Ballroom Blitz
I’m reaching out for something
Touching nothing’s all I do
Oh, I softly call you over
When you appear, there’s nothing left of you
11th May 1975
The next few weeks continued on with little issue. It seemed that once Ara was healed, the siblings had collectively decided that no one could ask questions. They had become a vault. Secrets trapped and steely eyes at any attempt at probing.
So they let it alone.
At least things were looking up for the Marauders. Pete’s art had been commissioned by the Gryffindor Quidditch team for some signs and banners, and James had stolen himself a snitch.
Well, more accurately, Marlene had lost the snitch to a bet that neither party would disclose details of.
A few days prior, the Marauders finally begun their plans for animagus transformation. They’d read the books inside and out, and Remus had finally conceded that it likely wouldn’t kill them.
That had been their biggest hurdle, after all.
With the help of Pandora, he’d snuck enough Mandrake leaves to give them a few tries each - with plans to stick the leaves in their mouths with sticking charms, right before heading back for summer. The girl had put a finger to her lips when Pete had queried why she hadn’t asked questions. Which was… well, par for the course with her, really.
That Sunday, the Marauders rested in the boys dormitory. Easy sunlight streaming through half-open curtains; lazy lyrics dancing through the empty air like dust. Chatter of prank ideas and wrappers discarded from their Honeydukes stash.
James tossed the snitch in his hand as they discussed plans, watching Ara as she played along. His lips tugged upwards, relief paramount that she was there.
It wasn’t the same without her.
“I just think that it’s a cruel spell.” Ara spoke primly, chin raised as she shook her head at her brother. The pair were stood by the record player - albums scattered on Sirius’s desk as they tried to organise the pile.
“But it would be hilarious! We could get him back how he got you.” Sirius retorted, spinning a Bowie record in his hands.
“Don’t you dare.” She hissed, shooting a glare his way that would have stopped anyone else. “No one needs to have their teeth past their chin! It’s vile.”
“Why can’t you ever just go along with things anymore?” Sirius grumbled, and then froze, knowing it was absolutely not the thing to say in the situation. He looked up to his sister and nearly flinched. They’d been overdue another anger outburst - since everything with Remus, really - so it was about time. It didn’t make it less scary though.
When Ara was angry, she held a stare like Bella’s. He figured she learned it from her. And it was bloody terrifying.
“Oh?” She asked, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. “My bad for having my own life.” She hissed, crossing her arms as she tried to contain her anger. The other three boys in the room subconsciously cowered backwards, knowing not to get involved.
“You know that’s not what I meant-” he tried to start but she grabbed her wand and silenced him so quickly that he barely had time to process it.
“No. It is. I’m sorry that I’ve started hanging out with the girls more, that I’m doing my own things. But, to be fair Sirius… you leave me behind all the time.”
Bullshit! He exclaimed in their mind and he saw her flinch at his presence.
“You do!” She growled, moving towards him to poke his chest with each point she proceeded to make. “You pranked Hufflepuff without me. You went to Honeydukes through that passage Petey found, without me. Both times, I was in the room when you made the plans!”
I figured you’d follow us! He yelled back.
“Why?” She asked, causing him to frown. “You didn’t listen to any of my ideas or points, and you literally said it was a boy’s trip for the Honeydukes one.”
You’re one of us! You’re a Marauder!
“But I’m not a boy!” She yelled at her twin, eyes wide with fury. “Have you ever thought that maybe I want girlfriends? That maybe I want to be able to do girly things like braid hair or paint nails or whatever the fuck we do? When I reopened the bond, it wasn’t so we could pretend to be the same person again!”
And then it clicked. She wasn’t just refusing to do pranks for nothing, or spending time away from him for nothing. It wasn’t even about spending time together or having female friends or resentment over being trapped at Grimmauld over Easter break.
I’m sorry about Remus.
