Chapter 32
Rio really did feel like she was in Miss Congeniality.
After she and Agatha had watched the film three months ago, Rio swore she was living it.
It turned out she was not as graceful as she thought she could pretend to be. It was the last phase of the Miss America mission where they’d been assigned to protect high-profile judge Judge Matthews’ daughter, Kalani-Rose.
After the luncheon shoot-out, all Miss America events had been postponed until last week where they had a dress rehearsal. There was nothing wrong with the way Rio walked, she knew how to keep her posture, etc, but compared to the other girls? Rio looked like a newborn giraffe staggering about the stage.
Oh, and to top it all off, she didn’t have a fucking talent. Well, not one that she could use. It wasn’t like she could tackle five men on stage, or spout out knowledge about plants, or shoot at objects. It wasn’t like the movie; she couldn’t call someone up and start displaying self-defence moves.
She and Agatha had to think of something on the spot, salsa dancing. It wouldn’t have been her first choice, but they didn’t have much time to work with. Rio picked moves she remembered and strung them into a routine before the mock judges. She wouldn’t say they were impressed, but they hadn’t booed her off stage or thrown tomatoes at her, so she’d taken it as a win.
For the next week leading up to the pageant, she practised her dance moves, her walk, her speeches. And Agatha, her easily irritated wife had been surprisingly patient with her.
Agatha’s patience was on display again as Rio pulled at her bikini minutes before she had to go on stage.
“I fucking,” she lifted the bikini top, “Hate,” she pulled at it again, “This shit. Fuck, why can’t this cover more of me!”
Rio wasn’t insecure about her body, she looked after it, had to, she was an FBI agent. But having it on display for thousands of people in a live audience was something else. They’d all be analysing and judging it, her.
The only people she’d want to see her in a bikini were her best friends and her wife.
“If it helps, you look good,” Agatha smiled from where she sat at Rio’s assigned vanity.
“I’m going to have to agree,” Kalani-Rose said from behind her. She was wearing a deep blue one-piece littered with rhinestones, her Miss New York sash slid across it. “Deep greens your colour.” She walked to Rio’s side before adjusting her sash. “It was wonky,” Kalani-Rose said before running a hand across Rio’s stomach as she left for her own vanity.
Rio felt her wife tense next to her.
Another problem on Rio’s long list was that. Kalani-Rose’s relentless flirting. Every time she did it in front of Agatha, her wife’s hand would twitch towards her gun. Rio wasn’t sure how well that would end, Agatha murdering the person they were supposed to protect. Rio couldn’t even stop her flirting either, if she was too harsh, Kalani-Rose wouldn’t want to be around her, and then how would she protect her?
She turned to face her, and Agatha was glaring at Kalani-Rose with a look Rio could only describe as murderous.
“What if, somehow, Kalani-Rose got food poisoning, and she couldn’t compete anymore, and then we’d get to go home. Hypothetically…what would you think?”
“I think you need to calm down before that vein in your forehead bursts,” Rio told her.
She wished she didn’t have to calm her wife down. Jealous Agatha? Yeah, it was the hottest thing Rio had ever seen, so she could thank Kalani-Rose for that. But they were on a mission, and she couldn’t risk her wife spiralling and putting it in jeopardy.
“Can all the girls get into the wings, please? Show starts in five,” one of the stage managers announced.
The other pageant contestants started shuffling out of the room.
“Good luck,” Agatha told her. “Don’t fall on your face.”
“Gee, how helpful,” Rio deadpanned.
Her wife leaned in before Rio drew back with a slight shake of her head. Agatha cleared her throat as she remembered they were at work. Rio was really starting to dislike missions where they couldn’t act like the married couple they were supposed to be.
“Come on, Rio,” Kalani-Rose said, grabbing her hand and dragging her away from her wife.
***
After two hours of parading around in a bikini with a smile glued to her face and answering numerous questions, Rio was finally done with the swimsuit portion of the pageant. She wanted to shower. She was covered in body glitter, and she smelled hairspray whenever she moved after the absurd amount of it Agatha had put in her hair to keep her 90s blowout in place.
Rio slumped into her chair and rested her head against her vanity. She was exhausted and there was still the talent portion, and the evening gowns and interviews left to go.
“Well I never,” a voice said from behind her.
Rio looked up, and in the mirror, she saw the owner of said voice.
There was no fucking way.
“Nat?” Rio asked as she stared back at the redhead in the mirror. She turned, and there she was. Natasha Romanov.
