Lily Evans
Lily Evans POV: part one
Lily Evans was sure Hogwarts was the best event that had ever occurred in her life.
She’d always dreamed of magic. And how it made her feel. Her head was in the clouds constantly, always being told she was a space cadet, and imagining what it would be like to be magical. And it just so turned out, that’s what she was.
She remembered the moment she ran into the brick wall, expecting to wake up—as if it was just a huge dream. But she didn’t wake up, continuing to run through the wall, her parents hands on her shoulders, smiling and crying with happiness as they saw her off. Though, Petunia crossed her arms, tapping her foot on the floor, constantly rolling her eyes as she noticed the people around her.
Lily met Severus Snape before that; best friends before they even arrived at Hogwarts, and he was good to her, she supposed. Always being quite kind to her—but she noticed the feelings that swarmed her weren’t the happy ones she used to get. She felt drained after she spoke to him now, feeling as if she couldn’t be around anybody she enjoyed without his disapproval.
But Mary. Beautiful, kind, hilarious Mary. Mary Macdonald, more than anybody, was the person Lily spent the most time around when she wasn’t with Snape, along with Marlene and Remus; though, she was sure they weren’t around each other as much as Mary was. Always beside each other to each class, choosing all of the same ones so they could have everyone together.
Lily doubted Mary felt the same for her. Because it wasn’t just friendship she felt for her. Lily has been pining over, and longing for Mary, feeling as if she had been forever, as she watched boys walk past her asking her on dates, and she rejected them every time.
Mary's hair bounced, as she and Marlene tried to step on each other’s feet as a game—Lily refused to play. As much as she loved them both, she didn’t want to look that stupid.
But Mary never really did look stupid—Lily, as cheesy as it sounded, (as she kept repeating so in her head), she was, no matter what, the most beautiful person she’d ever laid eyes on. Her jawline so defined, and her lips covered in the lip gloss she used, causing them to shine in any light. Making it so much harder to ignore her in any way. She wished she had the guts to ask Mary out.
“Hey Lily,” Remus ran up to her; he was avoiding Sirius, James and Peter after what happened in October, especially Sirius, who led Severus into the Whomping Willow, where he told her he transformed. And only Remus Lupin was able to avoid people whom he shared a room with. He didn’t want to hurt anybody, Dumbledore thought that was the best option.
“Oh, hiya Remus,” she grinned. Sirius and James ran past, their laughs echoing in the halls; Peter shortly followed behind them. She saw a frown form onto Remus’ face. “It’s ok, you’ve got us,” she softly elbowed him in his arm.
He smiled, sadly, looking at her before immediately turning away from her. “I want to talk to James and Pete. But… But I don’t want to go anywhere near Sirius.”
She knew what Sirius and Remus had was more than what he and James had, or he and Peter had—they kissed, on more than one occasion, and she’d noticed how much Remus loved Sirius. Love was not to be used lightly, she knew this, but she was sure love wasn’t even able to describe them.
Of course, she questioned this as soon as Remus sobbed in the library, as she cradled his head close to her chest, telling him it will be ok eventually. But she knew in her head that it wouldn’t be—he’d continue transforming, being in an immense amount of pain once a month, and she’d have to watch. She’d watch him be in more pain, knowing Sirius Black was the one to send Severus into the Whomping Willow. But then again, she was sure only love could hurt like that.
“I don’t blame you, Remus,” she curled her lips inside her mouth, looking at him. Not with pity. Oh God, Remus Lupin hated seeing people with pity in their eyes. So she didn’t. She’d smile, pretending she didn’t want to pull Remus into a hug, and keep him there, protecting him from whatever the world wanted to throw at him. “But you could always talk to Potter, though you don’t really see one without the other, do ya?”
“No, I don’t,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “I wonder what it’s like to have a friend like James is to Sirius.”
“You don’t have to wonder,” she told him, tilting her head up to see him properly; though, he wasn’t too much taller than her. She was the same height as Sirius, constantly being told she was tallfor a girl. “You have me.”