And he really meant it. He was sorry that his own actions had caused her secrets to be spilled, had meant that the one little good thing she had was over. Especially when it was over feeling of his own that he could not fully digest. A jealousy he didn’t understand.
But it didn’t stop her freezing, flashing her eyes with alarm that he’d called her out so perfectly. And, because she was already so angry that her hair was sparking and the air around her was tense and heavy - it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that he was sorry. It didn’t matter that in their mind he was promising her that he would invite her to things, to stop being such a grump when she didn’t spend time with him, to be better. Not right now.
“Fuck off!” She screamed at Sirius, spinning on her heels and storming out - slamming the door so hard the entire room shook. Her twin winced at the display, before turning back to the others in the dorm.
“Sorry about that.” He muttered, offering a half-smile. It was never pleasant when the twins were fighting - even if more than one of the other boys thought there was something perfect in Ara’s eyes as they crackled with anger - like grey flames flickering with intensity.
“Well, what did you expect from Angry Ara?” Peter teased, trying to deflect the awkwardness left behind in Ara’s wake. James watched Sirius tense at the nickname, saw him glance at Peter with disgust for a moment so brief that James half thought he imagined it. “Have you guys done the Charms essay? I’ve only got four inches done.” Peter continued, grabbing his notes to scan through them - his shaggy blond hair falling before his eyes.
The group began to discuss their homework, save for Sirius. He was looking at the wall with pained eyes, planning out something in his mind. Best leave him to it, James thought, joining in the homework planning.
“You know, Walburga didn’t lay a hand on me until I was five.” Sirius suddenly announced to the group. Their heads flicked towards him, startled.
“What?” James asked in confusion at this change of topic. What the hell did that have to do with Charms?
“I was her little Heir. Back when she still thought I was the future of House Black, I was untouchable. Ara though, not so much.” He spoke the last sentence softly, prompting the Marauders to understand that this next bit wouldn’t be so great. “I think Walburga thought that having twins was a shame to our House. After all, there hadn’t been any before us. And then we weren’t both Heirs. And she was firstborn.
“Anyways, it hardly mattered for me back then. But Ara, the girl that Walburga hadn’t wanted, wasn’t safe. I don’t know how bad it was back then - Ara wouldn’t ever let me know, even if she remembered properly - but I can fill in the gaps.” There was a dark look in his eyes, a haunted expression that none of the others could even comprehend. “She kept the two of us apart, I suppose hoping that we’d grow out of the bond as we aged. And I didn’t know what was happening.
“Not… not until the 13th of November right after our fifth birthday. I’m sure you all wonder why Ara and I vanish for those 24 hours and return the next day without any explanation. Well, I suppose I ought to tell you why.”
He looked to the three boys with an uncomfortable smile. They didn’t dare say anything at all.
“Orion took me to a meeting with Lord Nott. I didn’t understand what it was about so as we were heading to Floo home afterwards, I asked. Turns out, it was a meeting to discuss betrothing my sister to the grown man. I wanted to scream, to tell my father that this was insanity, but before I could do any of that, I felt it. I felt our bond splintering, I felt my sister’s pain and heard her screaming. You see, Walburga had gotten fed up with the fact that Ara hadn’t done any magic yet. So when we left for the meeting, she decided it was her best bet to see if she could spark something.
“She used the Cruciatus Curse.”
The entire group winced at that. It was the most awful thing they could think of. To use an Unforgivable, and on your own child. James wanted to throw up and then kill Walburga - he’d suspected it for years, but to be told bluntly… he could only imagine how Sirius felt. Remus was growling lightly on his bed, hands clenched into fists. Peter had gone so pale that James worried he might keel over.
“She did it for two hours.” Sirius grimaced. “And Ara held on that whole time, refusing to let me see her pain until she was too broken to hold on.
