, you know.” A small smirk has formed on your lips. She looks down as if her hands are the most interesting thing in the world.

“I don’t want to seem like this psycho sister, but she never tells me anything, and I'm not stupid, I see how this Kate girl is staring at her.”

That makes you chuckle. Wanda and you have been telling Yelena for weeks that her roommate likes her, but she refuses to see that. Maybe she doesn't want to see.
“Oh, yeah, Kate definitely has a thing for her. She does not seem overly interested though, like they hang out a lot, but she never tells us anything about liking her. Sometimes it feels like she just doesn't care about that type of stuff.”

Nat looks up. “Yeah, I guess I just have to trust that she will come to me if she wants to talk or if she starts dating.”
“Yeah, but I wouldn't worry too much. She's just as protective over you as you are over her.”
A confused expression looks my way. “What do you mean with that?” The realization that she doesn't know of the infamous “Bruce incident” hits you like a brick.

“I most definitely not gonna tell you if you don't know,” you mumble.
“Please,” she pulls out the last syllable and looks at you, with puppy-dog eyes.
“Okay, fine, officially I never told you.” You sigh. “A few years ago, when you just started here, Yelena found out about this Bruce guy, you hang out-”
“My lab partner Bruce?”
You shrug. “Possibly. Anyway, when she came to visit you, she caught him in your room and threatened him to no end. She probably would've beaten him up if you didn't come in.”

Nat blinks. “I remember that. I knew they acted strange. But didn’t he just get a DVD with my permission?”
You shrug again. “Well, she learned that afterward.”
There is silence for a second, then Natasha laughs. “That explains so much. He avoided me like the plague.”

“I think she just craved a reason to tell him off, to be honest. She hated anyone who showed any interest in you.”

“Yeah, I know,” she whispered, and for a second, you imagine seeing a twinkle in her eyes as she looks at you, but as far as it came, it went again.
“That’s why I didn’t tell her about my first girlfriend. I knew she wouldn't have approved.” A sad smile lies on her lips. “I regret not telling her, but now it’s too late anyway.”
You look at her, a little shocked. “You had a whole ass girlfriend and hid it from us?”
She laughs. “Just from Lena, it was before your time, with fifteen. We broke up like two weeks into our move. Long distance didn’t work for us. We’re still friends though.”

You stare at her in disbelief. “You hid your girlfriend from your sister for two years.”
“Pretty much, even though I think Yelena knew, and I technically hid it from everyone. I didn’t want to out myself in foster care, so Maria and I were only really at her place a couple and friends everywhere else.”
She fiddles with her bow necklace.

“Can you tell me about her?”
You aren’t sure why exactly you asked, maybe it was the way she turned softer at the thought of her former partner, maybe it was plain curiosity, but you craved to know more, hear her talk, and drown in her words.
Nat seems to be lost in thought for a moment before her voice is heard again.

“We met in school, at the time Yelena and I jumped from school to school a lot, but we got placed into a facility which could take us both for a while in Chicago. I had to join high school there like two weeks after the school year started.” Natasha chuckled and stopped playing with her necklace. Instead, she started picking at her skin, which you stopped by putting your hand on hers, making her fiddle with it instead.
“I decided I wanted to join the track and field team. She was captain of that team and advocated for me, so I could try out even though it was technically too late. I was fourteen, and she was sixteen. I was into her basically immediately.”

Nat smirks. “I mean...older, pretty, very gay, and way too kind. We became friends fast, and I desperately fell in love with her. The way she spoke about the future made me feel less shitty in a weird way. I hated to tell people about my birthday, but Yelena came in singing while I was on call with her, and she found out. The next day, she got me a gift and all.”
Nat laughed quietly. “I got super mad, and we had the only fight we ever had. It ended in me screaming at her why she cares so much about me, and she kissed me, shut me up right there.”

You can't help but feel a faint ping in your chest, imagining someone kiss her and desperately wanting to do the same, wanting her so hauntingly bad.

“Anyway, we got together. She was so understanding about me not wanting to go public, but I knew it hurt her that I didn’t tell Yelena. She knew that Lena is the single most important person to me. I know Mia wanted to prove to her that she was good for me.”
Nat sighed. “I regret not telling her. I was scared she wouldn't approve of her, and also not approve of me in a way.”

You nod. “I get that, Maria sounds like a good person.”

“Oh, she is. She taught me everything, from proper workouts to how to kiss. She was also so understanding when I left. I could have stayed in Chicago. I was seventeen and was about to age out anyway, and our adoptive parents technically never looked for two kids, they just fell in love with Yelena, understandably so. But I couldn't let Lena go alone, and Maria was so full of compassion and understanding. We both knew long distance wouldn't work. Our relationship lived off physical touch and just being in a space together. I mean, we both had a hard time not living in the same neighborhood after she went to college. These extra thirty minutes of distance were almost too much. Of course, twelve hours were impossible for us.”
She shakes her head. “It’s good though, we tried and failed, and now she’s married, and her wife is super nice.”

“Married?” You ask, trying to mentally calculate how old Maria is right now.
Nat chuckled. “Yeah, they married last year, both of them were twenty-two. Her wife, Sharon, is in the CIA. They wanted to make sure Maria is set up in case anything bad happened.”
You nod. “I see.”

Natasha still plays with your hand in a comforting silence. If you could, you would have frozen time to never get out of this coziness, but life was ruthless, and so the unpreventable came, and Wanda stirred awake, and with her conscious, Nat’s hand rejected yours.

“How about we pull out the couch and all go to sleep?”

You wanted to refuse, wanted to take her hand and put it back into yours, but you didn’t because Natasha was just a friend, nothing further, just your friend’s sister.
So you agreed and helped Wanda put the bean bags to the side, while Nat pulled out the couch and bid goodnight before emerging into the darkened hallway.

You looked after her, disappointed you wouldn't be the one sleeping next to her, which you snapped out of the second you saw Wanda with tired eyes and a knowing smirk on her lips. "Don’t even say it.” You admonished before laying down on the pretty uncomfortable couch, silently wondering if the faint node of coffee and pine was left by Natasha.

The night wouldn't leave your mind for days. You knew that it was just in your head, but the way she looked at you made you delusional. At night, you imagined her kissing you, feeling her soft skin and her silky hair under your fingertips. Imagining what pet names she'd use for you, embarrassingly, you already figured out what kind of names you would call her. You felt like a lovesick teenager, making up scenarios on how you'd wake up next to her, or how you'd cuddle on her couch, which gave you the worst of back pains after sleeping on it. It all spun around in your head, over and over again.

Wanda, of course, noticed. While some daydreaming wasn't new to your personality, the excessive spacing out, at any place, definitely was. But you reached the top of it while hanging out with Yelena. Both of you had met to train, you had asked for some pointers and a workout buddy, which Yelena agreed to immediately.
Looking back, you could blame different things, maybe it was the fact you've never tried to deadlift that much weight, or your sore back from this horrific pull-out couch. But in the end, the truth was you were simply unfocused, busy imagining Nat behind you, grabbing your waist. You could have blamed anything else, but it was clear your mind just wasn't there when you couldn't hold it any longer. That's why you didn't pay enough attention to how it swayed a little and where exactly your foot was.

The only thing you truly noticed was the crushing pain as the heavy metal hit your foot and how you started feeling unsteady.
And then how you stumbled forward and how you pulled your arm in front of your face, when you saw the barbell come rapidly closer.