Rage

December 3, 1971

Remus awoke, and immediately wished he hadn’t. Everything hurt. His head throbbed viciously, his arms had white-hot silver needles in them, his legs felt like they had been attacked by the tasmanian devil, when he breathed his ribs cracked audibly. His throat felt like he had swallowed five tons of the coarsest sandpaper money could buy, and when he tried to move, the vision on the corners of his eyes went black. 

He groaned, closing his eyes. He didn’t want to see what he looked like. He could feel the sticky blood on the bandages. 

Madam Pomfry opened the hospital wing curtains surrounding Remus’s bed, looking inside. 

“Oh dear,” she tutted, looking at him. One thing Remus liked about Pomfry, she never looked at you with pity. Always something else. Either exasperation, sadness, or looking at you as if you were a challenge for her to take on, it was never pity.

She grabbed a goblet of water on his bedside table, and gently lifted his head to drink it. He had to fight nausea when he moved, blinking hard. He felt the cool metal of the goblet against his lips, and he slowly and carefully drank. He was thirsty, but his raw throat wouldn’t allow him to drink too fast. 

Pomfry laid his head back onto the pillow, telling him to rest in a soft whisper.

“Wait,” he croaked. They both winced at his voice. “Please, m-my leg. Hurts,” he felt his brow furrow, at the searing pain in his calf. 

She smiled sadly. “I am so sorry I couldn’t do more, but there has been so little research… I’ve done the best I can. Do you want something for the pain? I have a sleeping draught here, if that would help dear.”

“Ie, byddai hynny’n wych,” he was too tired to think about English right now, (Yes, that would be great.) She seemed to get the idea though, and grabbed a small potion bottle on the bedside table, and brought it to Remus’s lips. He drank greedily, and promptly fell asleep.

_

Remus had to walk agonisingly slowly up the stairs to Gryffindor tower. It turned out he had practically shattered his right leg, and the transformation back didn’t help. To make matters worse, he, as a wolf, had also torn it to pieces. Madam Pomfry had completely vanished the bones in his leg, then grew them back with some potion that should be considered touture. It was around 6:30am, when he and Romulus finally made it to the top. 

Romulus hadn’t gotten off easy. He had been injured almost as bad as Remus, but only knackered ribs, and a lot of blood loss.

They silently opened the door, and padded across the room. After every full moon, they would sleep in each other's beds, lying next to each other, talking about happy memories so that neither of them would spiral. Tonight was no different. The moons had been increasing in difficulty since the first moon at school. Remus wondered if it had to do with himself growing. Maybe the wolf could just smell the forest beyond, and was eager to run and frolic in said forest. 

“Where have you two been!?” a voice said, and lights blared in the room. Remus winced, this was not helping his headache. James, with dark circles under his eyes and hair sticking up more than usual, was sitting on his bed, looking slightly outraged. “I have been so worried about you guys! Don’t make me curse, or I will murder you both! And what have you been doing!? Both of you looked like you went through a paper shredder! What happened? Who did it? Remus, there is literally a flippin cut on your neck! Romulus! Your arm! Did a dog try to eat you!?” James was breathing heavily. Remus felt like he was backed into a corner, a rival growling at him, and he instantly felt defensive. He knew, deep down, that he should be happy that James had worried about him, but he couldn’t right now. 

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know, Potter,” he sneered, “always creeping your four-eyed, idiaotic face that not even a mother could love into other people's business. Always wanting to know about other people’s lives when they don’t even want you in theirs! So, here’s a piece of advice. Never threaten me, or Rom, or anyone else that could squash you like a microwaved marshmallow, and if you want in on secrets, don’t outwardly say so. Stay away from my personal business, or my first tattoo will be a teardrop on the corner of my eye.” He stomped over to his own bed. He was tired, and he hurt, and he was feeling the beginnings of shame creep up his spine, whispering taunts and insults.

Now if they find out, they really will hate you. Why did you think you had a chance at friendship when you can’t control yourself when it matters most.

You just lost the first frie- no, relatively decent person you like to hang out with, that you ever met. 

What’s going on in your head? What is wrong with you?

Outside his curtains, he heard his brother whispering to James, “I’m sorry about him. We’re both tired, and he’s like me when he’s tired when I’m without food. Just let him sleep and he’ll be fine in the morning.”

Remus felt a prickling behind his eyes for the first time in two years. Just as he did when he was younger, he begged for the same thing to no avail.

Controlcontrolcontrolcontrolcontrol please give me control.

He muffled his sobs by burying his head in the mattress, stuffing his fist in his mouth, and throwing his pillow over his head.

_

Remus slept until about noon, closing his eyes against the harsh lights of the sun. He growled to himself, and closed his curtains all the way. He tried to go back to sleep, but he smelt the food outside on his bedside table. He debated whether just leaving it and starving, or scarfing the lot of it in about five seconds. He decided on the latter.

When he was drinking the rest of his water was when his brother poked his head outside his curtains, looking as exhausted as Remus felt.