“Before it all, Ara was… gentle. She didn’t talk out loud, but sometimes whispered to me through our bond. As kids, I shoved every thought, every memory, into her mind through the bond. I was completely open. And she never was. I got snippets, more feelings than anything else. Little things she’d thought I’d like, funny events.” He swallowed harshly, trying to find the words. They came out raw and bloody. “She didn’t do accidental magic, so I figured maybe it was harder for her. That just because I found the bond easy to navigate, didn’t mean she had to.
“After… Orion told me when we were seven that Ara had been born with a natural Occulems barrier. That she had been able to suppress the bond and only show me happy things. And it kept her from releasing accidental magic. She spent three years being tortured daily by our mother, just to see if she had magic, and still let me believe Walburga was good. She let me have a happy childhood with a mother that loved me. And when Walburga crucioed Ara for two hours, her barriers completely shattered. That was why I felt it in the end, why she is the way she is now. Our mother broke her.” He spat.
The other three boys were silent, not daring to speak under the weight of Sirius’s words. This was Ara. The Ara that helped them plan pranks and secretly loved her Muggle novels so much she’d forget to eat.
The Ara that discovered Remus was a werewolf and brought him chocolate in the hospital ward, sitting with him and chatting as if he hadn’t turned into a monster the night before and promising love and acceptance. The Ara that he had gotten closer to over the summer, the Ara he would always regret letting go and would wait a lifetime for.
The Ara that made sure Peter always had brightly coloured muggle paper to make his little origami creations, that told him he wasn’t wasting time with muggle things and put his little creations around the castle like a treasure hunt. The Ara that told him he was always wanted, and that he was worth more than he knew. The only person he had told his secret to.
The Ara that always made James a fresh cup of tea, right before he woke up, because she knew he thought that stasis charms changed the taste. Kept him humble when he got a little too big-headed and uplifted him when he could hardly stomach getting out of bed. The Ara that scrunched her nose when she was frustrated with an assignment and dipped her chips in her gravy.
In other words, the girl that he was head over heels for.
“She wasn’t always angry.” Sirius continued after a beat. “Even after that, even as she changed into a different person to adapt to the cracks in her mind, she stayed peaceful. As long as it was just her, she was fine with it. But then, just her wasn’t enough. Walburga wanted a matching set. And that made Ara angry.” Sirius winced at the memories, of watching his kind sister grow disillusioned and disappointed until it consumed her. “Sometimes I wonder if it’s my fault that she never stood a chance. If I’d just been born first or noticed or something. And so, ever since, I’ve vowed to protect her against anything and everything. If she was going to be angry and empty, I was going to be there to fill her back up and stop her hurting herself. And I’ve done a piss poor job!” He laughed bitterly.
“Sirius-” Remus tried to reassure him, but the boy held his hand up to show he wasn’t done.
“Come off it, mate. I have. And I know that I’ll probably keep doing a shit job until I die. But she doesn’t care.” He laughed out that line bitterly. “She’ll hide her misery and secrets until it chokes her; she’s done it before and I know she’ll do it again.”
He turned to glare at Peter for his final remarks.
“So that’s it, Peter. That’s the story of ‘Angry Ara’, as you put it.” He growled. “Cursed by our family, too stubborn to ask for help and too broken to feel anything but sad and angry. Wouldn’t you be angry too?”
“Fuck, mate.” Pete breathed, looking at Sirius with intense eyes, hoping the boy understood how sorry he was. She was his best friend. And he’d not known.
“Sirius.” Remus lightly warned, prompting the boy to close his eyes briefly and massage his temples.
“I’m sorry, Pete. It’s just… this outburst was a little overdue and I made it so much worse.”
“Where is she now?”
“Forbidden Forest. She’s having a smoke with Crouch and hexing some trees.” He moved a hand in a dismissive manor and the other boys exchanged a look. Sirius took note clearly, because he soon elaborated. “She used to do it with Bella when we were kids. I swear, the woods near the French estate used to be massive and full of shit. Now there’s this massive gap right in the middle.” He shrugged. “Don’t worry, never hurt anything except a bird. And that… it’s a whole other story.”
