Chapter 5 Regs POV
Regulus’ POV
The question kept rolling over and over again in his mind; just when he thought he had come close to understanding it, it was ripped away from his grasp once more and he was left to start the process over from the beginning again. How could James ever ask such a thing from him? What did it mean that he wanted to be like him? Regulus already felt enough guilt over James’ mother’s death. If it wasn’t for him then James wouldn’t even be wrapped up in this lifestyle in the first place. But he had been so understanding, so kind to him. James had showed him the type of love that he never had, that he had longed for, and Regulus had let himself grow weak in James’ grasp. He had remembered when James had first kissed him. How sweet he had tasted, how his eyes were filled with nothing but warmth and love. He remembered the song he had crafted for him; James had given him the courage to finally share it and Regulus knew right then that he wanted to give him the stars. Regulus had spent most of his younger years hating himself, hating James Potter- the boy who had stolen his brother- and now they were to be married. And he wouldn’t change a thing. The boy built from stone and the boy who burned too bright, doomed from the start.
James had not returned to the funeral that day, nor did he come home.
If this was anyone else, he wouldn’t have been worried, but this was James, this was /his/ Jamie who hadn’t left his side for a second since they were allowed to share their relationship with the world. James wasn’t the type to just disappear without telling anyone. If he didn’t tell him, then he usually told Sirius. James Potter did not work well on his own.
By the time Regulus had gotten home, the sun was already beginning to set, the home was darker without his light—colder, he couldn’t help but feel as if something was wrong. Reg dropped down in the armchair, the fire sparking to life as he grabbed his book off the table. He could feel each minute slip by, the tick of the clock, the lick of the flame, he couldn’t focus on the words in front of him. He’s sure he’s read the same passage three times now, the whereabouts of his lover and fear of losing him plagued his mind. Finally, he closed the book, trading it for his phone—if anyone would know where James was, it would be Sirius.
He sighed softly, staring at the contact for a moment. The amber glow of the fire mixed with the bright blue light of his screen, made his features look ghastly; Regulus had always had a complicated relationship with his brother, it had gotten better over the years due to Jamie’s influence, but it was still a bit rocky. He had forgiven him for leaving, understanding why, trying to forget their bitter past, but as he stared at his phone he still found it difficult just to call.
He exited out of the app, staring at the home screen—it was a photo of him and James’s baking together, Jamie’s arms wrapped around his waist, covered in flour, as he watched Reg mix together the batter.
He rolled his eyes, opening the app and dialing Sirius’ number. He picked up on the third ring, Reg felt a sense of dread wash through him, he knew James wasn’t there.
“Sirius, James hasn’t come home yet. —I’m worried about him”
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Regulus heard the key slip into the door, hope sparked in his chest before Sirius pushed the door open. He had forgotten that they had given Sirius a key when they had first moved in, and he felt every negative emotion flow through him again. A part of him had hoped it was James, he had hoped that it was a false alarm and that his lover would come home to him, and they would go to bed like normal. At least his brother had enough sense to bring Lupin, at least he was clever.
“You look terrible.”
His eyes narrowed as he looked at his brother—they were almost the same height, Sirius being just a bit taller. His hair had gotten longer since the last time he had seen him, it was tied away from his face. He still had the same Black family command of beauty and power; he just wore it with less pride than Regulus. It was clear that the death of Effie was affecting him, his eyes looked sad, and he looked older. Sirius took Lupin's jacket, hanging it on the coat rack and directing him to one of the armchairs. Regulus could tell they were having a silent battle; he knew Lupin didn’t like all the help and attention but really, he didn’t look well either. Remus set his cane against the side table, a cardigan was pulled around his frame and his glasses sat crooked on his nose.
As he looked at his lovers’ friends, his family, every emotion began to bubble up again. He could feel anger flair in the pit of his stomach, worry wrapping her cold hands around his heart, and frustration burn in the back of his throat and behind his eyes. He needed James, and he had no idea where he was, and he knew his brother probably had no clue either.
Sirius sat on the arm of Lupins’ chair, “The last time I saw him was when he was speaking to you Reggie. I tried to call him, by phone and by the mirrors, but nothing. He never answered, he always usually answers.”
He watched as Sirius swallowed down his worry, it wasn’t like James to just disappear, it wasn’t like him to not call Sirius
“Why hasn’t he called anyone, he always tells me what he’s doing.” His voice was more of a whisper, a ghost of a voice almost. He didn’t like feeling so vulnerable in front of his brother and his partner, he didn’t want to do any of this. He just wanted James back home, safe, and if that meant having to conspire with the enemy then that’s what he’d do.
A thought crossed his mind, Jamie’s words echoing through his head about the dark mark.
“James wanted me to give him the mark.” He gently rubbed his arm, sweater sleeve covering his dirty secret. The room went still, Sirius and Remus exchanged looks, the silence was suffocating. The words felt bitter in his mouth, he didn’t think James would be stupid enough to make this kind of decision—but he was hurt, he was lost, and he was alone. He knew what sort of damage this information would do to Sirius, he knew it had the potential to destroy their relationship. . . so why would James take such a risk. It was Remus who spoke first, “maybe it’s a coincidence.” He said, simply because it wasn’t. They all knew that Jamie’s disappearance and the fact that he wanted the mark wasn’t a coincidence.
The brothers exchanged a look, one that said everything they needed to say without the words being put into the air. They both knew that if James got the mark, it would destroy whatever kind nature he had left. Regulus had gotten it against his will, he had gotten it because he had no other choice but to protect the Potters, to protect his brother. If Regulus didn’t get it, then they would go after the eldest Black brother, and he couldn’t bear that sort of weight.
“Okay, well we have to find him, before /that/ happens.”
Regulus agreed, but he had no idea how they were going to find him—he thought they may be able to use some sort of tracking spell, this house was filled with Jamie’s things, filled with his energy, his magic, surely there was something they could use.
“I’ll stay here just in case he comes back” Remus muttered, twisting a ring that was on his finger.
Regulus turned to his brother, but instead of a man a large dog stood guard on the carpet—Padfoot.