It Should Have Been Me
Baby, I understood when you’re there, up to no good
It should have been me, take your hands off me
No, it should have been me
21st February 1976
Ara sat in a small classroom, a little away from the Great Hall. Still donning her Gryffindor colours; eyes painted gold, lips red. Hair still clipped up up, braided with ribbons by Pandora.
There had been Quidditch that day. Ravenclaw had beaten Slytherin so spectacularly that the very moment the game had ended, a party had erupted in the Gryffindor Tower; the red clad students dragging their Ravenclaw friends to celebrate the victory in their classic raucous style.
And in a moment of post game high, Tucker had found Alice and planted a sopping great kiss on her. His entire house had cheered him on, the Gryffindors watching on with great horror. She’d snuck away before anyone tried to speak to her. Refusing to deal with pity or having to witness her ex snogging her roommate only a week after their split, Ara had found herself a empty classroom. Tucked away and alone.
“Avis.” Ara whispered, flicking her wand to watch birds sprout to life.
Yellow canaries fluttered around her, flying in the patterns she wove with her wand, a huff falling from her lips.
“I was wondering where you popped off to.”
Wiping her face non too gently, Ara let out a faint laugh, sliding to one side. As she blinked away tears, James sat by her side on the desk.
He was still wearing his jacket; a tailored brown blazer over his Gryffindor garb. Hair a mess from the excitement as he ran a hand through it.
“I just needed a minute. Common Room’s too loud for my migraine.” She sniffled. “And I wanted to practice.” Ara huffed, looking up to the fluttering birds.
“They’re the best I’ve ever seen.” James declared, nudging her shoulder.
“Thanks, Jamie.” She laughed wetly, wiping the final tears from her face.
“He’s a prat, you know that right?”
“I broke up with him.” Ara grit out, awkwardly. “He can do what he likes.”
“Snogging your dorm mate week after the break up?” James raised an eyebrow incredulously. “He can simply fuck off with that gesture.”
“James!” Ara gasped, swatting his arm. He used her motion to pull her hand into his, linking them as he stroked her knuckles. The birds tweeted as they fluttered around them - catching her attention, just briefly. Long enough that when she looked back to James, she had just missed it. The softness he only had when he looked at her.
“I’m your friend, not his.” He merely shrugged. “So I will be pranking him in the next two weeks.”
“As long as it isn’t too severe.” She acquiesced, if only to soothe her healing heart.
“Perfect.” James grinned, ducking his head to kiss her cheek. She gawked at him.
“Why aren’t you celebrating the victory? Sirius is making people do shots, if you hurry down you could join in.”
“I don’t feel like celebrating when you’re not there.” He shrugged, her cheeks pinking at his casual statement. Damn James and his friendliness. Damn her silly new crush that she simply could not shake on the boy that did not like her as more than a friend. The boy who surely saw her as some Dort of cousin, given his aunt and uncle had guardianship over her. “So, I figured we could just sit here and enjoy each other’s company until either Sirius comes to force us to drink, or some couple stumble in thinking it’s empty.”
“I can fix that.” Ara smiled, flicking her wand towards the door - casting a silent locking spell that had James looking to her with an impressed nod.
“Right then.” He jumped to attention, extending a hand to Ara.
With a roll of her eyes, she cancelled her spell - the birds puffing out of existence in bursts of feathers as she accepted his hand and let herself be pulled to stand.
His hands found her waist as hers slotted over his shoulders. In the soft silence of night, Ara could almost pretend they were in the Common Room. Just dancing with the rest of the cheerful lot. There would be a mumble of chatter, soft against the beat of the twins’ turntable. Playing Bowie (presumably at Remus’s touch).
Instead, they swayed in the silence.
For a moment as they danced, she let herself imagine a different future. One in which James wouldn’t marry her best friend, one in which he picked her. They’d live in the Potter Manor with her brothers and his family. And it would never be quiet. Never silent.
As her eyes flickered closed and she rested her head on his shoulder, she let it bleed through. Let herself pretend that he liked her back, that he would choose her over someone better. Someone more well-adjusted and able to survive.
But as she opened her eyes and pulled back, she couldn’t bear to reach his eyes. Couldn’t bear to see that friendly smile. So she stepped back and grabbed her cigarettes from the desk.
If she’d looked up in time, she might have seen it. The softness of his eyes, the quirk of his mouth as he looked at her as he did no other.
If she had been brave enough, she might have known he felt the same.
“Want one?” She finally asked, glancing up in time for him to school his features.
“Yeah, alright.”
