I Wish
Mama gives you money for Sunday school
You trade yours for candy after church is through
Smokin’ cigarettes and writing something nasty on the wall
20th March 1976
“You’re late.”
Sirius winced as he approached the clearing in the Forbidden Forest, his friends already stood on the bluish grass. It was raining that night. A patter that had drenched his hair, but would not touch Ara’s clearing. Not this magic-soaked land of blue and flowers.
Pete and James were huddled over the familiar Potter tome, rereading their actions for the evening - muttering as they memorised the steps. Remus was looking to him with narrowed eyes, sat beside a clearly disgruntled Ara as she held the pouch that contained their potions for Sirius to see.
“I was busy!” Sirius defended; raised hands.
“Busy in a broom closet?” His sister deadpanned in reply, utterly unamused. “We’ve been planning this for three years. Took us ruddy ages to even finish the first step.” She grumbled, setting the potions back down inside a tree stump with a tut. A dark place, to be left (mostly) undisturbed.
“Only ‘cause your leaf kept getting knocked out.” He pointed out, which was clearly not the thing to do, as his sister glared and stalked his way. She ripped his bag from his arm, throwing it onto the damp ground.
“Who was it this time?” Ara folded her arms over her chest, rolling her eyes as he puffed his chest. None present missed the faint growl that emerged from Remus’s chest.
“Amelia Bones, again, actually.” He grinned. “Not my fault she kept begging me to stay. Not my fault that any of them keep coming back.” He winked wickedly, and his sister scowled.
“You’ve got to start respecting women.” She shook her head in utter disappointment, hitting his arm with a firm thunk.
“I do respect women!” He held his hands up, moving one to rub his arm with a wince.
“You respect women that you’re friends with, and all the rest are conquests. How the fuck is that right to you?” She pinned him in place with a warning look; flashes of Mary’s terrified face leaking through the bond before Ara could wretch them back. He winced at the images.
“I’ll work on it.” He mumbled, looking away bashfully.
“Damn straight.” Ara nodded. “Now go over there and reread the steps with the boys while Moony and I watch the clouds.”
Chided, Sirius joined his friends - sheepish at their knowing grins - and read through the book.
“You have been doing the meditation, right?” Pete whispered sharply, looking to Sirius with great weariness.
“Yes, mum.” Sirius stuck out his tongue at his friend. “Know the words, felt the second heartbeat, all that junk.”
“You ought to act more excited, mate.” James clapped his back, grinning lopsidedly. “We’re breaking so many rules.”
“I’ll be excited when we’re sure this is an electrical storm.” He grumbled back.
It was as though, at that mocking, that the sky took a chance for a bit of fun. For, as if punctuating his words, thunder roared through the clouds; vibrating through their sternums. Four heads bobbed to look to the clouds, spying the next great flash of lightning, just above their heads, before the next crackle of thunder.
The eyes of the Marauders met with great enthusiasm.
“It’s time.” Ara breathed.
At the next thud from the sky, the group scrambled to ready themselves. Hiding their books in their bags, spelled to stay secure on the branch of a nearby tree. Nods to one another as they rounded into a circle, right in the centre of the clearing.
The magic that had held back the rain seemed to shudder, finally allowing the droplets through. As Ara reached into the tree stump, it coated her straight locks - droplets of lilac across her white shirt. Leaches of her muggle dye, she’d told them once. Her thin hands deftly pulled the potions free, reading each label as she passed them to each Marauder.
She’d made sure they were properly named, so many months ago.
“Chins up, gang.” Sirius grinned, popping the cork from the small bottle.
“Cheers!” They chorused, unplugging the glass.
Finally, under the fretful watch of Remus Lupin, the Marauders drank their potions.
There was a pause. The group looked to each other for a moment as they held the bottles, a little crease to their brows as they watched one another.
“Maybe it takes a-” James began, his words halted by a thick crackle of lightning.