“You never talk about it. How you grew up.”
“What’s there to say? We were close with our cousins until we weren’t. We lived with our parents until we didn’t.”
“Sirius.” Remus prompted softly, casting a look that was both reassuring and a little intimidating. “We’ve waited four years. And we’ve never asked for more information, but let’s face it: we all know what your family is like, we just don’t know specifics.”
“Fine.” Sirius groaned, shoving his face in his hands for a moment before running them through his hair as he looked over his friends nervously. “If Remus pets my hair, I’ll tell you about the bloody bird.”
And he did. They watched on as the blond boy carded through the curls, and listened intently as he described what summers were like in his childhood. The awkwardness around their parents, the isolation of being away from society in a completely different country - learning to speak the language socially through playing with muggle children, their lessons in the subject filled with poetic prose. He told them about the summer that they found Andy’s letters, about the time they pranked Cissa by putting tadpoles in her shoes. The day that Cissa had insulted Ara so severely that her magic had lashed out, flames scarring across her face as she’d nearly burned half the house down. And finally, he told them about the bird. How he’d seen it through the bond and rushed to help out. How Bella had transfigured a little bowl to put food in for it. How they mended it’s wing and loved it so much.
The boys barely breathed at the tale, until they all inhaled sharply as the story reached its close.
“After Cissa called her parents, they dragged us out. Wally beat Ara and me something awful, and made us go to the dining room. We thought we were meant to apologise or something, or be sent back home alone. Instead, we get in there and Bella’s stood in front of the table with her wand pointed at the bloody bird.” He sighed softly, closing his eyes for a moment to check on Ara. She was still in her flurry of anger - too caught in her own spirals to notice this moment. He’d tell her after. She’d forgive him for it, he knew.
She’d forgiven his confession of her dreams, anyways.
He sent her reassurances and happy memories through the bond. Enough to feel her calm slightly and hear her voice softly in their mind.
Thank you for apologising.
Knowing she was content and distracted as she considered making her way back to the castle, contemplating stopping at Hagrid’s on the way, he continued the tale. None of the boys commented on his momentary freeze. Remus did nothing but still for a moment as Sirius opened his eyes anew and sat upright.
“Turns out her punishment for caring for a non-magical animal was to kill it. Wally brought us in so we could watch. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that look Bella had. It… was this manic glee, this craved bloodlust… it was the most terrifying she’s ever looked.”
It was hardly a surprise to the boys that Sirius’s cousin had done such a thing, but their friends reaction twisted their stomachs. He rarely looked so defeated and overwhelmed.
“Ara broke down and ripped the door off its hinges. I think I threw up. We ended up leaving that night, and we never went back to the Estate. And Bella… well, we all know where she ended up. Right in their Dark Lord’s pocket.” He spat. “Ara thinks she’s saveable but, I don’t know. I just don’t want my twin to end up like the cousin she admires so very much.” His voice broke, hand reaching to wipe at his glossy eyes.
The weight of those words left them silent for a while.
Because the story of Bellatrix Lestrange was far from pleasant. Since the article by Skeeter, the witch hadn’t been seen in public at all. She hadn’t replied to Ara’s letters, hadn’t done anything at all to suggest the article was fiction.
Even when Ara had been trapped in Grimmauld for Easter, the witch hadn’t come.
Bella hadn’t come for her.
“Marauder’s oath! If any of us hear anyone commenting on Ara negatively, we’ll hex first and ask questions later.” James declared, a hardness to his eyes.
“Deal.” Remus and Peter nodded, looking to Sirius with a seriousness so rare in the latter.
“Thanks.” Sirius offered a smile more akin to a grimace. “I just wish I could keep a better eye on her.” He lamented.
“Can’t you use the bond?” Peter asked, gesturing with his hands around his head.
“It doesn’t work like that.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “When she’s being sneaky, she knows how to hide where she is. Sometimes she even makes me think she’s at the complete opposite end of the castle.” He grumbled. “I think spending so much time apart over summer did something to it. Or maybe she’s figured out loopholes that I haven’t yet.”
