Third year - Speak
Peter Pettigrew
Peter Pettigrew has been in love with James Potter for as long as he can remember . He knows it’s bad, he’s his best friend. And he knows he’ll never in a million years let him know.
So when James Potter lays next to him on Christmas Day telling him about how Regulus kept his sweater. Peter can’t help but feel that little ache on his heart.
Christmas holiday is now over and James potters sitting next to Peter on the train. Waiting for his two favorite people to arrive. And Peter isn’t either of them
“Oh god. I’m nervous. Are you nervous? “ James' leg is bouncing up and down a million miles per second.
“Why would I be nervous?” Peter scoffs.
“I can’t get him out of my mind. Why would you tell me. I was better off oblivious” James rambles running his hand through his hair.
Why did I tell him? Godric do I have no self respect?
“I don’t know James. Just calm down. Sirius is going to be here and you can’t be acting like this” Peter glares at him.
James stands up abruptly. “You’re right. Oh Merlin’s beard Sirius would kill me if he knew. he would hate if he knew I liked - I mean I like girls too. I don’t know. Is that possible? “ he paces around the cart.
“Stop worrying James” Peter interrupts
“I can’t!” James brings his hands up to his face . “ Sorry. I just- I can’t . How do people not worry all the time? I’m constantly worrying about everything and I can’t stop”
“It’s okay,” Peter sighs.
James brings his hands down. “Why are you alright with me being like this. It’s not normal. “
“Well I’ve been putting up with you for this long,” Peter chuckles.
“Not funny. I mean it Pete- why doesn’t this freak you out.”
“Because-“ Peter can’t seem to get it out
Because I love you . You idiot.. I’m just like you .
“Everything you are James. Just makes me love you more. Nothing you could do would freak me out- “.
A tear drops from James’s eye and he immediately goes to wipe it away . Lifting his glasses up with his hand
“Really ?” James sits back down quickly. Looking right into Peter's eyes..
“tho if I'd be a little odd that is your pick . The miserable guy that hates you-“
James’s smiles. A slight chuckle coming from his lips.
Peter brings James into a hug. “And Sirius could never hate you “
“You think?” James says into peters sweater.
“I know it. I don’t think there’s a single lifetime where he could possibly hate you”
James pulls away. And sighs .
“Okay good”
Remus Lupin
Remus won’t lie. He’s sort of dreading his friends coming back. He’s enjoyed his alone time far too much to be in any hurry to give it up.
He spent half the time listening to music crying and the other half of the time listening to music and eating .
And has managed to keep the room clean, though he did go on a tangent of tearing things apart just to spend a day hysterically cleaning.
Which is odd Remus doesn’t usually care if things are neat and tidy. Maybe it’s the full moon. It is only a few days away.
Remus has quite literally cried himself out of tears.
Maybe I should drink more water.
Remus hasn’t talked to a single person since the holiday started. It’s quite nice.
He realized a long time ago that he doesn't like talking very much. Nothing appealing about it. You have to use your voice and Remus Lupin has nothing to talk about. Or at least nothing he wants to talk about.
Sirius Black.
Sirius steps onto the train once more, with his stomach in knots. Usually its the other way around but not when you have a clear shiner on his cheek. And bandages on his chest .
Nothing really happened after Sirius had gotten home from James’s. Or at least nothing happened that could result in this.
Sirius had gotten home and while he was gone mother had seen his room. ‘An absolute disaster she had said’
But he had hardly gone there since his arrival back from school. Just a few things moved around and his wardrobe drawers un pushed in. And his comforter had been taken off and put in his brother's room since he slept in there.
Which in result earned him this blooming bruise and a freshly cut torso.
Regulus trails off from Sirius the moment he can. Quite smart of him, better off not being seen with me like this.
Oh the scandal. Wonder what kind of trouble that black has gotten into now.
He hears the whispers, and could not care less. Most of the time, but when even Regulus is rushing to get away from him to not be brought up in the conversation as the troubled one. Maybe Sirius does care.