The change enveloped them at once - a tearing at their bones and muscles as they contorted and shifted. The rain blared down in a blanket of darkness - flashes of lightning like spotlights on the Marauders as they screamed and shifted. Glass clattering on damp earth, the shredding of shoes and snapping of spectacle frames as Remus looked on in utter horror.
Until, finally… it was over.
Blinking in disbelief, Remus stared at the four animals in the place of his closest friends.
James was by far the largest of the bunch. Majestic antlers and dark fur, but still with those hazel eyes. His glasses were broken in half at his front hooves - were they hooves, when a deer?, he thought as he hurried to collect the frames and pocket them. At the closeness, he could feel when James huffed. A steam from his thick nostrils; nose wide on the end of his face.
Both took a step backwards, before both flinching slightly at a laugh-like bark from beside their feet.
A large, black dog - shaped almost akin to a bear - stood on the dark earth. Hulking in size, with thick fur and piercing eyes in a hue of deep granite. Remus let out a laugh.
“You look like a grim, mate.” He shook his head derisively, bubbled of laughter still escaping him.
The dog let out a yap, knocking his head against Remus’s knee, then pointing towards something small and pale next to him.
Curiously, Remus crouched to spy a small mouse on the blue grass. Running a hand through his wet hair, pulling it from his eyes, he blinked at the tiny rodent. It was a familiar pale blondish shade, with large rounded ears and a squished, twitchy nose.
Where had he seen that blond before?
“Pete?” He asked, laughing as the mouse spun a little circle at the recognition. “Blimey, mate. you’re proper cute, you are.” His friend let out a faint and tiny squeak of injustice, scampering over to Sirius - who had leant down his head to allow his friend to scurry up his back. Sat atop the spooky black dog that Sirius had become, Remus had to admit that Pete looked even more adorable by comparison.
The final animal sat to the side of the others, head tilted as she regarded the others around her. A small cat with tiny indigo ears and a body as black as her name. The fur like spun silk; her tail matching the dyed purple, curled beside her lithe form. A nose like a pebble; tiny and dark. The kind of black cat that people crossed the street to avoid - dark and sleek and absolutely an omen.
There was no one else it could be, save for Ara. No one else had eyes quite like hers. Indeed, in her animagus form; they glowed dark silver. Not the traditional green or yellow that the normal animal had; a shade that despite the similarity of her brothers’ eyes, could only be found on Ara. And it glowed.
Cautiously, Remus bend before her, his hand reaching out without thinking - to run a tender finger along the soft fur of her spine. She shivered at the touch, letting out a yowl as she jumped at the contact.
“Sorry!” Remus raised his hands, watching as she slunk towards her twin, leaping to join Pete on his back.
It was almost comical, the black cat and blond mouse cuddling atop a bloody great Grim. James seemed to think so too, letting out a huff almost like a laugh.
“You’re telling me, mate.” Remus replied, patting his friend’s back - now a coarse fur that almost scratched his palm.
The amusement soon faded, followed by an uneasy few hours of waiting.
Ara was the first to shift back - bowing with a flourish, before nearly falling from exhaustion. She was mostly steady and the same as prior, save for her missing left shoe and heavier smudges of black liner around her eyes. Begrudgingly, she let Remus help her settle with her back against a tree stump. Slightly leant against his side as she tried to stay awake to see the others through.
It took three hours before Pete turned back, yelping as he clutched at his clothes, as if nervous they wouldn’t have returned with his human form.
“Nicely done, Petey.” Remus nodded his way, patting the ground beside him with a grin. The blond stumbled over with a sheepish smile, flopping down beside him and leaning half his forehead against the stump.
“How long do you think it’ll take them?” He asked, jerking a shaky thumb towards Sirius and James. The pair were engaged in some kind of jumping game, looking rather amusing as a pair. Sirius’s thunks were far less graceful than James’s leaps, and the odd dance was something out of an old children’s book. Some silly wizarding story of a stag and a grim.
