Third year - Bunny Slippers pt. 2
Remus Lupin
Remus feels in his stomach this growing pit of weariness . He sits anxiously waiting to get back home, just to spend one more second with his mother, he knows his friends can tell something’s wrong, he knows his teachers can tell something’s wrong. And we’ll, something is wrong, his mothers laying in her bed back home basically waiting for herself to die.
He’s unpacking his luggage eagerly ready to pack it right back up again.
“Worry not , I did come bearing gifts. “ Peter hums . His cat is lying on his bed. Peter opens his luggage and takes out three pairs of bunny slippers.
“Yes!” He jumps up to Peter giving his a big kiss on the cheek. “Muah” Sirius puckers. Peter scrunches up his face, huffing a laugh.
Sirius grabs the slippers and slides his shoes right off. “I have been waiting for these for nearly a year”
“My grandma gave me more, forgot she gave me some in the first place.” Peter shrugs. “And I thought you lot should look just as ridiculous as me”
“Aw see jamsie he does love us” Sirius focuses his eyes on his bunny slippers
“I’d say so, oi petey toss me a pair” James shouts from his wardrobe. Peter tosses one right at his head and Sirius bursts out laughing.
Remus just feels overwhelmed, and partly because he knows his turn to get his slippers is next, which means he’s also going to have to talk . Which Remus would most rather cut out his tongue right now.
“Moony, your turn. Y’know I really hope these fit because. Well you are quite lanky.”
“Pft he’s not that much taller than me” James says walking over to peter to show off his stylish slippers.
“Oh can it, potter. You know your hair makes you look taller” Sirius rolls his eyes.
“Oh You’re just jealous because you're the shortest black” James grins playfully. Remus stands up abruptly leaving before anyone can get a word in. It’s not like he’s trying to cause a scene, that’s actually the opposite of what he’s doing. As much as he'd love to kid around with them, he feels his stomach twisting into a knot that doesn’t seem to loosen .
Remus isn’t even sure where he’s going; he just has to get away, he hears everything around him. He can hear the creaks of his shoes on the ground, he can hear people talking, he can hear the crickets outside. All he wants is for everything to go silent for just a moment
He rushes through the common room to the hallway just before he hears his name. “Remus” someone calls. Remus ignores, he could care less that it’s past curfew it’s not like-
“Moony!” Oh. Remus whips around. It’s Peter , his face is flushed from chasing after him. “Hey “ he breathes out before he rambles on. “if you don’t want the slippers, you don’t have to take them. It’s okay” . Remus shakes his head.
“No I just- I can’t breathe in there. I need air” Remus can hear himself talking and he just wants to rip out his hair.
“Oh” sighs Peter. “Can I walk with you?” Peter questions . “Go for it” Remus turns back around letting one foot go in front of the other.
The two walk together in utter silence before Remus decides to let himself speak.
“Peter, have you ever lost someone? “
“Yeah-“ Peter mumbles, “wait did your mum-“
“No” Remus interrupts tiredly. “So you know someone who’s - uh, well- died” Remus continues.
“Yeah, my grandpa. He was- well don’t tell James this. But he was my best friend.” Peter admits.
“Oh” Remus mutters. He bites down on his lip so hard the metallic taste of blood flows onto his tongue.
“And he died just the other year , and I dunno. I think that’s what he wanted.” Peter gets quieter.
“How so?” Questions Remus.
“We’ll,he had cancer and he dealt with it for so long and I think he just wanted to be put out of his misery ”
Remus stops walking, he can feel his chest become a million times heavier. Like someone’s standing right on his chest waiting for it to crack. His heart is beating in his ears.
“And I hated him for it. I know that sounds horrible, but I just wanted him to stay” Peter continues, Remus can feel his eyes sting with tears.
“Remus” Peter stops, he got so caught up he hadn’t realized Remus had even stopped walking. “I’m sorry, hey we don’t have to talk about it”
“No. No. It’s just my moms been like that, I hated- hate her for it. I just want her to stay . Stay here with me” Remus wipes his eyes of his tears.
“Can I- can I hug you- “ just before Peter finishes his sentence Remus wraps his arms around him burying his head into his shoulder, before letting out a hoarse sob.
