Blue was more animal than human. That's what she heard anyway.
that wasn't necessarily a bad thing to her,it was a compliment to her,humans did bad things for bad reasons,animals do what they have to do to survive.
And she does,she does things necessary for her survival.for a while,then it slowly bleeds into hurting others,bad bad bad bad-
Sometimes she fears she's more human than animal. But the way they treat her,makes her believe she is.
People used to love her once upon a time,all soft prayers and offerings. They asked for protection, Blue never felt protected-why should she protect filth?(Because deep down she was filth too.)
She saw how other spirits were treated when they did what the silly people asked them to do,why? they didn't have to do that. Being respected wasn't necessary (but why did it feel so good?)
People used her,like an animal.
She remembers seeing Alex for the first time,all sweet and pleasantries,soft touches and soft words. He didn't always look human,that was fine right? It was. For a while. Then he put that thing on her mouth,it hurt,hurt alot.Alex helped with speaking with her hands in the beginning.It was nice. He was nice. Alex taught her to speak,forced her to speak,she liked speaking with her hands,it was better,it was familiar. She leaves and hopes to never see him again. (it was futile, he always finds those in debt to him.)
But Blue was an animal to most,something feral, something to be domesticated. Blue wanted to be left alone,with her plants,animals, she wanted a family. Whether it was a new family or her first family. (sometimes when she's asleep she smells burning flesh.)
Fear. Fear was the only thing Blue knew,the only thing Fauna knew,the only thing Agnes Knew,the only thing-
Fear controlled a lot of things, prey was afraid of predators,she knows what its like to be both the prey and predator, she's felt her blood and the blood of others on her hands. Fear was always a part of her life.
Until it wasn't.
Sure it was still present,but it wasn't so… there.
(Blue wasnt great with words, English sucked.)
She met this woman, all guarded and sharp and perfect.
Is this what actual love feels like? It makes her feel so fuzzy and dizzy and makes her wanna claw her chest out to get rid of the feeling,she wants to vomit it out. It's different then the love she felt before, soft,in a maybe bad way(not really)
Heera…? She spells out the word with her hands,it's..it's a nice name.
Heera despite her appearance shined like a silver coin to Blue.
Heera helps her,in the best way she can. She doesn't speak with her hands,Blue teaches her basics. Blue sees the occasional small smile Lavender sends her or when she lets Blue hug her a little bit longer than usual or helps get things out of her hair.
Heera doesn't force her to be something she isn't.
Lavender understands.
Blue was more human than animal sometimes.Blue is not sure whether that's okay or not, but she can figure it out with Heera while Blue bakes sweet treats for her