“I think they’re only still transformed ‘cause they got distracted mucking about.” Remus replied with a laugh, careful not to more too much as Ara groaned in half-sleep - now tucked firmly into his side, under his arm.
The pair of animals seemed to hear, looking to each other with little nods, before the two seemed to concentrate hard, and finally turned back into two human boys. Of the group, they looked the most ragged. James’s glasses were missing in the leaves and dirt, his shirt ripped at the shoulders from the transformation. Sirius was missing both of his shoes and had lost his jacket somewhere amongst the tree stumps. Long curls pressed flat by the downpour, eyeliner smeared like his twin's.
Ara scrubbed at her eyes as she forced herself to sit upright, missing Remus’s little frown at the motion.
“Took you ruddy ages.” She yawned as her twin sat opposite, joined soon by a spectacle-less James.
“Can’t believe you’re a cat!” Sirius remarked with a gentle kick of her shin. “A tiny kitten.” He jested, much to her chagrin.
“I’m making so many cat and dog jokes.” James grinned, stifling a yawn as Remus handed over mended frames.
“Technically he’s a grim.” Ara jerked a thumb in her twin’s direction, eyes narrowing dangerously as she regarded her friend.
“Still gonna do it.” He sang, shrugging playfully as he pushed is glasses up his nose. Ara merely rolled her eyes in reply.
“If your Wildflowers all get nicknames, we should too.” Pete chimed in from the other side of Remus, now sat upright on his own (though clearly unsteady).
“Panda already calls me Ottie.” Ara commented, feeling Remus’s arm around her shoulder pull her back against his lovely warmth. Another yawn escaped her, and she could not find the effort to fight her exhaustion. Not when Remus was so very comfortable in the face of the cool nighttime.
“Too basic.” James shook his head, eyes finding hers with that look he only had for her. So very gentle; something she could never quite figure out, the rare times she caught it. “We can’t go around just calling ourselves the names of animals. People will catch on quick.”
“As if anyone would actually believe we’d done it at sixteen.” She huffed lightly, gaze transfixed by his hazel eyes.
“Silver.” He muttered softly, suddenly blinking to attention - as though caught in the act of something suspicious. He flashed a glance towards the other boys, flushing at their raised eyebrows. “Seriously, her eyes look properly silver now.”
Amused, the others followed suit and soon Ara was caught in the gaze of her friends as they regarded the change the transformation had brought. She followed their lead - eyes roaming over her friends to spy the changes they similarly held.
Petey’s nose had squashed slightly - resembling that of his animagus form. It suited him in a strange way, softening his features. He smiled at her scrutiny.
Her eyes shifted to her twin, noting as he grinned that his teeth had sharpened slightly. Not enough to be totally different, but noticeable enough to her. His canines were pointed, similar his dog form.
It was as her eyes found James’s anew, that she saw the shift his transformation had brought. Unbelievably, his black mess of hair had softened. The curls had loosened slightly, taking on little streaks of brown throughout the dark locks. The shade eerily similar to her own natural colour.
Their shifts were minor enough as not to draw attention. Luckily.
“Your eyes really do look different.” Sirius mused, flashing her his sight over the bond as she did the same for him; the two seeing each other through their eyes.
Indeed, her deep grey eyes appeared to be glowing. Not as severely as Remus’s golden gaze; instead it was as though a light were being shone from behind them. A twinkle shifting them from the colour of stone.
She blinked from Sirius’s vision, looking up as Remus’s hand squeezed her shoulder.
“Gold and silver, eh?” Remus commented, smirking softly as Ara blushed at his voice.
——
It took less than three hours for the group to decide on their nicknames.
Prongs, in recognition of James’s antlered form. He preened as they complimented his mighty build. Petey groaned as the others dubbed him Wormtail, but begrudgingly agreed that it fit his adorable scurrying body. Padfoot, as Sirius’s canine form wandered on pawed feet. Moony, finally cementing the nickname the boy somewhat loathed.
And lastly, Pebbles for Ara. In recognition of her adorable little nose, much to her chagrin.
