Lean On Me
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won't let show
You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
8th January 1972
As schoolchildren flocked to Platform 9 3/4, three boys stood together, watching for their missing friends. Their serious talk a week prior had left them promising to help their friends however they could. And today, that meant talking.
Well, first it meant congregating on the platform, introducing all their parents in a whirlwind of polite chatter and using that distraction to keep lookout. Pete’s mum was a complete Hufflepuff; Annie Pettigrew had apparently been a few years below Remus’s father Lyall at Hogwarts, and so the two quickly got caught up on gossiping about former classmates. Lyall’s wife Hope seemed to enjoy the discussion despite not having gone to Hogwarts, commenting occasionally on people she recognised the names of from stories or Ministry functions. The Potters smiled down at the scene, a little older than the others but still enjoying the chatter.
The twins finally arrived, some five minutes before the final whistle would pitch. This time, both their parents were with them. Their mother’s mouth was in a firm straight line, her eyes wide with a distaste for those around her. Her hair was different to Ara’s - darker and less frizzy - and tied into a fancy bun. Their father looked uncomfortable with the crowd, eyes carefully scanning the platform. He seemed less severe like their mother, and more hopeless.
James had asked his mum to also keep an eye out, even inviting his Auntie Dorea to hopefully speak to them. Though, at the sight of them he suspected that talking things out was pointless.
Both of them looked miserable. Stood stiff by their parents, wearing perfect robes and barely moving as their mother hissed something at them. The only sign that it was their friends there and not two clones, was their clasped hands between them as they stared blankly up at their parents.
“Merlin!” Remus explained quietly in James’s ear - a shock the boy understood well.
Their friends were whirlwinds of brilliant ideas and funny jokes. They were messy and loud and so completely themselves that you couldn’t help but love seeing them just existing. It was wrong that their light was so shrouded by the darkness of their family.
It was wrong that they were stood there, flinching when their mother moved to straighten their clothes and pull at Sirius’s hair. Ara’s hair had been pulled into a fancy style that she looked uncomfortable wearing, while Sirius’s had been cut short and slicked back on his head.
Their parents gave them one last talk - Ara looked on the verge of tears, Sirius looked numb - and Disapparated on the spot.
The following sight broke all their parents hearts. Seeing the twins look around the platform aimlessly, then exchange a look of utter relief as their shoulders dropped and they wrapped their arms around each other. Two children soothing each other as if they had done it their whole lives. And, their friends’ parents suspected they had.
As the twins picked up their trunks and made their way to the train, hands linked between them - the three boys were ushered along by their parents to join them. They hardly noticed the serious glances, or the impending discussion.
Instead, they exchanged a silent conversation; an agreement that today would be the day they tried to help their friends.
They found them in the carriage from the start of the year, Sirius leaning his head on Ara’s shoulder as she brushed her hands through his hair to pull away the gel. Up close, the boys took a moment to inspect their friends before they were aware of their presence.
There was no simpler way to put it, than that they looked tired. Worn down to the bone, the circles under their eyes glimmered slightly - as though a glamour was beginning to fade. Their robes seemed baggier than before Christmas; their bodies weighed down by the bulky fabric, gaunt and fragile.
“Morning!” James exclaimed as the boys entered, pretending not to notice the twins flinch at his loudness. He would have to be quieter for a bit.
“Good morning,” Ara smiled - though it didn’t quite reach her weary eyes. She pulled her hand from her brother’s hair and the two quickly linked hands as they separated slightly. It made James smile softly despite his impending dread. At least they had each other, had that stable connection of their bond and their closeness. He hoped they’d never lose it. “Were you waiting for us on the platform?” She asked cautiously.
“Nah, ended up there at the same time and our parents got to talking. The boys came over to mine so our parents were getting to know each other.” It was half-true, but seeing the brief glance the twin shared made him wish he’d kept his mouth shut. Of course they’d be dejected, hearing that the boys had all hung out without them, that their parents were becoming friends. “I tried to invite you, but I never got a reply.” He added, seeing the twins begin to fold in on themselves.
The twins offered identical weak smiles.
“Sorry mate, didn’t see it.” Sirius shrugged pathetically.
The entire thing was so uncomfortable that once the train started, the group fell into a pitiful silence.
James found himself carefully checking over the twins again. He wasn’t sure why, but there was this small nagging voice (that sounded awfully like a mixture of his aunt and mother) telling him that he’d missed something. As he scanned over the twins’s arms, he froze - eyes bulging ever so slightly with disbelief and genuine rage.
Ara had an uneasy tremor to her hands. It was subtle, one you wouldn’t notice unless you were really looking.
But if you were, you might see that tremor. And if you’d grown up with an aunt that was very bad at making conversation appropriate for a child, you’d know that tremors like hers - like there was electricity running through a person and occasionally sparking the wrong ends - were a sign of the cruciatus curse.
James locked eyes with Sirius, who stiffened and clutched Ara’s shaking hands. He had seen James looking. And worse, James was fairly certain that Sirius knew what the boys were planning to do.
“How was break?” Remus asked the twins, cautiously.
