The Altar of the Phoenix

Love your mama, love your brother

Love 'em 'til they run for cover

Turn the light off, keep your skirt on

Cry a jag on me

Oh Micheal, oh Jesus

You know I'm not to blame

You know my reputation

For playing a good clean game

17th September 1972

A chill had bloomed around the ground of Hogwarts. It lingered around the skin, biting down to the bone. It seemed autumn had arrived with the bite of winter; trees bare of leaves and grass crisp below the foot. 

And that night, it had seeped into the Gryffindor tower - wrapping Ara Black in it’s cold embrace as she wept in her bed. 

She had woken from another nightmare; one so violent that it had ripped through the silencing charms she cast around her bed. It clung to her mind, clouding her thoughts with fear and paranoia. 

Orbs of blinding light shattering around her as she ran - hexes and curses whizzing past as she fought to escape a horrible fate. The words “Constant vigilance!” repeating in her mind - her twin unable to soothe her entirely over the bond; begging her to come to his dorms. 

Blinking away sleep, Ara Black wrapped her arms around her knees; sobbing as silently as she could. 

“Ara?” A whisper sounded outside her curtains. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah.” She muttered, cautiously regarding the curtains as they slowly pulled open - ginger hair the first sight she saw. It framed the worried face of Lily Evans, her bottom lip caught in her teeth as she worried it. Without warning, the girl crawled into the bed beside her, arms wrapping around her in comfort. 

And without wanting to, Ara couldn’t help but melt into them - cries escaping her at the feeling of unfamiliar comfort. Tender touches, soothing whispers. The relief of her twin that she was not alone. 

It was simply too much for her to bare. 

“I’m sorry for waking you up.” She whispered in the silence once her tears subsided, eyes eyes flashing with guilt towards green. She knew that green from somewhere else, she could swear. That exact shade; like raw emeralds glistening in spring light. 

“Hey, none of that.” Lily chided her tenderly, running a hand along her spine. “I wish you would have told me.” 

“It’s humiliating.”

“It might be to you, but it certainly isn’t to me. You’re my friend, and I want to help.” Under the kind eyes of Lily Evans, how could she not be honest? 

“I get nightmares.” She admitted. “Dreams of awful, awful things.” The other girl stiffened only temporarily, quickly resuming her soothing pats. Ara’s breath hitched as a flash of memory crossed her mind. 

“Can I… can I ask what you saw tonight?” Lily whispered. “Mum says it helps to talk about it.” 

Get Lily to bring you downstairs. Please, Hermie. Sirius begged over their bond, flashing her his sight of the girl’s staircase; impenetrable to the second-year boy. 

I’m okay, she soothed, inhaling slowly, get some more sleep, Siri. Enjoy the weekend. 

He poked the space between them, stepping in slightly to scope her part of their mind, double checking her words. Finding them satisfactory, he made his way back up the steps to his dorm. 

I’ll meet you for breakfast, I promise. 

“It was this hall of glass.” She spoke aloud after a moment - feeling Lily straighten in surprise to her reply. “We were running, but they were chasing us. I thought…” her breath caught, quickening as she tried miserably to fight the paralysing fear. “I could feel the fear that I would die. I was so certain I wouldn’t escape.” 

“You’re not there.” She spoke firmly, her comfort a little more solid as she tried to prove Ara’s presence. “You’re here in the dorms, and I’m here with you.” 

Exhaling a shuddering breath, Ara reached for Lily’s hand on her shoulder - gripping it in gratitude. 

“How did I wake you?” She muttered. “I put up a silencing charm.”

“Apparently it wasn’t enough to block out your scream.” With panic, her eyes met Lily’s. “Don’t worry,” she soothed, “no one else woke up. Besides, I wasn’t sleeping well anyways.” 

“I’m so sorry.” She bit out, tears lining her eyes anew as she fought to keep her cool. 

“You don’t need to be. So stop apologising.” She ran her hand along her spine again; swirling touches that melted Ara’s embarrassment. “You’re my friend. I want to help.”

“I usually go to the boys dorm when I have them.” She admitted. “Sirius helps.”

“Do you want to head over there now?”

She shook her head furiously. 

“I sent him back up to bed. I already… I don’t want to keep him up when I already woke him in the first place.”

“Does he always wake up when you do?”

“He sees the dreams with me. But they aren’t his, they’re mine.” She asserted, knowing it was right. “It’s just a downside of our bond, that he gets sucked into my nightmares.” 

“Or, maybe it’s a positive. Maybe it’s the bond trying to keep you from being alone.”

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “I just… I wish he didn’t have to deal with it too. I’ve tried so hard to keep him safe. And every time I do, it’s only temporary. There’s always a curse waiting in the wings with his name across it.”

