Shadow
It has been four days since he last saw you. He watched with painful awareness as the day spanned into the night and you still didn't come. She’ll definitely come tomorrow. He repeated his mantra for the fourth night in a row and rose in silence into the night sky.
Every morning, just after waking up, he transformed into his animal form and settled still at dawn in front of the inn where you were staying. He watched passers-by there all day, hoping to see you among them, and only when the moon rose in the sky did he rise with disappointment and fly back to his home. He was beginning to lose hope and patience, but he forbade himself to think negatively. You promised to come back to him. You never gave him a reason why he shouldn't trust you. You never lied to him or did you?
The unpleasant thought of the moments when you evasively answered his questions about your work came to his mind. It's true you're hiding something from him. Don't you trust him enough to tell him everything without fear? Or do you have secrets because if he found out, he wouldn't believe you anymore? Would he never want to see you again in his life?
He scolded himself abruptly for doubting you. He never once asked you to keep his identity a secret, and yet no one came for him in the last few days you've known each other. You showed him nothing but tenderness and understanding, you offered him a supportive hand when he needed it most, but above all you became an indispensable friend to him. He knew you had become a part of his life, and although he couldn't say it out loud, he couldn't imagine his day without you. Maybe that's why the previous days were such suffering for him. Your laughter and tactful answers cheered his world up.
It was late forenoon on the fifth day when his eyes saw your figure in the distance. He flew enthusiastically towards you as fast as he could, and although the other passers-by hid from the eagle's raid, you just raised your tired eyes and, with understanding, stretched your arm forward. He rested his claws carefully on your arm, taking great care not to injure you. Your exhausted but sincere smile greeted him.
“Hi Talbott. I missed you.” Your other hand gently stroked his feathers. Every time you showed him even a small piece of love while he was in his animal form, he was incredibly happy. He knew that regardless of his appearance, you liked him for what he was. The thought that you like him just because how he is and how he looks gave him courage.
“Hello, Madam Rosmert.” You greeted the innkeeper behind his back and Talbott looked at her curiously. When he realized she posed no threat, he looked at you again. It's been so long since he last saw you up close and he wanted to remember every detail of your being just in case he didn't see you again.
“Hello my dear! And who is this?” The blond woman asks and look at Talbott, who felt more than uncomfortable under her scrutiny, with interest. “Your new companion?” You laugh lightly and turn your arm so Madam Rosmert can get a better look at Talbott. “This is my new friend Talbott,” you introduce him and watch Talbott swell with pride. He liked that you weren't ashamed of him.
"Oh, is that so? Nice to meet you Talbott, you look very good." She greeted him but then frowned at you - you saw the expression of a worried mother in her gaze. “On the other hand, you look absolutely awful.” She commented on your disheveled look. It's true that in the last few days you didn't pay as much attention to your appearance as you normally did, but you didn't think it was that bad.
You laughed forcibly and ran your hand through your hair. "I'm a bit tired." You vaqualy answered. It wasn't the first time she had seen you extremely exhausted, but she had never seen you in such a state and it worried her. She looked at you understandingly and nodded to herself. "I'll cook you lunch and you go take a shower in the meantime."
"Could you make an extra portion straight?" You asked and watched as she smiled amused at you: "Already want a second helping?" She hushed you upstairs and you gratefully ascended the stairs leading to your room. As the door closed behind you with a silent thump, Talbott rose up into the air and was bathed in golden light. The next moment you were looking at his frowning face.
“Are you okay?” He asked with concern, gently stroking your cheek with his hand. Ah, how he longed to see you again... A smile of tenderness appeared on his face as you leaned more into his palm and cupped it in your own. “Now that I'm finally with you, yes.” You answer truthfully and look into his eyes. Today, her orbs shine more than usual... Talbott felt himself drowning in your gaze and didn't even realize he was leaning towards your lips. “I missed you so much.“ It comes out of his mouth in a soft whisper and you can feel your own suppressed emotions in his voice.