“It was pleasant.” Ara smiled wide, though it didn’t reach her eyes. “Spent time with little Reggie. He’s convinced that he’ll be a Slytherin.” She shrugged, her half-truths finished for the moment.
“Oh really?” Peter asked with his usual lovable curiosity and nose twitch. He was the safety buffer for this conversation - given that he didn’t hold a lot of the same expectations and thoughts that the other two Wizard-raised boys held. Still, James thought he’d done a brilliant job of hiding his scowl at the idea of their little brother being a Slytherin.
He knew what it meant. It meant their brother agreed with their parents.
James tuned back into the conversation as Ara dipped out, hearing Sirius ask Remus who won this Quidditch game that happened over Christmas.
“Did you not watch it?” He blurted before his brain caught up with his mouth.
Sirius turned to look at him like a fish, mouth gaping and obvious caught out. But, before the boys could press on it - Ara was prepared with a usual excuse.
“We didn’t get to this year. Spent the holiday at the Black Estate in France. It doesn’t have a wireless.” She shrugged, though the thankful look Sirius shot her was obvious to the boys. She was covering for something.
“Is that why you didn’t write?” Remus asked next, his usual soft voice holding the tiniest edge. Ara’s eyes narrowed at him as she also caught on to the boys.
“It was family time.” She gritted out, hand white as it clutched her brother’s.
“We wrote you. Did you read our letters?”
“What is this?” Sirius seethed. “An interrogation?”
“Of course not.” James promised calmly. “We just noticed that you weren’t replying and wondered what it was about.” He stared down Sirius, willing the boy to crack. He saw the flickers of panic, but unfortunately - Ara was very good at improvising.
“I’m afraid our post was delivered to our house during our absence. We only arrived back last night, so we were unable to read your letters.” She gritted out, eyes turned cold.
“Really?” Peter asked, a frown playing upon his lips. “Did you see how many I sent?”
She flinched at that, eyes flicking to look out the window as she tried to think of an excuse.
“My aunt visited the French property.” James spoke, trying to keep his cool. “She found no trace of any inhabitants.”
“And why was she there?” Ara glared at him, ignoring how Sirius’s eyes glazed in a failed attempt to calm her over the bond.
“Oh for Merlin’s sake,” James growled out, unable to keep his cool when Ara when trying so hard to cover this up. “We know.” He dripped meaning into his words, flinching back slightly when he saw the twins glance to each other with unmistakable fear and fury.
He couldn’t quite wrap his head around it, how desperate they were to keep this secret. His Auntie Dorea told him that Black’s were notoriously closed about their family secrets, but to be so angry at people trying to help them… he just didn’t get it. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand how horrific it was for them, this secret they’d kept for their whole lives, but he’d hoped they’d be more receptive to help. Instead, they were downright hostile.
“Know what?” Sirius grit out, his and tightened around Ara’s, as if holding her back from hexing him.
“That your parents… hurt you.” Peter replied for the boys, wincing at his words. All three boys looked to the twins, waiting for their reaction. Sirius’s face flickered through several emotions in quick succession: fear, anger, panic, guilt, and finally dread. Ara, meanwhile, only looked furious.
“How dare you!” Ara exclaimed angrily. Her hair crackled at the edges and her narrowed grey eyes bore into them. James thought to himself that in this moment, her eyes looked very much the colour of gravestones.
“Ara.” Sirius whispered to her softly, knowing what was to come.
“We were busy.” She crossed her arms. “Just because we didn’t write, doesn’t mean anything. Stop coming up with stupid theories. Stop it!”
With that, she jumped from her seat and stormed from the carriage. Peter moved to follow but Sirius stopped him.
“She’s going to the bathroom to calm down.” He sighed, rubbing his temples. “She’ll be back when I’ve given the clear.” Peter nodded nervously and sat back down.
There was a beat of silence, the four boys all watching each other, daring one of them to speak first. Peter looked like he wanted to throw up, worried about Ara now their worries were basically confirmed. James fiddled with his hands, not knowing how to deal with the truth now it was out. And Sirius looked like warmed death - tired from his awful holiday and stressed about what to do now. Strangely, it was Remus who broke the quiet.
“Are you going to lie to us too?” He asked Sirius, his eyes roaming the pale boy. “Because what Ara said was horseshit, and we all know it. We didn’t ask because we were snooping, we asked because we’re terrified for you guys. All of our letters were about you and Ara. We met up at James’s, not to hang out, but to talk about how to help you and Ara. But we can’t if she pretends that nothing is happening. And we definitely can’t if you do the same.”
There was another beat of silence as Sirius stared at his friend with wide and unmasked eyes. He looked terrified as he nodded.
“What I’m saying doesn’t leave this compartment, do you understand?” They nodded. “I’m saying this now, because Ara just got in a carriage with the Gryff girls and she won’t come back until she’s calmed down. She’ll know what we said, but we are not going to address it with her. I know you want to, but it’s different with her.”
“Why?” James asked, still wringing his hands.
“Because she was the first.” They all winced. “I’m not going into detail and if any of you pity us, we won’t speak to you again. I don’t need pity, my sister doesn’t need pity. So, ask your questions.” He ground out the words, body tense as though ready to flee too.