He smiled, as he threw his arm around her. Marlene and Mary ran back over, walking alongside the two. The three girls had matching rings; mood rings. Something Mary had introduced to Marlene, and immediately suggested they’d get matching rings. Of course, Lily immediately agreed to it. She wasn’t used to having girlfriends, and she didn’t mind matching, especially with Mary.
“We’ll have to get you a matching ring, Remus,” Mary told him, going on her tiptoes, basically shoving her hand into their faces. “You’re a part of our squad now.”
Marlene gasped. “We need a name for us four,” she suggested, a smirk spreading onto her face. As she often did when she thought she came up with a groundbreaking idea. Lily rolled her eyes at the idea of this. Even having a name for them like The Marauders did, caused her to cringe. “Oh Lily Lily Lily, you need to calm down, lose your pride.”
“Why would I lose my pride when I can keep it?” Lily rested her head onto Remus’ shoulder. She and Remus were often making jokes about how they would make a power couple if either of them were straight—Fortunately, neither of them were, and she was sure that’s how Remus, Lily and Marlene ended up bonding.
“Ah Lily,” Mary jumped over, squeezing in between Marlene and Lily, as she beamed; her smile could outshine the sun, Lily thought to herself, partly distracted about how Mary really is an angel sent from heaven. No person could be that perfect. It was impossible. Yet, Mary proved that wrong. “We love you, but you need to relax, love.”
Love . Butterflies swarmed her stomach, fluttering inside as she felt herself internally dying. That would definitely go into her diary that night; her diary meaning Remus, of course. But sometimes she wished Mary wasn’t so perfect. It made it more difficult for her to get over her.
“Yes, so we can be exactly like that arrogant toerag, James Potter,” she rolled her eyes.
“I will not hear or listen to this James Potter slander,” Marlene declared, basically stomping a foot onto the floor. “He is a very good mate.”
“ Mate?” Mary smirked, raising an eyebrow.
“I’d rather get hit by a bus than shag a male, thank you, next,” Marlene glared, beginning to smile at the end of her sentence.
“Excuse me,” Remus placed a hand over his chest, as if somebody had just stabbed him. Lily and Mary smiled, their gaze on Remus, moving to Marlene.
“Oh no, except you, Remus, but but you, Mr Prefect, you’re saved for Miss Prefect over here.”
Somebody cleared their throat from behind them; Lily knew it could only be one person. The one person who always disrupted their conversations when it was hitting the peak, and they were heading to Potions. She could only take one guess.
“I’ll see you later,” she told them, turning to the boy; his dark, and slightly greasy hair falling just above his shoulders. She didn’t like to call it greasy. But it was an observation she made. “Hello Sev.”
“I’m not sure why you hang out with that Mu— with that Macdonald girl,” he said. She felt herself sink into her body; she knew what he was going to say. But she kept it to herself—he has enough going on. “And that Lupin boy.”
“She’s very kind,” Lily smiled, causing her to cradle her books closer to her chest as she imagined Mary’s smile, sure no stunning spell to exist would ever do as much to her as Mary’s small, yet bright grin would ever. “And so is Remus.”
“Right,” a sound of disapproval showed in his voice. She’d never obey him, though. No man would ever tell her what to do. Something her mother taught her. And Mary—oh, how much Mary Macdonald was able to make Lily feel just by speaking just one word.
“I don’t sense you support this decision, but it’s not your choice, Sev.”
“ And it’s not your choice who I can be friends with, either.”
“Sev,” she repeated, feeling herself becoming exhausted trying to convince him Avery and Mulciber were absolute knobs. “They are just cruel . Have you seen Mulciber? Always after Mary, whispering things to her.”
“I’m sure he’s just trying to be kind.”
“I doubt you’re sure of that,” she grunted, swinging her bag around her arm, shoving her books inside; her arms were beginning to ache. “He’s not a very nice person.”
“We’re all allowed our opinions,” he crossed his arms, just as proud as Lily knew she was. But she also knew that she was right. It wasn’t as simple as opinions.