He spots the cast his friends are in and he almost feels like throwing up. James is resting his head on Peter's shoulder and it looks like he’s sleeping. Which maybe he is . His glasses are pushed up against his forehead and his eyes are closed. Peter looking through the weekly post. And Sirius waits a moment before bucking up the courage to just open the door.
He slides open the door and Peter's eyes immediately snap to him. He squints for.a moment before widening his eyes.
“Sirius. Good godric what happened! “ he exclaims, dropping his paper.
James jumps awake and looks around. Gasping for air for a moment from be awaken, he looks towards the door
“Sirius!” He cheers, fixing his glasses before his cheery face drops and he looks as if he had just seen a ghost.
Sirius immediately looks to the ground. The door behind his sliding back to its place shut.
Of course they noticed right away.
“It’s nothing “ he mumbles
James stands up and brings Sirius into a hug. “It’s not nothing “
Merlin , this is corny. Sirius thinks immediately. Maybe I was around reg too much this break, he’d definitely think this was corny.
He bites down on his lip from James hugging his freshly cut chest.
He’s still holding his luggage. So he doesn’t hug James back.
“It’s hardly anything, I'm fine,"he says.
“You’re not fine, what happened? “ James pulls away grabbing onto Sirius's shoulders.
“Nothing . God leave me alone” Sirius snaps backing away from james
James drops his hands to his side. A slight frown on his face.
Maybe I shouldn’t have snapped at him.
Just say sorry you idiot.
But Sirius can’t seem to get the words out.
“The trolley should be round soon. Take a seat I’ll buy you something “ Peter suggests.
Sirius feels a relief from his chest and he takes a seat across from Peter, James eventually sits back down next to Peter , he looks down at his hands.
Not uttering a word for the rest of the train ride, Sorius does the same , he manages to rip off every piece of dead skin from his fingers and every bit of nail growth .
The train stops and once Sirius gets inside the school he just wants to see Remus.
He’s never missed a person so much, not even James. Something about Remus. When Sirius doesn’t have his quip or his words he knows he can just sit there with Remus. And remus doesn’t have to say a word either, the two can just sit together.
Sirius gets to his dorm , not even worrying about dinner.
There he is . Remus Lupin, sitting on his bed. And the room is somehow spotless .
That’s odd.
“Sirius!” He blurts out sitting up straight. Sirius’s stomach twists. He looks exhausted like he hasn’t slept in weeks. And his hair is a mess, but Sirius likes it like that.
“The luggage got sent up just a bit ago, you weren't hungry?”.
Sirius shakes his head.
Remus looks at him and squints slightly, Sirius edges closer towards his bed. In his delightful bed, Sirius has probably had the best sleep of his life sleeping next to Remus .
That’s not weird right?
Because Sirius could quite literally fall asleep instantly if he were to lay down just for a moment.
“Do you want to sit down?” Remus questions.
Godric, he knows just what I want. Sirius nods and sits down in front of him.
He sees Remus’s Adams apple bob up and down. And his eyebrows furrow.
“What happened?” He questions his eyes pointed down to his bruise. Sirius drops his head to Remus’s shoulder.
He doesn’t notice but tears fall from his face. “I didn’t even do anything “ he rasps out.
Remus’s hands go to his head and his back . Sirius wraps his arms around Remus before coming to the realization Remus has probably had a worse week than him.
“Sorry-“ he sniffles. “I’m sorry it’s nothing. I should be worrying around you” he pulls away.
“No - no I’m fine” Remus whispers, he brings a hand to Sirius’s wet face.
“How are you fine? You’ve had much more happen to you-“
“My mum made me accept this a long time ago. Don’t worry about me. Okay? . Sirius, what happened?”
Sirius sniffles once more, “I didn’t push in my drawers before I went to James’s, and I didn’t have my bed made” he explains.
“I should’ve had everything perfect. Godric I’m dumb”
“You’re not dumb” Remus affirms.
“Yes I am. Everything I do is wrong. Im just like them”
“Not you’re not” Remus rubs his thumb against Sirius’s cheek.
“I snapped at James when he asked me what happened." Sirius cries.