“I think- pete, I think that was the last time I’m going to get to see her” Remus muffles into his shirt. Remus pulls away, before Peter can get another word. “I’m sorry” he wiped his tears.
Remus feels embarrassment tug at his stomach.
“No. “ Peter shakes his head “ you have nothing to be sorry for, moony, and i know it’s hard . But you’re going to get through this. Okay? No matter what happens”
Remus wipes his snot on his sleeve. “Yeah” he sniffles. “Sorry. I’m not usually like this” Remus chuckles, he digs his fingernails into his arm through his sleeve.
“Hey, why don’t we get you something? Honeydukes should be empty by now.” Peter suggests. Remus cracks a smile. “Yeah”
The two walk to honeydukes in silence, that Remus wishes he could just break but he can’t. Words can’t seem to process at the moment.They enter the shop and grab handfuls of candy.
As they leave Peter cuts the silence. “Y’know you're my best friend Remus, I know James and Sirius are too. But I just want you to know I love you just as much”
Remus stands quiet . I love you too. Remus thinks. Just says it back, idiot. I love you too .
Instead Remus just nods and Peter shoots him a short smile.
Idiot
They get back to their dorm and Remus drops the candy he grabbed on Sirius’s then James bed, Peter does the same.
“What’s with all the presents Petey?” James smiles, adjusting his glasses to the sweets.
Peter shrugs. “You’ll have to wait till Christmas to get the rest” , Sirius and James share a glance.
“Y’know, you could just give us them now” says Sirius. “Nope,” Peter shakes his head.
“I got you lots of Christmas presents too,” James adds, chomping on licorice.
“See , I guess we’ll all just have to wait” Peter suggests.
“Guess so,” James smiles.
That’s about it for an hour, the rest of the boys go to sleep and Remus shuts his curtains . “Lumos “ Remus whispers, his wand lights up instantly with a shining light. Remus smiles to himself as he opens his charms book.
“Remus” he hears someone whisper “are you up” it’s Sirius
“Depends on what you want to talk about “ Remus shuts his book and slightly opens his curtains to see Sirius Black in his pajamas and bunny slippers, his shoulder length hair is neatly, his black curls hang perfectly over his shoulders.
But his face is sorrowful, his lips are quivering to frown. “How was your summer”
He whispers.
Remus shrugs lazily, “can I?” Sirius questions looking to the end of Remus’s bed.
Remus blinks at him for a moment, “yeah” Sirius crawls to the end of his bed.
“How was your summer?” Remus questions. Sirisu stays silent . Remus doesn’t push at the question and the two just look at each other for a moment , before Sirius looks down to his fidgeting hands
“I didn’t get anybody Christmas gifts “ Sirius’s whispers. “Me neither” Remus whispers back.
“Your wand” Sirius looks at Remus’s lit up wand. “When did you learn how to do that”
“When did you learn silencio “ Remus questions. Sirius grins, that Sirius black grin. Which makes Remus instantly grin in response. “I have my ways moony”
“We’ll then me too” Remus shoots back , a smug grin plastered across his face.
“I missed you moons”
I missed you too. Remus thinks, his stomach instantly twisting
“I’m sure you did, black” , Sirius laughs. “Yeah you missed me too, you just won’t admit it”
Remus bites down his grin and the two sit quietly for a few seconds. “Are you okay?” Remus questions.
“Yeah” Sirius laughs, then immediately stops “why wouldn’t I be” he furrows his brows at him
“You know why “ Remus answers , Sirius’s chest heaves, as he blinks at Remus. “You don’t know anything.” He shoots back defensively
“I don’t?” Remus questions. “No you don’t, and you shouldn’t poke your nose where it doesn’t belong “
“Oh but you can?” Remus spits back. Sirius squints angrily. “I’m fine,” Sirius utters. Remus can see right through his lie.
“Look, you don’t have to tell me anything, you know that. But just- are you hurt?”
Sirisu looks away from him “Not right now” Sirius mutters under his breath, Remus sighs.
“Okay” Remus whispers . “Good”
Remus sees Sirius peeling at the dead skin on his fingers . He knows Sirius had just as much of a horrible summer as he did, maybe even worse. But Remus can admit to himself that he’s a little but relieved that he’s okay , at least right here at this moment.