“It’s not an opinion to think they’re evil,” she crossed her own arms now; she was sick of arguing with him all of the time now. She remembered the times where they’d agree on so many things, and talk for hours, getting along. It was different now. And it wasn’t a good difference. “It’s a fact.”
“Let’s talk about something different then?” He suggested, as if he wasn’t just calling somebody of her birth a mudblood, and defending the person who was always harassing Mary moments before this. “Our O.W.Ls take place at the end of next term, I am sure I am absolutely prepared.”
“Me too,” she said, a smile finally coming onto her face, kind of bouncing. “I think I will do pretty good.”
“Well, saying I think isn’t good enough, is it? It’s important to know what you’re going to achieve… Like me .”
Oh yes, because I'd absolutely love to be like you; a male praised for barely anything. She scoffed in her head, and would never allow Severus hear her do so aloud. Absolutely never.
“Nobody knows their future, Sev,” she told him, softly; it was better to be too soft than to be too harsh on him. She knows he hasn’t had the easiest time at home. And she didn’t want to make it any worse for him. So she kept more quiet than she did loud.
Avery and Mulciber were walking towards them—to Severus. Again, coming to take him away, turning him more into someone like them. She always knew he was like them somehow. But seeing Severus hang out with them, and join in on their horrible jokes behind her back; it hurt more, watching somebody she knew from such a young age turn into someone so horrible.
She turned around as soon as she saw the flick of their wand; it was aiming for Pandora; quite an odd girl she was, but very kind. She was interesting. Lily enjoyed watching her during the day, where she’d walk past people, giving them her most honest opinion on them. Quite funny. Everybody was always so mean to her, always targeting her, but Lily wouldn’t mind being friends with her. Regulus dropped to the ground, shuffling his pieces of parchment, his ink, and his quills into his bag. He had one book from the library. Lily rushed to him, helping him once she noticed Pandora was lost in the book she was reading.
“I’m so sorry about them,” she told him, using a spell to clean up the ink from all over his parchment. Though, she couldn’t really apologise for people she wasn’t even friends with. Regulus didn’t say a word, but shrugged his shoulders in response instead. He didn’t share eye contact with her when she realised there was something wrong. “Oh, are you ok?”
“Just tired,” he replied softly, his voice so quiet; his hair fell over his eyes, brushing it back with his hand. She noticed his hand wiped below his eye. She held his stuff in her hands, waiting for him to answer her properly. “It’s nothing, Evans, I’m going to be late to class.”
“Where are you headin’?” She asked him.
“None of your business,” he glared, throwing his bag on his back. She handed him his ink.
“Oh ok,” she nodded. He sighed.
“Sorry…”
“It’s ok, Regulus,” she smiled. They silently agreed to walk together, as they were heading the same way. She was slightly afraid that he was embarrassed to be walking beside her; she was a mudblood , after all.
“I’ve seen that Sirius… and erm, Lupin… haven’t been talking, is there a reason for that?”
“Oh yeah but I’ll keep that secret for Remus to the end of time,” she shrugged her shoulders, softly chuckling, barely a laugh, though.
“Right.”
“Yeah, well, I’ll see you around,” she told him, as she noticed Mary at the back of the crowd, with Remus and Marlene making up a handshake. Regulus nodded, whilst walking away. She drew closer to the three, as they all turned towards her, Mary running up to her, hands on her shoulders. Her lips curved into a smile the moment Mary touched her.
“Never leave me again, Evans,” she sighed, as she leaned closer to Lily. She chuckled, I never would if I got the chance. She watched as Mary placed her head onto her shoulder, ready to make whatever it was the biggest of deals. She grinned as soon as Remus and Marlene came into sight, still keeping her body weight on Lily; she didn’t mind, though.
“What have you two done now?” She asked them, her arms holding the straps of her bag. Marlene gasped, looking towards Remus as if Lily had said the biggest insult there was out there.
“Lupin,” Marlene sighed, hand resting on his chest. “Can you believe she’d accuse us of such things?”