Proudly, they pulled the map from Sirius’s book bag, spelling the opening anew.
The words:
‘Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Pebbles and Prongs
are proud to present
The Marauder’s Map’
——
Patrol no longer felt like a special privilege to Lily. A duty as Prefect, one she had found always done with Mary MacDonald.
But Mary had hardly left the Gryffindor dorm since she’d first arrived, only leaving for lessons and to fetch spare clothes from her own dorm. The fifth year girls were all sleeping there, really. All the Hufflepuffs, Pandora too. Sharing bunks and rolls of duvet upon the stone floor. Littered gossip and swapped clothes; snacks snuck from the kitchens and up secret passages.
It was a sleepover of epic proportions, really.
Which was why patrol was no longer how she wanted to spend her evening. Why walk the same corridors, taking the same points, when she could be sharing a bunk with Panda chatting magical theory? When she could be getting Ara to paint her nails, or helping Mary braiding everyone’s hair.
Even if the girl hardly spoke to her. She couldn’t blame her, after all. Not when Sev… well, she couldn’t think on that.
After that wretched incident, almost a month prior, Professor McGonagall had pulled Lily aside before her next patrol. Told her that, well, considering everything she was to be paired with Shacklebolt, a Hufflepuff in seventh year. And a strong looking one at that; broad shouldered and strong-jawed. Her utter inverse in colouring, all dark where she was light.
“I don’t need a bodyguard.” She had told the boy on their first patrol, crossing her arms as she craned her neck to look him in the eye.
“I know.” He’d replied easily, smiling as he shrugged. “But a second never hurt in a duel, you know?”
She’d supposed that was fair, and their patrols were decent. They chatted about OWL and NEWT exams, imparting little rumours from their Houses. And Kingsley had asked after Mary, telling Lily once to tell the girl that Hufflepuffs always look appreciate those that watch out for their own.
That evening, he nattered away about his sisters as they walked; the eldest already graduated, the younger in her sixth year as a Ravenclaw. He seemed to thoroughly enjoy being the middle child, wedged between two sisters. Utterly proud of the pair and a total Hufflepuff in his sweet enthusiasm.
“Sarah was top of her year, you know. So is Allison.” He spoke with a puffed chest, bright teeth shining between full lips. His strides were shortened to match her own; the leggy boy standing a good foot taller than her.
“Not you?” Lily asked, raising an incisive brow. As if she didn’t check the league tables for each school year, checking her rankings amongst her wider peers.
“I think that’s Rosier or Meadows, actually.” Kingsley shrugged. “I do alright, though, don’t get it twisted. Solid ‘E’ grade student, over here.”
She laughed, shaking her head fondly at the older boy. No wonder Reg spoke so highly of him.
Kingsley Shacklebolt was a properly decent sort of wizard.
“I trust that.” She nodded as they rounded a corner. “Any plans with all those ‘E’s?”
“I’ve just applied to the Aurors, actually.” He straightened up a little, shoulders wide with dignity. “Ananke, last year, was mentoring me and he reconned I’ve got a good shot.”
“You’ll certainly pass the physical.” Lily blurted, eyes wide as she looked to an utterly amused Kingsley.
“Cheers for that, Lily.” He chuckled, before looking back to the empty hallway with an odd expression. “Been quiet tonight.”
“I suppose.” Lily shrugged, looking to the dimness to try and spy whatever spooked her patrol partner.
“What about you?” He asked, shifting the subject as they reached the stairs - hoping on a staircase as it shifted to lead them for a final swoop around the dungeons. “What do you want to do with all those ‘O’s you’re sure to get?”
“Promise you won’t laugh?” Lily warned, shyly looking to him as he mimed a cross over his heart and smiled that kind, wide smile. “I want to keep studying. Maybe become an Unspeakable so I can read and read and find answers to all these questions I have.” She was glad for the end of the staircase’s motion, as their awkward jump onto the corridor gave distraction from her pinked cheeks.