“I’m back.” There was so much you wanted to say to him, but the moment he finally stood in front of you all your words got stuck in your throat. You were so looking forward to having long conversations with him like before, but now all that mattered was that you were together. On the fact that he is close to you again and you close to him. “I'm going to take a shower. Will you wait here for me?“
“Of course.“
You headed into the modest bathroom next door, leaving Talbott alone in the room. He felt his heart race curiously as he looked around your room. This is the first time he's been here and he's had a chance to learn a bit more about you. Curiously and with the utmost caution, he began to walk around the room, looking at the present furniture, at the flowers placed on the window sill, at the pieces of your clothes thrown on the chair. He walked over to the open shelf where you had a few books lined up. He ran his finger along the spains of the books and read their titles: “The most mysterious mythical creature, The birth of new species, Encyclopedia of all known creatures, Curses and their successful breaking, Annihilation of XXXXX class monsters, Forbidden curses, Deceiving one's mind...”
To say he was confused would not nearly capture the extent of his conflicting thoughts and feelings. At first he thought you were trying to find a way to help him, but if that was true, why would there be books on forbidden magic in your private library? What does it mean? Does it have anything to do with you not wanting to tell him about your work? About the reason why you came into the Forbidden forest in the first place?
However, before he could find out anything more or let his mind vander to dark places, two female voices outside the front door alerted him to Rosmerta's presence. He quickly transformed back and sat gracefully on the back of a wooden chair. The two women exchanged a few pleasant words before the older one left and you joined him with two plates in your hands.
“Are you hungry?“ You smiled at him sweetly oblivious to the quickening hammering in his chest. Talbott felt like a small child caught on a roguery for which any grown-up would scold him. However, he was most consumed by the feeling of guilt for doubting you - again. Trying to make up for his misstep, he quickly rushed over to you and grabbed both filled plates in his hands and placed them on the table. He silently pushed the chair aside and wordlessly gesture for you to sit down. A joyous giggle escaped your lips at his action and he couldnť help himself but to stare at you wishing to se your smile more often.
Watching you was his new serotonin booster. He still couldn’t fully comprehend why every time he was thinking about you his throat went dry or why he felt sort of jittery every time his gaze catched your smile. Any of his logical explanation also couldn’t explain the funny little dance his heart seems to be doing in his chest every time your fingertips slightly brush his body.
"Such a Gentleman," you thank him and as you sit down your freshly washed sweet scent invades his nostrils. He couldn't resist and leaned down to your head and kissed you lightly, skillfully masking how he was shamelessly inhaling your scent in an effort to memorize it perfectly. Oh God, what have you done to him?
***
“Where would you like to go first?“ You asked him as soon as you walked into the autumn breeze together. Winter was approaching at breakneck speed and you hoped you still had some time left to spend with Talbott. He sat as before on your forearm and you walked with grace in your step through the crowded streets. The sound of your voice sinks into every cell in his body, making him feel hot all over. Have you always done this to him? He doesn’t know. The only thing he knows now is that he's happy to be in his eagle form and you can't see how much he's blushing.
When he berugtently points in a vague direction in a desperate attempt to discract his mind from constantly thinking about you and his confused feelings, you sing in a happy tone:” Off we go!”
You ended up going into every store and without a second thought bought every item he showed even the slightest interest in. Talbott didn't approve of your actions but whenever he angrily flapped his wings to prevent you from placing more galleons on the counter, you just laughed and ignored his protests. “Please let me do it. I want to make you happy and leave you with some material memories of our first trip together.“ Your smile is so bright he can’t seem to figure out how his lungs normally get air in and out of his body. After hearing your kind words, he allowed himself to be pampered by you for a while, but as soon as you bought him another pile of books, he decided that too much of everything was harmful, and with the determination to prevent you from buying anything else, he soared to the heights in front of the crowded bookstore.
He glided on the wind in circular motions, waiting for you to notice him. It didn't take long for you to understand and with a slight nod you indicated to him that he can lead the way. Walking was still quite a bit slower than his leisurely pace of flight, so he circled the sky like a predator looking for food. Before he could circle the circumference of the large circle he had drawn himself in his mind, you caught up with him. And so it was repeated until he landed in a small clearing not far from the forest path.
Before transforming back into his normal form, he circled the meeting for nearly a kilometer in all directions to make sure there were no unwanted eyes nearby. It was unlikely that anyone would be walking in the woods near the Shrieking Shack at this late hour, but he wanted to be sure. Once he was, he lowered himself to your feet, watching the shimmering glow of his transformation reflect in your glassy eyes.
Your name came out of his mouth in an urgent whisper. Although you didn't know what it was about, you quickly found out in his intense gaze that something was bothering him. "What is it that ails your mind?"