“Yes, Evans, how could you?” He smiled, sarcastically. Afterwards, Lily and Remus just shrugged their shoulders, giving each other the look , whenever Marlene and Mary were being dramatic; basically the girl versions of James and Sirius. But the much better versions, too, Lily thought.
“Hiya Remus,” Sirius waved, the smirk he once had relaxing into a soft, slightly sheepish grin. James was behind him, winking at whoever was looking at him—Regulus glanced up from his book, with his cheeks slightly pink, as he and James shared eye contact—Lily realised then. Remus ignored him, turning away as if he wasn’t there.
“D’you hear something?” Remus had his gaze on Lily, both communicating with their eyes. Marlene and Mary went dead silent, which they never did unless they both felt awkward. And they were making it too obvious at that moment.
“Oi Evans!” James called, smirking. “How are you on this fine day?"
“I was great about,” she looked at the watch she had around her wrist, estimating the amount of time she had before James talked to her. “About ten seconds ago.”
“Ah,” he leaned back, his hand on his chest as if he’d just gotten wounded. She wouldn’t mind being friends with James if he wasn’t so mean to Severus; he was funny, as much as she hated to admit it, and she heard the things James did for his friends. Broke Sirius’ nose because of the Whomping Willow incident. But she’d feel like she was betraying Severus if she became friends with James. “Breaking my heart here.”
She shrugged her shoulders in an as if I care way, as she looked away from him. She sort of realised at that point what James wasn’t as interested in her as he put on. But she couldn’t blame him, either. She saw the look Regulus and James gave each other. And it wasn’t hatred. And it certainly wasn’t just friendship. She was sure if James knew she was queer, he’d leave her alone. But it was nice to have somebody who wanted to talk to her, and it wasn’t in a callous way, where they were teasing her for being smart.
She noticed Peter whisper to Sirius, let’s go , as a frown formed onto his face. Lily wanted to feel bad, but at the same time, Sirius had it coming to him. But so did Severus; the way he went on at times, so determined to get any of those boys out of the school. Especially Remus, who barely said a word to him, because he couldn’t care less. But he had it out for Remus, and Lily was sick of it.
She knew that Sirius wouldn’t have led Severus there without being provoked. She knew Sirius Black ; very, very proud, and arrogant, sometimes a little childish, but fiercely loyal. And at the end of the day, the epitome of what a Gryffindor should be.
She thought about it quite often. The day after it happened. When Remus was so unbelievably heartbroken, he was too weak to stand. Plus the immense amount of pain he was in following the full moon. It was October when it happened, and that’s when he told her everything. Though she already knew about it. She just waited.
And now, it is the last week of the term. And Remus was not even close to talking to him. Lily couldn’t blame him, she would be exactly the same.
“I’m sorry, Remus,” Sirius murmured, as the crowd moved into the classroom. She noticed, the once anger of Remus Lupin turning into sadness—it was easy to tell, because when he was angry, his shoulders would tense, and he’d clench his jaw tightly. When he was sad, he’d slouch, and he’d curl his lips in. She knew he missed the three boys, Peter, James and Sirius. He especially missed Sirius. Though, forgiveness wasn’t going to be an option. He hated him. Probably hated him more because he loved him so much.
“Go on, go on,” Slughorn told the class—she’d got an invitation into his Slug Club, which she gracefully agreed to join.
He cherry picked his favourites, and invited them—the other students were Dirk Cresswell and Evan Rosier, fourth year students, Tobias Nott, a seventh year, plus Dorcas Meadowes and Barty Crouch Jr, whom she shared a few classes with. Regulus was also in it. Quite a genius apparently. And oh God, the amount of times Lily noticed how Dorcas Meadowes would go on about how she was invited whilst Marlene was not.
Lily loved being one of the favourites. She couldn’t deny that. She’d just wished that McGonagall would pay more attention to her; the bad arse woman professor. Lily wished she was able to get the attention of McGonagall without embarrassing herself, and making a fool of herself.
“The old prick,” Mary whispered into Lily’s ear, she turned immediately, her cheeks flushing with heat, as she felt the warm breath against her ears. She nodded, her arm flying to the back of her neck, attempting to hold herself together.