“That doesn’t make you like them, you were just overwhelmed”
“It hurt his feelings ”
“You know James understands, he’s not upset with you."
“Really ?” Sirius questions looking down away from Remus’s eyes. He picks at his hands some more.
“Really. I don’t think James could ever be upset with you” Remus whispers.
“Okay” Sirius takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, before he feels a pair of lips smack against his forehead.
Sirius opens his eyes instantly.
Remus Lupin just kissed my forehead. And I missed it what the fuck.
Sirius feels his face heat up, his breath hitches in his throat l . I kiss everyone’s forehead, why am I freaking out.
“I know a charm that’ll grow out your hair “ Remus drops his hands from Sirius’s face. “Though it does look cool, like those mods I was showing you. Your parents have definitely upped their hair cutting skills since last time.”
Sirius snorts a laugh, wiping his face from his cheeks. “Reg cut it for me. I didn’t feel like getting scalped for Christmas, but I think I’ll keep it like this for a while “
“Oh. He is quite good.”
“Yeah he cuts his own hair” Sirius adds.
“Are you okay?” Remus asks. Sirius nods.
“Are you?” He asks. Remus nods his head, biting onto his bottom lip.
“I also learned a healing spell if you want to -“
“I don’t care about the bruise. It’s just-“
“Just what ?”
Sirius lifts his sweater . Exposing the bandages on his chest.
“Oh” Remus has gone pale.
“It’s fine moons. Its just not healing and it’s pissing me off”
Remus looks as if he’s going to throw up. “It’s nothing . Really. Sorry”
“Don’t apologize, come on I’ll bring you to poppy “ Remus stands up.
Sirius hardly has the energy to get up. He just wants to sleep , right here on Remus’s bed.
Sirius looks up at Remus for a moment before she grabs a hold of Sirius’s hands. Pulling him up, and Sirius feels his stomach twist.
Remus keeps a hold of Sirius’s hand and walks him to the infirmary.
He steps and madam promfrey is sitting at her desk and professor McGonnagal is in front of her desk and giggling.
Sirius has never heard her laugh, never mind giggle.
“Oh Remus!” Madam Pomfrey declares, Minnie now standing up straight.
“You alright sweetie?” She stands up making her way to Remus. Looking him up and down.
“It's uhm- not me . I just -“ he looks to the floor and squeezes onto siriusss hands. “Sirius needs a healing spell”
“Alright let me have a look, take a seat” she suggests .
I don’t want to explain this.
Sirius sits down on a hospital bed and Remus sits down next to him . She examines him for a moment . “What seems to be the problem?”
Why can’t I get the words out?
Sirius quite can’t literally open his mouth. He brings his hand to his chest and pokes at himself.
“May I” she asks, Sirius nods and gives a squeeze to Remus’s hand. She lifts up his sweater and tosses it to his side. sees the bandages and hums .
She starts unraveling the gauze and he feels a fresh wave of cool January air hit his chest. Regulus did do quite a good job wrapping his chest. He could hardly feel a thing.
Her breath hitches a“Oh my. Alright it’s okay” her voice goes softer, which Sirius didn’t know was possible since her voice is already soft. Like a mouses squeaks.
He knows it’s bad. The cut drags down his entire chest.
“Can you lay down for me dear?" she asks.
Remus stands up, letting go of Sirius’s hand for a moment, and he instantly feels his chest tighten.
Sirius lays down and Remus comes to his side and grabs onto his hand again and Sirius feels himself calm down once more.
Poppy stands on his other side , Minnie is standing behind her watching as she inspects Sirius’s chest.
Remus is looking at me shirtless right now. Is all Sirius can think of for some reason he looks up at Remus’s eyes before he kneels down beside him.
She grabs out her wand and whispers a spell and Sirius just squeezes on to Remus’s hand.
I’m sure I’m just cutting off his circulation.
He feels his wound close up, which is quite a weird feeling.
She lets out a sigh. “Be careful for a bit, it's artificial healing so just a paper cut could undo it. It’ll feel sore for about a week since it was so deep of a cut. So you should take it easy” she says.
