Fragile

The first thing that Lissy noted when she woke up was how much her body shook and how badly her eyes stung. A few days in at Hogwarts and already the stress was building up. The thought of being so behind had pushed her to reading and rereading all of her classbooks and even contemplating a visit to the library. Classes were going well if she ignored how Flitwick squeaked excitedly whenever she entered the threshold of his classroom or the way Professor Quirrell bumbled around with more stories than teaching. If Lissy heard him mention that the turban on his head was given to him by some African Prince one more time, she was sure her ears would deteriorate within seconds. Astronomy seemed to take up a portion of her night as well, with how it started at 12 in the morning exact. Classes in this world were much different than the ‘muggle’ - not that Lissy expected much else. In small moments here or there, she almost missed English and Maths because at least she was somewhat knowledgeable in that area but those thoughts were quickly swept away as soon as she remembered that at least she was actually welcome here.

Or at least - she thought she was.

“I thought he liked Slytherins?” One of the Gryffindors whispered quite loudly to his partner, glancing back at Lissy, seemingly confused. The partner shrugged and she tried to stop herself from slumping down her seat in embarrassment. Millicent leaned over.

“Have you talked Professor Snape before?” She questioned, eyes darting toward the dark demeanored man who was writing things on the chalkboard before back at her. Lissy’s face seemed to burn even more as she meekly shook her head. Part of her wanted to bury her face into the parchment that lay on the desk in front of her but she was absolutely sure that it would you only worsen the man’s attitude - something she was sure would be nothing but a bad idea. Her stomach felt queasy and her whole body was cold and she wished she had stayed in bed. Ever since she had walked in to the classroom, his eyes had been cold and angry when looking at her; Something so obvious that even her classmates could pick up. Lissy was unsure what offense she committed but whatever it was must have been severe. Maybe she had mistakenly commited an act against some pureblood rule and didn’t realize it but wouldn’t the others have mentioned it to her? She decided she’d ask Hagrid later today when she joined him for tea. He might know of any transgressions she made against the professor.

Rolecall was a very quiet affair. The man would call out the name of whatever child his eyes had fallen upon, stare at them intensely, and then continue on. Rightfully, the tension in the air was strengthened by a good amount. Snape’s deep voice and piercing gaze made the girl want to throw up. Whilst Hagrid and Dumbledore brought her a bit of tranquility, Snape only invoked a deep fear. This was tenfold when he came across her name.

“Amaryllis Potter,” He stared at her much more coldly and angrily then the other children, thin lips pursed. “Our new...celebrity.” Lissy blinked uncomfortably and shifted a bit so she was slightly behind Millicent (a futile action but something that made her less ready to pass out all the same.) His stare deepened angrily and Lissy had little to no doubt that if he deepened it, she might just pass out. She glanced down at her books, trying to ignore the sick feeling that creeped over her, wishing nothing except that his eyes lay upon someone else. And they did. Rolecall continued but Lissy stayed staring at her book for some time, attempting to shake off all the heebie jeebies that crawled around her back.

“Lissy!”

She looked over at Millicent who was actively expressing the frustration she felt. The quill in her hands was being twisted this way and that so much that the smaller slytherin almost felt sorry for it. Lissy pushed down another unfortunate flush of embarrassment, feeling quite foolish.

“Y-Yeah?”

“Pay attention,” Millicent spoke under her breath seriously. “He’s starting to talk.” Lissy’s mouth, which was in an O, closed and she nodded sharply in understanding. The movement was brief and short but it caught Snape’s attention quickly as the small slytherin could visibly see his eyes flash to an angry, sharp glare. Her heart dropped.

“It seems our new celebrity feels as if my lessons are... inadequate. My apologies, Miss Potter,” He spat, glaring down at her from his hooked nose. Lissy felt her stomach catapult to the floor. “You must already know this material since you feel able to talk freely. Let’s have a little... quiz, yes?”

She couldn’t breathe.

He was staring down at her and she couldnt breathe. 

“Tell me, Potter,” Snape placed his palm onto his chin, looking at her so very bitterly that she almost saw her Uncle Vernon. Her stomach flopped some more and she felt that slithering feeling in her chest worm it’s way up once more.

Not safe? 