“I want to trust you,” he mutters. His own voice sounds unfamilier to him. His body was tense yet he tried to speak steadily. “I really want to, but still I catch myself doubting you.“ You could see how much it was bothering him and even though his words hit you right in the heart with a dull pain, you couldn't blame him for doubting you.
“You are the first person I decided to open up to and I don't want lies and secrets between us. I hate that. I really do.” Were his next words and you couldn't look into his eyes anymore. You were afraid of what you might see in them. Malice? Contempt? Anger or disappointment? Would he be willing to listen to you if you decided to confide in him? He confided in you his most painful experience, his worst memory, and it brought you closer than you could have ever hoped for.
But this was something else entirely.
You were send to kill him.
Once he learns this, he will never want to see you again in his life let alone listen to your reasons - you were sure of that.
“You can be honest with me,” he says and watch your eyes go wide. Regret cut into your chest and left a deep scar. You chew on your lip contemplating about whether this is a good time to tell him or not. You did want to tell him the truth, to tell him to be careful and assure him all you want to do is to save him. To give him a safe place. A home.
You switch your gaze towards his red eyes that were glimmering from the golden sunset light. They look like embers of fire. Taking a deep breath, you steeled yourself against his wrath that was sure to come.
“Alright, you’ve caught me. I didn't lie to you, but I didn't tell you the whole truth either.“ The expression that takes hold of his features confuses you - he doesn’t look angry, sad nor surprised. In fact, his stoic face looks like as if he already knew. His next words will confirm your judgment. “I already figured that much. Would you like to elaborate...?“
And so you took a deep breath.
“Before I tell you more, I want you to know that the time I spent with you was very special to me. I've never felt so happy as when I'm with you-”
He cut you off, your name hard on his tongue. “This sounds a lot like a goodbye.” His eyebrows furrowed in annoyance, his jaw tense. This is not how he envisioned this conversation to go. You looked straight into his eyes and he saw something on your face that he never expected to see - a sad, forced smile. “I feel that you will never want to talk to me again in your life after I tell you everything. I'm afraid you won't even listen to me.”
“Is this how you feel about me?” You didn't expected to hear these words as a response to your statement nor did you expect the empty look in his gaze. “No. But I know how you feel about me will change...” His eyes gazed into yours from so close, you could almost feel his breath on your cheek. Your face became red before your mind had time to process anything.
“Let’s not make such harsh conclusions just yet.”
“I apologize. Please forgive me for my rash words.” As you stared down at your feet, you heard a chukle. “Don’t feel so pressured, it’s okay. I just can’t imagine giving up on you just because of something you are going to tell me.” And you believed him. He wasn’t someone to judge you so easily.
You remembered all the tender moments you shared with him - the time when you woke up in the middle of the night because of a bad dream and he caressed your hair until you fell asleep again. Or when you gave him the bracelet and you saw his expression full of happiness and devotion for the first time.
“I work for the Ministry as a special Auror. And what I do is basically eliminating any threat the Ministry deems dangerous.” You never wavered in your speech and you were glad for it - your trained soldier came to the surface and took over. You couldn't let your emotions take over now. Because then you wouldn’t be able to stop crying.
A realization appeared in his eyes. “Was I deemed to be a threat?”
“Yes.”
“Your job is to kill me?”
“Yes.”
His form seemingly defleated and he stepped away from you. You didn't try to stop him or defend yourself. You knew what he needed right now was time to process everything on his own peace. The only thing you could do now was hope.
His pupils searched for you again. “Then... Why didn’t you kill me? Do you need time to get more information from me?” His voice was void of any emotions and that hurted you more than the accusation he just made.
“I do need more time,” you agreed but quickly continued on, “but not for what you think.” Misunderstanding. That's the only thing you got from him and only now you walked up to him and gently touched his wrist with your fingers. He flinched at your touch but didn't pull away. At least something.
“I tried to find a way to save you Talbott.” You whispered, trying to put all the determination you felt inside of you into your words. Please believe me. Talbott opened his mouth blankly only to close it again.
“I knew we shouldn't trust you.“ The hoarse voice full of hatred, you never wished to hear again, spoke behind you. You quickly turned to face him, your wand dozing in your hands in a defensive position.
“Prepare for disciplinary action. I'm taking over your mission from now on.“ And with that he attacked you and Talbott without any break until you fell unconscious to the ground and Talbott was in his clutches.
To be continued