She laughed as he coughed on the first inhale. Wheezing until she had to pat his back, shuddering as it shook through him. After a moment to adjust, he nodded and accepted it anew.
“Merlin, this is bitter! You like this?” He laughed, trying another puff.
“It grows on you.” She nodded with a giggle, accepting the cigarette as he coughed anew. “You ought to go back and celebrate with the others. I’m sure Sirius is wondering where you’ve wandered off to.”
“Yeah.” He winced, rubbing the back of his head. “I got Pete to hide the map, but you know what your brother’s like.”
“Pushy.” She laughed, prompting one of James’s most lovely lop-sided grins as he sheepishly chuckled.
“Here,” James reached a hand into his bag, yanking a familiar bundle of fabric free, “so you don’t have to face them quite yet.”
“Haven’t seen this in a bit.” She commented, wrapping the cloak around her shoulders.
“Well, it is invisible.” He laughed. “And I leant it to Peter for a while. I think the Slytherins are giving him a hard time.”
“When aren’t they?” She sighed, pulling the cloak over her face. “Thank you, Jamie.”
“Of course.” He shrugged bashfully. “Always.”
——
“It’s not funny! Ara’s missing.” Sirius ran a hand through his hair, gnawing at his upper lip.
Their celebration had wound down an hour before, with the Ravenclaws wandering back to their dorms and the Gryffindors all scurrying up to bed.
That is, save for a pair of the fifth years. An unlikely pair, considering the start of their knowing each other.
“Don’t you have a bond or something?” Lily drawled, rolling her eyes as she vanished empty liquor bottles.
“I can’t see her.” He shook his head - piling records in their box. “She keeps… since this summer, it isn’t working right. She keeps fogging it up and I cant see anything.”
“You can’t see her?” Lily exclaimed, suddenly stressed at this notion.
“She’s missing.”
As if on cue, invisible fabric slipped from beside Sirius - revealing his twin sister in all her indigo and grey glory.
“Who’s missing?” She asked innocently.
“Fuck!” Sirius exclaimed, placing a hand over his heart as he caught his breath. “Hermie!”
“I’m not missing. I’m right here.”
“Where were you?” He scrutinised.
“About.” Ara shrugged, dismissively. The two twins, so very caught in their verbal sparring, failed to notice the amused look Lily shot their way - in spite of their feuding.
“Just ‘about’?”
“I went for a smoke! Is that a crime?”
“Why are you being so shifty?” Sirius frowned. What happened with Tucker?
Oh, bugger off, Ara glared.
Just admit it! He rolled his eyes, arms crossed over his chest as her eyes twitched.
Admit what?
Come off it! I can feel your heartbreak.
I’m fine. She grit out, eyes narrowing. Why is everyone trying to make this into a bigger deal than it is?
Maybe because you cried for hours after you broke up with him. Maybe because just snogged Alice and it’s only been a week!
Well maybe you should stop being so ruddy invested in my love life. I leave yours alone.
Cause I don’t have a love life! Sirius let out a little laugh, so utterly derisive and insulted.
I don’t think your conquests would appreciate that.
At least I don’t shag your friends, he bit back, eyes narrowed as he shoved his memories of hers and Remus’s brief fling into her mind.
Are you kidding me? You’ve snogged most girls in my year! You even snogged my roommate.
You’ve snogged her too!
I’ll kill you.
The pressure in the bond built and built with each screamed insult that followed her declaration. Leeching into the cracks of her mind; hardly felt past the worsening migraine Ara had been suffering for months. Just another source of slight torment in her mind.
To Lily Evans, all she saw was the twins locking eyes, glaring each other down as magic crackled around them. Gulping with dread as the pressure doubled.
In their sizzling fury, both twins missed the line of blood streaming from Ara’s nose - dark and heavy.
“Fuck you!” Ara screamed aloud, wincing at the ringing in her ears.
“Oh my God.” Lily blurted, their attention snapping to the ginger as she moved in horror towards Ara - fumbling up her sleeve for a loose tissue.
“What?” Ara snapped.
“Your nose!” Lily gasped, pausing before her cautiously.
With her index finger, Ara wiped the skin below her nose - staring in shock at the red coating her finger.
Looking to her twin, effortlessly she slipped into his eyes, spying herself through them. Indeed, her nose was bloody. Nodding, Ara let Lily move to help still the flow, Sirius rushing over and yelping apologies as he pulled his sister into his arms.
“I’ll let it alone, Hermie. Please just, please be alright.” He whispered, again and again, as he rocked her side-to-side.
And in the later hours of night, Lily Evans watched on fretfully, as the Black twins almost glowed gold against the dim candlelight.