“It would be useful to have a map to show where people are.” Remus mused, thoughtfully. “So we can avoid teachers when we’re out past curfew.”
“How’d we even pull that off?” James pondered. “We’d need to map the entire school first.”
“I’ve got years of maps in a trunk under my bed.” Peter gasped, excitedly rushing to hunt underneath his bunk. After a moment, he pulled a small black chest out - flipping it open with ease. “Back in first year, I tried to map the routes to each class so I wouldn’t get lost. And whenever we find a new passageway or secret hideaway, I mark it down.” He spoke proudly, pulling pages out of the chest.
“These are incredible.” Remus complimented as Petey passed the papers round.
“Sounds like we’ve got our afternoon plans sorted, then.” James smiled awkwardly at his best mates.
“Sounds like a plan, indeed.” Sirius nodded; this little hopeful glint to the storm in his eyes.
And Godric did they hope it would work.
——
The Forbidden Forest had a rather silly name, really.
Realistically, what teenager wouldn’t want to investigate something with a big fat warning? Roger Davies had nearly lost an eye to the Whomping Willow; following that stupid game of trying to reach the base of the bastardly tree. Half the girls in their year had scabbed faces from trying to brew their own acne potion (despite warnings not to). Half the boys had awfully styled hair with whatever sticking charms they’d tried that morning.
“Everyone’s an idiot.” Ara announced as she exhaled smoke - cigarette caught between her fingers.
She and Barty were sat on tree stumps in a clearing of the forest; one the pair had made in the past twenty minutes. Spell after spell, hex after curse until the birds stopped chirping and a hole emerged in the tops of the trees.
It was enough to see the sky.
“What did your brother do this time?” Barty laughed, running a hand through damp hair. His tie was pulled loose, skirt askew and skin glistening as he regarded her with friendly amusement. Ara imagined she looked much the same, save for likely messier hair. Even with straightening potions and Muggle means, it still frizzed the second it got humid or she got sweaty.
“The usual.” She huffed, taking a drag and offering the cigarette his way. The boy accepted it with a nervous smile; his first attempt more of a choke than an inhale. The second went a little smoother - the pinch to his brow softening as he exhaled. “I was pissed off and he knew exactly why and yet he still bloody does it. He still does everything we talk about.”
“Like what?” Barty asked, passing the smoke back her way.
“Years ago, I told him that I wanted to figure out who I was. Why I dream the way I do, who I could have been if I was given the chance. And he kept saying that who I am now is fine.” Ara looked to Barty with heavy eyes - the grey dimmed by the sorrow beneath. Her arms had curled around her sides, cigarette limp in her grasp, momentarily. “I don’t like who I am now. What if… what if I could have been exceptional? Lily moans that I won’t study, but it’s hard to say that if I sit still for too long it makes my nerves ache. Or that my mind clouds if I think too hard for too long and I end up in bed silent for a day. I’m brittle and abrasive but I could have been steadfast and confident. I could have been better.”
“So could we all.” Barty shrugged. “And so what? I get what he’s on about. What’s the point in trying to find answers when they're already lost?”
“Because I think I was someone else, Barty.” Ara snapped, eyes wide as she caught her words.
“What do you mean?”
“I had… Merlin, I don’t know!” She laughed hollowly. “There’s just signs. Little breadcrumbs that I can’t piece together, but I can feel them beneath my feet with every step.” She took a puff of her cigarette, passing it back his way. “And I think I was someone else before what Wally did. I think, before she broke me, I wasn’t Ara Black.
“Who were you?” Barty asked, no hint of derision or disbelief. Only utter acceptance.
“Hermione.” Ara breathed, nodding to herself as the word flowed without thought. “But even Sirius doesn’t call me that anymore.”
