Summer 73’ - Acceptance
Summer 73’
Remus Lupin
Remus sits on a chair next to his mothers bed, holding her limp hand. It’s the last week of summer and this is just about all he’s done.
“Are you excited for school ?” His mother asks tiredly, giving his hand a squeeze.“No” Remus answers blankly , he rubs his eyes not noticing he had been drifting off. He looks at his mother who seems even more gray than before he fell asleep.
“Why not? What about your friends? “ she questions him. Remus doesn’t answer. “Remus' ' his mother murmurs.
“I don’t want to talk about it. “ Remus snaps at his mother's frustration pulsing through his veins. “You’re not even taking your medicine, why would I leave?” His breath is caught in his throat as he releases his mothers hand.
“Sweetheart, “ she mutters. “I’ve accepted it” she says softly.
“We’ll, I haven’t “ Remus mumbles, he crosses his arms stubbornly. Like a child not getting their way. Which is exactly what Remus is.
“I have,” his mother argues . Remus stands up abruptly, his chair making an awful sound as it scrapes across the wooden floor.
“Fine! If you want to die. Die. but stop having me sit here and watch” Remus regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth . His mothers eyes widened at her son's outbursts, stunned . His mother does this just about Remus gets fed up with things , as if it’s not a common thing for him to get riled up. Remus can admit he has a temper. But his stomach turns at the words the have left his mouth this time.
Remus gasps just as the silence beckons through the air, covering his mouth with his palm. He can feel his face heating up, as he sniffles for a deep breath he can’t seem to find anywhere.
“I’m sorry ” Remus chokes out, his voice muffled as it shakes under his palm. He feels tears hit his face, as a stream of tears follows. He quickly moves his hand from his mouth to cover his eyes “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. I’m horrible.” Hiccup. “ im a horrible son “ hiccup “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Mom, I’m - im sorry“ Remus breathes down in a mess as he chokes on his own tears.
“Remus” his mother sniffles. “I know you’re scared. Hell, I am too. But you’re going to be okay”
“How?” Remus wipes his tears with his sleeve. His eyes finally falling down to his teary eyed mother. She holds out her arm scooting her body to the side to make room for her child.
Remus hardly gives in , he sits next to her. She grabs a hold of Remus’s hands “Don’t go Mum. Please-” Remus begs as he cries in frustration “Please, where would I even go? “ he chokes on his sobs". Please stay for me. Isn’t that enough. Can’t I be-“
His mother interrupts “You are. You are enough. I’m tired Remus, you need to let me go”
“No I don’t “ Remus grits out.
“I found this children’s home-“ Remus widens his eyes just as the words reach his ears, quickly releasing his hands from here. “Remus”, she insists.
“You what?” Remus croaks out. “You’re already trying to get rid of me?” Remus scrunches up his face as he tries to keep the dreadful tears from his eyes.
“No” his mother protests.
“You trying to leave me just like he did” Remus regrets these words too, just as they appear into the air. His father is a topic that isn’t brought into this house very often. Especially when talking about his mother’s sickness.
“No I'm not” she protests. “Do you think I chose to go like this? To do this to you” tears are falling from her eyes, as she croaks out these very words. Remus looks away from his crying mother, gritting his teeth together to stop himself from talking.
Yes. Remus thinks. You're choosing to do this to me right now .
A moment of silence passes through them like a breeze. Remus keeps his gaze away from her. He hates that he can’t handle this, he hates how much he wants her to stay. He hates himself for wanting her to stay . He hates her for wanting to leave. The hatred builds up in his body like the plague , unable to die down, it just keeps growing within.
“My sweet boy “ his mother whispers softly, she reaches her hand to cup his cheek. Remus’s chin instantly starts wobbling as he holds down his tears.
“Mom, please ” he croaks.
“The person who runs the children’s homes husband is a wizard, I checked and you’ll be kept safe during the moons”
Remus rolls his eyes away from her unable to even glance at her. His stomach churns within him. He can’t open his mouth, he’s afraid he’ll just burst out again, even then it feels as though his lips are sealed shut.
His mother wraps her hand around the back of his neck motioning his head towards him, she sits up just a bit. As much as her body will allow her. She kissed Remus’s forehead. “You’ll be okay “ she whispers. Remus closes his eyes and rests his head against his mothers , deflating a long breath he wasn’t swear he was holding .