“Jesus, love.” Lily shuddered. “That’s too dark for a Sunday morning.” 

“I’ll try to cheer it up.” Ara grimaced, a suddenly ridiculous though in her mind. “Why did the Goblin cross the road?” She joked weakly. 

“I don’t know?” Lily questioned, exhaling a surprised giggle.

“He wouldn’t. Goblin’s never go back on deals.” 

They shared an absurd laugh, settling together against the pillows. 

“That was quite good.” Lily shuffled slightly - settling her head down properly. “Where’d you hear that one?”

“I’ve got this weird uncle, named Alphard. He’s always telling us the stupidest of jokes.” Ara breathed a laugh, curling against Lily’s side and shutting her eyes. “Petey calls them Christmas Cracker jokes.” She yawed, snuggling deeper. 

“I love a Christmas Cracker.” Lily smiled down at her friend, before closing her own eyes and letting herself sink into the mattress. 

“Thank you, Lils.”

“Anytime.” 

——

23rd September 1972

The boys had detailed out their plan; down to every possible contingency. 

Sirius shooed his twin away - Ara rolling her eyes as she bid the boys a very drawn out goodbye. Upon Sirius’s fifth loud goodbye, she finally drifted from the door, jumping down the stairs as she made her way through the nearly empty Common Room. 

Unfortunately, Ara was cornered by Headless Nick - the ghost of Gryffindor tower - after asking if he was alright.  

“And it’s frankly exhausting, my dear girl, it drives me barmy.” He uttered, for the fifteenth time - gesticulating wildly. 

“I understand, sir.” Ara nodded in reply, her serious expression betrayed by the faint twitching of her lips as she tried not to laugh. For the first five minutes, this had been terribly inconveniencing, but by the fifteen minute mark; it was all she could do not to burst into incredulous laughter. 

“As if I don’t need reminding that they didn’t do the job right.” He scoffed to himself. “Nearly headless!” I’m headless enough!” He cried bitterly, while Ara did her best to look sympathetic.

“Perhaps you could find some friends in similar predicaments? I’m sure there are some ghosts around here that need a little company, and would be polite if you approached them.”

“Ah!” He exclaimed, spinning to face her. “But therein lies the issue. I have met every ghost in this castle and I am still lonely. I even tried to chat to our Grey lady, but she was too moody.”

“Grey Lady?” 

“A ghost of Ravenclaw Tower. Dreadfully moody girl. Only ever speaks to her students.”

“Maybe she’s lonely too?”

He seemed in thought for a moment, before scoffing lightly. 

“The Grey Lady wouldn’t bother her time with my company. She thinks me brash and foolish.”

“But what do you think of her?” She pressed.

“She was once a delight. A rare wit and a rarer heart. I will never forgive the Baron for his sins against her, I will tell you that.”

“Then perhaps you could let her know that you care about her? Friendships aren’t instant. But if she’s as lonely as you, maybe some company would be appreciated.”

He seemed to ponder her words intently. Accepting the council of a twelve year old with far more ease than the living could. 

“My dear girl, you are wise beyond your time.” He smiled at her, tipping his head goodbye as he drifted away. She hoped it was to visit the Grey Lady. She really did. 

With that, she finally made her way from the tower; shouldering her bag. 

——

“Where’d Ara go off to?” Remus questioned to the empty doorway, as thunks sounded from the stairs from Ara’s descent. 

“She’s planning to find Reg,” Sirius explained; the group murmuring with understanding. Regulus’s second day was surprisingly different to his siblings’. They had started breakfast with a Howler. Regulus had instead received a simple letter. Though, the content was much the same. Several references to ‘mudbloods’ and ‘staining our Great and Noble House’. He was told to keep his head down until Christmas; warned that all three would be expected back for the holiday. James had already written Dorea to see if they could get the siblings round for the New Year, but it seemed doubtful. 

The boys expected Sirius to continue speaking - however the nearly-black haired boy froze in place for a full minute; seemingly following Ara on her journey. It was only after James coughed loudly, that the boy blinked back to the room with mirthful eyes, barking a laugh as he explained himself. “She was going to see Reg but Old Nick’s got her stuck in the Common Room while he waffles about the Headless Hunt.” 

The boys shared a chuckle at that; knowing that it was a right of passage for any Gryffindor to get caught by Nick when in a hurry. Ara had escaped by pure luck up until now. 

Last year, he’d caught Remus right as he was leaving to go to the Hospital Wing on a full moon - a desperate glance to Lily being his salvation as the kind ginger took his place so he could ‘rest up’. 