“Alright then, Mione.” Barty laughed, passing back the cigarette with a wink. “Pretty name for a pretty lady.”
“I bet you tell all the girls that.”
“Only the ones with pretty names and faces.” They shared a laugh.
“It isn’t working out so far.” She pointed out, tensing at Barty’s sudden scowl.
“Only because I’m useless. Father keeps saying I need to try harder, that I should start looking to the future. That I should pick out a bride.” He scoffed. “What witch would be mad enough to marry me?”
“I’d marry you.” Ara shrugged, offering the cigarette his way.
“Really?” He raised a brow. “I know people call you the Mad Heiress, but I never knew you were actually deluded.”
“Oh, bite me.” She stuck her tongue out. “You’re funny. You can hold your own against me, which is impressive, I’ll admit. Face it, you’re a catch. Plus, you’re loads better than Flint.” She shook the gold snake his direction, not blind to his blanche at the reminder.
“Oddly, that doesn’t feel as encouraging as you intended.” Barty pursed his lips. “Might be the reference to the madman they’ve got you bound to. Best not to end with that next time.” He passed the cigarette back to her.
“Noted.” She pursed her lips, the edged tilted downwards. “I feel so silly, half the time, thinking that the Potters might help me get out of it.”
“Probably because they’re the Potters.” Barty laughed. “Face it, for all their Lightness and well-wishes, they don’t really get anything done.”
“James got on the Gryff team.” She pointed out, taking a drag before dropping the end to snuff with her boot.
“I don’t think Quidditch can count as an accomplishment.”
“Nor did I, ’til every other bugger I knew joined a team.” Ara huffed, pulling out her pack to offer another cigarette to Barty. He accepted it with a grim smile, lighting it with the tip of his wand.
“What happens if they can’t help you?” He asked morbidly as he lit her own cigarette - watching for a moment as she chuffed smoke from her lips. “Even the Aurors couldn’t do anything against your mother.”
“That is the foremost question.” She sighed. “I’ve looked into the laws myself, and into as much of the contract as I was allowed to read when I had to sign it. But… without knowing who bound it, I can’t ask them to rescind their approval.”
“Shouldn’t it be your father, or something?”
“Please.” She snorted. “He’s been a ghost in the halls of Grimmauld since Reg left for Hogwarts. And Wally couldn’t do it, since women aren’t allowed.” She rolled her eyes, taking a drag as she tried not to stew over the ridiculousness of Wizarding customs. “Except Charlus won’t tell me who it is, and I know he’s seen the whole contract. He must have.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“So far, I have a rather shaky plan.” She laughed hollowly. “A betrothal contract only lasts until the death of either party.”
“You plan to kill him?”
“How in Merlin’s name would I manage that?” She shook her head, eyes caught on the scarred trees surrounding them. “I can’t act against him with this on my wrist. I’ve studied the magic behind it enough, I know what this shackle means. But if I… if I die, I don’t belong to anyone. Not Flint, not my family, not even my twin.”
“How would you do it?” Barty asked, a little cautious but understanding. He couldn’t very well shame her decision when he knew he’d do the same.
“Fire.” She shrugged, awkwardly pulling a hand through her tangled hair. It pulled her hair from her forehead - the lines of her scars visible against the glisten of sweat and sun. He’d almost forgotten about them. The pink and mottled skin that splashed across her nose and up to her brow; staining half her forehead. “I’ve always known that I’ll be the first of my siblings to go. I was the first of us to be born, it’s only fair.”
“None of it is fair.”
“I know. But there’s no point crying over it. If I was put here, only for a couple decades, I don’t mind it. My brothers and my Wildflowers will carry my legacy. They’ll scatter the seeds.”
“I will too.” Barty smiled and she couldn't help but smile back. “I’ll tell them all about my brilliant, mad cousin.”
“Cheers, Barty.”
“Always.”
“Yeah.” She smiled, lips caught as though there were something sour behind those words. Some hidden meaning he did not understand. “Always and forever.”