“What would I get if I added powdered root of aphsodel to an infusion of wormwood?” Snape snapped. Lissy slipped further back into the stool in which she was sat upon on, staring intensely down at her desk. Her face felt hot and she felt ashamed. Generally, Uncle Vernon only wanted her silence when he was in these types of moods so Lissy let her mouth remain quiet, wanting nothing but in this moment to disappear. Had she been at Privet Drive, Lissy knew her silence would have saved her. It would have kept her safe. She knew the answer. She had read it two days ago in her potions book when Daphne had dragged her and the other 2 girls down into the common room so she could socialize with the other pureblood boys. The Draught of Living Death was a peculiar potion and one Lissy found herself very interested in. A lot of the potions in her book interested the young slytherin as the more she read, the more she found herself captivated. Yet, her silence prevailed.

This was not Privet Drive and Lissy’s silence was not safe.

“Convenient how you suddenly have learned the art of silence. Answer, Potter.”

She didn’t move. She didn’t breathe.

“Too hard? We’ll try something else,” he hissed. “What is a bezoar and where can it be found?”His expectant stare was dark and Lissy felt as if she were drowning. Those same angry patronizing eyes reminded her of her Uncle whom relished in her silence but Snape was new territory. She remained silent through the second question once more, a quick glance up at the man, but this time, a fire was in Snapes eyes. He was angrier and Lissy did not understand! She didn’t get it at all! Should she speak or should she remain quiet? What was she to do?

“C’mon, Miss Potter,” He hurled her last name at her as if it was poison and she bit the inside of her cheek. “You’re not even trying. I’ll give you something easy.” He was taunting her now and Lissy could feel the hot sting on her cheeks as her chest tightened up.

“What’s the difference between Monkshood and Wolfsbane,” he hissed, eyes dark and brows narrowed. Lissy tried to balance her breathing, tried to not hyperventilate, tried to calm down but as time ticked on Snapes glowering figure only grew more and more hateful. When he noticed her quiet demeanor was not going to break, the man strode towards her and Lissy felt her blood run cold as for a moment, she saw only Uncle Vernon on one of his drunken and hateful midnight beatings. She panicked. Her closed lips kept her safe back at Privet Drive but it seemed the complete opposite here. Her hands, which were tightened upon the desk enough to draw blood from the crescent marks left behind, were slightly bleeding and as he neared, they unconsciously flew to her aid.

“Do you really not know, Potter?” He was closer now and in the next few moments he’d be right next to her. Lissy panicked. Her head swan and as she hid behind her hands, her mouth flew open.

“D-D-Dra-Draught of l-l-liv-living d-death, A-a-a s-s-st-stone f-fro-from a go-goat fo-for p-posion, an-and th-they’re t-t-the s-sa-same!”

The room went silent.

- - - - - -

Hogwarts was not safe! Lissy almost wanted to start bawling right there but as she tightened her cloak around her, she tried to ignore the pounding of her head and slowly growing tighteness of her chest. As of right now, she had no where to particularly go what with Snape being Head of house and should she choose to hide back in the dormitory, her already fragile state would worsen; something she wasnt willing to risk. Had she anywhere to go to escape the scorn and anger her very presence brought upon her or was this a punishment because her very existence was no much more than a curse? Whether it be Privet Drive or even into a boarding school in another country, Lissy’s presence and existense seemed to only bring her trouble. As a last ditch effort, the girl almost flew into one of the bathrooms to hide her slowly burning face. A stall in the very back corner of the grand bathroom was slowly taken as her refuge and she slid to the floor. Her cloak was expertly used to muffle her sobs and for the next 4 hours, Lissy sat and tried to wish her miserable form into not existing.

- - - -

Severus knew from the very moment that she walked into the room that Potter was to be trouble and his suspicion was proven when she had had the audacity to not only ignore his introduction but also talk during it. It was a common Potter trait, Severus thought as he tried to ignore the seething rage that ignited in his chest when the memories of Potter flitted across his mind. Just as the original had lacked respect and the ability to keep quiet, so did she. No offspring that came from the Potter line could be anything but a problem. Not even Lily’s genes would be able to remedy the personality that she’d grow to form. Her last name gave him all possible evidence he needed. When she had originally walked in to the lesson, he had only wanted to frighten her a tad. He would give her a taste of just how vicious he could be so she’d know what she was getting into. So she would rethink her future. Her quiet demeanor and meek attitude she held as she walked into the dungeon was just an act, the Slytherin tried to convince himself. The way she shook as he came nearer was nothing but her being dramatic, his glare intensified as he repeated this mantra in his head. Little girls always made things out to be more than what they really were. The fact that he saw so many crying over petty things such as a breakup and the likes only strengthened his opinion. Lily herself had gone through a short period of it. Sowhat that she had held her hands in front of her as if Snape was going to erase her very being? Just because Severus himself had vivid memories of once doing so meant nothing. This girl, while she was under the care of Petunia (the memory of just how vile the ugly older sister could be flitted across his mindscape) he doubted that she had dealt with someone so full of angry and hate that they expelled it verbally and physically. Petunia was an angry, bitter old woman - but she was not a child abuser. Amaryllis Potter was her niece, her blood, and whilst Snape wouldnt put it past her to consistently show her bitter personality, he was certain that the girl was doing just fine. Maybe a few extra chores here or there but nothing to the extent that which Snape himself had seen before.