Rio’s ex-girlfriend.
“Hey, pretty girl,” Natasha said, walking over to her.
Rio got up and hugged her.
This was the relationship Rio had woken up one day and realised it wasn’t meant to be. Rio worked too much, so rarely got to see Natasha, and Natasha had always hated how cagey Rio was when talking about herself. Rio never pointed out that Natasha was cagey, too.
Their relationship had ended six years ago on a good note. They were still each other’s number one booty call. Well, until Rio’s Abuela died, and she got married.
Rio pulled back. “What are you doing here?”
“Could ask you the same thing,” Natasha replied, her eyes taking in Rio’s appearance, the deep green bikini and Miss Delaware sash.
“I asked you first,” Rio shot back like a child.
Natasha smiled, that disarming smile that Rio remembered all too well.
Rio’s own lips twitched into a smile.
Natasha pulled something out of her back pocket and revealed it to Rio. Her mouth dropped.
“You’ve been an FBI agent this whole time?” Rio gaped at her.
Natasha laughed.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? I told you! You said you worked in accounting!” Rio scream whispered so the girls in the room couldn’t hear.
“Had a mysterious reputation to uphold,” Natasha teased.
“How come I never saw you at work?”
“I avoided you like the plague,” Natasha replied, a smile on her lips.
Did Rio need glasses? Why did every person she knew work for the FBI? She’d never crossed paths with Agatha before this, nor Alice and now Natasha? Was she walking around MO with her eyes glued to the floor? Apparently.
“So, you know why I’m here, why bother asking?”
Natasha shrugged. “I wanted to see what you’d come up with.”
Rio threw her head back, a frustrated groan escaping her lips. “I don’t get why out of everyone they picked me to do this. I don't know the first thing about pageants. I'm sure there are so many beautiful women who do that the FBI could’ve chosen to do this, like you. Why couldn’t you do it?”
“Why would I do it when we’ve got you?” Natasha reached out to touch Rio’s hair, running her fingers through the ends. “I never told you how hot you look.”
RETREAT, RETREAT, RETREAT.
Too late.
“Hi, Agatha Smith. What’s your name?” Agatha had appeared out of seemingly nowhere. She grabbed the hand that was in Rio’s hair and shook it in what looked like a bruising handshake.
Natasha raised an eyebrow, looking between Rio and her wife before saying:
“Natasha.”
“How do you know Rio, Natasha?” A sickly sweet smile plastered on Agatha’s face as if she wasn’t gritting her teeth as she spoke.
“We’re old friends. How do you know her?”
“I’m her wi-, her pageant coach,” Agatha corrected. Rio knew her wife was most likely spiralling right now at the fact that she couldn’t claim Rio as her loving, adoring partner.
Natasha nodded.
“Is there any particular reason you’re in here, Natasha?” Agatha asked.
She flashed Agatha her badge. “Just making sure the girls are safe.”
Which was probably true. The NYPD and FBI were crawling around the entire venue. After the shootout, security regarding the pageant had increased because, to Rio’s dismay, the Miss America organisation refused to cancel the thing.
“Well, Rio here looks unharmed.”
“I know, I was just-”
“You can go now,” Agatha cut her off. “Your job needs you,” she added.
Natasha bit her lip as if to stop herself from laughing. “Okayy…” she wrapped her hand around Rio’s upper arm. “I’ll find you later,” Natasha smirked and left.
Rio scrunched her face and prepared to look at Agatha. What condition would she find her wife in?
“Aggs-”
“I know all your friends. Alice and Jen, that’s it. So, who the fuck was that?”
A few of the girls in the dressing room were looking at them now. Rio grabbed her wife’s arm and pulled her into a corner.
“Erm…she’s…well.”
“Rio,” Agatha’s tone made Rio’s blood chill. “Spit. It. Out!”
“My ex! Natasha’s my ex.”
Agatha threw her head back, a bitter cackle leaving her mouth. “Of fucking course! The one day you have to walk around in a bikini, your ex is here.”
“Baby,” Rio whispered. “Lower your voice.”
“Rio!” Kalani-Rose was headed straight towards them.
Why? Why couldn’t she just stay in her seat across the room, where Rio could keep an eye on her in peace?
She forced herself to sound pleasant when she said, “Hey.”
“I’ve gotten my hair stuck in my zip; can you help?”
Can’t you get someone else to do it?! I’m in the middle of trying to make sure my wife doesn’t crash out.