“Why would I laugh?” He spoke as they started venturing through the dungeons. Lily’s eyes shot to his with a light frown that wiped away at his gentle smile.
“I dunno. Feels too cliché, you know?” She shrugged.
“No point in letting those brains go to waste.” He shrugged back with a playful wink. “Otherwise, all those smarts will be good for is telling me gossip on patrol.”
“You give as good as you get and you know it.” Lily laughed, shaking her head. “If it weren’t for you, I’d never know that Alice had snogged Frank.”
“Poor Tucker.” Kingsley spoke without an ounce of sympathy.
“Were you team Black in the breakup?” Lily asked with amusement.
“I told him that if he messed her about, I wouldn’t have his back.” The elder boy shrugged again, smiling a little shyly. It transfixed Lily for a moment, that utter trustworthy boyishness. So very young on a wizard of age. “And just ‘cause I’m friendly with Frank, doesn’t mean I have to like his friends. Though, I suppose they aren’t exactly friendly anymore.”
“Poor Tucker.” Her lip quirked upwards.
As they turned a corner, Lily’s gaze was still caught on Kingsley’s face. On the openness and sweetness of this boy. No wonder he was Hufflepuff’s most favourite prefect. The Captain of their Quidditch team, too.
And as she thought on this, she caught his eyes dart to the corridor ahead. Saw as he stopped walking, reaching out to lightly clutch her arm and halt her too. At once, he was tense and uncertain.
A look ahead told her why.
There, in familiar dark robes with familiar dark hair, stood Severus Snape.
“Might I have a word?” He asked; pining Lily with sunken eyes. God, he looked tired.
“What about?” Kingsley asked, flexing his arms slightly as he flicked his wand between his fingers. When on Earth had he pulled that out? No wonder Professor Ananke had thought he’d make a good Auror. Talk about a reaction time.
“Just Lily.” Snape grit out, not sparing the boy a glance. “In private.”
Kingsley made to step forwards, eyes darting to Lily as she shook her head.
“It’s alright, Kings.” She said, so very softly. “I’ll only be a minute.”
She ignored how Sev’s face contorted at that, offering a look she hoped Kingsley could decipher. The older boy seemed to, nodding as he walked back up the corridor, past the curve they’d just passed.
Lily turned then to Severus, folding her arms across her chest - her robes creasing under the tension.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Sev.” She admitted, looking to him with a faint frown.
“I thought we were friends, Lily.” Severus spoke softly, almost pained in his expression.
“We are.” She sighed, gnawing at her lip. “But I can’t be around you if you keep up with those boys!”
“They’re my friends too.”
“I’m sorry, but I detest them. Avery and Mulciber? Mulciber?” She shook her head, punching the name with utter distaste. “I don’t understand what you see in him.”
“He’s smart-”
“He’s creepy!” She interjected with a huff. “Do you know what he fucking did to Mary McDonald the other day?”
“That was nothing?”
“Nothing?” She hissed.
“It was just a laugh-”
“Just a laugh? She scoffed, recoiling backwards. “Mulciber assaulted Mary. She’s barely sleeping. She won’t talk to me, cause she says you were there. She says he… God Sev, did you help him rape my friend?”
“It wasn’t…” he looked away guiltily, taking a deep breath before he spoke again - not meeting her eyes. “I was only lookout. He just cast some Dark curses, tested some spells out. I didn’t see anything.”
“He hurt my friend. And you stood watch.” Lily spoke with horror, those familiar green eyes so utterly pained and disappointed. “Oh God, Sev. What did you do?”
He tried to step closer, but she took a sharp step backwards - her hand between them like a barrier.
“Lily,” he tried to start, her sharp look silencing him.
“I can’t… I have to go.” Her voice quivered, lips downturned and eyes downcast as she spun away. Back to Kingsley, to his joking quip ‘knew it’d been too quiet, this evening’ - just audible from around the corner.
And so, Severus Snape was left alone.
Again.