“Hello,” he yawned.

“Ti’n edrych yn ofnadwy,” Remus replied, (You look horrible).

“Prynhawn da chi hefyd. Penderfynais na fyddaf yn eich lladd am hynny,” Romulus shot back, (good afternoon to you too. I decided I won’t kill you for that).

“Rwy’n bositif dydw i ddim edrych yn llawer gwell,” Remus grinned, then regretted it when his face ached painfully. Romulus grinned back, but then also winced. It seemed they both had sore jaws. They made a silent agreement to not talk until Rom finished his lunch, wolfing it down in less time that Remus had. 

They agreed to go find their frie- no, friends are dangerous, to go find their companions, and headed to the common room.

When they walked into the warm room, they were basically tackled by three very excited girls.

“Where were you!?”

“What happened!?”

“Are you two okay? You both look like the living dead!”

Any other time, this would have been fine. Fun, even, but right now was not a good time to be tackled. Remus fell over backwards, a familiar blonde head clinging to his chest. His head connected painfully to the stairs behind him. He let out an oof and Marlene used him to break her fall, popping his ribs painfully.

“Oh my god Remus! Are you okay?” Marlene looked at him with a slightly fearful expression, but it was mostly apologetic. Remus groaned in response.

“Marls, please, get off,” he growled. His face reddened. He did have a small crush on Marlene. She was quite pretty, and she was a tougher girl. She was also hysterically funny. She reminded him a bit of Sirius. Give her black hair instead of blonde, and you would have a female Sirius without the whole drama-queen thing. She even had his grey-blue eyes. Like an ocean at midnight.

She leapt up and off of him, respecting his wishes. He rolled over onto his stomach, and pushed himself off the floor as gracefully as he could to preserve a small amount of his pride. He gave an unimpressed look to Marlene. She smiled sheepishly, blushing. He couldn’t stay annoyed at her though, and gave a small smile back. He heard a huff behind him, and turned to see Sirius pointedly looking away.

He decided to brush past it. He didn’t worry about things he couldn’t control. He wondered, briefly, if Sirius maybe fancied Marlene. He brushed past that maybe as well. Who cared if he did? Certainly not Remus. 

He saw Romulus getting attacked by Mary, smiling because it was painfully obvious that Romulus fancied Mary.

“Finally! The dead have come back to life! Care to share where you were last night and why you came back at six in the freaking morning!?” James hissed besides Lily, who did not like this standing arrangement. 

“No,” Remus and Romulus answered with the same thing at the same time. James’s face was worth seeing. A look of astonishment, surprise, anger, and a few less present ones Remus couldn’t make out were etched into James’s facial features.

“The audacity of you two! I cannot believe it. Where. Were. You. I am demanding that you tell me!” He looked so outraged it was hilarious. 

“Well then, your majesty, you are just going to have to behead these lowly peasants for lack of obedience, because we are not saying a word about where we were, “ Remus shot. James looked stricken, like Remus had slapped him. Remus kind of wanted to, but he had been resisting the urge to beat half of his classmates to death, and didn’t want to break his new personal best.

“You know what? Don’t tell me where, tell me why,” he looked pointedly at Remus, daring him to answer with another smartass comment, or a flat out refusal. Remus was not scared of James what-so-ever, so he tempted him with a smartass comment.

“We were out so late because we didn’t return until early morning hours,” he replied with a smirk. James opened and closed his mouth like an angry goldfish. Remus almost laughed, and if he did he would have ruined the act, but it was hard to contain.

“You. Complete. Arse!” James hissed, then looked momentarily scared like someone would come bursting into the room and punish him for his mouth.

“Did he just curse? Did James, of all people, curse!?” Sirius spoke, faking astonishment. Remus grinned at him, and noticed a small blush in Sirius’s normally pale skin. He didn’t ponder it too much. It was out of his control, so why bother?

He turned towards James, slapping on his own look of surprise. His plan, along with everyone else, was to tease James relentlessly. 

“James! What would your mother say?” Mary chastised. 

“Potter! What in Merlin's saggy bollocks were you thinking, saying the a-word?” Remus laughed at the unimpressed look James gave him.

“Finally! No more butts, no more fricks, and flippin, or all innocent knock-off swear words anymore! James is a big boy now, he can say-” Romulus looked around as if to make sure no one was watching, and said in a low whisper that carried throughout the room, “arse.”

Everyone burst out laughing, clapping Romulus on the back like he was a celebrity. Remus was laughing not at the comment, but at the priceless expression on James’s face. Beetroot red, eyes wide, jaw slack and mouth hanging open.

“You two are having it coming, let me tell you. Things are not okay between us anymore. You have betrayed me.” James pointed at them, then turned around and walked up to the dormitory, leaving the rest of them alone.

“What did happen, though?” Sirius asked, looking at the both of them.

“Nun ya business,” Remus and Romulus said in unison. Remus turned away from the conversation, walked over to the comfiest couch in Gryffindor tower, sat down, and fell asleep.