“Okay” Remus says, for him. He pushes Sirius's hair from his face with his free hand.
Sirius sits up and grabs his sweater.
At least I got a badass scar. No one asks him what happened, I guess it’s a well known fact how the noble house of black is this way and it’s better off not mentioning it.
“Thank you poppy “ Remus stands up. “Of course “ she replies, “if you need someone to talk to me and Minnie are always here”
She smiles at Sirius , who nods lightly . He hates how he can’t even get a simple ‘thank you’ or ‘okay’ out.
He feels so helpless.
Sirius stands up and Remus grabs him by the hand immediately, directing him out of the room.
“You okay ?” Remus asks softly as the two walk together hand in hand down the corridor.
No. Sirius thinks.
“I know that you're not. It’s a dumb question-“
It’s not dumb.
Sirius still can’t get a word out.
“I know what it’s like. To y’know, not be able to speak in situations like this. Like - don’t know how to explain it. But you don’t have to say anything.”
He gets me?
“I don’t know why I’m rambling right now, I’m used to you doing the talking for me.” Remus rambles, bringing his free hand to rub the back of his neck.
All Sirius can think of is how pretty he looks at this moment. That’s not weird, right? To acknowledge your best friend is pretty. Because he is, Remus Lupin is the most beautiful person Sirius black has ever seen. From his fluffy brown hair to his hazel eyes. The way his rugged clothes sit over his body. Even his scars, he knows Remus hates him, but even they seem perfect on his beautiful skin.
He’s perfect .
The two walk back to the dorm, people were in the common room and Sirius hadn’t acknowledged anyone’s presence.
James and Peter arnt there yet. Maybe they were in the common room. Sirius has no clue.
Remus lets go of Sirius' hand while he picks out clothes from his wardrobe wich is weird since he already has a sweater and joggers on.
Sirius sits on his bed, and Remus walks to his clothes in his hands. “For you, it’s that sweater of mine you like.”
Sirius eyes widen as his hands reach for the clothes . He goes to the loo and changes into the clothes. He looks in the mirror at his black eye. Maybe it’s not as badass as Sirius once say it.
I just look weak.
He thinks over and over again.
Before thinking. I'm wearing a moony sweater. It’s a deep blue; it practically looks black, but the ribbing has beige stripes.
He comes out of the bathroom and Remus sits on his bed, his eyebrows raise. “It looks far better on you. You should keep it. Y’know if you want, but there’s a hole on the side.”
Sirius looks down as he looks side to side before noticing the small hole at the hem of the sweater . He pokes his finger into the hole without thinking and Remus sits silently for a moment before speaking again.
“You can sleep in my bed if you want.” He says bluntly. Sirius steps forward and instantly plops onto the bed.
Remus shuts the curtains. “You alright- I mean physically, that was pretty deep-“
Sirius’s nods. He looks at Remus who sits in front of him on the bed and Sirius is crisscrossed like a kid.
He feels like a kid at the moment, just a helpless kid that can’t even speak.
“Okay, that’s good.” Remus sighs and then Sirius sighs as well.
Thank you moons,
He thinks but instead he just sits there and picks at his raw fingernails.
“If you want to write down what you want to say. That might help. Me and my mum do that when I don’t feel like talking at home.”
Sirius nods, and Remus leans over pushing his curtain aside and he grabs a note pad and a stick of some sort .
Sirius furrows his brows as Remus hands it to him.
“This is a pen. Sorry right muggle stuff” he laughs shortly, “you write with it”
Alright. write., What the fuck do I write.
Sirius sits there for a moment as Remus watches him sit there staring at the blank peice of parchment.
Sirius looks up at Remus. “You don’t have to write anything it was just a thought “
Thank you moons.
Siruius looks back down at the paper before writing his words.
The note reads. ‘Thank you, moons’
He flips the note over to Remus and Remus cracks a small smile.
Nothing said after that, no more notes, no nothing. Sirius was so exhausted he fell asleep the second he laid down next to Remus.
This is all Sirius could’ve probably wanted for Christmas .
Remus Lupin.