Speaking of, the boy winced as he pulled himself from his bed; bones creaking with each movement. His pre-moon symptoms had been increasing with age. His growing pains felt like needles in his shins as he hobbled towards the door. Madame Pomphrey suspected it was to do with puberty. He thought it was bullshit. 

“Where are you off to?” James asked him nonchalantly. It didn’t prevent Remus from freezing in place, as though caught in a heinous act. With a gulp, he spun around to face his dorm mates; plastering an awkward smile on his face.

“I’ve got another rotten headache.” Remus informed the group, the pained wince on his face very real. Truth be told, it was much easier to simply mask his symptoms as common Muggle disorders, than coming up with different lies to tell. “Gonna see Pomphrey for some pain potion.”

“See you tomorrow.” James waved back, a perfectly innocent look in his eyes. Sirius too held that look. Were it not for Peter being unable to look him in the eye, he would have had no reason to think anything wrong. 

And were it not for the actual migraine he had because of the approaching full moon, he might have pressed them. 

“Alright then.” Remus made to exit again, pausing in horror as James’s words caught up with him. He spun to face his friends - eyes wide with panic. “What do you mean, ‘tomorrow’?” 

“You can drop the routine, Reems.” Sirius sighed, shooting Peter a savage look before returning his eyes to Remus. They softened. “We know.”

“Know what?” He narrowed his eyes.

“Once a month, you or a family member gets sick. And we’re in Astronomy. Wasn’t hard to piece together, once we knew what we were looking for.” James piped in, kindness in his hazel eyes. 

“Whatever theories you guys have made up can-” Remus laughed, trialing off as he looked at his friends with deep panic. 

“We know, Remus.” Sirius emphasised the word, stressing as much meaning as he could muster. “And we don’t care. We just want you to be honest with us.”

A blinding panic griped the boy, bringing him to his knees as he tried to heave in breaths. Fear of failing the one task he’d been given in Hogwarts; to stay hidden. 

“You can’t…” he gasped out, wrapping his arms around his knees, looking up at the boys through watery eyes. 

It was a heart wrenching moment; one the others truly had no way of knowing how to handle. But there was one boy who could try. Who understood the most. 

“It’s alright.” Sirius moved to kneel before his friend, placing a hand on his knee and ignoring the flinch. “We know you’re a werewolf, Remus. I promise, we aren’t mad or anything. We don’t care. You’re still Remus to us.” 

He simply couldn’t believe them. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust them; they had worked together on so many pranks, and never ratted each other out - even when pressed by McGonagall. These boys were his brothers. 

And his own father could scarcely look him in the eye. His Muggle mother, fearful of what he became with the moon. Everyone cared about it. It was all he knew. His father’s desperate research to ‘cure’ him - the fact that he couldn’t even go to St Mungos if he was sick, his kind banned from its walls. The opportunity to come to Hogwarts came with the condition of keeping who he was secret. And he had ruined it. 

“Please don’t tell anyone.” It was spoken softly; so quietly that they nearly didn’t hear it. 

“I would never.” Sirius swore, extending his pinky to the boy, who regarded him as though he had never seen him before. In fact, he looked at all the boys that way. As though he were rewriting his world view, crossing out several lines that he had always thought true. “You’re my friend. I swear it.”

“You swear?” Remus blinked in shock, scanning the others as they joined them on the floor. 

“I’d swear it on my magic.” James confirmed. 

“I do too, mate.” Peter nodded enthusiastically. “Us half-bloods have got to stick together, yeah?”

“Yeah?” Remus looked up at Peter through his shaggy hair, smiling faintly at the reassuring nod the boy gave him. 

“You’re one of us, mate.” James smiled. “And this is just a blip in who you are.” He shrugged lightly, knocking Remus’s shoulder fondly. “You’re one of my best mates. I don’t care if you turn into an overgrown dog once a month.”

“Thank you.” 

That night, Remus blushed under his friends well wishes - Peter’s promises to bring him some chocolate with Ara the following morning. He waved back sheepishly as they bid him good luck, Madame Pomphrey leading him down that familiar route to the Shack with her familiar mothering. 

Under the white light of the moon, as his bones cracked and shifted - his skin warping and teeth contorting - he thought he might actually be able to handle a lifetime of this. 

It was the first full moon that was bearable. 

Not less painful, not manageable - no. But it was bearable. He woke the next day without paranoia of how to explain it to his friends; guilt of making one lie to her own twin regarding his affliction. The familiar thrum of pain in his joints and muscles, but an odd ease in his stomach. They knew. And they did not resent him for it. Nor did they see him as a monster, something to run from in fear. 

He was simply Remus, to them. 

And what a lovely thought that was.