Petunia was no Tobias Snape and Amaryllis Potter was not Severus. He reminded himself of this. His stomach flipped but it was swiftly ignored. Instead, the tall man choose instead to stare down furiously at the papers littered across the desk, writing out not one, not two, but four detention slips for the Weasley twins. The twins were acting up very early in the school year, he thought sourly as he studied their faces in the third row, wanting nothing more than to stick their heads into the black lake as bait for the Giant Squid to use as toys. Somehow, today had taken a turn for the worse for the man and all he wished for now was to relocate himself into his chambers with a bottle of firewhiskey and maybe some gin. 3 troublesome students already in one day, the man wasnt sure if he could handle any more. Albus had made it quite clear that his teaching and attitude could use more work and whilst Severus had taken that to meaning only scare them so that they’ll complain to their friends, not a teacher he wasn’t completely sure if he could hold that promise should one more if these incompetent underage welts tried him.

And try them they did.

The next morning found him saddled with all the teachers attention as a gracious and pleasantly groomed dove soared above the house tables and delivered him an intractely decorated letter containing concerns with how he was treating his students from one of the sacred 28 families.

Whatever pity he may have felt for that Potter girl dissipated almost instantly. His eyes searched the Great Hall for her small form, wanting nothing more than to cause her discomfort but her presence was non existent. Draco caught his eye for a moment, spoonful of oatmal half way in his mouth before he broke connection almost as soon as it waa made. Severus almost wanted to snort. He’d have to teach his godson the arts of subtlety soon if the boy were to thrive in pureblood society. Severus sent the boy another glance, watching him choke. Maybe a bit more about being graceful as well, he thought a bit perturbed.

A look like that would have caused suspicion and politicians and diplomats did not take kindly to it. The following actions would have outcasted the boy almost immediately for appearing as a dolt. Purebloods were fickle, Severus mused as he tried to momentarily distract himself from the letter in his hands. Though he was not scared of the sacred 28, Severus knew that it’d be more tedious to increase the already underlying tension that existed by returning with a less then pleasant reply. He mentally sighed in annoyance, already forming the letter in his mind and making plans. Diplomacy was never too difficult but the effort put in was rather annoying. Severus was not a man to beat around the bush and talk in circles but consistently being around so many purebloods and having these lessons drilled into him by his mother seemed to over ride his true nature. Pureblood society was fickle, Severus thought to himself once more. At least his intuition was correct. Snape glanced down once more at the letter in his hands, ignoring Mcgonagall’s prying eyes.

Potter was trouble.

- - -

The morning found Lissy hiding within the hundreds of shelves that stretched across Hogwarts library, wide awake and soaking up as much information as she could from whatever book she chose to lay her hands on. The night had not been unkind to her, as sleep never truly offered its hand, so any sights of drowsiness that one might have seen could solely be concluded to speculation. Being surrounded by so many fascinating books had captivated her attention enough that any small amount of sleep that may have wanted to touch her throughout the night was fought off and chased away by the new found knowledge. Madame Pince had locked her in here the night before and Lissy found she was not totally adverse to the thought of avoiding the Slytherin common room. Not only did it offer her extra time to practice and catch up on all magical theories and history that she missed but she was also free from Snape for the night (something she almost cried in relief over).

Placing down the great big book of charms that she was reading, Lissy rustled through her satchel before pulling out the parchment which held her class schedule. Her eyes roamed across it, momentarily feeling a big sigh of relief when she found she wouldn’t have to see the foul man today. Unfortunately, she didn’t seem to have Mcgonagall either. Instead, her day was to be taken a hold of by Herbology, History of Magic, and Defense against the dark arts, and finally Charms. Not too bad of a schedule but Lissy would have definitely liked it more if Defense against the dark arts were pushed back another day. The increasingly overwhelming smell of garlic always gave the girl a headache, which in result would make her turn and toss.