“Sure,” Rio replied.
“You’re an angel.”
Rio jolted when Kalani-Rose put an arm around her waist and guided her away from her wife. Her hair wasn't fucking stuck. Rio went to turn back to look at Agatha, but Kalani-Rose turned the corner before she could.
***
Was this hit on Rio day or something?
Agatha was just about ready to kill someone.
It was already bad enough their mission subject couldn’t keep her hands off her wife, and now Rio’s ex was here too? Her stunning ex with red hair and a long bob that she somehow managed to pull off.
Agatha knew her wife was beautiful; she told her every chance she got, but that didn’t mean other people could also find her beautiful. Why were other women even looking in Rio’s direction anyway? Couldn’t they tell by looking at her that she was married? Wasn’t she oozing with after sex glow 24/7?
Agatha immediately regretted not making the time to fuck her this morning.
She was watching the TV backstage as the talent section of the pageant commenced. Agatha peered at the main screen where Rio was performing her salsa routine, and the wings where Kalani-Rose was stood practically fucking drooling over her wife. Matter of fact, everyone was.
Agatha turned, and every person in the room had their eyes glued to the screen as Rio danced in her red salsa dress. This was getting ridiculous.
Now, Agatha wasn’t insecure; she loved having a hot wife, loved turning heads when they walked down a street hand in hand. It was the fact that she couldn’t say Rio was her wife and instead had to watch as everyone and their mother made a move on her.
It was the inability to do something about it that was driving Agatha mad.
Rio finished her routine and everybody clapped, some even standing. Agatha followed her wife on the screen, where she ran off into the wings, and Kalani-Rose essentially tackled her the moment she got off stage, trapping Rio in a bear hug and pressing kisses to her forehead.
Could Agatha kill their mission subject? She could make it seem like manslaughter; she thought Kalani-Rose was under attack and shot in her general direction and accidentally killed her…that could work.
I’m a dead shot, nobody's buying I killed someone on accident.
And for the first time ever, Agatha hated that, that was common knowledge.
After the talent show was over, it was finally time for lunch. She could sit next to Rio and glare at anyone who was making eyes at her. Agatha made her way over to the dressing room and…oh! Of course.
Both Natasha and Kalani-Rose were standing next to Rio. It almost looked like a tennis match, Rio was the ball and Natasha and Kalani-Rose were pulling her back and forth by THE FUCKING WAIST to get Rio closer to them.
All Agatha wanted to do was tell them to get their fucking hands off her wife before she chopped them off. But she couldn’t say that, instead:
“Hi, ladies. Ready for lunch?”
Natasha didn’t look at her when she replied, “Yeah, I was telling Rio she should sit with me in the restaurant.”
Okay…fucking rude.
What was the charge for killing another FBI agent? With a good lawyer, Agatha figured she could get…five years? Agatha could do time for five years.
“And I was telling Rio she should come out with me and the girls. Last year's winner, Isabella, will be there.”
“Aren’t we supposed to eat with our coaches?” Rio asked, stepping back so her body pressed slightly against Agatha’s.
Agatha forced herself not to grin. It was a small gesture, but Rio was reaffirming that she was still hers, and these women fighting over her could touch her, but she’d always be touching Agatha.
“I’m sure your coach won’t mind. It’s not like she’s your mom,” Kalani-Rose said.
No, I’m her wife you bitch.
“Erm…I guess I can go with you,” Rio replied.
Agatha knew she didn’t want to, but Kalani-Rose was unfortunately their mission, and Rio had to stick to her like glue.
“Perfect!” Kalani-Rose grabbed Rio by the hand and dragged her away from Agatha.
Agatha fucking hated this mission.
She glanced at Natasha who was watching Rio’s ass as she walked away. Was she serious? Rio wasn’t a piece of fucking meat!
She stepped in front of Natasha’s view, blocking it. “Do you fucking mind?” Agatha bit out.
Natasha stepped back with her hands up in surrender. “She won’t mind me looking, trust me.”
“I don’t,” Agatha shot back. “If I catch you looking at my client.” Wife. She so desperately wanted to say wife. “I’ll have you removed from the premises.”
Natasha scoffed. “You can’t do that.”
“Try me,” Agatha smiled, although her tone was harsh.
Natasha smirked as if she were taking this as a challenge. “Noted,” she said before walking away.
Agatha imitated strangling Natasha behind her back.
She needed a shot of vodka…or five.