“How long?” Remus placed a hand on Sirius’s knee, understanding that the boy needed physical comfort.
“A while.” He closed his eyes, clearly talking to Ara through the bond. His brows furrowed for a moment before he opened his eyes and blinked at the boys. “Sorry, she was just telling me that she’s going to feed me to Hagrid’s pets.”
There was a nervous laugh.
“You don’t have to talk about it. Not until you’re both ready.” Remus told his friend, who visibly relaxed. James felt a pit of guilt in his stomach. He had been prepared to fight them on this, to force the truth out. Now it was… he only felt guilty for forcing their darkest secret to light.
“Wally burned our letters to Reggie. Caused a whole thing between us and Reg when we got home. Well, me and Reg. Ara managed to patch things with him… even figured out a way to exchange letters. And over Yule, she burned the letters you sent us. She made us watch the first few times.” He confessed.
“Then we’ll find a way to talk without letters.” James told him suddenly, knowing the mood in the carriage needed to change so Ara would come back. They weren’t going to come up with the battle plan of saving their friends that day, but they could at least promise to help when they were ready. Sirius blinked up at him with shock. “Honestly mate, we’re here for you. And I promise it doesn’t make me think any differently. You’re still my best mate, Ara’s still my best mate. We just want to help.”
“There’s nothing to be done.” Sirius spoke, though his voice seemed strange. As though the words weren’t his. “She even took the ruddy owl.”
“There’s always a way out. We’ll help you find it.” Peter spoke up, nodding a silent promise to Sirius, looking through his eyes out to Ara.
“Thanks.” He smiled weakly, clearly not believing them. “Just… don’t talk to Ara about it. Please.”
That startled the boys enough that they exchanged nervous glances. Their friend never said please.
“She’s been keeping the secret for the longest. And… she just, she’d rather pretend it isn’t happening.”
“How does that help?”
“We belong to one of the oldest Wizarding families in the country. And our bloodline is ridiculed for being full of insanity. Do you really think that if we tell people that our insane mother hurts us, people will do anything?”
“Yes.”
The boy laughed in his face.
“We tried. We already tried with our good uncle but he told us that he couldn’t do anything and that since I’m the bloody Black heir - even if my parents want it to be Regulus - and Ara’s got a womb. We’re never going to be free.”
The words hit them like an Avada. The hopelessness in Sirius’s eyes, the way Ara had fled rather than have this conversation.
They didn’t say anything else on the subject after that, switching to discuss Quidditch and their homework over the break.
Ara returned after ten minutes, her hair now changed into two simple braids that he suspected Alice had done, given how much hair was coming out of them. The boys half expected her to be seething, or glaring. They didn’t expect her to come back looking twitchy. They didn’t expect her to sit directly next to Sirius, pressed by the window, and look out of it bitterly.
Ara Black was known for her bursts of anger. She was known for being an explosion of emotion. Not this quiet, defeated girl that cowered in the corner - refusing to meet anyones gaze.
Luckily, she gradually started acting more normal. After a bit, she even asked Remus about what books he’d gotten for Yule. Remus did not ask her what she’d received back; he suspected it was either nothing or not pleasant. James watched the scene, suspecting that Sirius was working overtime through the bond, apologising and telling her that it had to be. By the time they reached Hogsmead, Ara had laughed twice and asked Peter if he brought back any more Muggle comics. When Peter said yes, she finally beamed. Which, James figured was a good first step.
His Burke gaze had been fixed on Ara most of the journey, though she hadn’t noticed. The shakes were still going, enough to know she wasn’t just hurt right before the journey. This was prolonged. The glamour under their eyes had faded gradually, revealing deep bags. They hadn’t been sleeping either.
He’d owl Dorea and ask for help next. They’d stay at Hogwarts for Easter, he decided, and figure out how to get them out of their house over summer.
Ara’s eyes met his - her hand outstretched towards him as she stood with a humoured smirk.
“Jamie?”
“Yeah?”
“The train stopped. Come on, let’s get to the feast.” She shook her hand and he clasped on - heaving himself to be stood. He let himself be led to join the group as they reached the carriages in the darkness - absently nodded and laughed in the right places as everyone joked around.
As they reached the castle, James already had half his letter to his aunt written in his head. So, as the carriage finally stopped, he put aside his thinking and put on his happiest face - pondering aloud about roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings. Ara was helped out by Remus; walking between her best friends towards the castle, discussing lessons and homework she was going to copy (since, well, she couldn’t exactly do it over break).
James jumped from the carriage and saw Sirius still sat inside, chewing his bottom lip, pensively. And suddenly, James felt like the world’s biggest mug. He’d been so caught in noticing Ara, that he’d forgotten about his best mate. And that was simply not okay.
“You coming, mate?” James smiled up to the boy, a silent promise of companionship and help extended with his hand. The other boy regarded it for a moment, eyes flashing to his face briefly. It only took one look to know James was genuine. After all, he was his best friend.
Sirius accepted his hand and that was that.