As she was packing her things away and adjusting her bag so that it didn’t feel as if it was ripping her shoulder apart, Lissy found a pair of feet stood in front of her. Her heart shuddered for a moment at the thought of it being Madam Pince who most certainly would have been furious at her actions but the big feet and shoes were much different than what the older woman wore. Snape briefly crossed her mind but that passed by just as quick because Snape’s shoes were less shiny and truly only seen when walking. Lissy lifted her gaze, heart only sinking slightly when she noticed it was Atkins, as stonefaced as ever. He stood in front of her quietly, a book in his arms before his mouth tilted downwards.

“You missed breakfast,” the handsome boy stated. His gaze settled itself so tightly on her that Lissy felt as if every part of her life was being assessed. Before she could sputter out some reasoning, the slightest notion of displeasment made its way across Atkins’ usually indifferent look as his mouth slightly lifted downward. “You will not do that again,” he told- er, demanded? before looking away. His eyes searched around the room.

“I will check this out and then lead you to your next class. Wait.”

And wait, she did. Lissy blinked to herself, hands fumbling together as she wondered how the prefects were so on top of the where abouts of the first years. Yes, she understood it was their responsibility as someone in authority to make sure that Slytherin was kept in line but Lissy felt a bit strange. It was almost as if she was being watched under a microscope. When Atkins returned with book in hand, they left only to be joined by Gemma at the door.

“Oh, there’s my cute little firstie,” Gemma cood as she patted the young girls head. The pretty girl glanced towards Atkins half interested. “I see you got a book,” Gemma stated, rolling her eyes.

Atkins nodded, “Yes.”

Lissy waited for a moment, wondering if he was going to say anything else before realising that maybe the boy just wasn’t as outspoken as others (something she could understand). Gemma seemed to notice her analysis, head tilting to the side whilst giving the girl a smile.

“Felix isn’t a particularly talkative bloke,” Gemma told the girl with a shake of her head and for a moment Lissy felt a bit foolish for thinkig Atkins was his first name. The boy glanced towards them as he heard his name before looking ahead once more as uncaring as usual.

“He never has been. My mum sometimes thinks that we’ll be mind readers before he decides to tell us what he’s thinkin’.” Gemma gave Lissy a pearly smile, expressing all her happiness into it and Lissy felt not only her face but whole body grow warm as if she were being wrapped into a hug. During this, Atkin’s was giving Gemma a slightly annoyed look but Lissy felt too nice to focus on that. The warm feeling surrounding her made her arms tingle and her heart beat. Lissy felt very warm and soft. Unconsciously, the petite girl gave the older slytherin a big smile back only for it to halt them in their footsteps.

“Oh! Amaryllis you’re so cute!!” Lissy found herself being enveloped in Gemmas arms and whilst it definitely wasn’t something she was completely comfortable with, she didnt hate it.

- - -

Arriving at Herbology was nothing but embarrassing. Although only a few Hufflepuffs and Slytherins had arrived, there were still enough that as soon as she began walking up the whispers trailed very close to her. Lissy felt quite sick as she stared at her curious and gossiping classmates, remembering and mulling over the humiliating spectacle Snape had put her through the night before. Her stomach flopped at the thought of seeing him but Lissy tried to ignore it. Instead, she took a deep breath in, a deep breath out, and counted 1, 2, 3. Her steps matched her breath as she tried to gently enter the greenhouse without too much of a fuss. The only solace she found was of Pansy’s form glancing up at her approaching figure indifferently. Lissy ducked her head embarrassedly at the stare the blonde girl held, only relenting when she began pulling out a napkin from her bag.

“You should not miss breakfast,” Pansy muttered, dropping the napkin into her hand gracefully before resuming whatever preparations the girl had begun. “Or sleep,” the blonde said aloud. Lissy felt her heart fall as she let the shame fill her. Running away had been cowardly.

“I’m sorry,” Lissy muttered softly and the only indication of acceptance the girl got was a slight shake of the blonde’s head.

“Eat.”

Lissy glanced down at the napkin, slowly beginning to open it as her stomach tossed and turned. Inside were 2 pieces of toast, both slathered with honey butter as well as one hot roll that had been buttered as well. She brought the roll to her mouth, softly nibbling. The morning was brisk and cool but whether it was due to her being in a greenhouse or something else, Lissy felt particularly warm.